The French Connection

Scientists at the Pasteur Institute in France have discovered an opioid in human saliva that is six times stronger than morphine. Hey, no wonder Rachel Ray's husband hires a hooker to spit in his face! Six times stronger, mon Dieu! They've named it Opiorfina.

Wait! I've been producing saliva for about 56 years, and I have yet to get any pain relief from swallowing my own spit. I wonder if it's just French saliva that's so wonderful. Maybe I wasn't holding my mouth right ;-)