Free Fall, Expensive Landing + 2

Yesterday and today mark the dates 2 years ago that I had my most unfortunate incident, and the surgery to repair it, respectively. It was two years ago yesterday that I accomplished my first (and last) skydive, resulting in two broken bones in my right leg. I broke the tibia and the fibula which the orthopedic surgeons quaintly refer to as a �tib-fib.�

On October 14, 2001 (a beautiful fall day without a cloud in the sky) I did a tandem jump from 12,000 feet. A tandem jump is where you are strapped, buckled, tied and everywhich way connected to an experienced jumper who does all the work. The guy I was attached to weighed about 250 lbs. Our weights together would easily exceed 425 lbs. Let me just say that it�s mighty hard to stop 425 lbs. of mass traveling at a velocity of 1 meter per second with one spindly leg contacting the earth at a most inopportune time. The results (should you ever want to try it) are that your foot will turn in ways you could never imagine, and you will get to take a ride in an ambulance. Lying in a field near a bed of ants, being unable to move very much in a completely ridiculous Evil Knieval-looking skydiving suit with a group of 6-8 onlookers asking questions like what is your driver�s license number while having to pee really bad and waiting on the ambulance to arrive are what you get without any extra charge.

On October 15, 2001 I had surgery to repair the break. I had a long thin piece of metal installed in my leg with eleven screws (one of them really more the size of a bolt) that secure it to the tibia, and keep the tibia in the proper place. The surgeon seemed completely unconcerned about the broken fibula, and indicated that it would take care of itself (makes you wonder just what it�s for). I got to use a walker (practice for my old age) for a couple of months, and a cane for another four months. But, the best part is that I had a handicapped parking pass. The handicapped parking spaces aren�t all they�re cracked up to be though. Many of them are not at all close to the front door of an establishment, and many times they are occupied (sometimes with cars that do not have a f__king handicapped pass)!

Even now, two years later, I still have aches and pains from those two lovely days in October. Blessed are the skydivers, for they shall touch the earth.

He Was Just Trying to Shake Hands

A man in Berlin must appear in court Thursday, because he taught his German shephard to do the Heil Hitler salute. On top of that, the dog's name is Adolf!