Just a Minute...I'm Holding Up a Bank

A woman with a light Spanish accent robs banks in Virginia, but doesn't want to interrupt her cell phone conversation while she's at it. If she ever gets caught, she can claim she was telling the person on the phone to "give me your money."

I Talked to My Doctor

About Panexa, shouldn't you?

Jackson 3

Michael Jackson has decided to leave the US for good. Good! He feels he was treated badly here. Huh? Treated badly? He got acquitted, for God's sake. What about all that adoration for all those years?

He's also dreaming of a new band made up of his kids. He's going to turn into his own dad, and be an asshole stage-father.

Michael, just go away...a long way away.

Oh Yeah, They Always Make That Sound

Jill Knispel smuggled a parrot out of a pet store in her bra. She planned to exchange the bird for a 1964 Volkswagen. She worked in the store she stole the bird from, and was using it to buy the VW from a friend of her employer. Duh!

Nectar of the Gods?




I suppose it was just a matter of time before Jesus Juice hit the market.

Remember: The Opposite of Everything Is True

Whenever Presidend Bush or one of his associates makes a statement, you can take it to the bank that the opposite of whatever was said is true. For example, the President said, "I'm confident that Harriett Meirs will be confirmed by the Senate," two days before she withdrew her name. Or how about this classis, "Saddam Hussein has stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction." Today the President said during a stop in Panama, "Everything we do is within the law. we do not torture." What do you think that means? Especially when the Vice-President is lobbying hard to change a bill that would clearly outlaw torture. Mr. Cheney wants to exempt the CIA from that law. Haven't they done a great job so far with torture in their tool kit?