Is That a Book of Mormon in Your Pocket?


Or are you just glad to see me? Last weekend my daughter, Kirsten, was in Salt Lake City on business. She and some other people went on a tour of the Mormon Tabernacle. The folks there want to you sign their book with your address and so on, so Kirsten wrote my name and the Goddess's name and our address down. She called later and confessed (or rather laughed) about what she had done.


Earlier this week two young Mormon men came by the house asking for me. My mother, Nana, who's 84 years old and knows that it was a joke, told them that I wasn't home yet. I was still at the acupuncturist. They came back this afternoon, but again I wasn't home and Nana told them that we had gone out to eat. They asked when I would be home and she said later tonight. Now I asked her why she didn't just tell them it was a joke, and she said she wouldn't do that...she'd leave that to me. I asked her if she thought she was doing them any favors, by making them come back so many times. She stuck by her guns.

Well, they just came again, and this time I was here to talk to them.

Mormon 1: Hi Mark? How are you doing?

Me: Fine

Mormon 2: I'm _____ and this is my partner _____.

I shook hands with both of them.

Mormon 1: We heard you were in Salt Lake recently...

Me: No, that wasn't me, it was my daughter.

Mormon 1: Oh you weren't?

Me: No, she told us that she put our name down, but it was a joke.

Mormon 1: A joke?

Me: Yeah.

Mormon 1: Well, can we leave you a Book of Mormon?

Me: I already have one. (I bought one about 10 years ago at a used book store for less than a dollar.)

Mormon 1: You do? Have you read it?

Me: No.

Mormon 1: Will you?

Me: Mmmmm, I might.

Mormon 1: Have you heard the message that it tells?

Me: Yeah, I'm familiar with it, but I'm not interested.

Mormon 1: Why not?

Me: I'm a Unitarian.

Mormon 2: What's that?

Me: Well, Unitarian Universalist.

Mormon 1: Yeah, this is the first time I've heard of that. Would you tell us about it?

Me: Well, it started in New England in the Congregational churches. They began to question the Trinity because it wasn't Biblical. So, they got the name Unitarian as opposed to Trinitarian. The Universalists came to America with John Murray who began to preach here. See, Universalist means no one gets condemned forever. Everybody gets in. The two denominations merged in '61.

Mormon 1: So, you believe there is just one (God) made up of lots of parts?

Me: Well, that's the way it started, but now it's a very liberal denomination. There is no creed or doctrine that you have to adhere to. We have Unitarian Universalists Christians, Unitarian Universalist Buddhists, Unitarian Universalist Pagans...it's just believe whatever you want.

Mormon !: Anything you want?

Me: Yeah.

Mormon 1: Hmm, that's cool. Yeah, that's cool.

Me: Uh huh.

Silence.

Mormon 1: Well, Mark, would you come to church with us on Sunday and see what it's about?

Me: No, thanks.

Mormon 1: Okay, well, it's been good meeting you...

Me: Yeah, (extend hand and shake hands with Mormon 1)...good to meet you (speaking to Mormon 2, extend hand and shake hands with Mormon 2)...Be careful.

Mormon 2: (Smile and nod) okay.

So see Kirsten, it's not so hard to talk to them if you just tell them the truth!