We're Better Off without Him

Another dictator with bloody hands has died. No, not Castro, at least not yet. This one stood in direct opposition to Fidel in fact. Augusto Pinochet the thief, tax evader, and mass murderer has gone to meet his maker. I hope his maker gives him direct passage to hell...he deserves it.

He couldn't have pulled it off alone, though. He had plenty of help from us, as in U.S. Richard Nixon, Henry Kissinger, et al played their part. Pinochet never faced justice from humanity, but his name has become synonymous with brutality. That's only fair.

I kinda like the idea that he died on my birthday...Fuck you Augusto!

¿La Verdad o Sólo Esperanzas de Los Gringos?

La BBC reporta según fuentes cubanos anónimos que El Líder padece de una clase de cáncer agresivo y que probablemente muera antes de la navidad. Pero, hemos oido algo parecido de la CIA hace meses, ¿verdad? ¿Es que sufren de pensamientos esperantivos (wishful thinking)?

Otra vez tratan de leer los residuos del té acerca de la muerte de un gobernante como pasó con Franco, Arafat, y El Papa. Cada minusioso detalle sobre el estado de salud del agonizante se lee como presagio de la futura. ¡Déjenlos en paz, por favor! No tenemos que saber todo de sus últimos momentos. Alquien escribirá un libro por supuesto.

Spray-On Condom

Soon you won't have to fumble in the dark to tear open the package and try to get the condom turned the right way. Now, the Institude for Condom Consultancy is working on a spray-on condom. Men would put their penises in a device that will spray latex onto the penis for the full 360 degrees. I wonder who they'll get to test the device? Not me.

No More Waiting in Long Lines for the Ladies Room

A new product has hit the market so that females can pee standing up. No more waiting in long lines at concerts or squatting behind bushes when you go camping. No, now women have a device that simulates a penis. Penis envy, anyone? A woman came up with the idea while on a fishing trip. They claim older women who have trouble sitting due to arthritis can use it, as well as women on safari trips.

The inventor says, "It certainly could be that some women will not find it to be very feminine to stand up like a man, but there is nothing especially feminine about having your pants down around your ankles squatting behind a bush." Each one comes with a little towelette for freshening up afterwards. Why hasn't someone thought of this before?

Besides, it just might solve that eternal toilet seat up or down problem.

Beware Meat Eaters!

We've seen this before. Careful with what you tell your insurance company. An insurance company in the Netherlands, Agis, may soon introduce a special health policy for vegetarians which would have lower premiums. The smoking thing started this way! Now they exile you to the outdoors regardless of the weather.

Not long before they have the meat eaters sitting in the parking lot while the vegetarians get to sit inside in comfort, not having to smell the burning flesh.

So Who Are You?

I was watching Countdown with Keith Olberman tonight when he announced that according to an IT muckety-muck there is a new blog created every second. And the average readership of a blog is exactly one. So, besides me who are you, fella?

All Goat-Fuckers to Denmark

The Animal Ethics Council in Denmark had ruled that there is no need to forbid sex with animals, large animals that is. They concluded that having sex with a large animal does not cause the animal "to suffer from being overburden", and therefore should not be outlawed. However, they recommended that sex-shows and porn involving animals be forbidden.

That reminds me of something I heard about certain Dutch personalities who refer to Muslims as "geiten neukers" which loosely means goat-fuckers. Well, they have banned the Burqa. Next, they'll be sending all Muslims to Denmark.

I Won't Be Flying with Them!

A Chinese airline, China Southern, has concluded that it's too expensive for passengers use the toilet while aircraft is in the air. So, they've decided to tell all their passengers to piss before they get on the plane. They say that each time a passenger uses the toilet that it wastes 1 liter of fuel. Now, really, I can't believe that. But, whatever the reason, I have to piss to often to be flying their (un)friendly skies.

Janis Karpinski Willing to Testify Against Rumsfeld

Former General Janis Karpinski, who administered Abu Ghraib prison during the torture there, has said she wants to testify against Rumsfeld in Germany where he faces charges of war crimes. The German Supreme Tribunal has not authorized the case to proceed, but Karpinski wants to tell her story against the "cowards" she accuses of carrying this out. She says that she saw a document with Rumsfeld's signature authorizing the tougher measures with a margin note saying "make sure this is done."

Be still my heart!

The Handicapped Ramp Down

It’s the beginning of that slow walk down the handicapped ramp into the dark. Yes, each year about this time I begin taking a slow moving escalator to – not hell – but some place similar. I begin to feel pressed for time even when I’m not. Everything turns into a chore, even when I expect to enjoy it, and every word I have to utter seems like moving a mountain. Aggravation and irritation hang around just over my shoulder, but still in my peripheral vision.

This morning’s temperature stood at about freezing, so I thought I might wear a jacket. A sports coat as we call them. I headed to the spare room closet where I keep the coat I had in mind. Right in front of the closet door proudly stands a pile of dog shit. I felt disappointed as I walked to the bathroom to retrieve a long piece of toilet paper to pick the shit up with. Back to the dog shit, I bend over to pick it up, when I realize that an uncovered part of my hand has made contact with one of the turds in question. I take it to the toilet and flush it away, then turn to the sink to wash my hands when I notice a three-quarters empty jug of Drano sitting in the sink to remind us not to use the sink while Drano does its work.

I go to the other bathroom and wash my hands. When I finish I can’t remember why I went into the spare room in the first place. Oh yeah, it’s cold out. Back to the spare room and the closet – hmm, the coat I have in mind isn’t in there. Must be in the other closet, so into another room I go and find the closet. Now, if I had remembered that the coat I wanted hung waiting for me in this closet, I’d never have to had dealt with the dog shit. Too late for that now though.

I picked up a bag of trash from upstairs to take out to the curb, because today is trash pick up day. Downstairs I set it on the table and begin the routine of taking my meds (oh yeah) with some orange juice and banana-strawberry flavored protein powder which I can’t taste. The OJ’s kinda low so I check the freezer to take a new can of OJ concentrate out, but no OJ to be found. While checking for it, I notice that the ice maker is jammed up again and not producing ice. I start to get a knife to break up the ice jam, but forget about it when I see the dog treats. Of course, the two dogs (one of who shit upstairs) eagerly await their morning Snausages. I give them their treats, and proceed to mix up my protein powder. I take my meds along with a nasal-spray steroid to “help” my sinuses (not that they could be helped).

I remembered that I have three letters to mail, but I only have $0.37 stamps. Postal rates went up a few months ago to $0.39, but it has been so long now that the machines in the Post Office aren’t selling the $0.02 make up stamps anymore. I know, because I tried to buy some last night. The letters are so late now that I don’t have time to fuck around with finding some $0.02 stamps, so I decided to just put two $0.37 stamps on each one. Only, I don’t remember where I put the stamps. I start looking around for them, and notice that the other dog has pissed on the hardwood floor that I just refinished on Sunday. I mention that to Nana who says that she’ll get it up, but she doesn’t budge from her chair. I find the stamps and put them on the letters. Nana begins telling me about what’s in the paper, I grab the bag of trash and my bag (oh yeah, it takes a lot for me), I tell Nana that the dog piss needs to be wiped up now, and I head for the door. Nana asks me where the dog piss is, and I have to comer over and turn on the light to point it out. I head for the door again, and get in the truck. I back out and head to HEB to pick up some deli meat for a retirement party today. I’m halfway to HEB when I realize that I have a bag of trash in the seat with me. Fuck! I decide to just take the trash on to work, what the hell? As I write this a bag of trash sits in my truck’s floorboard.

I get to HEB and pick up some kind of deli meat. I don’t remember now if it’s ham or turkey. I head for the check-out stand where there is only one person in front of me. I put my meat on the conveyor belt. The lady in front of me tries to pay with a debit card. The cashier tells her that the machine didn’t read the card. She swipes it again and enters her PIN again. No good. The cashier says that the lady can make it credit instead of debit, but the woman wants cash back, and I suppose you can’t do that with credit. Hell, I don’t know. The woman says she’ll write a check and starts to fish around in her purse. She then begins to tell the cashier about how she knows there’s money in her account and they have to discuss the system while I wait. Finally, the woman finishes her check. I’m paying with cash (what me with cash?) so my transaction is really quick.

I take my meat to the truck and head for work. About 10 minutes into the drive the Goddess calls me to ask if I have called the hospital about one of the many bills there. No I haven’t called them, and I don’t have their phone number with me. Neither does the Goddess. I reckon I’ll try calling Nana and have her read it to me which is pretty dicey.

I arrive at the office and head up to my desk. I check my bag for the letters, and they’re not there. I retrace my steps and I know that I didn’t mail them. I reckon that I’ll ask Nana to mail them when I call her to the the phone number of the hospital. Then, suddenly it dawns on me – the letters are in my coat pocket! Duh!

All this and it’s not even 8:30 yet. Oy vey.

The French Connection

Scientists at the Pasteur Institute in France have discovered an opioid in human saliva that is six times stronger than morphine. Hey, no wonder Rachel Ray's husband hires a hooker to spit in his face! Six times stronger, mon Dieu! They've named it Opiorfina.

Wait! I've been producing saliva for about 56 years, and I have yet to get any pain relief from swallowing my own spit. I wonder if it's just French saliva that's so wonderful. Maybe I wasn't holding my mouth right ;-)

Would You Buy a Timeshare from Bin Laden?

Well, now you can...sort of...if you qualify. See, the Bin Laden company is a construction concern in Saudi Arabia. That's how Osama made his money, I hear. Anyway, the branch of the family that doesn't live in the Afghanistan - Pakistan border region continues to build things.

Lately, they've built a skyscraper to house a four-story shopping complex and some 1240 apartments just a stone's throw (pun intended) from the Ka'aba which is Islam's holiest place. Some of the apartments will overlook the Ka'aba. The idea is to lease these apartments to muslims who come to Mecca for the Hadj.

The Hadj is a pilgrimage to Mecca that muslims who can should make at least once in their lives. Some three million people visit the city during Ramadan, and some five million during the Hadj. Wouldn't you be willing to timeshare your Persian Gulf condo for one in Mecca during the Hadj? But there's a catch, I hear that you have to be a muslim to even enter the city of Mecca, so that leaves quite a few of us out.

These Guys Make Texas Look Like a Pussy

The Chinese have finally revealed that they "harvest" organs from executed prisoners to sell on the open market. According to Amnesty International at least 1770 people were executed in 2005 in China. Some activists say that up to 10,000 people are executed each year. Also according to Amnesty there were 60 people executed in the USA in the same period. China even has mobile death chambers (MDC) that travel from city to city. I guess it works like Meals On Wheels, only it doesn't have repeat customers. Manufacturers of the MDCs say that they are much more civilized, because they use lethal injections instead of public firing squads. The makers of the death vans didn't mention that it's much easier to "recycle" the organs, because doctors are involved from the beginning.

Now as far as I know, none of the 60 executees in the USA "donated" their organs to anyone, but probably all of the executees in China did (if you can call it a donation). Think about it though, all these people on waiting lists for livers, kidneys, hearts, and so on, and here's the Chinese just providing a service to those folks. I mean, they were going to kill them anyway, why not get some benefit out of it? Besides, the executees might actually want to donate their organs, not that anyone ever asks them.

Oh, and by the way, the people that buy these "donated" organs are mostly from outside of China. In fact, most are from the USA. I guess it's just effective marketing.

Working on a Saturday?

Yeah, it's true, I'm going to work tomorrow. I've worked for my agency for 21 years and I've only worked on Saturday once before. If you multiply that out, I've worked 43,680 hours at my job (well, okay, not all of those hours were spent working). So, out of those hours I will have worked about 10 on a Saturday after tomorrow. Let's see that makes the percentage 0.00022.

Gotham City: Part VII


Friday I wanted to go back to Central Park to see more of the fall foliage. And we did, but it was pretty cold out with the wind so we didn't spend a lot of time there. We did walk around the Upper West Side and found it to be true to its reputation.

Afterwards, we took the train back to Union Square to get "a bargain" at Filene's on a woman's coat. But the Goddess couldn't find anything with a bargain price, so she didn't get anything.

We went back to Times Square to meet Kirsten for her birthday dinner. She wanted to go to the Franklin Station Cafe which is near the Franklin Station subway stop. The Cafe is a Malaysian-French place that serves huge bowls of udon noodles. I thought that udon noodles were Japanese, but what do I know?

Later we went back to the hotel and spent the rest of the night packing. And I still got stopped at the airport metal detector because I packed my Swiss Army knife in my carry-on bag.

Gotham City: Part VI


Thursday we went to Central Park to see the leaves that had changed color. And it was beautiful. We rode in one of the horse-drawn carriages thru a part of the park near the south-east corner. Later we went to The Pond to take several photos.

We walked to Rockefeller Center and shopped a little in the NBC store. They're still living off of Seinfeld and Friends. Hardly any of their other programs have any merchandise on display.

While at Rockefeller Center we decided to take the 1 train down to the Staten Island Ferry and go over to Staten Island to see what's there. The ferry trip takes about 45 minutes which is longer than I expected. We went past the Statue of Liberty both at dusk and then at night. What a sight.

We got to Staten Island, but there's not a whole lot near the ferry port. Eventually we found a diner where we ate dinner. We walked back to the ferry and timed how long it would take to go from Staten Island to our hotel in Queens. It takes one and a half hours. Hell, that's about how long it takes to drive from Austin to Waco!

Impeachment

No, that doesn't mean turning someone into a peach. It means indicting that person for a later trial to be removed from office. I have written to Nancy Pelosi urging her to rethink her step of taking impeachment "off the table" for George W before she even has taken office as the Speaker of the House. Anyway, if you'd like to send a message to your Congress Member go to the Center for Constitutional Rights.

The Center is also pursuing the prosecution of Donald Rumsfeld for torture. Let's keep the pressure on!

Gotham City: Part V


Wednesday we went to see Dave Letterman tape a program for later that night. It was the day after Halloween, and I suppose was kind of a let down. Anyway, the guests were pretty lame, but Dave and Paul were their usual funny selves.

We had to be at the theater by 3:30 in order to pick up our tickets. There was a line forming already at 3:15, so we joined in. We got our tickets and said that the Goddess had a bad knee, so they gave us "pre-seating." What that meant we didn't know, but figured it was some advantage. The staff told us to come back at 4:20 to be pre-seated. We did, and they took us into the lobby of the theater and sat us on metal folding chairs. I reckon there were about 15 to 18 of us in the pre-seating. One of the guys in pre-seating looked just like Jack Valenti. I swear! But, I figured that if he really was Jack Valenti he wouldn't be waiting in the lobby of Dave's theater, he'd be a guest! Turns out that he wasn't Jack Valenti, but Ernest from Toronto.

They took us into the theater first and sat us near the exits. I guess they wanted to get the gimps out first if there was a fire, but I got to tell you that we would have just slowed everyone down. Oh well, we didn't have to evacuate.

Then they began seating everyone else. There was a couple up front on about the third row that were probably supposed to be on the show. One of the staff was prompting them about what would happen. I noticed they the interns and staff were hand selecting people to sit around the couple, and it kind of looked random until realized that they were selecting the "pretty people" to make up the background. The everyday folks just go ushered into the rows a little further away. Hey, it's TV what do you expect?

The show was okay, and it was fun to see how they do it. At every commercial, the producer or whatever she was would huddle with other folks around Dave's desk. The warm up man would start clapping so we'd know to start too, and that the break was over, but sometimes the huddle wouldn't break up. Then, he'd wave us off and wait some more. It was odd that they seem to be writing the show on the fly, but I guess that's what they were doing.

After Dave, we went to the Stardust restaurant in Times Square. That's a place where the waiters and waitresses sing as well as take your order. We sat at a table between two other tables that weren't even six inchec from our table. A little too close for folks from Texas, I mean, hell we're used to wide open spaces.

PandaPorn


A couple of Pandas in a zoo in Thailand (male and female I presume) have lived in a cage together for four years without producing any little pandas. So, the zoo keepers will begin showing the male films of pandas mating in order to plant the seed in his mind. Hmmm...I don't know about that. Would they actually watch it? And if they did what will they think it is? Good thing they're not trying that in the neighboring country of Malaysia, because porn might get you the death penalty.

Rumsfelds Avgång Öppnar för Rättsprocesser


Yes, that's the headline from Dagens Nyheter in Sweden. What's it mean? It means something like "Rumsfeld's Leaving Opens the Way for Court Proceedings." Is that sound I hear the sound of shit hitting the fan? Can you say "war criminal"?