Travelog (finale)

Day Five - Thursday January 22

Barbados

It was about noon on Thursday when we pulled into the port at Bridgetown, Barbados. I didn�t know, but almost everyone else on the ship did, that the Queen Mary 2 was in port at Bridgetown. We sailed in and everyone ran to the top deck to shoot photos. We took a few, but it seemed kind of silly taking pictures of a cruise ship from another cruise ship. We docked right at the port, because the Queen Mary was where we would normally dock. Actually that made it better for us, because the people on the Queen Mary had to take shuttle busses into the terminal, and we only had to walk. We had signed up for another bus tour, so we went into the terminal. I was quite impressed with the terminal. It was really a shopping mall, I don�t think there was really any official purpose to it, unless of course, the official purpose is shopping. I mean there wasn�t a Customs office or anyone to check passports or anything like that. Barbados is an independent country, so I expected something official like at least a stamp on my passport or something. Nothing!

We boarded our tours bus, and found the seats to be made for munchkins. The only way two people could sit on one of those seats would be for the one by the aisle to hang one butt cheek over the edge of the seat. So, there was room for like three American-size butt cheeks. And, to tell you the truth, the Barbadians didn�t look any smaller than us, so I�m not sure who the bus was built for, but it wasn�t us. Our driver was named Tyrone, and he explained that they were a former British colony and so they drive on the right side of the road. He drove us out of Bridgetown through large fields of sugar cane. Evidently, Barbados relies on sugar and rum exports for its economy...well, and tourism. Anyway, we were passing these rows of very tall, very beautiful palm trees. Tyrone said, �These palm trees are called Royal Palms. They are very pretty, and look like they would be very productive, but they are good for nothin�.� I thought that was kind of funny, because I thought he was remarking on the uselessness of royalty. But, no one else laughed. Then, he said it again, and asked, �Do you get what I mean?� I was right, he was disparaging the royals! Good for him! He also pointed out some very unusual looking trees. They were completely bare with branches that look sort of like spaghetti that�s dried after it was cooked. They were the frangipani tree. The blooms from the tree are used to make a perfume. Of course, we had to buy some, well we actually bought frangipani cologne.

We stopped at an old plantation house to look around. It was full of antiques and old horse buggies. Not much to see, really, but at least I got to get off of my right butt cheek for a few minutes. Next, we went to a church in Saint John�s parish. The church wasn�t that spectacular, but the view from the church sure was! It was up on a hill overlooking a little neighborhood nestled on an inlet with a beautiful white beach facing the Atlantic Ocean. The temperature was perfect in the shade of the tall trees, we could have stayed there much longer in my opinion. Besides, I got to exercise my right butt cheek again.

We then went to an old lookout on one of the highest points on the island. It was built by Scots fusiliers, whatever that is. Anyway, the view was spectacular again! You could see the island from the south end to the north end all along the western coast.

On the way back to Bridgetown, Tyrone told us that there are a lot of churches in Barbados, and that you can start your own if you want to. Just buy a Bible, a hallelujah, and a tambourine. He�s right there were a lot of small churches with strange names. Traffic was heavy, and he explained that the main reason for traffic accidents in Barbados is tourists driving on the wrong side of the road.

I was very impressed with Barbados. It looked like more than just a tourist stop, it�s a place that someone could actually live.

We returned to the terminal, where the Goddess accomplished HER mission. That was to get a free charm for the free bracelet she had picked up back on Saint Martin. See, the same company has stores on several of the islands. If you get your free bracelet on Saint Martin, they�ll give you a free charm on Barbados for just coming in. Glad we got THAT done!

The ship set sail for Martinique that night at 10:00 pm.

Day Six - Friday January 23

Martinique

We arrived in Martinique sometime before I woke up. We had scheduled a walking tour of the city center of Fort de France. Just as we got off the ship on the dock, it started raining. It was a fairly light rain though, and I was sure it wouldn�t last long. We were waiting under a little tent like thing, when our guide showed up. She was on her cell phone with her boss. It turns out that they canceled our tour due to the rain. I felt they shouldn�t have done that, because i was sure the rain was going to stop soon. But, what do I know? I�m not a Martinecan. Well, we went in with another couple to share a cab to downtown. Before we even got there, the rain had stopped. See? I knew what I was talking about!

We got out of the cab at a sort of outdoor tourist market. Hmmm...the taxi driver must have been in cahoots with the Goddess. Anyway, the two women headed into the market, and the other man and I stood nearby chatting. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that two men were sitting at the base of a statue smoking something that they were sharing. One of the men was laughing uncontrollably. I mean he was making a lot of noise and certainly not trying to be discreet. I kept looking at them, so the man who wasn�t laughing got up and walked away. The laughing man kept looking at us, and I began to feel he was laughing at us. Maybe we looked funny, but honestly, we didn�t look any different than 5000 other tourists. The Goddess came back to show me what she had bought, and we started walking to another group of tents, when the laughing man started following us. Then he abruptly turned and walked away. I snapped his photo. I�ll include it in the ones I post.

After we bought a few more items, the Goddess and I began walking around downtown. It looks very much like any other town in France. By the way, we were in France. Martinique is a departement of France. That�s like being a state of the US. So, if you�re in Martinique, you�re in France just as much as you�re in the US, if you�re in Hawaii. We made our way back around to near where we got out of the taxi. There was a large park nearby, so we started walking through it. Two young men came walking down a sidewalk perpendicular to the one we were on. I noticed that they both had on black T-shirts. One shirt had a drawing of Tupac Shakur with the words �Thug Life� in big letters. The other one had a large drawing of a marijuana plant. Not only that, they were sharing a smoke too. As they passed by, I detected that familiar smell of marijuana. They didn�t seem to be making any effort to be discreet either. I later found out that there is a lot of drug use in Martinique, but not because the government is so enlightened. It�s because they don�t have very many police. Wow, the Voodoo Nights!

We also discovered something you sure wouldn�t expect to find on a Caribbean island. At least, I didn�t. It was an automated toilet. Yes, automated. I had asked where the toilet was and was directed to these two cylindrical things. They were shaped and colored like a Coors Light can (Bill would have been pleased). I had to get change to use them. The currency there is the Euro (see, I said it was France), so I broke a dollar and the lady gave me 90 cents. One use of the toilet cost 30 cents. Anyway, you put your money in and the door slides open automatically. After you step in, it closes automatically too. Then you used the facilities, and have a place to wash your hands (the water starts running automatically, like the sinks in an airport). The sign said it was an automatic dryer, but I couldn�t get that to work. To exit, you press a lever, and the door opens. After you step out, the door slides closed again, and the toilet undergoes an automatic cleaning and disinfecting. Yes, you can hear water spraying inside and then a sound like it�s drying itself, which it is. While we were waiting for it to clean itself, several other people came up and asked us about it. It was an immediate hit! Everyone wanted to try it. Americans are so easily impressed.

Across the street we saw a museum about the Pre-columbian Caribbean. We went in and it was sort of like every other Pre-columbian museum we�ve been to before. Lots of broken clay pots, jawbones, and sharp rocks.

We took a taxi back to the port, and boarded the ship, because the ship was going to sail at 2:00 pm.

Day Seven - Saturday January 24

All Day at Sea

Upon leaving Martinique, we began our return trip to Miami. It was to take about two and a half days. The Goddess had made appointments for both of us to have a facial and a massage Saturday morning. Yes, a facial for me. At least half of my face is covered with whiskers, so I wondered just what this would be like. It turned out that since I had that much facial hair, I got a bodial. What�s that? Well, it�s a facial over your entire body. The woman doing my facial/massage was from Portugal, and her English was not very good. I asked if she spoke Spanish, and it turned out that she did a little. I have been reading a newspaper website from Rio de Janeiro in Portuguese every day for 3 years or so, and it came in handy. I spoke to her in Spanish, and she spoke to me in Portuguese. We were able to understand each other quite well. Anyway, she put this green facial mask all over me. Well, not ALL over me, if you know what I mean. Then she wrapped me up in what looked like aluminum foil. After a while, I went into the shower, and washed that off. I came back and she put some kind of other stuff on me and wrapped me up in foil again. Then, I went and showered again. That made my third shower for the morning! Then I got the massage. Both processes were for one hour each, so after two hours I was feeling very relaxed. The same was true for the Goddess, except she really got a facial.

Saturday night was another formal night in the dining room. There was only one �Happy Birthday� this time though. Much better.

Every night the ship had a midnight buffet, but we never stayed up for it. But, Saturday night was no regular midnight buffet. It was the gala buffet. It opened at 11:30 pm for pictures. Yes, pictures. Can you imagine? Pictures of a buffet? This wasn�t your regular all you can eat Chinese buffet like down at the neighborhood shopping center, this was an EVENT! Food was carved and shaped and otherwise manipulated into every kind of thing imaginable. There were fish made out of cucumber slices, bouquets made from carved vegetables. Swans from yellow long-neck squash. And the desserts! Oh, wow! Churches made out of sugar, what looked like trees made from hardened chocolate. This buffet we stayed up for. We ate too, even though we weren�t the least bit hungry. Two desserts were had by all.

Day Eight - Sunday January 25

All Day at Sea

The last day at sea was kind of subdued. Everyone knew that it would be over soon, but no one wanted to talk about it. It was like when someone is terminally ill and everyone knows it, but pretends the patient is going to recover. We started packing early, so we wouldn�t have to have any last minute panic. We got everything packed and went to �The Last Supper.� We were sad to see the food come to an end. It had been really spectacular. We made several photos with out waiters dining companions.

Back in the room we watched the Golden Globes. Oh yeah, we had satellite TV from the US. Funny thing though, when the networks would go to local news, we saw the news and weather from Nashville, TN, Erie, PA, of New York City depending on what network we were watching. Why Nashville? For that matter, why Erie? It�s still a mystery. Now, NYC I understand.

We left our packed bags outside the door of our room. Ship staff collected them during the night.

Each night the cabin steward had fashioned animals out of towels. He would roll them up, fold them, stuff them inside one another, and come up with an animal that he would leave on our bed. We got a lamb, a dog, an elephant, a sting ray, a monkey, and some others I can�t remember.

Day Nine - Monday January 26

Debarkation and Miami to Austin

We woke Monday morning in Miami. There were many announcements on the public address system about being patient with the debarkation. Patient was not a problem for me, I didn�t want to leave anyway. The cruise director suggested for everyone to go to the Lido deck, have some breakfast, and wait over a cup of coffee. Fine by me. I figured we would be one of the later people called to debark, because our flight out of Miami wasn�t until 5:45 that afternoon. We were the second group called. We debarked before 11:00 am. When you debark, you leave the ship and walk down several levels of terminal building to a central place where you claim your baggage. Just because you have claimed your baggage doesn�t make anything easier. Just like at the airport, you have to walk a ridiculously long way wrestling with your luggage, huffing, puffing, cussing. We rounded a post and were heading toward the customs officers. As we struggled along, the strap I had over my shoulder to a bag began to slip. It had fallen all the way off and was even more difficult to handle. I stopped to get a new and better grip, when some Carnival employee quickly runs over and tell me, �You can�t stop here! If you want to stop you have to go back over there!� She pointed back to where we had started our luggage wrestling match. Now, this brought about a moment for me! I was innocently trying to get a grip on my bag. There was no need for all that shouting. So, I lost my grip on my patience. I shouted back, �Well, I AM STOPPING!� Then I grabbed my luggage and struggled on to the customs officer. He gave our declaration form a cursory look and waved us on. Next, we huffed and puffed up to a woman who was directing people to the correct bus.

She told us to go to the fourth one for the Miami airport. If we had been able to pick up our bags in baggage claim, and walk straight ahead, we would have been even with the bus we wanted. But, no. We had to weave around in the terminal, dragging, dropping, losing, cussing, etc. We boarded the bus, and waited for the driver to get all the bags loaded. A while later we left for the airport. We arrived at the airport in an area that we could check the bags all the way to Austin. We did, and headed into the airport. Once inside we began our long wait. It was before noon and we weren�t leaving until 5:45.

The Goddess lay down in the floor of gate 16 and went to sleep using a carry-on bag for a pillow. She�s never done that before!

Right across the concourse there was a KLM flight leaving that afternoon for Amsterdam. Oh how I wished we could get on that plane!

Finally, our time came to board our flight, but not until after we had eaten a Whopper and fries at Burger King. What a contrast to the gala buffet! So sad. As we were taxiing to the gate the pilot announced that we would be going to a gate in the new E concourse. He announced it like that was something good. It wasn�t. Our connecting flight for Austin was in concourse C. Again, they let us off the plane as far as we could be from our next gate. Okay, it wasn�t as far as could be, because there were gates farther away, but no many! We arrived in Houston on time, and had about 30 minutes to wait for our flight to Austin. On our long walk to the C concourse, we had to stop and buy a cap for Zach to commemorate the upcoming Super Bowl. As we approached our gate, I saw a tall skinny guy dressed kind of funny walking toward me. He had on a long scarf, and a heavy dark blue wool coat with gold embroidery on it. He was looking down, and seemed to be hiding his face. He had good reason to. It was Steven Tyler of Aerosmith. I turned to the Goddess, and said, �That�s Steven Tyler.� �Who?� she asked. �Steven Tyler...Liv Tyler�s father.� She shook her head like that wasn�t registering. �Aerosmith, you know, Steven Tyler!� �Where?� she asked. By the time all that had happened he was 50 yards down the concourse and barely visible. �There, in the weird looking coat.� �Oh.� She was pretty unimpressed. Now, if it had been Toby Keith...

Boarding the flight with us was Marcia Ball, another singer only this one isn�t as famous. We boarded on time, and then began taxiing on a ride that seemed to take forever. I think we must have driven half way to Austin. We wound up taking off about 30 minutes late. The plane pulled up to the gate in Austin at the very fucking end of the concourse. Once again, as far away as could be. Only this time the Austin terminal was completely deserted. We were the only people in the terminal, except for some housekeeping staff. Now, I ask you, was that really necessary? Couldn�t we have pulled into gate 1? It�s not a Continental gate you might answer. Well, what does it matter, the terminal�s DESERTED! So, it ended just as it began - with a �moment.�