What Does Don Henley Know?
One of Don Henley's songs is titled They're Not Here, They're Not Coming, but what does he know? They done been here! I was put onto this story by one one those crazy Europeans who thinks that women dressed in the chador are sexy. There's just no accounting for taste.
Saturday, September 11, 2004
Sunday, September 05, 2004
Seventeen Million Dollars Says Otherwise
Michael Jackson says he's innocent of the charges of child sexual abuse, but his payouts say otherwise.
Michael Jackson says he's innocent of the charges of child sexual abuse, but his payouts say otherwise.
Monday, August 30, 2004
Barcelona: Nudist Paradise
Oh, I'll be that El Generalisimo Francisco Franco is turning in his grave. The City of Barcelona has approved nudity in public in their fair city. Are they sure they want to go through with this? If the Barcelonans look anything like the folks I've seen in the locker room, I don't want to go there.
Oh, I'll be that El Generalisimo Francisco Franco is turning in his grave. The City of Barcelona has approved nudity in public in their fair city. Are they sure they want to go through with this? If the Barcelonans look anything like the folks I've seen in the locker room, I don't want to go there.
Sunday, August 29, 2004
Cocaina a la Modificacion Genetica
Researchers funded by Colombian cocaine traffickers have developed a genetically modified coca plant. It's bigger, better, more resistant to pesticides, and gives a better high. What more could we want? Besides, with the cost of research nowadays, who else can afford it?
Researchers funded by Colombian cocaine traffickers have developed a genetically modified coca plant. It's bigger, better, more resistant to pesticides, and gives a better high. What more could we want? Besides, with the cost of research nowadays, who else can afford it?
De Knie Is Fini
Last Monday my wife, the Goddess, went to the hospital to have knee replacement surgery. The surgery went well and the doctor said, "She's just going to love her new knee." I hope she's right (yes, it was a female orthopedic surgeon). The only problem is that little thing called recovery. The Goddess has had hell with it. In fact, she told me that if she had known it would be this bad, she's not sure she would have done it. I don't know what she would have done instead, because she was in constant pain before the surgery. Anyway, she's coming along quite well, in my opinion. But, the Goddess wants it to be over already. She moved from the hospital room to a rehab unit (in the same building) on Friday. She's probably going to stay there thru Wednesday. At least, that's what the insurance has approved.
A question has come to my mind: What do they do with the old knee? Do they "reuse" parts of it? Do they like cremate it? I'll have to try to find that one out.
Last Monday my wife, the Goddess, went to the hospital to have knee replacement surgery. The surgery went well and the doctor said, "She's just going to love her new knee." I hope she's right (yes, it was a female orthopedic surgeon). The only problem is that little thing called recovery. The Goddess has had hell with it. In fact, she told me that if she had known it would be this bad, she's not sure she would have done it. I don't know what she would have done instead, because she was in constant pain before the surgery. Anyway, she's coming along quite well, in my opinion. But, the Goddess wants it to be over already. She moved from the hospital room to a rehab unit (in the same building) on Friday. She's probably going to stay there thru Wednesday. At least, that's what the insurance has approved.
A question has come to my mind: What do they do with the old knee? Do they "reuse" parts of it? Do they like cremate it? I'll have to try to find that one out.
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Saturday, August 21, 2004
Lith..Who?
The US Olympic basketball team has lost to the Lithuanians. Who? What's that some kind of medicine for bipolar disorder? The creator and all time king of basketball is dead? Le roi est mort, vive le roi!
The US Olympic basketball team has lost to the Lithuanians. Who? What's that some kind of medicine for bipolar disorder? The creator and all time king of basketball is dead? Le roi est mort, vive le roi!
Friday, August 20, 2004
Senator Kennedy a Terrorist?
The Department of Homeland Security has apologized to Senator Edward Kennedy for a mix-up that has happened several times when he has tried to board airplanes in the US. It seems his name is similar to someone suspected of being a terrorist. Nah, it's that the Republicans think he's a terrorist!
The Department of Homeland Security has apologized to Senator Edward Kennedy for a mix-up that has happened several times when he has tried to board airplanes in the US. It seems his name is similar to someone suspected of being a terrorist. Nah, it's that the Republicans think he's a terrorist!
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Homeland Security Letter
The following letter was provided to me through sources who requested to remain unnamed. Marcos Arroyos cannot verify the authenticity or the truthfulness of this letter. I can only pass it on to my concerned fellow citizens.
August 19, 2004
Department of Homeland Security
Washington, DC
USA
Dear Lord Furthermore:
One of our many duties at the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) is the verification of the safety of the American food production system. Toxic biological and/or chemical agents introduced into the food distribution system could wreak havoc with the American way of life. In an effort to secure the nation�s food supply, we have undertaken a wide variety of security measures regarding this important issue. Of course, we cannot publish the exact nature of these measures, but we can divulge some their general aspects.
We conduct routine DNA analysis of food products, and compare those results with several data bases. A recent comparison brought about an unexpected outcome. In fact, the outcome was so unusual that we thought there had been a rupture in the chain of custody of the tested sample. However, we tested the sample again in a different DHS-operated laboratory, and were faced with the same results.
Our test discovered a match between your DNA and a substance found on some feathers retrieved from a poultry processing plant in the Northeastern United States. Additional investigation revealed that the feathers in question came from the anus area of one of the hens processed in that plant. There was trace evidence of chicken blood on the feathers along with what turned out to be seminal fluid. Such a discovery proved to be quite puzzling to us until we had Dr. Henry Lee, a renowned DNA expert, and one of our forensic veterinarians inspect the test results. They hypothesized that someone of North European descent with red hair had engaged in rough sex with the hen.
In an enlightened and sexually liberated environment such as your place of residence this behavior may not cause consternation, but we wish to assure you that the DHS takes a dim view of this kind of aberrant and unnatural sexual practice. It is within our purview as Protectors of the Homeland to take any steps necessary to prevent any and all deviant sexual acts.
Later investigation revealed that the poultry processing plant had placed a job advertisement for a chicken plucker for which many people applied. Only under hypnosis was the staff there able to recall that during testing for the position one applicant insisted on plucking the chicken while it was still alive. This applicant also insisted that he be allowed to pluck his chicken in private in the men�s room. The rest of the story is too raw and unseemly to repeat. Suffice it to say that when male members of the staff later discovered the plucked hen lying unconscious in the sink basin of the men�s room, they joked that the job posting was for a chicken plucker not a chicken fucker.
Lord Furthermore, we regret to inform you that any future travel by you to or through the United States of America is hereby prohibited.
Very truly yours,
Tom Ridge
Director, Department of Homeland Security
The following letter was provided to me through sources who requested to remain unnamed. Marcos Arroyos cannot verify the authenticity or the truthfulness of this letter. I can only pass it on to my concerned fellow citizens.
August 19, 2004
Department of Homeland Security
Washington, DC
USA
Dear Lord Furthermore:
One of our many duties at the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) is the verification of the safety of the American food production system. Toxic biological and/or chemical agents introduced into the food distribution system could wreak havoc with the American way of life. In an effort to secure the nation�s food supply, we have undertaken a wide variety of security measures regarding this important issue. Of course, we cannot publish the exact nature of these measures, but we can divulge some their general aspects.
We conduct routine DNA analysis of food products, and compare those results with several data bases. A recent comparison brought about an unexpected outcome. In fact, the outcome was so unusual that we thought there had been a rupture in the chain of custody of the tested sample. However, we tested the sample again in a different DHS-operated laboratory, and were faced with the same results.
Our test discovered a match between your DNA and a substance found on some feathers retrieved from a poultry processing plant in the Northeastern United States. Additional investigation revealed that the feathers in question came from the anus area of one of the hens processed in that plant. There was trace evidence of chicken blood on the feathers along with what turned out to be seminal fluid. Such a discovery proved to be quite puzzling to us until we had Dr. Henry Lee, a renowned DNA expert, and one of our forensic veterinarians inspect the test results. They hypothesized that someone of North European descent with red hair had engaged in rough sex with the hen.
In an enlightened and sexually liberated environment such as your place of residence this behavior may not cause consternation, but we wish to assure you that the DHS takes a dim view of this kind of aberrant and unnatural sexual practice. It is within our purview as Protectors of the Homeland to take any steps necessary to prevent any and all deviant sexual acts.
Later investigation revealed that the poultry processing plant had placed a job advertisement for a chicken plucker for which many people applied. Only under hypnosis was the staff there able to recall that during testing for the position one applicant insisted on plucking the chicken while it was still alive. This applicant also insisted that he be allowed to pluck his chicken in private in the men�s room. The rest of the story is too raw and unseemly to repeat. Suffice it to say that when male members of the staff later discovered the plucked hen lying unconscious in the sink basin of the men�s room, they joked that the job posting was for a chicken plucker not a chicken fucker.
Lord Furthermore, we regret to inform you that any future travel by you to or through the United States of America is hereby prohibited.
Very truly yours,
Tom Ridge
Director, Department of Homeland Security
NOW They Tell Me!
The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse has discovered that "We found a tight connection between teen sexual behavior and dating and teen risk of smoking, drinking and using illegal drugs." Duh! I wonder if they would find a "tight connection" between swimming, laying eggs, quacking and being a duck? Gimme a break!
The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse has discovered that "We found a tight connection between teen sexual behavior and dating and teen risk of smoking, drinking and using illegal drugs." Duh! I wonder if they would find a "tight connection" between swimming, laying eggs, quacking and being a duck? Gimme a break!
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Chatter Stopped
Sources with the US intelligence community have confirmed per Stratfor that al-Qaeda chatter has gone silent. This usually happens just before a big attack, when they've been infiltrated, or when a big arrest has been made. Batten down the hatches, 'cause the shit's about to hit the fan.
Sources with the US intelligence community have confirmed per Stratfor that al-Qaeda chatter has gone silent. This usually happens just before a big attack, when they've been infiltrated, or when a big arrest has been made. Batten down the hatches, 'cause the shit's about to hit the fan.
Sunday, August 15, 2004
Yeah, But the Throat Cancer Will Get Ya First
Rolling Stones star Charlie Watts has been diagnosed with throat cancer. Meanwhile, Spanish researchers have discovered that Cannibinoids (good ol' marijuana) prevent the growth of brain tumors. I wonder if there's a preventative effect? Of course, you could end up like Charlie - you keep the brain healthy, but the throat cancer takes you out.
Rolling Stones star Charlie Watts has been diagnosed with throat cancer. Meanwhile, Spanish researchers have discovered that Cannibinoids (good ol' marijuana) prevent the growth of brain tumors. I wonder if there's a preventative effect? Of course, you could end up like Charlie - you keep the brain healthy, but the throat cancer takes you out.
Friday, August 13, 2004
Blame It on Viagra
Evidently there's been a surge in divorces among people 55 and older. Many factors figure in, but ultimately they blame it on the Viagra.
Evidently there's been a surge in divorces among people 55 and older. Many factors figure in, but ultimately they blame it on the Viagra.
Monday, August 09, 2004
Banana Republic Ain't Just a Clothing Store
The European Organization for Security and Cooperation has announced that it will send election observers to the US to make sure there's no irregularities in the Presidential election this November. Watch out, a military coup d'etat is next!
The European Organization for Security and Cooperation has announced that it will send election observers to the US to make sure there's no irregularities in the Presidential election this November. Watch out, a military coup d'etat is next!
Saturday, August 07, 2004
Atlantis Found!
According to Ulf Erlingsson, a Swedish geographer, the lost kingdom of Atlantis is actually Ireland. He says that the legend about it sinking below the ocean is actually a story about a shoal in the North Sea that did get flooded in about 6500 BC. Well, my idea is that the sinking story is more metaphorical. The natives of Atlantis (Ireland) had just discovered alcoholic beverages, and drank themselves into oblivion. So, the sinking legend is about their drinking themselves "under the waves" so to speak. Don't believe me? Hey, they're still at it!
According to Ulf Erlingsson, a Swedish geographer, the lost kingdom of Atlantis is actually Ireland. He says that the legend about it sinking below the ocean is actually a story about a shoal in the North Sea that did get flooded in about 6500 BC. Well, my idea is that the sinking story is more metaphorical. The natives of Atlantis (Ireland) had just discovered alcoholic beverages, and drank themselves into oblivion. So, the sinking legend is about their drinking themselves "under the waves" so to speak. Don't believe me? Hey, they're still at it!
Thursday, August 05, 2004
So, Ya Wanna Move to Texas?
Well, if you think the weather is so great here, because we seldom have any snow, you'd be right about the no snow. But, you wouldn't be right about the great weather. The forcast high today is 101F. That's almost equal to 40C. You think that's great weather? Park your car outside for 30 minutes, then see if you can bear to touch the steering wheel when you get back in.
Well, if you think the weather is so great here, because we seldom have any snow, you'd be right about the no snow. But, you wouldn't be right about the great weather. The forcast high today is 101F. That's almost equal to 40C. You think that's great weather? Park your car outside for 30 minutes, then see if you can bear to touch the steering wheel when you get back in.
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Dime que No Es Verdad
Al-Qaeda Chiapas? Al-Qaeda Mexico City, Tijuana, Guadalajara, Monterrey, Juarez? Yep, that's what Raymundo Riva Palacio says. He says they're coming into the US along with illegal aliens. In fact, he says one was arrested in McAllen on July 19 at the airport. He was heading to New York to do who knows what? There's even a Hezbollah group in Chiapas! Allahu Akhbar a la Mexicana!
Al-Qaeda Chiapas? Al-Qaeda Mexico City, Tijuana, Guadalajara, Monterrey, Juarez? Yep, that's what Raymundo Riva Palacio says. He says they're coming into the US along with illegal aliens. In fact, he says one was arrested in McAllen on July 19 at the airport. He was heading to New York to do who knows what? There's even a Hezbollah group in Chiapas! Allahu Akhbar a la Mexicana!
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