Smells Like April Fool's Day


According to the Bergen Tidens a giant iceberg has floated into Bergen a city in Norway. It's allegedly 50 meters long. Stewart Lindstrom with the Iceberg Research Center in New York says, "Completely unique. We've never registered an iceberg of this size so far south. That it would come into such a densly populated city has never happened before." Yeah, and it still hasn't!

Just Trying to Keep It Fresh

Police in Norway stopped a man who was driving erratically, because they suspected he was driving while drunk. It turns out that a man and woman were in the car, and the woman was uh, assisting the driver in producing and delivering a fresh sperm sample to the fertility clinic. The clinic told them that the sample had to be fresh, and they took that seriously.

Prayin' Don't Help


In fact, it just might hurt. So says a study by the John Templeton Foundation. They found that not only did praying not help recovery after heart surgery, of those that knew they were being prayed for, it made 59% have complications. It's like this: "Am I so sick that people are having to pray for me?"

Be Still My Heart!


Ding dong the witch is dead,
Which ol' witch?
The wicked witch
Ding dong the wicked witch is dead

Okay, so he may not be a witch, literally, but he's sure wicked! From the Dallas Morning News website:

A law enforcement official says a former aide to Rep. Tom DeLay has agreed to plead guilty to federal charges in lobbyist fraud investigation. Details to come.

And, that doesn't include the state charges! Send him up the river.

Passed the Test

I took my mother to the urologist today to do a "voiding test." They fill your bladder up with water, wait a little while, then you pee in a container. If you put out the same amount or more than what they put in, you pass. Well, she did. Evidently, her mishap yesterday with the dog fight and the catheter didn't cause any damage. Not bad for an 83 year old woman!

The Only Thing Worse than Her Dialog Are Her Breasts


That's what they're saying about Sharon Stone's new movie Basic Instinct 2. I don't know, I haven't seen it, but the tits must not be too bad, Hugh Hefner is offering her $1,000,000 to pose nude for Playboy.

Damned Unlucky Car

Dutch police stopped the same car Wednesday afternoon for drunk driving three times. You might ask, why did they keep letting the driver go? They didn't. Each time there was a new driver. The first driver was fined, and a passenger took the wheel. The police stopped the second driver and he was cited. Then, just two hours later the police stopped the same car with a third driver. This guy tried to get away on foot, but they caught him and he proved to be drunk too. He also had a suspended driver's license.

Just Wait Until Tomorrow

Okay, the doctor's office called back and I spoke to the nurse. She said that they will want to make sure Nana didn't do any damage, but that it can wait until the appointment she has tomorrow.

Nana says it doesn't hurt, but I don't see how. If you've ever seen a catheter...well, you'd know what I mean. It looks like a long tube with a ping-pong ball on the end. The ball is only slightly smaller than a ping-pong ball. The ball is what goes inside the bladder. So, jerking it out would hurt, I think. But, she says it doesn't.

I Guess Prison Would Be Better

Let's see if I got this straight. You can have porn in prison even if you're a sex offender, but you can't have porn in the military? Could that be right? Say it ain't so.

Ex-Cathedra or Ex-Catheter?

When the Pope speaks Ex-Cathedra it means he speaks with the authority of his office. Ex-cathedra literally means out of-chair, or speaking from his position of authority. That's when what he says is infallible. But, what is it when he speaks Ex-Catheter? I don't know, but we're gonna find out.

My mother just has surgery last week, and she has had a catheter since that time. She's been home since Friday, and we've been taking pains to deal with the catheter - you know keep her from getting an infection.

Well, this morning she accidentally pulled it out. Our two dogs got into a fight over a treat, and Nana went to break it up. Only before she knew it, she was across the room and the catheter which was hanging on her walker on the other side of the room was yanked out. Odd but true. The good thing is she doesn't have any pain. In fact, she says she feels fine.

Anyway, I'm waiting for a call back from her doctor, to see what to do. We try to keep the dull moments to a minimum around here ;-)

You Have the Right to Remain Silent and Read Porn


The Swedish high court ruled that a sex offender who was convicted of aggravated rape has the right to porn magazines in his jail cell. Prison officials had denied him access to his 20 hard core porn magazines. Allowing the prisoner to see porn ran counter the therapy he undergoes in prison. However, he demanded to have his porn, and he took it to court. The court determined that having therapy for sex offenders doesn't preclude him from his porn.

How (Many Times) Do You Say Divorce?


Sohela Ansari heard her husband, Aftab, say the word "talaq" three times in his sleep. According to Islamic law, if a husband utters the word "divorce", which is what talaq means, three times, then he and his wife must separate. The local clerics ordered the couple to separate, because his dream induced muttering constituted Aftab's request for a divorce. If they wish to be married again, they must stay separated 100 days, and Sohela must spend one night with another man and duly divorce him too. Talk about straining out gnats and swallowing camels!

This folks is the 2nd largest religion in the world, and one of the fastest growing in the USA. My question is: What the fuck for?

Put Down that Cancer Stick and Perk Up Your Dick


Australian researchers have concluded that men who some more than a pack of cigarettes per day have a 40% greater chance of suffering erectile dysfunction than those who don't smoke. Those who smoke, but smoke less than a pack per day have a 24% greater chance of having hard-on problems. Hey, what about those men who used to smoke, but have quit? Yeah, what about us!? For that matter, what about chix with dicks?

Ironic


Okay, so you have a "Zombie" party, and it turns into a bloodbath. There is a certain poetic justice in that, dontcha think? Of course, I'm not one to talk, I joke about that kind of thing all the time. When it comes do dyin', the justice is always poetic. I cast my vote for Chucky Cheese.