Day One - Sunday January 18

Austin to Miami

We had reservations on Continental Airlines for a flight from Austin-Bergstrom International Airport (ABIA) to Houston-Bush Intercontinental Airport (IAH) leaving around 8:15 am. In this post-9/11 world all the airlines recommend that passengers arrive at least 2 hours before departure. We did. In fact, we had to get up at 5:00 am just to have the 2 hour cushion. On entering the terminal we discover we are the only passengers on Continental to arrive the recommended 2 hours early. It turned out to be good that we did, because the airline had a seat reservation for the Goddess, but no ticket. The Goddess�s real name is Rebecca Jean Brooks which is what her passport shows, of course. However, she has always gone by Jean, so her reservation was originally made in the name of Jean Brooks. Her passport doesn�t support that, so we paid an extra $50 to get the name changed (don�t ask why, I don�t know) to Rebecca on the ticket. Well, somehow the change got muddled and her (Rebecca�s or Jean�s) ticket was canceled. That made for the very unusual fact that she had a reservation but no ticket. We wound up having to buy another round trip ticket for Rebecca.

Ah, but it was only a small setback, so we had a few minutes of slight anxiety, but nothing insurmountable. The flight to IAH was uneventful. The terminal at Houston was much more crowded, including SUV versions of golf carts driving up and down the concourse. Imagine being one of those drivers. You drive people around the airport all day while yelling, �Excuse the cart, please...excuse the cart, please.� One minimalist driver just says, �Cart!...Cart!...Cart!� Wow, what a job!

Is it just me, or does anyone else always have a connecting flight at a gate that is at least 3/4 to 1 mile from the gate you arrived at? Same airline, same terminal, just a different concourse. You arrive at C12, and you have to walk to D87. What�s up with that? The terminal can even be deserted and they�ll let you off at gate B117 at the very end of the concourse, the absolutely farthest point from baggage claim. The people that run the gift shops must have paid off the airlines. They make everyone walk past at least 5 gift shops per plane change.

We boarded our flight for Miami and found our seats next to a woman talking on her cell phone. She was reeking of alcohol, and drinking more. She told the person on the phone that she started drinking around 9:00 am today, then she questioned, �Is that bad?� Hmmm...The drunk lady talks to the Goddess (thank God I was sitting by the aisle) incessantly. Every time the Goddess would think the drunk was through talking and would return to reading her book, the drunk would start talking again. Finally, the captain turned off the fasten seat belt sign and the drunk got up to go to the lavatory. She never came back. She was later observed seated in the last row of the plane, drinking another drink, and talking some poor fucker�s ear off. Better him than us.

Miami International Airport (MIA)

The airport code for Miami is MIA which of course also stands for �missing in action.� Let me tell ya, it�s not just a coincidence. We deplaned in Miami, and upon leaving the jet way, we approached a man holding a Carnival Cruise sign. He was giving directions to arriving passengers, so we approached him. He directed us (unlike quite a few other people) to another Carnival employee about 50 yards down the concourse. The second employee was a man with a heavy Chinese accent. The Goddess approached him and told him (in her Texas accented English) we had just arrived on a Continental flight, and were going to sail on the Carnival Spirit. The man asked, �You say-oo too-day?� �Yes,� she answered, �Carnival Spirit.� �You say-oo too-day?� he asked again. �Yes.� �Nuhmbah thuhteen,� he said as he wrote #13 on our ground transfer. We proceeded to baggage carousel number 13, along with several others from our flight. Oddly though, the sign at #13 just showed an Air Canada flight. We waited, and waited. No luggage. Then, everyone was pretty much gone, and we had no bags. Finally, we approached someone else with Carnival who told us that Continental was always on carousel number 8. Newly heartened, we quickly took off for #8. Once there, we found it deserted. Now, we�re getting really pissed. We approach a security man, who was quite unaccustomed to being asked questions, but he did endeavor to help us. He told us to check carousel #9. Well, it was just as empty as #8. Just when the Goddess is about to go off on somebody, a woman starts yelling that our bags are in the Continental unclaimed luggage office. �We�ve been looking for you, where have you been?� the lady asked. It was really a rhetorical question, because they weren�t the least interested in the Goddess�s answer. We collected our bags, and began following a woman with a Carnival Spirit sign out the door of the terminal.

Now, the Goddess has never been one to pack light, and to make matters worse, she had not packed light in one of those oversized suitcases. So, the bags were very heavy, but they had wheels on the bottom to make the wrestling easier. Well, have you ever noticed how those fucking wheels don�t fucking work? They jam, they go straight when you want to turn, and they turn when you want to go straight. Neither of us would be a poster boy or girl for physical fitness, so we were both huffing and puffing along. The Goddess�s suitcase kept turning over every 5 or 6 feet, so she started to really fume. She was cussing and sweating and sweating and cussing. I was feeling much the same, but was trying to stoically endure, knowing that �this too shall pass.� It was just that the passing was taking way too long! We finally arrived at the stop for our bus, but no bus was there. Not to worry, one arrived within minutes. We boarded the bus and occupied the last two seats on the right side. The Goddess was not ready to relax until she personally witnessed the driver put our bags on the bus. He finally did, and we took off for the port. The Goddess was talking about how �so far, I�m not impressed with Carnival,� when I stopped her, because I was afraid that she was going to start attracting malevolent spirits that would ruin the whole cruise. I must have acted in time, because things started going for the better.