Call from the Barak Obama Campaign

Me: Hello
Caller: Mr. Brooks?
Me: Yes.
Caller: I'm calling from the Barak Obama for President Campaign. First, thank you for taking my call. We need your help. We need your help today to bring a change to America...
Me: (interrupting) Until those Democrats impeach that son-of-a-bitch who's in office, I'm not doin' anything for you. (hang up)

I sent an email to Nancy Pelosi last fall just after she said that "impeachment is off the table" that if they didn't impeach the President, I wouldn't have any more to do with them. Fortunately, I got the chance to tell someone else that. I know they don't give a shit, but I'll tell them anyway.

So, if any Democratic operatives happen to see this little note, I've been a Democrat all my voting life, but I'm finished with you guys if you don't have the balls to confront that bunch of war criminals in the White House. I don't think I'm alone.

Postmodern Communication

Driving home from my dad’s doctor appointment. My cell phone rings.

Me: Hello
Dad: (Pointing to McDonald’s) You want to go there and get a sandwich?
Goddess: (on the cell phone) Are you on your way to work?
Me: (to Goddess) No, we’re on the way home from the doctor.
Dad: It’s right over there (pointing two lanes over)
Me: (to Dad) Yeah, but I was going to go another way.
Goddess: What?
Me: (to Goddess) I was trying to do two things at once.
Goddess: Oh, Papa was talking?
Me: (to Goddess) Yeah, he wanted to go to McDonald’s.
Goddess: Oh, he wants you to stop there?
Me: Yeah, because he hasn’t eaten yet, you know.
Goddess: Oh yeah.
Me: (to Goddess) Is there a McDonald’s on 79?
Dad: Huh?
Goddess: What?
Me: (to Goddess) Is there a McDonald’s on 79?
Goddess: Hell, I don’t know.

Gender Parity

No longer do women demand potty parity, now they demand cow parity. Women have long complained about the inequality of men's and women's rest rooms. Women have to wait and wait for a stall, while men just piss in the trashcan or the sink if there's nothing left (well, I've never done that, but I've seen it done). Yes, I've seen both of those things at the same place in fact. It happened at a Jerry Jeff Walker concert at the Fort Worth Convention Center about 30 years ago.

Anyway, now women in Spain have started a campaign to have a Running of the Cows along with the Running of the Bulls. They say that cows have four legs too, and a natural tendency to run, so they should get to run along with the bulls. Well, not exactly run with them, but they should have their own run through Pamplona. Uh, has anyone asked the cows?