Foot Size + 5 cm Divided by Two

Russian researchers have discovered that you can tell how big a man's dick is by the size of his foot. Measure the length of his foot in centimeters, add 5, then divide by two. The formula works for 90% of men. Of course, you could just put on clown shoes to impress people.

Okay, Mike, but No Biting

Mike Tyson has run out of money. So, he's turning to his skills as an actor to get out of debt. Huh? Actor? Well, uh, yeah, actor. See, he's going to become a porn star under the stage name of "Iron Mike." What's he gonna do when he get 'em in the clinch? No biting, Mike, no biting.

Just Blame It on the Viagra

Rafael Palmeiro has been suspended from Major League baseball because of steroid use. He testified in Congress that he has "never used steroids. Period." Even today he says, "I have never intentionally used steroids. Never. Ever. Period." He claims not to know how steroids got into his body. Well, he has been on TV as a pitch (get it?) man for Viagra. Maybe that's how! Wait a minute! I get it, he unintentionally used them. Well, that's okay then.