Example of Catholicism?

The Bishop of Tenerife (Canary Islands), Bernardo Alvarez, says that some minor victims of sexual abuse actually desire it , and provoke it. He actually said, "There could be minors who consent to it (abuse), and, in fact, there are. There are adolescents 13 years of age who are minors and are perfectly agreeable to it, and, even more than that, want it. If you're not careful they'll even provoke it."

What?! This comes from a bishop of the Catholic church after all the abuse scandals. Do these old white-haired white-skinned men ever learn? Why would anyone, anywhere ever listen to these perverts?

No Juegue con Srta. Texas

No Shit. Really?

A study conducted at the Federal University of Rio de Janeiro proves that an excess of coffee causes panic attacks in those people with panic disorders. Duh!

Isn't That Touching?

I guess it can happen to anyone - vegetarianism that is. Armin Meiwes has become a vegetarian. You remember him...he's the guy that got convicted of murder and cannibalism in Germany. He advertised on the web for someone to kill and eat, and he got a response! Willing victim. Sorta like beef is to the rest of us, but probably not willing.

He has reformed so much that he has become the Green Party representative in the prison. They say he speaks and writes well, so he has gained a leadership position in the party. Political parties in prison? What? Only in Germany!

Photo: AFP

Mannequin Love

It's a fact and the South Dakota Supreme Court says it's okay. Well, as long as you keep it behind closed doors. Get a load of this guy's name - Michael James Plenty Horse. Shit, no wonder he's fuckin' a mannequin! Who else would hold still for him?

Man on a Roof

Austin has a sniper on the roof of a building. From the Austin American-Statesman web site:

Austin police are on the scene of a downtown building where they say an armed man is on the roof of a building near the 400 block of West 14th Street. Police have sealed off several blocks around the building; a parent at a nearby preschool said the school has been closed and evacuated.

Offices with windows (not a computer program) have closed all their blinds.

Dennis Kucinich Says Bush Nuts

Yep, Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich says that Bush displays mental instability. Kucinich says that Bush doesn't realize that his words have consequences. He throws around statements about the Third World War and such. Of course, I thought Bush had mental problems long ago. But, the real question: What about all those American that voted for this Bozo not once but twice?! By the way, I've made more than one donation to the Kucinich campaign. Looks like I'll have to make some more. The photo courtesy of AP.

T-Ball Hero

If you've never had the pleasure to watch a T-Ball game, you should do it soon. Little kids (2, 3 or 4 years old) play T-Ball, a version of baseball, with great glee. They don't seem to care what happens, the just play. Since they haven't developed a very long attention span yet, they will become engrossed in kicking up dirt on the infield and let a ground ball just roll on by. Or, even better, they'll just watch it as it rolls right past their legs.

Sometimes the batter will take off after his own hit or will run to second base instead of first. Good way to hit a double! In football you'll see gang tackling, well, in T-Ball you'll see gang fielding. A batter may hit the ball right up the middle and the entire team will take off after it. Then, when the finally corral the ball, they don't have anyone at first base to throw it to. They don't seem to care though, the just look like they enjoy it completely. I know I sure did!

Treinta Años sin Ducha

Sí es la verdad, una mujer que reside en Singapur no ha tomado un baño o ducha desde hace 30 años. Tampoco ha lavado los dientes. Se dice que vive en un apartamento con su hermano, pero, ¿cómo es que el hermano puede aguantar tal cosa? Y no es todo. Ella lleva su ropa por un mes entero y luego la tira en la basura. No la lava, sino compra ropa nueva. ¡Qué extraño!

What a Recovery!

I've often felt like throwing up while watching TV, but it's rare to see a performer do it. I don't know what she says after hurling, but she sounds pretty smooth.

I Am Not Gay

That make three of us. I figured I should speak up on the subject since so many others have too. Two Senators felt the need to divulge that kind personal information. So, why shouldn't I? Larry Craig, Hillary Clinton, and me - heterosexuals.

Now That's What I'm Talkin' 'Bout!

You too can stop alien abductions. Just get a thought screen helmet! You can't buy one, you have to actually make it yourself. But, don't worry, you can get the materials easily. And it does not have even one bit of aluminum foil! No shit, it really works.

That Ain't No Meteorite, That's a Spy Satellite!

I read a few days ago about a meteor that crashed in Peru, but that it also made the local people very sick. Then, a day or two later I read that "scientists" say the meteorite wasn't the cause of the illness. Now, Pravda.ru has sort of confirmed it all. They say it was an American spy satellite with radioactive materials on it. Somehow, it was spying on Iran, but had to be brought down when something went wrong. The loss of the satellite has really put a crimp in Bush's plan to attack Iran. Who ya gonna believe?

How I Broke My Leg

Hey, it wasn't easy! I had to go to some great lengths to do it. Try jumping out of a plane for one. Yeah, it costs a lot to do that.

Read the Trashy Tabloids for Education

Yes, it's true. Stay up with all the gossip on Paris Hilton, Nicole Richey, and Britney Spears and learn a foreign language.

Boca Scopet in Curação

Red Bud Tree & Bee

Has It Really Come to This?

You can buy "intimacies" of many different celebrities on the Internet. Just go to the right web address and you can buy skin cells, saliva, urine, and uh...fecal matter of the stars. No, not kidding. Jay Z's shit goes for $33.00, and so does Ludacris'. You can buy Sammy Hagar's urine for $15.00. Sorry, but Bruce Dickinson's (Iron Maiden) shit is out of stock. Prices rise and fall depending on the celebrity's current popularity.

Seems Like a Reasonable Request to Me

A 26 year old man at a university in the U.S. got caught looking at porn and masturbating in front of a computer screen on campus. Security personnel started to take him into custody when he said, "I'm really close, can I just cum first?" Can you believe it, they didn't let him?! How rude! The judge sentenced the "offender" to six months probation. What, he can't jack off for six months? I'm glad I'm not a probation officer.

He's Not Gay, He Just Has Sex with Men

Larry Craig, Republican Senator from Idaho, does not support gay rights. He does not approve of gay marriage. Hey, he doesn't want to marry them, he just wants them to suck his dick. How come the most anti-gay Republicans keep turning up in gay scandals? Ted Haggard, Mark Foley, and now Larry Craig.

A few years ago I conducted job search and life skills classes for Food Stamp recipients. One of the speakers I asked to talk to the group worked for an AIDS education agency. He came to our place and spoke about AIDS prevention. He said something that I'd never thought of before. He kept using the phrase "men who have sex with men." Someone finally asked him, "don't you mean gay?" No, he didn't. He explained that some men frequently have sex with other men, but don't consider themselves gay. Okay, I had never heard that before. But, I have since seen the phrase (MSM) used in most all of the AIDS information. So, Senator Craig may have told the truth at his press conference - he just has sex with men, but he's not gay. Nah, he didn't mean it that way. He just lies a lot.

On the Job Injury?

Three men and five women in Denmark have come down with gonorrhea that they contracted on the job. They work in the adult movie industry. Yes, STDs can be an on-the-job injury, if you work in the right job. The Danish government requires that these actors get tested for gonorrhea every 30 days. It appears that monthly isn't frequent enough. If you want to work in the adult industry in England, you have to have a verification of testing completed within the last five days. Wow! I guess it's sorta like a baseball pitcher, you have to have several days of rest after each performance.

All that Glitters Is Not Gold

According to Adam Levine, Maria Sharapova isn't all she's cracekd up to be. He's the singer for Maroon 5 who gave an intervew to a Russian magazine named Exile. Why would he say that? Well, he had a short relationship with her a while back. What did he say exactly? He said that going to bed with Ms. Sharapova is "a disaster." He said he was so disillusioned that it was worse than when he found out there was no Santa Claus. Wow! Really? He even says the didn't enjoy it one bit, and had to go on antidepressants for a month.

He said that she just lays there and refuses move in complete silence. All that in spite of the fact that he had long fantasized about her. He says that if you try to say anything to her, she gets mad, clams up, and doesn't move.

But, think about it...she does all that shrieking and moving on court, she just doesn't have anything left for the bedroom. I just wonder how Ms. Sharapova might rate Mr. Levine. Maybe he needs more than antidepressants.

Auto-Castration

I don't mean getting rid of your car either. No, I mean a man castrating himself, at least sort of. Just what could bring a man to do such a thing? Well, 62 year old Russel Angus Daniel had this pain in his nuts, you see. And his regular doctor wouldn't castrate him, so he found two "surgeons" on the Internet to do it for him. They castrated him on his kitchen table, and left him to bleed to death. He had to go to the emergency room for treatment. He won't say who did it, because he doesn't want to cause them any trouble.

Note: I searched Google Images for some castration photos, but decided it best not to post one. Oh, believe me, it wasn't because I couldn't find any. They just don't...look...very...nice.

A Good Omen?

During the Conference for International Dialogue in Malaysia between Asian and African countries, a strange rainbow appeared. It had a circular shape. Could God have been smiling on the effort? I hope so. If not, she sure missed a good chance. One of the delegates took this image.

Hair Club for Cows?

Not exactly. A barber in Colombia, Ancizar Duque, has discovered a successful treatment for baldness. He has a cow named Simona who handles it for you. What's it take? Mr. Duque has Simona lick your scalp which makes your hair grow back. The "treatment" costs $55.00 for twelve sessions including the syrup he puts on your head to get Simona to lick it. Uh...huh! Okaaaay, but is it worth it? Mr. Duque says he has 200 customers who have had the cure. He even has before and after photos.

Oscar el Gato Sabe

Sí es cierto. Oscar, un gato rescatado de una vida callejera, puede predecir el momento de la muerte. El gato en cuestión reside en el tercer piso un centro para ancianos in Rhode Island. Dentro del año y medio pasado ha predicho la muerte de 25 pacientes. Oscar visita a un paciente y cuando hace unos giros en la cama de la persona, las enfermeras saben que la persona está al punto de morir. Entonces, llaman a la familia, amigos, etc. ¿Cómo es así?

How Will YOU Be Remembered?

Natasha Bedingfield revealed (pun intended) after the Concert for Diana in London earlier this month that she didn't have any panties on under her skirt. Later, at the Live Earth concert she said that she wants "to be known for my face and my music - not for my vagina." I don't think she gets to choose. Photo by AP, but where's the proof?

Call from the Barak Obama Campaign

Me: Hello
Caller: Mr. Brooks?
Me: Yes.
Caller: I'm calling from the Barak Obama for President Campaign. First, thank you for taking my call. We need your help. We need your help today to bring a change to America...
Me: (interrupting) Until those Democrats impeach that son-of-a-bitch who's in office, I'm not doin' anything for you. (hang up)

I sent an email to Nancy Pelosi last fall just after she said that "impeachment is off the table" that if they didn't impeach the President, I wouldn't have any more to do with them. Fortunately, I got the chance to tell someone else that. I know they don't give a shit, but I'll tell them anyway.

So, if any Democratic operatives happen to see this little note, I've been a Democrat all my voting life, but I'm finished with you guys if you don't have the balls to confront that bunch of war criminals in the White House. I don't think I'm alone.

Postmodern Communication

Driving home from my dad’s doctor appointment. My cell phone rings.

Me: Hello
Dad: (Pointing to McDonald’s) You want to go there and get a sandwich?
Goddess: (on the cell phone) Are you on your way to work?
Me: (to Goddess) No, we’re on the way home from the doctor.
Dad: It’s right over there (pointing two lanes over)
Me: (to Dad) Yeah, but I was going to go another way.
Goddess: What?
Me: (to Goddess) I was trying to do two things at once.
Goddess: Oh, Papa was talking?
Me: (to Goddess) Yeah, he wanted to go to McDonald’s.
Goddess: Oh, he wants you to stop there?
Me: Yeah, because he hasn’t eaten yet, you know.
Goddess: Oh yeah.
Me: (to Goddess) Is there a McDonald’s on 79?
Dad: Huh?
Goddess: What?
Me: (to Goddess) Is there a McDonald’s on 79?
Goddess: Hell, I don’t know.

Gender Parity

No longer do women demand potty parity, now they demand cow parity. Women have long complained about the inequality of men's and women's rest rooms. Women have to wait and wait for a stall, while men just piss in the trashcan or the sink if there's nothing left (well, I've never done that, but I've seen it done). Yes, I've seen both of those things at the same place in fact. It happened at a Jerry Jeff Walker concert at the Fort Worth Convention Center about 30 years ago.

Anyway, now women in Spain have started a campaign to have a Running of the Cows along with the Running of the Bulls. They say that cows have four legs too, and a natural tendency to run, so they should get to run along with the bulls. Well, not exactly run with them, but they should have their own run through Pamplona. Uh, has anyone asked the cows?

Psst...Wanna Test Condoms?

The Australian condom company Durex seeks volunteers to test their product. Yeah, it's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it. They want 200 "good men" to put their condoms to the test. Think you're up for it?

Happy Birthday America!

Still young at 231. Let's try living up to our promise. We have a long way to go to get our self-respect back, but we can do it.

Romulus and Remus?

No! And that ain't a she-wolf nursing those two either. It is twins though. Twins from Poland. One is President the other one Prime Minister. And the woman? That's Angela Merkel the German Chancellor. Poland and Germany, never the best of friends, had a little tiff recently, and the Poles got their way. At least for a little while.

Now, that's some political satire!

Dragonfly in My Backyard

I took this photo yesterday afternoon in my backyard.

CCCP

Russians explored Alaska before other white men did, and therefore, tourist shops up there carry a lot of Russophile merchandise. The Goddess bought me a T-shirt with the old Soviet symbol on it with the letters CCCP like we used to see on all their hockey players jerseys. Of course, those letters come from the Cyrillic alphabet and not the Roman. If you transliterate them, you'd have SSSR. The Enlish translation comes out to USSR. But, the nostalgia makes the point, not the letters.

Looking for Church Services Near You?

Well, I found them near me. In traffic that is. Yeah, Church Services. But take a close look at that little yellow part on the left. Church Pest Control, yeah, I'll bet that one is popular with the pastors. They'd love to get rid of those troublesome pests at church. And I ain't talkin' 'bout mice!

Long Held Grudge

In June of 1996 the Texas Employment Commission transformed into the Texas Workforce Commission. That happened upder the governorship of George W. Bush. Eleven years have passed since then, but resentments and grudges still hold fast. TWC recently remodeled all the doors and hallways in the building. I took the photo you see today. If you slide the nameplate to the left a little, you'll see a little sticker behind it. Let's have a little closer look. Click on the photo below. Well, how about that? Now, this grudge has to have remained alive, because we just got new doors and nameplates for them. Oh yeah.

Mendenhall Glacier

On the same trip that we saw the whales and eagles, we went to the Mendenhall Glacier. It's really something to see. The weather was pretty miserable, cold and rainy in the 40s. We got to the glacier about 7:00 pm. Of course, up at 58 degrees north it stays light until about 10:00 pm. Anyway, it's in a park which has a rain forest too. Rain forest in Alaska? Yeah, it's true. Anyway, Mendenhall was great, even if the weather was lousy.

Alaska Fauna

We went whale watching in Juneau. Went out on a boat that guarantees you will see a whale or they give you $100 of your fee back. They claim to never have had to pay the $100 in 11 years of business. Well, we weren't the first ones to get the bucks either. I'd say we saw five or six whales. Some law somewhere says that boats can't follow one of these animals for more than 30 minutes. So, what happens is that one boat tracks it for 30 minutes than another boat picks up just after that. Oh well. The law is supposed to keep from stressing the animals, but it probably just makes it last longer.

Not only did we see whales on the outing, but we saw sea lions and eagles. In fact, I bet we saw 6 or 7 eagles in the bus on the way to the whale watching place. They're just all over the place.

Alaska

We all had a wonderful time on the Alaska cruise. I truly enjoyed it, and I recommend it too. We went on Princess Cruise Lines, and I had a favorable impression. The best part for me came when we cruised in the Tracy Arm fjord on Wednesday.

Invisible Underwear

It comes a little late for Britney and Lindsay, but not too late for you! They call it "invisible underwear," because you can't see it. Why can't you see it? Well, it doesn't exist. They call it a C-string, meaning it sort of cups from the pubic bone to the top of the butt crack. Just a thin elastic piece formed like the letter "C." Will it become the hottest thing this summer? Mmmm...I hope not. I can just imagine someone wearing it who shouldn't, but doesn't know any better.

North to Alaska

Vacation! Going to Alaska on a cruise ship. We leave Saturday for Seattle. From there we leave on a cruise ship for Alaska on Sunday. One week at sea traveling the Inside Passage. We will stop at Ketchikan, the wettest place in North America, Juneau which has more territory than Rhode Island, Connecticut, or Delaware, and Skagway the gateway to the Klondike. Totem poles, whales, glaciers, fjords, and who knows what else. It promises to have lots of relax time. Well, at least, I hope so.

Great Sincere Real Faithful People Vigorously March to Bring Glorious Highest Songun Politics to Universe

Yep, it's the Democratic People's Republic of Korea songun blog. Well, it's either the real thing or some mighty good satire. Notice how it's on the free version of Blogger just like mine, not Blogger Pro which you have to pay for. Must be the real thing, 'cause they couldn't afford to pay for a website. Just browse thru a little of it - you'll love it if you read it as satire.

Don't believe it's satire? Hey, this is the Postmodern world, it's the reader that gives the narrative its meaning, not the author!

I Have to Say I Agree

Fidel Castro criticized the British government in an essay published today. He said the money Great Britain spent on three nuclear submarines could have paid for 75, 000 doctors and 3000 advanced clinics. The British Navy reports that is spent 5.3 billion euros on the three submarines. Castro said that doctors have more importance than nuclear submarines.

What's Good for the Goose...

I don't think the world has waited on pins and needles for this, but it has happened anyway. We already have the Wonderbra, now we have the Wonderjock. Yep, a push-up bathing suit for men. No, I haven't made it up, it has actually happened. Of the millions of things that humanity truly needs, we get this! Ain't it always that way?

Imagine That!

A "politician" in Belgium has promised to give oral sex to anyone who votes for her. Finally, a political platform that has some public support! Her name is Tania Dervaux and she's a candidate for the Senate from the Nee party in Antwerp. Of course, like any politician the compaign promise comes with some qualifications. If you are a married voter or you are just timid, you have to get your "pay-off" in Second Life. Well, that's a lot less than promised!

Mugger Geese Take Man's Cell Phone

Yes, a poor young student of jurisprudence fell prey to a gang of geese. Just walking along minding his own business, and sudddenly the geese attacked! They kept pecking at his cell phone until he had to let it go. Then, one of the perpetrators grabbed the phone and fled with it. He has called his phone several times since the incident, but he gets no answer. The geese probably have the caller ID turned on, and know not to answer.

A Breakthrough? Electronic Cigarettes

I suppose someone had to do it. But, why? A Chinese company, Ruyan, has invented an electronic cigarette. It's a little cartridge with nicotine in it that you suck on like a cigarette. You don't inhale smoke, just air and nicotine. When you exhale, it's comes out as smoke that the company claims is harmless (yeah, right!). You can buy these if you live in China, Israel, Turkey, Australia and some European countries. The company says they will target the United States next.

Workers' Compensation

People injured on the job have the recourse of applying for workers' compensation. Here in the US we have lots of negative ideas about just what deserves compensation. Many people believe that anyone receiving workers' compensation just doesn't want to work and prefers to malinger.

I don't know how the folks in Belgium feel, but I know that a professional beer taster has won his court case against his employer, Inbev. The poor fellow became an alcoholic while doing his work. The company tried to get out of paying, but a court in Belgium ruled that the company must pay the former employee €35,000. That come out to probably $50,000 or so.

So, we have the case of a man who really, really enjoyed his work so much that... he did it too well. Now, surely Americans could sympathize with that.

Say It Ain't So, Sascha

Oh no, it turns out that Sascha Baron Cohen will not play Freddie Mercury in a movie about Queen. All the various managers and producers of various things say, "drivel." A few days ago I reported that Borat would play Freddie Mercury, because I saw a story saying that in Aftonbladet. Well, whoever thought it up had a good idea, I think. Who knows maybe they'll do it after all. Please, Borat, please!

I'll Say!

Cypriot troops have banned the use of the sex toy made in Britian named the Love Bug 2. They say that it puts out "waves" that interfere with their radio communications. What the hell do they use for radio? Not very secure if you ask me. Or, could the sexual energy produce radio waves?

He Will, He Will Rock You

Borat will. Sascha Baron Cohen will play Freddie Mercury in a new file about Queen. Check the link, they even look the same.

Skepticism Well Placed

Well, it turns out that no one really knows who lies dead in the coffin. The Iraqi government said that some tribal fighters killed Abu Ayub al Masri. Then the Interior Ministry said they had the body of some other guy named al Baghdadi, the alleged spiritual leader of Al Qaeda in Iraq. Now, the US announces they have killed Al Qaeda's "Information Minister" named al Juburi. One body makes three al Qaeda members. Sounds just like some of the accounting that went on at Enron.

Man Close to Bin Laden in Guantanamo

We've caught so many number threes of Al-Qaida, it's a wonder anyone takes the number three job anymore. The latest "major operative" we've caught is Abd al Hadi al-Iraki. He is "close to Bin Laden." Hell, everyone we catch is as close to Bin Laden as his jugular vein ;-) Have you ever heard of this guy? Me neither. I think they just keep dragging up the shaggy looking Middle Eastern men, and tell us they're some bogey-man. Funny how we can catch all this guys near and dear to Bin Laden and al-Zawahiri, but we can't catch them. Sounds like a shell game to me. Besides this guy looks like a man in my office before his hair turned gray. Matt is that you?

Goodbye Sandy

We lost Sandy today. She was a 16 1/2 year old Cocker Spaniel that wrapped me around her dew claw. We got Sandy on March 24, 1991, and we gave her up today April 20, 2007. What a dog! She taught me so much that I needed to learn. I am indebted to her more than I could ever repay. Bless you Sandy, you made my life more than what it might have been otherwise.






So long, Sandy
Your blonde curly hair
And your ever playful spirit
Added to our lives in ways uncountable.

You opened me up to life
That I never knew was there
My throat tightens and my heart aches
To think of how you blessed life
More than life blessed you.

Bounding in and out of sight
In a field full of bluebonnets
With your tail never leaving view
Come back some time, Sandy
We'll do it all over again.

That Skirt Looks Just Too Violent

Yes, a violent skirt has become a problem at the Miss Universe contest. It turns out that the home team (the contest takes place in Mexico City) broke the uh...rules? Miss Mexico had chosen to wear a skirt with images of Mexican history on it. One of those images shows a man standing before a firing squad, and another depicted some fallen Catholic insurgents who rose up against the secular government in Mexico back in the 1920s. The designers wanted to depict Mexican history as it really happened. Well, critics jumped all over that one, and the Mexican entrant has decided to re-design the skirt.

Parody of a Parody

I don't know if I should say it had to happen, but it did happen. Peaches does a parody of Alanis Morissette's parody of Fergie's My Humps. Only this time it's called My Dumps. Whatcha gonna do with all that tripe? All that tripe comin' out your pipe?

SMU Doesn't Want Bush's Library

They thought it would distinguish the university to have the George W. Bush library on campus, but a large number of professors and even Methodist bishops don't want anything to do with him. Of course, if you had a university, would you want it to have connections with an illiterate war criminal? No, I didn't think so. We've had enough of Bush here in Texas to last more than a lifetime. Put his library somewhere else - like Baghdad maybe.

I Just Wanna Be Sedated

While waiting in one of those little "alcoves" (an open area separated by a thin curtain" in the procedure waiting area, I heard my neighbor tell her husband that she felt scared about a colonoscopy and, "I just wanna be sedated." I began thinking that would make a perfect title for a heavy metal song. Hell, maybe somebody has already done it, I don't know.

Well, the sedation sure worked on me! The nurses tell you that they give you something that makes you forget. It sure does! I kept asking the same thing over and over (at least the Goddess says I did). Of all things, I kept asking if I was "personable" when the doctor came by. Personable? Where did that come from?

Anyway, the doctor pronounced me in good shape and I don't have to do the colonoscopy for another 10 years.

It Has Started

Well, sort of the opposite of what Jesus said at the end on the cross, "It is finished." In my case it has only started. I have the singular pleasure of undergoing a colonoscopy tomorrow. And today I have started with the uh..."clean out" to put it nicely. About 30 minutes ago I took the first dose of some kind of stuff that makes you spend all of your time in the bathroom. It hasn't kicked in yet, so I'm typing this right now. I may not have the chance later ;-)

He's Not a Victim, He's a Volunteer

Volunteer firefighter that is. But, that's not all. Steven S. Cole works as a volunteer firefighter in the state of Ohio. He went to the park one day, and got arrested for it. What did he do? He went dressed in a bikini and a blond wig. The police took him to the station for drunk driving and public disorder. So, what did his buddies say when they saw his mug shot? I don't know, but I'll bet they laughed a lot.

Notice that when the took his "mug shot" they didn't take the photo of just his mug. They got a full-body shot. Now, that's not nice!

Custom-Made Coffins

Do you want a coffin that looks like a cell phone, or how about a stack of blankets? Well, now you can have one according to your own designs. Yep, a group of carpenters from Ghana of the Ga tribe will make you whatever you want in the way of a coffin. They'll even make armoirs or chests however you like. But, the main selling point remains the cell phone coffins. Oh yeah, reach out and touch someone! Want to place an order? Just click.

Gimme That Old Time Religion

Or at least a chocolate Jesus. A sculpture by Cosimo Cavallaro of Jesus on the Cross in milk chocolate has raised the ire of a group of U.S. Catholics. They want to boycott the coming exposition of the uh...piece...at the Lab Gallery in Manhattan. The artwork stands just short of 6 feet tall and weighs 198 pounds. Yes, almost 200 pounds of chocolate in the form of a man...well...a man and a God, because we all know that Jesus had both human and divine nature. And just in time for Easter! That sure puts those hollow chocolate Easter bunnies to shame.

Four Hundred Thirty-Five Thousand (Six Hundred) Sleepers

According to the Terrorist Identities Datamart Environment (TIDE) we have 435,000 terror suspects. Yep, according to the Washington Post the list grows so fast that it has become almost unmanageable. I have always maintained that when you watch everyone so closely, the info you get becomes completely meaningless. But, hey, what do I know?

Alaska Senator Ted Stevens' wife Catherine gets delayed every time she wants to board a plane, because her name resembles Cat Stevens, now known as Yusuf Islam. Islam finds himself on the list because, well we don't know - the information remains classified. Well, I know I feel better without Catherine on my flight.