Taxable Income

Danish authorities have decided that the money "earned" by being a sperm donor is taxable. First of all, I didn't know they paid people to jack off, and secondly where do I sign up? No, wait, I can't sign up, I've had a vasectomy. Damn, all that time and I could have been getting paid!

In Denmark sperm banks pay "customers" for their donations. The government has now decided that such income is taxable. Sperm banks fear that reporting the income will prevent donors from remaining anonymous, and will cause them to stop donating. Ole Schou, director of one of the world's largest sperm banks, says, "it is certainly a shame and frustrating, when we have one of the world's best funcioning corps of donors." Oh, those Danes!

But, how about this donor with his own website - picture and all. Do you think he's paying taxes? And, what about that fresh home insemination procedure?

Denmark: The Land of Lowered Expectations

Or should that be The Happiest Country on Earth? According to researchers Danes report being the most satisfied with their lives, and the happiest of people. They have some of the worst weather and least enjoyable food on earth. The Swedes have more beautiful blondes, the French and Italians have much better food, so what makes the Danes so damned happy? The researchers think they know why. The Danes have lower expectations than most of us. When your expectations are low, you're always pleasantly surprised when anything better happens. So, just lower your expectations, and be happy...don't worry.

Come to think of it that's the genius of George W. Bush. We all have such low expectations of him that we're surprised when anything goes right.

$20,000 per Alien

The Texas Border Watch pilot project has come to an end. The new legislative session, which began this week, will take up the question of permanent funding. According to an article by the Associated Press the project resulted in the arrest of 10, count 'em, 10 illegal immigrants.

In case you don't know, our governor Rick Perry had 12 webcams installed on the Texas-Mexico border so that regular Texans (and anyone else) could monitor the comings and goings of persons trying to illegally enter Texas. The project had a price tag of $200,000 to get started, and resulted in the apprehension of 10 would be illegals during a month long pilot program. Yeah, that comes out to $20,000 per illegal. I'll bet the illegals would have taken a payment of $20k not to even try to enter Texas.

There Is Something in the Air

And it ain't just cedar pollen! I discovered last year that I have a strong allergy to mountain cedar pollen which has played a big part in my sinus struggles for the past year. Cedar season runs until about the end of this month. I started taking antihistamines about the first of December and (knock on wood) so far I'm handling it okay.

But that's not the real point. Today the main street in downtown Austin, Congress Ave., is closed because dozens of dead birds were littering the street. Authorities feared that the problem is due to some toxic gas or toxic something, so they closed Congress Ave from Caesar Chavez street (1st street) to 11th street and from Brazos to Colorado. That's a huge chunk of downtown.

However, in spite of radio messages to the contrary, the Capitol Complex is not closed. So, me and my co-workers are here fearlessly carrying on the business of the State of Texas. Yeah, right! The co-workers that have gone outside to look around assure us that there are no birds to be seen. Hmmm...

Better Living thru Chemistry

The Brave New World has definitely arrived. We have achieved the much sought after aphrodisiac that ourforebears spent millenia trying to find. Viagra, Cialis, Levitra...they're all here. Now, after much searching, a German pharmaceutical company, Boehringer, has stumbled across a drug that increases sexual desire in females. The drug in question flopped as an antidepressant, but hmm... it had a most desireable (pun intended) effect. In fact, many have called it the "Viagra for women." That wouldn't be exactly accurate since Viagra makes it possible for an otherwise impotent male to perform sexually. Evidently they feel no need to increase sexual desire in males.

However, that's about all that would be lacking for women. I mean they don't really have to uh...perform somuch as they have to want to. Okay, maybe that's not absolutely true, but it's pretty accurate in the general sense. The name of this new wonder drug is Flibanserin. I think they need to find a better name for it. How about Libidia?