Has It Really Come to This?

You can buy "intimacies" of many different celebrities on the Internet. Just go to the right web address and you can buy skin cells, saliva, urine, and uh...fecal matter of the stars. No, not kidding. Jay Z's shit goes for $33.00, and so does Ludacris'. You can buy Sammy Hagar's urine for $15.00. Sorry, but Bruce Dickinson's (Iron Maiden) shit is out of stock. Prices rise and fall depending on the celebrity's current popularity.

Seems Like a Reasonable Request to Me

A 26 year old man at a university in the U.S. got caught looking at porn and masturbating in front of a computer screen on campus. Security personnel started to take him into custody when he said, "I'm really close, can I just cum first?" Can you believe it, they didn't let him?! How rude! The judge sentenced the "offender" to six months probation. What, he can't jack off for six months? I'm glad I'm not a probation officer.