It's All in the Landing


I can attest that the landing makes all the difference when you're using a parachute. A Israeli man who likes to paraglide had a little problem on his landing. He was paragliding in the Golan Heights, and he came down in a minefield between Israel and Syria. Like paragliding is not risky to begin with. Makes my problem look pretty minor doesn't it?

He had to be rescued by helicopter, because no one would go out there to bring him back. Someone probably told him before he jumped, "whatever you do, don't go over there...that's Syria."

Thanks, but No Thanks

Doesn't He Look Happy?
Adam Yehiye Gadahn, the American Al-Qaeda, has invited all of us Americans to convert to Islam and join in the fight. No thanks. I don't think I want to live in a cave trying to hide out from the entire world. Besides, who would really want to live in Afghanistan, if you didn't have to? Talk about bombed back into the Stone Age! Hell, they've been bombed back to the Stone Age three or four times. If it's all the same to you, Adam, I'll just stay where I am with all the other infidels.

Death of a President


That's the name of a movie that will have its world premier in Toronto next month during the Toronto Film Festival. The movie purports to be a "thought-provoking critique" of U.S. society. It will air on a British television network October 9.

Hey, believe me, I do not want Bush to get killed! Look who's in line to take his place. Talk about job security!

Hat Trick

Today September 1 is a hat trick. It's Friday, so that's one. It's payday because it's the first of the month, that's two. It's the beginning of a 3-day weekend, so that's three. We don't get these days very often. Carpe hat trick!

One Year Later


One resident of New Orleans gives her opinion of the situation. I'm with her! But, hell, I thought he was a failure long before Katrina.

Eventually They'll Have to Use a Goddamn Forklift!


Funeral directors in Australia have a new challenge to confront. The people they're burying are so overweight, that the funeral industry association recommends that they use wagons and other lifting devices instead of carrying caskets on their shoulders. Damn, I hate those workers' compensation cases!

They need to start using those lovely bright yellow forklifts that beep when they back up. Imagine at the end of the funeral service a guy in one of those flourescent orange jackets comes driving a forklift in to pick up the casket. He puts the fork under the casket stand, then turns to look over his shoulder and beep, beep, beep, beep, beep...

Fido, Take the Wheel


A woman in China decided to teach her dog to drive her car, because the dog was so fond of riding around in the car. She intended to work the foot pedals, while the dog steered the car. All went well until the dog steered the car into a front-end collision with another vehicle. I wonder if she had her head out the window with her tongue hanging out, and missed it that the dog was steering into another vehicle.

Jesus Christ Is a Puerto Rican


A Puerto Rican man has declared himself Jesus Christ. His birth name is José Luis De Jesus Miranda. He is 60 years old, and lives in Miami. Jesucristo runs a program named Creciendo en Gracia. He travels all over Latin America spreading the Gospel, preaching against all churches. By the way, he carries a U.S. passport.

This is not the first time that God has been declared a Puerto Rican. A play called Steambath depicted God as a Puerto Rican steambath attendant. Granted, it didn't claim that Jesus was Puerto Rican, just that God was. But, according to Christian theology aren't they really one and the same?

This latest "incarnation" of Jesus says that he doesn't pray for anything, because "¿A quién le voy a orar?"

Lost in the Rabbit Hole?


I just got this in my email. What am I supposed to think of that?

Former President Carter Calls Tony Blair Bush's Poodle


Well, okay, not exactly those words, but what does "he is so accomodating and submissive" mean? If you ask me, it means Blair is Bush's poodle. And, being a Texan, Bush wouldn't even like poodles.

They Say It's Hurricane Ernesto

Ché, Raúl, y Fidel
But I know better. It's really Hurricane Che. See it's like this. Fidel is living out his last few months, and Che has come back to pay him a visit in the form of Hurricane Ernesto "Che" Guevara. They say he's going to hit Haiti, and then head right for Jamaica and Cuba. See? What'd I tell ya?

When Your Cell Phone Drops a Call

Just throw it as far as you can. You just might win the World Championship of Telephone Throwing. Lassi Eteläaho of Finland did just that with a throw of 89 meters. He must have been really frustrated with his service provider!

He Has Been Kicked Out of Better Places than This!


What's this world, or solar system, coming to? They've kicked Pluto out. Yeah, they kicked Pluto out of the solar system. Wanna know why? Because he's too little and too eccentric. Hey, that's not fair! Getting kicked out just for being eccentric? Gimme a break, 'cause I'm eccentric too.

I Would Have to Pay Them to Work There


A factory in China that make electric appliances has instituted a new policy for employees who go to the bathroom during work hours. They "fine" them 5 yuan (about half a euro, which is roughly .60 to .65 cents US) each time they leave their work area. Of course, they don't fine them if it's an emergency. Hell, I'd be emergencying all day long. On top of that, they fine the supervisors 2 yuan each time one of their workers leaves the work area. I thought communism was supposed to create a workers' paradise. Paradise my ass!

Why Are These People Shitting on the Toilet Seat?

There's a website called Dr. Natura that promotes a colon cleansing program. For a reason known only to the Doctor, they have published photos on their website of what their customers have shit out during the cleansing. Just click here to see them. Interestingly, many of them have laid their shit out on the toilet seat to provide a white background and good contrast for the picture. Along with the photos, you can read their testimonials about how wonderfully the product works. I don't know for sure, but I don't think I would be taking photos of whatever comes out from a colon cleansing.

Once again, I'm not posting one of the photos, because even I have some sensibilities.

Let's See...Uh, Don't Tell Me...

According to a survey published in the Washington Post this past week, one third of Americans questioned couldn't remember which year the September 11 attacks took place. Hard to believe, right? Well, if you think about it, this is the same populace that elected George W. Bush president. Two times!

It's Not a Fashion Statement, It's a Fashion Curse


The Goddess came home from the hospital yesterday afternoon sporting some lovely attire. She's supposed to wear some special white stockings, called TED hose, for the next 30 days. Yes, 30 days. They're very tight and uncomfortable, she says. I don't doubt it either. You know how the pictures on the TV dinner boxes look nothing like the actual contents of the box? Well, the photo of the TEDs is like that too.

Just How Hot Is It?


The Goddess had surgery on her fake knee this week. She had to have it "rebalanced." Whatever that means. Does that mean that she used to be "unbalanced." Best not go there.

The Goddess likes her room at the hospital to be cold, so I'm having to wear sweat pants and shirts to even survive the night. Here we are during the hottest month (we've had 13 out of the last 16 days over 100F, and the 3 days that weren't over 100 were all 99) and I'm wearing stuff we wear during the winter. BTW, yesterday was 104 which just happens to be 40C, and today is supposed to cool off to 103. The AC at the hospital works a little too well. She had the thermostat on 55 and the fan on hi. I almost froze to death the first night, because I wasn't prepared for the winter. Silly me, I thought it was summer. So, I wear shorts and T-shirts when I'm away from the hospital, and I have to change to winter clothes shortly after I get there.

Last night I sneaked the thermostat up to 60. But, I still had to wear the winter stuff.

O, La Ironía

Hoy día es el aniversario de dos cosas irónicamente ligadas. Hace cuarenta y cinco años se edificó el Muro de Berlín, y hace ochenta años nació Fidel Castro. ¿Interesante, no?

Y además, hoy también se presentaron en el diario cubano, Juventud Rebelde, las primeras fotos del Líder Máximo después de su intervención quirúrgica. Evidentement, está vivo todavía. La molestia de nuestro gobierno y la picadura de avispa a casi todo el mundo de Miami no se ha salido del escenario todavía. ¡Qué no celebren demasiado temprano! El rey no ha muerto.

A pesar de que piensas del viejo cabrón, tienes que admirar su capacidad de permanecer.

¡Mira! El Líder es seguidor de Adidas también. Espera momentito, ¿Adidas? ¿El símbolo de esa compañía capitalista tan cerca del corazón del mundo comunista? Algo huele mal.

A Moment of Silence Followed by Wild and Joyful Dancing

Today, August 9, is the anniversary of the dropping of the 2nd atomic bomb on Japan. Nagasaki to be exact. Let's have a moment of silence.

Today is also the anniversary of Richard Nixon's resignation. Let's have wild and joyful dancing.

Here's hoping that one day we'll see our current president and vice-president convicted of War Crimes at the International Tribunal in The Hague. Let's have a few moments of fervent visualization of George W's conviction.