It's All in the Landing


I can attest that the landing makes all the difference when you're using a parachute. A Israeli man who likes to paraglide had a little problem on his landing. He was paragliding in the Golan Heights, and he came down in a minefield between Israel and Syria. Like paragliding is not risky to begin with. Makes my problem look pretty minor doesn't it?

He had to be rescued by helicopter, because no one would go out there to bring him back. Someone probably told him before he jumped, "whatever you do, don't go over there...that's Syria."

Thanks, but No Thanks

Doesn't He Look Happy?
Adam Yehiye Gadahn, the American Al-Qaeda, has invited all of us Americans to convert to Islam and join in the fight. No thanks. I don't think I want to live in a cave trying to hide out from the entire world. Besides, who would really want to live in Afghanistan, if you didn't have to? Talk about bombed back into the Stone Age! Hell, they've been bombed back to the Stone Age three or four times. If it's all the same to you, Adam, I'll just stay where I am with all the other infidels.

Death of a President


That's the name of a movie that will have its world premier in Toronto next month during the Toronto Film Festival. The movie purports to be a "thought-provoking critique" of U.S. society. It will air on a British television network October 9.

Hey, believe me, I do not want Bush to get killed! Look who's in line to take his place. Talk about job security!

Hat Trick

Today September 1 is a hat trick. It's Friday, so that's one. It's payday because it's the first of the month, that's two. It's the beginning of a 3-day weekend, so that's three. We don't get these days very often. Carpe hat trick!

One Year Later


One resident of New Orleans gives her opinion of the situation. I'm with her! But, hell, I thought he was a failure long before Katrina.

Eventually They'll Have to Use a Goddamn Forklift!


Funeral directors in Australia have a new challenge to confront. The people they're burying are so overweight, that the funeral industry association recommends that they use wagons and other lifting devices instead of carrying caskets on their shoulders. Damn, I hate those workers' compensation cases!

They need to start using those lovely bright yellow forklifts that beep when they back up. Imagine at the end of the funeral service a guy in one of those flourescent orange jackets comes driving a forklift in to pick up the casket. He puts the fork under the casket stand, then turns to look over his shoulder and beep, beep, beep, beep, beep...

Fido, Take the Wheel


A woman in China decided to teach her dog to drive her car, because the dog was so fond of riding around in the car. She intended to work the foot pedals, while the dog steered the car. All went well until the dog steered the car into a front-end collision with another vehicle. I wonder if she had her head out the window with her tongue hanging out, and missed it that the dog was steering into another vehicle.

Jesus Christ Is a Puerto Rican


A Puerto Rican man has declared himself Jesus Christ. His birth name is José Luis De Jesus Miranda. He is 60 years old, and lives in Miami. Jesucristo runs a program named Creciendo en Gracia. He travels all over Latin America spreading the Gospel, preaching against all churches. By the way, he carries a U.S. passport.

This is not the first time that God has been declared a Puerto Rican. A play called Steambath depicted God as a Puerto Rican steambath attendant. Granted, it didn't claim that Jesus was Puerto Rican, just that God was. But, according to Christian theology aren't they really one and the same?

This latest "incarnation" of Jesus says that he doesn't pray for anything, because "¿A quién le voy a orar?"

Lost in the Rabbit Hole?


I just got this in my email. What am I supposed to think of that?

Former President Carter Calls Tony Blair Bush's Poodle


Well, okay, not exactly those words, but what does "he is so accomodating and submissive" mean? If you ask me, it means Blair is Bush's poodle. And, being a Texan, Bush wouldn't even like poodles.

They Say It's Hurricane Ernesto

Ché, Raúl, y Fidel
But I know better. It's really Hurricane Che. See it's like this. Fidel is living out his last few months, and Che has come back to pay him a visit in the form of Hurricane Ernesto "Che" Guevara. They say he's going to hit Haiti, and then head right for Jamaica and Cuba. See? What'd I tell ya?