Imagine What It's Like Here!

A study in Denmark found that food from McDonald's is healthier than food in nursing homes. I'll bet the food in Danish nursing homes is better than nursing home food here. If you've ever visited a nursing home, you can believe it.

Figure This One Out


Joanna and Angela, two women, got married recently in Great Britain where same sex marriage has been legal for a few months. But, that's not the main thing. They are both transexuals: They were both men previously named John and Andrew. They both have been married before and they have children. But, they felt female, so they had sex change operations. After their respective operations they met on the Internet as two women. They fell in love and got married...as lesbians. I'm confused, but not as much as they are!

He's Still Breaking Records

The Wall Street Journal poll shows our Prezdint with an approval rating of 29%. That breaks the record for any president. How low can he go? Has he hit bottom (pun intended)?

I Approved this Message


I come from West Texas right next to Odessa
The place that is really God’s own
My wife’s no contessa, and I must confess-a
That my mind’s not very well honed
I take time to rest, but I do my best
With money that came from a loan

(chorus)
They stole the election and gave it to me
Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same
They tell me what’s best, I do the rest
And everything comes out okay


I bought me a ball team we all call the Rangers
After that they went straight to hell
With me at the helm there never was danger
That the Rangers would ever do well
We built a new ball park named, uh…the Ball Park
By then it was time for me to sell

(chorus)

Livin’ in a mansion and bein’ the Governor
Sounded like a whole lot of fun
But one Sunday sermon from my friend the preacher
And Mom sayin’ listen here son
You should be in the White House, not sittin’ in the bleachers
So, I thought, hell, why don’t I run?

(chorus)

I took on the office and the nucular button
Even though I don’t know which wing is west
No more stem cells I said, but all of a sudden
Them Al-Qaida cells put Dick to the test
I was down visitin’ Jeb and absorbed in my readin’
Andy said, “George, we’d better haul ass.”



(chorus)


I put the blame on Saddam the Iraqi
And let his people go on a rampage
War on TV’s better than watchin’ hockey
With me getting’ all of the praise
I always thought I’d look good in Khaki
With the USS Lincoln for a stage



(chorus)

Well, things started going from bad to worse
Our kids gettin’ killed by IEDs
We caught Saddam and a few of the perps
But, Zarkawi's got martyrs in their teens
My approval keeps droppin’ my policies are cursed
Social Security reform's in the deep freeze

(chorus)

Indictments keep coming who’s next to fall?
Why are you givin' me such a hard test?
Congress quit answering whenever I call
It’s hard I tell you, this leading the West
Our allies snub us they quit playing ball
I’m just doin' my best in a bullet-proof vest

Is That a Shoe Phone You're Wearing?


The Aphrodite Project has developed some sandals for sex workers (hookers?) to wear that include a GPS locator, an alarm button, and a liquid crystal screen for sending and receiving emails. It reminds me of Get Smart the TV show from the 60s. Only the shoe phone there was pretty crude by Aphrodite standards.

No Streaking during the World Cup


The Germans are serious about stopping streaking during the upcoming World Cup matches.
If you decide to attend and want to run naked on the field, plan on being fined up to 100,000 euros. This from a country that is providing temporary uh...drive-thru hooker work places for the cities in Germany that will host World Cup games. No streaking, what a disappointment for all those Pakistanis!

Michael Has Left US(A) for Good

Michael Jackson has decided to stay in Bahrain and never return to the good ol' USA. He's going to sell Neverland, and not look back. However, it he did look back and turned into a pillar of salt like Lot's wife, it wouldn't hurt his looks any.

I Finally Agree with George W.


When asked what his best moment as President was, George W. Bush told a German publication that it was when he caught a 3 kilo carp from a lake on his ranch. He said, "You know, I've had many great moments and it's hard to decide on the best one. I'd say that the best one was when I caught a 3.4 kilo carp from my lake." No, I'm not making that up, just check the link. I've got to say I agree with him.