Poor Dolly

Dolly the cloned sheep is dead. Let's all stop for a moment of silence in rememberance. She was the first cloned animal, leading the way for others later. The normal life span for a sheep is 11 to 12 years, Dolly lived for 6. They put her to sleep because she had a serious respiratory disease that caused her much suffering. Poor Dolly. Dolly is dead, long live Dolly!

It's Valen Time

One of the women on my team got a really nice crystal vase (pronounced vahz) with roses and lots of other greenery in it. It looks really expensive. Anyway, it came while we were meeting on a supposedly very important and very overdue project. Everything stopped while they fawned and cooed over it. Tears, congratulations, sweet words. The estrogen was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I'm gonna have to start wearing a bra!

Duck Tape

Here's the answer to my question about the Orange level alert. But, I just can't shake the feeling that this is all (Heathrow, anti-aircraft guns in DC, missils in N Korea that can reach us, Osama bin Laden's latest message) being orchestrated to get us to go along.

Who's on Larry King Tonight?

There are anti-aircraft guns in Washington, DC. Fighters are flying over NYC. Tanks and troops are deployed at Heathrow airport in London. We are on threat level Orange due to suspected bio/chem/radiological attack. Osama bin Laden has released a new statement calling on muslims to suicide bomb America. We are at the brink of war with Iraq. Larry King has Joan Lunden on his show tonight talking about surrogate motherhood. The fucking world is about to go straight to hell, and Larry is talking to Joan about surrogate mothers. No, he's not talking to experts on terrorism, he's not talking to former diplomats, he's talking to Joan Lunden! May God help us all.

Internet Cafe at the Top of the World

There's an Internet cafe at the peak of Mount Everest. I'm waiting for my first junk mail from up there.

No Amnesty

Ok, let me get this straight. The Supreme Court has ruled that no mentally ill prisoner can be executed. There is a prisoner on death row in Arkansas who has become mentally ill while in prison (like that's unusual). Arkansas cannot execute him, but according to a US Federal Appeals Court they CAN force him to take psychiatric meds to make him sane, even though the treatment would lead to his execution. Therefore, they can kill him after all.

What's Next, Interspecies Marriage?

The European Union has legalized homosexual unions. That means all the countries of the EU (including Italy, Spain, Ireland...) will have to recognize gay marriage. What would constitute a gay shotgun marriage?

Those Germans have always been good engineers. They're gonna rename it "Steinhenge."

Hey, Dude you're gettin' a cell.

Do You Want That with Cream Gravy?

Health officials in China have forbidden the use of human breast-milk in dishes served in restaurants there. Evidently, there was enough demand for it that an entrepreneur went out to rural areas and bought breast-milk from nursing mothers to use in preparing some fish dishes. I won't be lamenting the loss!

Oh, puh-leez, Get Over It!

Seek and Ye Shall Find by GPS

I just knew there had to be a civilian use for GPS technology.

White Powdery Substance

There are reports that a white powdery substance was discovered in the US Embassy in Brunei over the weekend. It was closed and evacuated. The same thing happened here a few months ago. It turned out to be White Out.

Why Are We Wasting It on Computer Chips?

Oh my God! There's a critical shortage of silicone in Brazil, because the women and transvestites are rushing to get breast implants before Carnaval starts on March 1. Can we get a quick shipment from the computer chip manufacturers?

Can I Do It Too?

Let's see, if the British government (along with the US government's encouragement) can drag out and plagiarize a post-grad's 12 year old thesis about weapons in Iraq, and claim it is current; why couldn't I pull out my credit card statements from 12 years ago and say they're current too? At least they would be my own!