Rita Watch: Advisory 8
It's a sunny day here in Austin, and traffic was sort of light. That's a little mysterious, because with all the horror stories about traffic around the state I expected more than what I found.
Hotels and motels line I-35 for most of my drive in to work. Just from looking at the parking lots, they're all full. However, only one had a sign saying "no vacancy."
I read this morning that about 20 elderly people were killed in a bus fire near Wilmer, Texas. They were part of the exodus from the coast. Officials suspect that oxygen in use on the bus played a roll. That's one of those terribly sad unintended consequences. Rita has already claimed some lives in Texas, and she's not on land yet.
The wind is out of the north north-east. Very unusual for this part of the state. We're on the back side of the storm and this is some of its leading edge.
My sister-in-law and her husband called saying they were near Austin-Bergstrom International Airport. She said they had driven 60 mph all the way, and had no trouble. From the sound of it they probably went west on I-10 to Columbus, then north on Hwy 71. Strange that there was no traffic. That contradicts the stories I've heard on the radio and read on the web.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Rita Watch: Advisory 7
The Texas Department of Transportation has opened up both sides of almost all highways out of Houston and Beaumont to outbound traffic. Even with that it's still taking people 10 to 12 hours to travel what would normally be a 2-3 hour trip. Tanker trucks are delivering gasoline to people who've run out of gas on the highway. I've heard stories that people are turning off their engines and pushing their cars to save gas. The traffic is so slow that they only have to push the car 2 or 3 feet (about 0.5 to 0.75 meters) at a time. Hell of a way to get outta Dodge!
Traffic in the Capital City is heavier than normal, but I got home after work at about the regular time. I spent almost all day writing up and/or editing training for Hurricane Rita disaster claims. Our Tele-Centers are giving the training in sort of small groups. So, we're busy trying to come up with the next needed thing before they get through delivering the most recent needed thing. I think the new word for that is just-in-time delivery.
My boss's boss, let's call him Bob, was on a conference in his office with our Network Coordinator, let's call him Ernie, when he had to take another call at his secretary's cubicle. That call turned into a conference call too! So, he's standing in the cube with another person, let's call her Pat, talking on the speakerphone, while the other conference call with Ernie continues in his office. Things have gotten a little out of hand.
I learned on the way home that Rita has taken a turn toward the east, and is probably going to have landfall closer to Beaumont/Port Arthur than Galveston. The Goddess figured that her sister, the husband and the four dogs wouldn't come. They called about 6:45 tonight to say that they're leaving Houston at 2:00 am tomorrow morning and will be here when they can get here. We don't know when to expect them with all the reports of heavy, heavy traffic.
The Texas Department of Transportation has opened up both sides of almost all highways out of Houston and Beaumont to outbound traffic. Even with that it's still taking people 10 to 12 hours to travel what would normally be a 2-3 hour trip. Tanker trucks are delivering gasoline to people who've run out of gas on the highway. I've heard stories that people are turning off their engines and pushing their cars to save gas. The traffic is so slow that they only have to push the car 2 or 3 feet (about 0.5 to 0.75 meters) at a time. Hell of a way to get outta Dodge!
Traffic in the Capital City is heavier than normal, but I got home after work at about the regular time. I spent almost all day writing up and/or editing training for Hurricane Rita disaster claims. Our Tele-Centers are giving the training in sort of small groups. So, we're busy trying to come up with the next needed thing before they get through delivering the most recent needed thing. I think the new word for that is just-in-time delivery.
My boss's boss, let's call him Bob, was on a conference in his office with our Network Coordinator, let's call him Ernie, when he had to take another call at his secretary's cubicle. That call turned into a conference call too! So, he's standing in the cube with another person, let's call her Pat, talking on the speakerphone, while the other conference call with Ernie continues in his office. Things have gotten a little out of hand.
I learned on the way home that Rita has taken a turn toward the east, and is probably going to have landfall closer to Beaumont/Port Arthur than Galveston. The Goddess figured that her sister, the husband and the four dogs wouldn't come. They called about 6:45 tonight to say that they're leaving Houston at 2:00 am tomorrow morning and will be here when they can get here. We don't know when to expect them with all the reports of heavy, heavy traffic.
Rita Watch: Advisory 6
It's true that you can't believe everything you read. Take this for example: Texas evakueras - nu tar man inga risker. That was a headline on Expressen.se which is a Swedish newspaper website. It says something like: Texas is being evacuated - no one taking any risks now. Well, uh, no...not quite the whole state is being evacuated. Texas is a little bigger in territory than France, and has a population of about 20,000,000. That would be impossible to evacuate!
Although there are reports that it's taking 6 hours or more to go 10 miles. I read from one source that Texas has requested help from the Pentagon to get gasoline to people on the highway who've run out of gas and are stranded. Whew, I filled up yesterday!
It's true that you can't believe everything you read. Take this for example: Texas evakueras - nu tar man inga risker. That was a headline on Expressen.se which is a Swedish newspaper website. It says something like: Texas is being evacuated - no one taking any risks now. Well, uh, no...not quite the whole state is being evacuated. Texas is a little bigger in territory than France, and has a population of about 20,000,000. That would be impossible to evacuate!
Although there are reports that it's taking 6 hours or more to go 10 miles. I read from one source that Texas has requested help from the Pentagon to get gasoline to people on the highway who've run out of gas and are stranded. Whew, I filled up yesterday!
Rita Watch: Advisory 5
All the experts are saying that Hurricane Rita is a catastrophic hurricane. I began to wonder just what that means. I know it means bad, but compared to what? I checked with the Atlantic Oceanographic and Meteorological Laboratory for definitions. Here's the description for a catastrophic hurricane:
The different terms are: Minimal, Moderate, Extensive, Extreme, and Catastrophic. Wouldn't you know it's just like Texas to go for the biggest one?
All the experts are saying that Hurricane Rita is a catastrophic hurricane. I began to wonder just what that means. I know it means bad, but compared to what? I checked with the Atlantic Oceanographic and Meteorological Laboratory for definitions. Here's the description for a catastrophic hurricane:
Shrubs and trees blown down; considerable damage to roofs of buildings; all signs down. Very severe and extensive damage to windows and doors. Complete failure of roofs on many residences and industrial buildings. Extensive shattering of glass in windows and doors. Some complete building failures. Small buildings overturned or blown away. Complete destruction of mobile homes. Major damage to lower floors of all structures less than 15 feet above sea level within 500 yards of shore. Low-lying escape routes inland cut by rising water 3 to 5 hours before hurricane center arrives. Massive evacuation of residential areas on low ground within 5 to 10 miles of shore possibly required.
The different terms are: Minimal, Moderate, Extensive, Extreme, and Catastrophic. Wouldn't you know it's just like Texas to go for the biggest one?
Rita Watch: Advisory 4
The traffic this morning was especially heavy. I don't know if it has to do with the evacuees from Houston, but it sure was bad. I think the Houstonians that have come to Austin are so used to sitting in traffic for 2 hours each morning that they got up and just drove around.
Right now our Tele-Centers are training all of our temps on how to take a DUA claim. I went thru our materials this morning and decided which parts we should emphasize, and which parts we could skip.
Network operations shut down the Houston switch completely this morning as a precaution. The building it's located in is in a flood prone part of town.
The Goddess went to the grocery store last nite. The tuna and water were completely sold out. She bought a bunch of stuff that doesn't require cooking, because we were told to prepare for no electricity. The funny thing is that our stove is a gas stove! We don't need electricity to cook! She forgot that while she was at the store. She was thinking we would have to cook outside on our grill. Duh!
Fill up the water jugs!
The traffic this morning was especially heavy. I don't know if it has to do with the evacuees from Houston, but it sure was bad. I think the Houstonians that have come to Austin are so used to sitting in traffic for 2 hours each morning that they got up and just drove around.
Right now our Tele-Centers are training all of our temps on how to take a DUA claim. I went thru our materials this morning and decided which parts we should emphasize, and which parts we could skip.
Network operations shut down the Houston switch completely this morning as a precaution. The building it's located in is in a flood prone part of town.
The Goddess went to the grocery store last nite. The tuna and water were completely sold out. She bought a bunch of stuff that doesn't require cooking, because we were told to prepare for no electricity. The funny thing is that our stove is a gas stove! We don't need electricity to cook! She forgot that while she was at the store. She was thinking we would have to cook outside on our grill. Duh!
Fill up the water jugs!
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Rita Watch: Advisory 3
The place I work had hired about 100 temporary employees to handle telephone disaster unemployment claims from Louisiana for Hurricane Katrina. We have just this week seen the call volume drop a little. Management was going to lay off all the temps today. Rita changed their mind. They've decided to keep the temps on and train them on taking Texas unemployment claims. That's where I come in.
Our regular training for CSRs is 8.5 days long. That's work days, mind you. So, if we trained them in our normal way, they wouldn't be ready to take calls until about the end of September. I got the assignment today to whittle our regular training down to just the basics for taking a claim. We need to have them taking calls on Monday. See, it's like this. If you want to file for Disaster Unemployment Assistance (DUA) you have to apply for regular Unemployment Insurance (UI) first. DUA will pay only when you're not eligible for regular UI. That's why we're having to train these temps in how to take a Texas claim. Three days training to send out millions of dollars. I'm not kidding - we paid out 1.9 billion dollars in 2004.
I heard on the news tonight that Hurricane Rita will still be a hurricane when it reaches Austin. That means that winds will be 75 mph at a minimum. We heard to store up water, and be prepared to go without electricity for 48 hours. What?! The Goddess without air conditioning? 48 hours?! Six people and six dogs and no air conditioning? Somebody send me some Rohypnol! I don't want to use it to rape anyone, I want to check out until it's all over.
The place I work had hired about 100 temporary employees to handle telephone disaster unemployment claims from Louisiana for Hurricane Katrina. We have just this week seen the call volume drop a little. Management was going to lay off all the temps today. Rita changed their mind. They've decided to keep the temps on and train them on taking Texas unemployment claims. That's where I come in.
Our regular training for CSRs is 8.5 days long. That's work days, mind you. So, if we trained them in our normal way, they wouldn't be ready to take calls until about the end of September. I got the assignment today to whittle our regular training down to just the basics for taking a claim. We need to have them taking calls on Monday. See, it's like this. If you want to file for Disaster Unemployment Assistance (DUA) you have to apply for regular Unemployment Insurance (UI) first. DUA will pay only when you're not eligible for regular UI. That's why we're having to train these temps in how to take a Texas claim. Three days training to send out millions of dollars. I'm not kidding - we paid out 1.9 billion dollars in 2004.
I heard on the news tonight that Hurricane Rita will still be a hurricane when it reaches Austin. That means that winds will be 75 mph at a minimum. We heard to store up water, and be prepared to go without electricity for 48 hours. What?! The Goddess without air conditioning? 48 hours?! Six people and six dogs and no air conditioning? Somebody send me some Rohypnol! I don't want to use it to rape anyone, I want to check out until it's all over.
Rita Watch: Advisory 2
One of my co-workers was on a conference call with 300+ agencies here in Texas. The director of the Governor's Emergency Management Office said that Texas shelters have never discriminated against pets and their owners, and will not do so now. Yay, Texas.
Rita has upgraded from version 4.0 to version 5.0 this afternoon. Do you think Bill Gates could get something out of that?
Found out this afternoon that the Houston metro area has a population of about 5 million people. Half of them are coming our way! Look out!
One of my co-workers was on a conference call with 300+ agencies here in Texas. The director of the Governor's Emergency Management Office said that Texas shelters have never discriminated against pets and their owners, and will not do so now. Yay, Texas.
Rita has upgraded from version 4.0 to version 5.0 this afternoon. Do you think Bill Gates could get something out of that?
Found out this afternoon that the Houston metro area has a population of about 5 million people. Half of them are coming our way! Look out!
Rita Watch: Advisory 1
Hurricane Rita is in the Gulf of Mexico taking aim on Texas. Even though we’re basking under sunny skies today, the future portends to be cloudy. I’ll be making notes in the next few days on what happens regarding Rita here in the Austin area. Austin lies about 200 miles inland from the Gulf Coast. Rita’s forecasted track will pass directly between Houston and Austin. If that forecast holds Austin will be on the western side of the storm which is the safest side. If she veers a little to the south before making landfall, we'll be in deep shit.
Activity here at TWC has been steady but purposeful. We have been in emergency mode since Katrina, because we are coordinating the telephone calls for Louisiana’s unemployment claims and disaster unemployment claims. Some meetings about our emergency response to Rita have taken place, and some measures to secure the telephone switch in Houston have been implemented. We have heard that officials in Galveston and Houston have strongly urged everyone to evacuate.
If Rita does not change course by Friday, my sister-in-law, her husband, and four dogs will be coming to our house. That will make an equal number of dogs and people at home: six of each. Oh my!
Hurricane Rita is in the Gulf of Mexico taking aim on Texas. Even though we’re basking under sunny skies today, the future portends to be cloudy. I’ll be making notes in the next few days on what happens regarding Rita here in the Austin area. Austin lies about 200 miles inland from the Gulf Coast. Rita’s forecasted track will pass directly between Houston and Austin. If that forecast holds Austin will be on the western side of the storm which is the safest side. If she veers a little to the south before making landfall, we'll be in deep shit.
Activity here at TWC has been steady but purposeful. We have been in emergency mode since Katrina, because we are coordinating the telephone calls for Louisiana’s unemployment claims and disaster unemployment claims. Some meetings about our emergency response to Rita have taken place, and some measures to secure the telephone switch in Houston have been implemented. We have heard that officials in Galveston and Houston have strongly urged everyone to evacuate.
If Rita does not change course by Friday, my sister-in-law, her husband, and four dogs will be coming to our house. That will make an equal number of dogs and people at home: six of each. Oh my!
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Even More Traffic to Report
≈
Now things start to make sense. I had forgotten that the Dalai Lama was going to speak in Austin today. That's the reason for Homeland Security being in town. After work today as I was leaving the parking garage, I noticed motorcycle cops at every intersection and even driveway entrances. Austin often has dignitaries, so I started trying to remember who might be here. I went another block only to see more of the same. I then remembered that HH the Dalai Lama was here. I was on 15th street facing east, and waiting for the light. There was a loud siren, and the cops rode into the middle of the intersection and stopped traffic.
A few minutes later here came the motorcade. A long line of motorcycle cops two abreast, then white police cars, then black cars with very heavily tinted windows. I did see into the back seat of one with a little less tint and saw a guy in a suit whose face looked a little familiar. I don't have a clue though who he was. Then here comes this big black SUV with some kind of stuff on top that looked like one of those aerodynamic wedges. It was probably communications equipment. As the SUV passed I saw in the window just behind the driver. There was someone sitting there with that famous maroon color over the arm. Couldn't see a face, but it may have been HH himself! Of course it could have been some minor priest in his entourage, but I'm going to believe it was HH himself. I would say I saw him for maybe 0.1 of a second. Not much to write about is it? But, I have nonetheless.
≈
Now things start to make sense. I had forgotten that the Dalai Lama was going to speak in Austin today. That's the reason for Homeland Security being in town. After work today as I was leaving the parking garage, I noticed motorcycle cops at every intersection and even driveway entrances. Austin often has dignitaries, so I started trying to remember who might be here. I went another block only to see more of the same. I then remembered that HH the Dalai Lama was here. I was on 15th street facing east, and waiting for the light. There was a loud siren, and the cops rode into the middle of the intersection and stopped traffic.
A few minutes later here came the motorcade. A long line of motorcycle cops two abreast, then white police cars, then black cars with very heavily tinted windows. I did see into the back seat of one with a little less tint and saw a guy in a suit whose face looked a little familiar. I don't have a clue though who he was. Then here comes this big black SUV with some kind of stuff on top that looked like one of those aerodynamic wedges. It was probably communications equipment. As the SUV passed I saw in the window just behind the driver. There was someone sitting there with that famous maroon color over the arm. Couldn't see a face, but it may have been HH himself! Of course it could have been some minor priest in his entourage, but I'm going to believe it was HH himself. I would say I saw him for maybe 0.1 of a second. Not much to write about is it? But, I have nonetheless.
More Traffic
This morning on my daily commute I actually saw a police car from the Department of Homeland Security. Yes, a police car. It was a white sedan with the lights on top and the wording painted in blue. It said Federal Protective Service on the door with Department of Homeland Security on the front fender. Never saw one of them before. Hmmm...must be one of those secret FEMA concentration camps around these parts.
BTW, if FEMA has set up concentration camps all over the country to imprison us all in (according to conspiracy theorists), why haven't they used them for the 1.5 million evacuees? Putting them in camps would have been easier for FEMA to keep the press away. Wouldn't have had those pesky reporters showing pictures of dead bodies at the Convention Center.
This morning on my daily commute I actually saw a police car from the Department of Homeland Security. Yes, a police car. It was a white sedan with the lights on top and the wording painted in blue. It said Federal Protective Service on the door with Department of Homeland Security on the front fender. Never saw one of them before. Hmmm...must be one of those secret FEMA concentration camps around these parts.
BTW, if FEMA has set up concentration camps all over the country to imprison us all in (according to conspiracy theorists), why haven't they used them for the 1.5 million evacuees? Putting them in camps would have been easier for FEMA to keep the press away. Wouldn't have had those pesky reporters showing pictures of dead bodies at the Convention Center.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Trucking on I-35
I'm going to work this morning and I come upon an 18 wheeler driving erratically. He was in the middle lane weaving over to the left until he hit the traffic buttons, then he'd go right until he hit the buttons on that side. I followed him for about 3 or 4 miles, then I called 911. I turned him in to the police. Normally, I wouldn't do that, but this guy was making the traffic worse. Everyone was slowing down when they caught up with him, then they wouldn't pass because they were afraid he was going to hit them. I pulled up even with him and he was either yelling or singing real loud. I think he may have been awake with some assistance, if you get what I mean.
Don't know what happened, because I exited to go to my office. Ahh...all in a day's work.
I'm going to work this morning and I come upon an 18 wheeler driving erratically. He was in the middle lane weaving over to the left until he hit the traffic buttons, then he'd go right until he hit the buttons on that side. I followed him for about 3 or 4 miles, then I called 911. I turned him in to the police. Normally, I wouldn't do that, but this guy was making the traffic worse. Everyone was slowing down when they caught up with him, then they wouldn't pass because they were afraid he was going to hit them. I pulled up even with him and he was either yelling or singing real loud. I think he may have been awake with some assistance, if you get what I mean.
Don't know what happened, because I exited to go to my office. Ahh...all in a day's work.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
If I Only Had That Kind of Face!
Well, now it's gonna be possible to get a new face. What?! Yes, you too can have a face transplant just like the movie with Travolta and Cage. Maria Siemionow M.D. is going to be the first doctor to attempt a face transplant from one person to another. She says it's for people that have been burned or otherwise disfigured, but really how long will it be before Paris Hilton has it done?
Well, now it's gonna be possible to get a new face. What?! Yes, you too can have a face transplant just like the movie with Travolta and Cage. Maria Siemionow M.D. is going to be the first doctor to attempt a face transplant from one person to another. She says it's for people that have been burned or otherwise disfigured, but really how long will it be before Paris Hilton has it done?
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Ransom Demand: 300 Kilos of Cocaine
The daughter of one of the wealthiest men in the Netherlands was kidnapped from her home in Amsterdam this week. She was freed sometime yesterday. The novel part of the case is the ransom demand: 300 kilos of cocaine. That's a new one to me! The police suspect that drug traffickers are behind the kidnapping.
That makes for an interesting image. Imagine a dark deserted public square for the ransom to be delivered. From a warehouse in the shadows comes a forklift roaring out with a pallet full of plastic bags with white powder in them. The forklift driver sets the pallet down out in the open, backs up, and disappears back into the warehouse. From shadows on the other side of the square comes a pick up truck. A man get out, and looks around to make sure no one is watching. He steps up to the pallet, breaks open one of the bags, puts a little of the white powder on his finger and tastes it. He turns back toward where he came from, and signals thumbs up. Now, a dually diesel pick up roars out of the shadows with ten men in the back. They jump out and start loading the bags into both trucks. While they do this, a woman walks hesitantly out of the shadows from where the trucks came. She seems disoriented and scared. A man steps out of the warehouse and shouts, "Claudia!" She recognizes the man as her father, shouts "Papa!", and starts running to him. He opens his arms and she collapses into his embrace. Father and daughter turn and walk into the warehouse. The men finish loading the bags, and the trucks squeal their tires when they take off.
Not likely? No, I think 300 kilos of anything would be a little too cumbersome for a ransom demand. Hmmm...what was it all about then?
The daughter of one of the wealthiest men in the Netherlands was kidnapped from her home in Amsterdam this week. She was freed sometime yesterday. The novel part of the case is the ransom demand: 300 kilos of cocaine. That's a new one to me! The police suspect that drug traffickers are behind the kidnapping.
That makes for an interesting image. Imagine a dark deserted public square for the ransom to be delivered. From a warehouse in the shadows comes a forklift roaring out with a pallet full of plastic bags with white powder in them. The forklift driver sets the pallet down out in the open, backs up, and disappears back into the warehouse. From shadows on the other side of the square comes a pick up truck. A man get out, and looks around to make sure no one is watching. He steps up to the pallet, breaks open one of the bags, puts a little of the white powder on his finger and tastes it. He turns back toward where he came from, and signals thumbs up. Now, a dually diesel pick up roars out of the shadows with ten men in the back. They jump out and start loading the bags into both trucks. While they do this, a woman walks hesitantly out of the shadows from where the trucks came. She seems disoriented and scared. A man steps out of the warehouse and shouts, "Claudia!" She recognizes the man as her father, shouts "Papa!", and starts running to him. He opens his arms and she collapses into his embrace. Father and daughter turn and walk into the warehouse. The men finish loading the bags, and the trucks squeal their tires when they take off.
Not likely? No, I think 300 kilos of anything would be a little too cumbersome for a ransom demand. Hmmm...what was it all about then?
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Preston Michael Spears Federline är här
How come I'm hearing this so late? I've been on the Internet off and on all day, but didn't see this until now. Poor Preston. If you had his parents, I'd feel sorry for you too.
How come I'm hearing this so late? I've been on the Internet off and on all day, but didn't see this until now. Poor Preston. If you had his parents, I'd feel sorry for you too.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Monday, September 12, 2005
Was That Michael Brown's Head I Just Saw Rolling By?
Yeah, I think it was. The FEMA director put in his resignation today in the interests of FEMA and the President.
Yeah, I think it was. The FEMA director put in his resignation today in the interests of FEMA and the President.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth
There's a old-timey phrase that goes - Why he'd look a gift horse in the mouth. It comes from back when people used horses for pulling plows and the like. Back then the buyer would look in the horse's mouth to determine how healthy and therefore how good the horse was. Well, if someone is giving you a horse, would you look in its mouth to see if you wanted to take it? That's the point, your not supposed to be so ungrateful that you'd do such a thing.
Well, we've done it. The US turned back some food rations provided by the German military, because we are afraid that they might be infested with Mad Cow Disease.
There's a old-timey phrase that goes - Why he'd look a gift horse in the mouth. It comes from back when people used horses for pulling plows and the like. Back then the buyer would look in the horse's mouth to determine how healthy and therefore how good the horse was. Well, if someone is giving you a horse, would you look in its mouth to see if you wanted to take it? That's the point, your not supposed to be so ungrateful that you'd do such a thing.
Well, we've done it. The US turned back some food rations provided by the German military, because we are afraid that they might be infested with Mad Cow Disease.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Nothing Quite Like a Father and Son Fishing Trip
Who needs food when there's fish like this in the water? Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime.
Mexico Invades the United States
Today, for the first time ever, Mexican troops have crossed the Rio Bravo into the United States. This is the first time that a contingent of regular foreign troops have set foot on American territory in the history of the U.S. Only this invasion is to bring supplies to Kelly AFB in San Antonio to help with evacuees from Louisiana. It's one of the few times that the U.S. has accepted foreign assistance. Well, I say, ¡Viva México!
Today, for the first time ever, Mexican troops have crossed the Rio Bravo into the United States. This is the first time that a contingent of regular foreign troops have set foot on American territory in the history of the U.S. Only this invasion is to bring supplies to Kelly AFB in San Antonio to help with evacuees from Louisiana. It's one of the few times that the U.S. has accepted foreign assistance. Well, I say, ¡Viva México!
Suicide in Germany Every 47 Minutes
Armin Schmidtke of the National Program for the Prevention of Suicide in Germany reports that in Germany someone commits suicide every 47 minutes. She says that worldwide it's such a large number of people that it's as if September 11 happens every day. As the song from Mexico goes, "La vida no vale nada, nada vale la vida."
Armin Schmidtke of the National Program for the Prevention of Suicide in Germany reports that in Germany someone commits suicide every 47 minutes. She says that worldwide it's such a large number of people that it's as if September 11 happens every day. As the song from Mexico goes, "La vida no vale nada, nada vale la vida."
Friday, September 02, 2005
Bring Him On!
Bush was more than ready to land on a flight deck of an aircraft carrier. How 'bout parachuting him into New Orleans right near the Convention Center? I say bring him on!
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
You Have Been Warned
Sonnette Ehlers in South Africa has developed a penis trap to be used against rape. It's actually a condom placed in a woman's vagina. If she get raped the condom, called Rapex, adheres to the attacker's penis and cannot be removed. If he tries to pull the condom off, it digs even deeper into his penis. When he shows up at a hospital for help, the emergency personnel can call the police. So, it prevents the spread of AIDS by rape, and prevents pregnancy from a rape. Let someone get "trapped" and it'll prevent rape too!
Sonnette Ehlers in South Africa has developed a penis trap to be used against rape. It's actually a condom placed in a woman's vagina. If she get raped the condom, called Rapex, adheres to the attacker's penis and cannot be removed. If he tries to pull the condom off, it digs even deeper into his penis. When he shows up at a hospital for help, the emergency personnel can call the police. So, it prevents the spread of AIDS by rape, and prevents pregnancy from a rape. Let someone get "trapped" and it'll prevent rape too!
Saturday, August 27, 2005
The Perfect Job for Me
The London zoo has an exhibit of homo sapiens on display in it's simian section. They just wear swim suits and play all day. Sounds perfect! Do they have one person sitting at a computer all day reading the Internet? No? Well, that's the job for me. Where do I apply?
The London zoo has an exhibit of homo sapiens on display in it's simian section. They just wear swim suits and play all day. Sounds perfect! Do they have one person sitting at a computer all day reading the Internet? No? Well, that's the job for me. Where do I apply?
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Borat Attacks
I had heard that Borat was hitchhiking in Wise County, Texas, but I suppose he got a ride. Now, he's in California.
I had heard that Borat was hitchhiking in Wise County, Texas, but I suppose he got a ride. Now, he's in California.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
An Anonymous Administration Official Said:
"What we expected to achieve was never realistic given the timetable or what unfolded on the ground... We are in the process of...shedding the unreality that dominated at the beginning." Don't you like that? Shedding the unreality that dominated at the beginning...how about in the middle and will dominate at the end. Shedding the unreality? Hardly.
"What we expected to achieve was never realistic given the timetable or what unfolded on the ground... We are in the process of...shedding the unreality that dominated at the beginning." Don't you like that? Shedding the unreality that dominated at the beginning...how about in the middle and will dominate at the end. Shedding the unreality? Hardly.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Sing Us a Song, Piano Man
Sing us a song he did. It was all a fraud. It turns out the Piano Man can't play the piano, and he didn't have amnesia. He used to work in a mental hospital, so he knew how to act like a mental patient. He's just a gay German who wanted to commit suicide, but didn't go thru with it. By the way, isn't gay German a contradiction in terms?
Sing us a song he did. It was all a fraud. It turns out the Piano Man can't play the piano, and he didn't have amnesia. He used to work in a mental hospital, so he knew how to act like a mental patient. He's just a gay German who wanted to commit suicide, but didn't go thru with it. By the way, isn't gay German a contradiction in terms?
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Who Done It?
Workers in a mosque near Jaffa found a pig's head inside the mosque with a keffiyeh and the name Mohammed written on it. Okay, Muslims and Jews both consider the pig to be impure. So, who would have brought it in there? Christians? Discordians? Atheists?
Workers in a mosque near Jaffa found a pig's head inside the mosque with a keffiyeh and the name Mohammed written on it. Okay, Muslims and Jews both consider the pig to be impure. So, who would have brought it in there? Christians? Discordians? Atheists?
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Honorary American
I have the pleasure of announcing that Lord Furthermore has been granted honorary American citizenship. Attached is a photo of the Lord Himself. One problem, though, since we allow no royalty in America, we have taken the liberty of changing his royal title of Lord to his first name. Therefore, let it be known far and wide that the former Lord Furthermore will be henceforth named Lord Furthermore. The word Lord no longer being a title, but his first name.
This action is in line with that great American tradition of re-inventing oneself, a la Puff Daddy to P Diddy to Diddy. Besides, we can make you American, democratic, and consumerist whether you want to be or not, just ask the French. EuroDisney is just a little parcel of red, white, and blue in France. Our red, white, and blue by God!
Notice in the photo how Lord stares to the horizon personifying American wanderlust, as he fills 'er up with foreign fossil fuel. Go west young man! Or in this case, put on your glasses old man! He's really squinting in an effort to make out the visible panty lines of some much younger American women going into the Burger King next door. (Okay, so we do allow some royalty here.) No, there's no thongs in them red states, thank God!
Ever vigilant! See how Lord steadfastly attends the pump as directed by the sign on the gas pump. You know in your heart that he wasn't prosecuted, because Lord wouldn't drive off! Jack off, maybe, but never drive off.
Open road, convertible with the top down, sliding that throbbing stiff gas nozzle into the hot wet tunnel, oh happy day! How much more American could he be? Welcome to American citizenship, Lord, we wouldn't have it any other way.
Death by PowerPoint Ain't Just a Phrase
Yale professor Edward R Tufte says that not only are PowerPoint presentations boring, they are actually dangerous. He even says that a continuous PowerPoint presentation could have been responsible for the Columbia space shuttle crash. He says it makes you dumb.
Yale professor Edward R Tufte says that not only are PowerPoint presentations boring, they are actually dangerous. He even says that a continuous PowerPoint presentation could have been responsible for the Columbia space shuttle crash. He says it makes you dumb.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Norwegian Men Request Caesarian
What? Norwegian men want to have Caesarian sections...uh, no, the want their women to have them. Hmmm...now I wonder why would that be? ;-)
What? Norwegian men want to have Caesarian sections...uh, no, the want their women to have them. Hmmm...now I wonder why would that be? ;-)
Porn Makes You Blind
Well, ain't that a helluva note? First it's masturbation, then Viagra, and now it's porn! Well, okay, porn won't make you blind quite the same way the other two will (said by someone with severe myopia). It "confuses" you so that you can't pick out a picture of a certain building, if there's a porn picture in the stack close to it. Someone in the US (that means with an ax to grind) tested volunteers to see of they could pick out a photo of a specific building from a stack of a hundred or so photos. The test really was to see if they could pick it out after having seen a porn photo shortly before. I wonder if handling the photos makes hair grow on your palms.
Well, ain't that a helluva note? First it's masturbation, then Viagra, and now it's porn! Well, okay, porn won't make you blind quite the same way the other two will (said by someone with severe myopia). It "confuses" you so that you can't pick out a picture of a certain building, if there's a porn picture in the stack close to it. Someone in the US (that means with an ax to grind) tested volunteers to see of they could pick out a photo of a specific building from a stack of a hundred or so photos. The test really was to see if they could pick it out after having seen a porn photo shortly before. I wonder if handling the photos makes hair grow on your palms.
Well, It's Not a Completely Bad Thing, Is It?
More and more Brits are drinking themselves to death. Alcohol that is. In England and Wales deaths from cirrhosis of the liver or alcohol poisoning have risen by 18.4%. In the North England region of Yorkshire and Humber the rates have increased by 46.5%. Sounds bad, but just think, it's mostly those football hooligans. Not so bad after all, huh?
More and more Brits are drinking themselves to death. Alcohol that is. In England and Wales deaths from cirrhosis of the liver or alcohol poisoning have risen by 18.4%. In the North England region of Yorkshire and Humber the rates have increased by 46.5%. Sounds bad, but just think, it's mostly those football hooligans. Not so bad after all, huh?
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
I Heard It from Dan Savage
But, it's not a joke. A man died after having sex with a horse. No, the horse didn't kick him, the horse, uh, well, fucked him to death. Really. Click the link.
But, it's not a joke. A man died after having sex with a horse. No, the horse didn't kick him, the horse, uh, well, fucked him to death. Really. Click the link.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
But Can She Sing Happy Birthday, Mr. President?
Sherri Lea Laird is Marilyn Monroe reincarnated. Okay, so who's the reincarnation of my grandmother? I'd much rather talk to her.
Sherri Lea Laird is Marilyn Monroe reincarnated. Okay, so who's the reincarnation of my grandmother? I'd much rather talk to her.
Insurance Against Senility?
A study of monolingual and bilingual individuals shows that the bilinguals suffer less from senile dementia than monolinguals. ¿Muy interesante, no?
A study of monolingual and bilingual individuals shows that the bilinguals suffer less from senile dementia than monolinguals. ¿Muy interesante, no?
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Foot Size + 5 cm Divided by Two
Russian researchers have discovered that you can tell how big a man's dick is by the size of his foot. Measure the length of his foot in centimeters, add 5, then divide by two. The formula works for 90% of men. Of course, you could just put on clown shoes to impress people.
Russian researchers have discovered that you can tell how big a man's dick is by the size of his foot. Measure the length of his foot in centimeters, add 5, then divide by two. The formula works for 90% of men. Of course, you could just put on clown shoes to impress people.
Okay, Mike, but No Biting
Mike Tyson has run out of money. So, he's turning to his skills as an actor to get out of debt. Huh? Actor? Well, uh, yeah, actor. See, he's going to become a porn star under the stage name of "Iron Mike." What's he gonna do when he get 'em in the clinch? No biting, Mike, no biting.
Mike Tyson has run out of money. So, he's turning to his skills as an actor to get out of debt. Huh? Actor? Well, uh, yeah, actor. See, he's going to become a porn star under the stage name of "Iron Mike." What's he gonna do when he get 'em in the clinch? No biting, Mike, no biting.
Monday, August 01, 2005
Just Blame It on the Viagra
Rafael Palmeiro has been suspended from Major League baseball because of steroid use. He testified in Congress that he has "never used steroids. Period." Even today he says, "I have never intentionally used steroids. Never. Ever. Period." He claims not to know how steroids got into his body. Well, he has been on TV as a pitch (get it?) man for Viagra. Maybe that's how! Wait a minute! I get it, he unintentionally used them. Well, that's okay then.
Rafael Palmeiro has been suspended from Major League baseball because of steroid use. He testified in Congress that he has "never used steroids. Period." Even today he says, "I have never intentionally used steroids. Never. Ever. Period." He claims not to know how steroids got into his body. Well, he has been on TV as a pitch (get it?) man for Viagra. Maybe that's how! Wait a minute! I get it, he unintentionally used them. Well, that's okay then.
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Michael's Latest Album a Big Flop
Yes, it was bound to happen. Michael Jackson's comeback is more like a go-away. His latest album The Essential Michael Jackson sold only 8000 copies in the USA in its first week. Just move to Berlin, Michael, and leave us alone.
Yes, it was bound to happen. Michael Jackson's comeback is more like a go-away. His latest album The Essential Michael Jackson sold only 8000 copies in the USA in its first week. Just move to Berlin, Michael, and leave us alone.
Friday, July 29, 2005
Free Admission for the Naked
The Leopold Museum in Vienna has a summer special. If you show up naked at the entrance, you get in free.
The Leopold Museum in Vienna has a summer special. If you show up naked at the entrance, you get in free.
Monday, July 25, 2005
Fuck Me Pumps Cause Schizophrenia
Hey, I ain't makin' this up. A Swedish researcher, Jarl Flensmark,has published a paper in Medical Hypotheses that the advent of high heels coincides with the first reported cases of schizophrenia. He goes even further to point out that the mass production of high heel shoes is followed by higher rates of schizophrenia. This happened in Massachusetts where mass production of shoes began, and the same pattern shows up when mass production spread to Europe. Who knew?
Hey, I ain't makin' this up. A Swedish researcher, Jarl Flensmark,has published a paper in Medical Hypotheses that the advent of high heels coincides with the first reported cases of schizophrenia. He goes even further to point out that the mass production of high heel shoes is followed by higher rates of schizophrenia. This happened in Massachusetts where mass production of shoes began, and the same pattern shows up when mass production spread to Europe. Who knew?
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Chewable Viagra
I hadn't heard of this new way to take Viagra, but here it is. They say there's this "problem" in Argentina, because younger men are taking it for recreational reasons. So? Like there's some other reason for sex? Okay, okay, that's how we procreate, but if it weren't for the fun part of it we would have gone extinct eons ago. Bring 'em on!
I hadn't heard of this new way to take Viagra, but here it is. They say there's this "problem" in Argentina, because younger men are taking it for recreational reasons. So? Like there's some other reason for sex? Okay, okay, that's how we procreate, but if it weren't for the fun part of it we would have gone extinct eons ago. Bring 'em on!
Friday, July 15, 2005
41 or 46 Samples Contained Cocaine
The toilets in the European Parliament building have traces of cocaine on them. So says German professor Fritz Sörgel. He's done similar studies on public restrooms around Europe. He found 80% of the toilets in the Bundestag in Berlin had cocaine traces, and that 90% in Brussels did. The Parliament's response was to call the testing an "invasion of privacy" and threaten legal action.
The toilets in the European Parliament building have traces of cocaine on them. So says German professor Fritz Sörgel. He's done similar studies on public restrooms around Europe. He found 80% of the toilets in the Bundestag in Berlin had cocaine traces, and that 90% in Brussels did. The Parliament's response was to call the testing an "invasion of privacy" and threaten legal action.
The Revolution Will Not Be Televised...It Will Be Marketed
Step right up, folks, get your Che Guevara T-shirt, your Che herbal tea, and your Che coat from the Burlington Coat Factory. Don't believe me? Just take at look at this!
Step right up, folks, get your Che Guevara T-shirt, your Che herbal tea, and your Che coat from the Burlington Coat Factory. Don't believe me? Just take at look at this!
Friday, July 08, 2005
Mi Segunda Patria
In Latin America they have this concept of the 2nd Homeland. I guess it started with the Spaniards whose homeland was Spain, but their American colony was their segunda patria. Anyway, Mexico is mine. There's something so...uh...Mexican about it. Hard to put into words, but here's one example.
In Latin America they have this concept of the 2nd Homeland. I guess it started with the Spaniards whose homeland was Spain, but their American colony was their segunda patria. Anyway, Mexico is mine. There's something so...uh...Mexican about it. Hard to put into words, but here's one example.
Zach and I went to Chichen Itza on Tuesday. It's a lot different now. This was my 4th time there. They have some of the things fenced off so you can't get on them or touch them. You can still climb El Castillo, but you can't get on that monument to the warriors (whatever it's called). Parts of the Ball Court are off limits too. The first time we went in about '87 you could crawl into places they had opened up back in the woods. That's where I got the rock that I brought home. Part of the Patrimony of Mexico, and I took it, but, hey, I can't find it anymore, so I guess it serves me right.
Of course, it wouldn't be Mexico without some bathroom problem. The bus we took from Progreso to Chichen Itza has a bathroom. It's this little box like thing right by the rear door. You go down the steps to get into it. The catch was that the lock didn't work, so the door swung open if you didn't hold it, and the light inside the little box didn't work. You had to go by feel. I know 'cause I had to use it. Later on this kid, a boy about 10, went to use it. He asked me how you turn on the light and I said you don't. His mom and sister thought it was all very funny. Then I told all of them about peeing in a coke bottle in the back of a bus in Dolores Hidalgo, and throwing it out the window. The two kids were just flabbergasted. I can't describe the look on their faces, but they were just stunned. Their mother thought it was funny. I love Mexico!
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Saturday, June 25, 2005
99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall
Okay, we all know that Leonardo DiCaprio was recently attacked by a woman with a beer bottle. The attack came close to killing him. What we didn't know was that the "party" he was attending during the attack was an orgy. No, I'm not making it up. For as reliable as See and Hear is, somebody probably made it up. But, what if it's true? Giselle Bundchen at an orgy?
Okay, we all know that Leonardo DiCaprio was recently attacked by a woman with a beer bottle. The attack came close to killing him. What we didn't know was that the "party" he was attending during the attack was an orgy. No, I'm not making it up. For as reliable as See and Hear is, somebody probably made it up. But, what if it's true? Giselle Bundchen at an orgy?
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Elation
Going on vacation! On a cruise no less. We'll be stopping in Progreso, Yucatan, Cozumel, Quintana Roo, and Belize. I'll be taking the 14 yr old grandson on a little bus excursion to Chichen Itza. After that I may not be up to doing much else. We leave Sunday and return the following Sunday. Who knows, something really interesting might happen...or not.
Going on vacation! On a cruise no less. We'll be stopping in Progreso, Yucatan, Cozumel, Quintana Roo, and Belize. I'll be taking the 14 yr old grandson on a little bus excursion to Chichen Itza. After that I may not be up to doing much else. We leave Sunday and return the following Sunday. Who knows, something really interesting might happen...or not.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Say It Ain't So
Tom Cruise has asked for Katie Holmes' hand in marriage. Wait a minute! Isn't there an international campaign against pedophiles going on right now?
Mercy me.
Tom Cruise has asked for Katie Holmes' hand in marriage. Wait a minute! Isn't there an international campaign against pedophiles going on right now?
Mercy me.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
I'm Shocked, Shocked...
Here's an example of a master at work. Mark Felt, who was Deep Throat, was twice put in charge of investigations to find out who was Deep Throat. He was so sly that he speculated the leaker probably was in the FBI. This guy had balls! Plus he was really mad. Nixon had passed him over for the head job at the FBI once J. Edgar Hoover quit wearing dresses for good. Don't fuck with a smart bureaucrat, you'll be holding you head in your own hands wondering what happened.
Here's an example of a master at work. Mark Felt, who was Deep Throat, was twice put in charge of investigations to find out who was Deep Throat. He was so sly that he speculated the leaker probably was in the FBI. This guy had balls! Plus he was really mad. Nixon had passed him over for the head job at the FBI once J. Edgar Hoover quit wearing dresses for good. Don't fuck with a smart bureaucrat, you'll be holding you head in your own hands wondering what happened.
Monday, June 13, 2005
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Oh Those Germans!
Ya know, they're always thinking. When the World Cup comes to Germany, the city of Dortmund will have special "sex-garages" for the hookers and customers to use. It helps keep things under control better than just letting the whores roam the streets. How Germanic!
Ya know, they're always thinking. When the World Cup comes to Germany, the city of Dortmund will have special "sex-garages" for the hookers and customers to use. It helps keep things under control better than just letting the whores roam the streets. How Germanic!
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
300 Orgasms per Day
No, it's not me, but I wish it was! Michelle Thompson "suffers" from the disorder called Permanent Sexual Arousal Syndrome (PSAS). Yes, it causes her to have orgasms all day long. Can you get that in a bottle?
No, it's not me, but I wish it was! Michelle Thompson "suffers" from the disorder called Permanent Sexual Arousal Syndrome (PSAS). Yes, it causes her to have orgasms all day long. Can you get that in a bottle?
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Garganta Profunda
Well, finally, we know who Deep Throat was and is. I must say I'm glad I found out. Glad I lived long enough to know. It was just one of those things that always fascinated me. I don't know why exactly, it just did. Now, that leaves just a few questions unanswered: Who Killed Kennedy, Who Really Killed Marilyn Monroe, What Happened at Roswell, Just Who's at Area 51, Where Is Osama bin Laden, Who Was Behind the Assassination of Luis Donaldo Colosio...
Well, finally, we know who Deep Throat was and is. I must say I'm glad I found out. Glad I lived long enough to know. It was just one of those things that always fascinated me. I don't know why exactly, it just did. Now, that leaves just a few questions unanswered: Who Killed Kennedy, Who Really Killed Marilyn Monroe, What Happened at Roswell, Just Who's at Area 51, Where Is Osama bin Laden, Who Was Behind the Assassination of Luis Donaldo Colosio...
Monday, May 30, 2005
Dude, Where's My Ear?
A British mother of two lost her left ear while drying her hair. A couple of months before she had undergone plastic surgery to make her ears not stick out so much. Uh, I think it worked! Now, it won't stick out at all.
A British mother of two lost her left ear while drying her hair. A couple of months before she had undergone plastic surgery to make her ears not stick out so much. Uh, I think it worked! Now, it won't stick out at all.
Friday, May 27, 2005
Yes, It Has Come to That
Wanna be a blogger without having to do any writing. Well, here's the answer - autoblogger. Why bother with all that thinking? Is it him or is it Memorex? Only her hairdresser knows for sure.
Wanna be a blogger without having to do any writing. Well, here's the answer - autoblogger. Why bother with all that thinking? Is it him or is it Memorex? Only her hairdresser knows for sure.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
For God So Loved the World...
Taken from Harper's Weekly Review.
Taken from Harper's Weekly Review.
a man in Holland was being tried on charges that he killed his mother, skinned her, dressed up in her skin, and then went out to direct traffic and recite Bible verses. “He loved her so much,” said his lawyer.
Apocalypse Tomorrow
Not really, but it will probably sound like it. I received the following email from the Business Operations Director:
Not really, but it will probably sound like it. I received the following email from the Business Operations Director:
Please be advised that a 21 gun salute honoring soldiers killed in action will take place on Thursday, May 26, at 11:30 am. We have been advised that the Honor Guard will be utilizing 40 mm cannons on the Capitol Grounds, which will obviously be quite loud. This e-mail is being sent to all State Office staff to eliminate staff calls and concerns regarding the event’s noise.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Um...Do They Make These for Men?
They're called Passion Pants, and they caused a British woman to faint in the supermaket. Yes, they're panties with a built-in vibrating dildo. Oh yeah.
They're called Passion Pants, and they caused a British woman to faint in the supermaket. Yes, they're panties with a built-in vibrating dildo. Oh yeah.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Nearly 80 Horses Given Viagra
What?! They're giving horses Viagra? Yes, some 80 racing horses in Italy were given Viagra to "raise their performance capacity." What are they trying to get them to do? Something unnatural no doubt.
What?! They're giving horses Viagra? Yes, some 80 racing horses in Italy were given Viagra to "raise their performance capacity." What are they trying to get them to do? Something unnatural no doubt.
Dead? What Dead?
The government of Uzbekistan has denied that any civilians were killed in Friday's disturbance. Eyewitnesses say 745 people were massacred by troops. Hmm...who ya gonna believe? A heavy-handed dictatorship or people that were there?
The government of Uzbekistan has denied that any civilians were killed in Friday's disturbance. Eyewitnesses say 745 people were massacred by troops. Hmm...who ya gonna believe? A heavy-handed dictatorship or people that were there?
Monday, May 09, 2005
Dia do Orgasmo
Yes, today is Orgasm Day in Esperantina, Brazil. Hmm...Esperantina, something to do with Hope, I believe.
Yes, today is Orgasm Day in Esperantina, Brazil. Hmm...Esperantina, something to do with Hope, I believe.
Friday, May 06, 2005
Don't Put That in Your Ass, You Don't Know Where It's Been!
Some patients in Den Haag underwent some procedures with "dirty endoscopes." That means the garden-hose-like thing that the doctors shoved up their asses weren't disinfected. So, now they're all having to be checked for Hepatitis C, Aids, etc. When did you have your last colonoscopy? Well, that's too long.
Some patients in Den Haag underwent some procedures with "dirty endoscopes." That means the garden-hose-like thing that the doctors shoved up their asses weren't disinfected. So, now they're all having to be checked for Hepatitis C, Aids, etc. When did you have your last colonoscopy? Well, that's too long.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Sounds Like He's Talking about Us
Gunter Grass, the so-called "Conscience of Germany", has a strong criticism of capitalism and its effect on democracy. He's talking about Germany, but it applies to the United States as well.
Gunter Grass, the so-called "Conscience of Germany", has a strong criticism of capitalism and its effect on democracy. He's talking about Germany, but it applies to the United States as well.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Hey, Fella, You Need a Tow?
A Polish man's car was stopped on the Autobahn in Germany, when a German driver asked him if he needed a tow. He answered "yes" but shouldn't have. The German connected the two cars, and proceeded to pull the Polish guy's car at the speed of 160 kph. That would be about 99 miles an hour. They were supposed to stop at the next exit, but they just kept going and going. When the German finally stopped, the Polish guy's car was a total wreck. It only needed some coolant in the first place. Beware of Germans bearing gifts.
A Polish man's car was stopped on the Autobahn in Germany, when a German driver asked him if he needed a tow. He answered "yes" but shouldn't have. The German connected the two cars, and proceeded to pull the Polish guy's car at the speed of 160 kph. That would be about 99 miles an hour. They were supposed to stop at the next exit, but they just kept going and going. When the German finally stopped, the Polish guy's car was a total wreck. It only needed some coolant in the first place. Beware of Germans bearing gifts.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Bin Laden Bin Dyin'
A website close to Al-Qaeda reports that Osama Bin Laden is dead. Of course, it couldn't be confirmed. By the way, who would confirm it anyway? Likewise, it wasn't reported when he died.
A website close to Al-Qaeda reports that Osama Bin Laden is dead. Of course, it couldn't be confirmed. By the way, who would confirm it anyway? Likewise, it wasn't reported when he died.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Ve Haf Vayz to Get Yur Money
Several cities in Germany have introduced a new sex tax. Bars, clubs, etc that employ "sex workers" must now pay a tax. Some cities base the tax on square meters the businesses occupy, and some just tax the sex workers. How would that work in the U.S.? Hmmm...we'd have to legalize prostitution first...
Several cities in Germany have introduced a new sex tax. Bars, clubs, etc that employ "sex workers" must now pay a tax. Some cities base the tax on square meters the businesses occupy, and some just tax the sex workers. How would that work in the U.S.? Hmmm...we'd have to legalize prostitution first...
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Mohammed's Radio
The Taliban is back on the air. Don't it make you wanna rock 'n roll? All night long, Mohammed's Radio.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Don't You Know Her Mother's Proud?
Victoria Silvstedt who is some kind of model/celebrity says that she had sex on a jetski. But did they have on life jackets? Wouldn't be very safe sex in that case, now would it?
Victoria Silvstedt who is some kind of model/celebrity says that she had sex on a jetski. But did they have on life jackets? Wouldn't be very safe sex in that case, now would it?
Tu Tambien Puedes Ser Director de Porno
Yes, you can be a director of you own porn film. Just enter the contest at sexovoyeur.cl, and maybe your name will be drawn.
Yes, you can be a director of you own porn film. Just enter the contest at sexovoyeur.cl, and maybe your name will be drawn.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
The Pot and The Kettle Both Look Black to Me
Pamela Anderson has called Jennifer Lopez and idiot. 'Nuff said.
Pamela Anderson has called Jennifer Lopez and idiot. 'Nuff said.
Friday, April 15, 2005
You Live in Paradise! Stop Looking!
The luxurious Peoples' Republic of Korea (North Korea) has now banned the usage of Korean words used in South Korea. They've also banned videotapes of South Korean soap operas, and other media. It's against the law to dress in the fashion of South Koreans. "You have nothing to eat? Stop whining, you live in a Workers' Paradise."
The luxurious Peoples' Republic of Korea (North Korea) has now banned the usage of Korean words used in South Korea. They've also banned videotapes of South Korean soap operas, and other media. It's against the law to dress in the fashion of South Koreans. "You have nothing to eat? Stop whining, you live in a Workers' Paradise."
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
JP2 Avenue
The street in Warsaw named after the recently deceased Pope, JP2, has an unseemly little shop on it. It was there before he became Pope? No, I don't think so.
Friday, April 08, 2005
All Three Down and One to Go
So, now it's all over for Terri, John Paul, and Ranier. But, that's not all! Hey, there's a new one coming on, and it's in Monaco too! It's Prince Ernest of Hannover this time. He appears to be the most fun of them all. He has a liking for strong drink, and is noted for his escapades. Long live Ernest of Hannover!
So, now it's all over for Terri, John Paul, and Ranier. But, that's not all! Hey, there's a new one coming on, and it's in Monaco too! It's Prince Ernest of Hannover this time. He appears to be the most fun of them all. He has a liking for strong drink, and is noted for his escapades. Long live Ernest of Hannover!
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Whoa! We Got Nuthin' on the Chinese!
I thought we Texans sorta set the pace on executions, but according to the latest Amnesty International report, the Chinese make us look like a bunch of wimps. This is embarrassing!
I thought we Texans sorta set the pace on executions, but according to the latest Amnesty International report, the Chinese make us look like a bunch of wimps. This is embarrassing!
The FDA has re-approved silicone breast implants after having banned them over 10 years ago. But, my question is: Is the photo on the bottom supposed to be an improvement? It looks like someone tied to overinflated balloons to that woman's chest. Puh-leez!
Update February 25, 2007
Hi Friends. If you like what you see, check out my more recent post.
Monday, April 04, 2005
I Know, This Is Wrong...
But, did something happen to Santa Claus? This guy is the Pope, for God's sake! Why dress him up like a dead Saint Nick?
Two Down, One to Go?
Okay, so we're down to the Prince, and that's not the artist formerly named that, who has since reverted to being Prince. Death Watch 2005 continues...
Okay, so we're down to the Prince, and that's not the artist formerly named that, who has since reverted to being Prince. Death Watch 2005 continues...
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Yo, Neo-Con Luv
Yeah, here's a big shout out to my Mohomies, y'all. C'mon giv it up 4 da Neo-Con Luv. Yo, yo, y'all.
Yeah, here's a big shout out to my Mohomies, y'all. C'mon giv it up 4 da Neo-Con Luv. Yo, yo, y'all.
Friday, April 01, 2005
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
What's So Bad About That?
Ten U.S. soldiers have been punished for mud wrestling at a military prison. I think that's a lot better that putting bags on naked prisoners' heads, and making them jack off. C'mon.
Ten U.S. soldiers have been punished for mud wrestling at a military prison. I think that's a lot better that putting bags on naked prisoners' heads, and making them jack off. C'mon.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Man, He Gets Around!
The Reverend Jessie Jackson has been praying most anywhere there's a camera lately. He's starting to act like Billy Graham. He's been praying with Michael Jackson and offering him spiritual guidance. He's praying with Terri Schiavo's parents. Let's see, what's going to be the next big news story...will he be there too?
The Reverend Jessie Jackson has been praying most anywhere there's a camera lately. He's starting to act like Billy Graham. He's been praying with Michael Jackson and offering him spiritual guidance. He's praying with Terri Schiavo's parents. Let's see, what's going to be the next big news story...will he be there too?
Sunday, March 27, 2005
I Think They Call That Preventative Detention
Ruben Dario Ovejedo has been in prison for two years in Argentina convicted of killing Pedro Roldan in 2003. It was well known that the two men had had problems with each other, and that Ovejedo had threatened Mr. Roldan. A dead body turned up in the town of Tucuman where they both lived, and it was identified as Mr. Roldan. Only, it wasn't Mr. Roldan. He's still alive. Mr. Ovejedo's family recently found out, and made Mr. Roldan report to the justice authorities. So, what's this guy been doing all that time? And his family didn't know? Something's fishy here.
Ruben Dario Ovejedo has been in prison for two years in Argentina convicted of killing Pedro Roldan in 2003. It was well known that the two men had had problems with each other, and that Ovejedo had threatened Mr. Roldan. A dead body turned up in the town of Tucuman where they both lived, and it was identified as Mr. Roldan. Only, it wasn't Mr. Roldan. He's still alive. Mr. Ovejedo's family recently found out, and made Mr. Roldan report to the justice authorities. So, what's this guy been doing all that time? And his family didn't know? Something's fishy here.
You Gotta Be Kidding!
The Bishop of Salisbury, David Stancliffe, says that Prince Charles must "repair his offences" with Camilla's ex-husband. He has to apologize to Andrew Parker Bowles before he can marry Camilla. Those Brits has some style don't they? Even though it doesn't show in the Royalty.
The Bishop of Salisbury, David Stancliffe, says that Prince Charles must "repair his offences" with Camilla's ex-husband. He has to apologize to Andrew Parker Bowles before he can marry Camilla. Those Brits has some style don't they? Even though it doesn't show in the Royalty.
Not a Good Comparison
Michael Jackson says he's the victim of a conspiracy much like Nelson Mandela. Uh, Michael, now let's not get carried away. The only way your name and Nelson's belong in the same sentence is to show just how irrelevant you are. Not even a close comparison! What a schmuck.
Michael Jackson says he's the victim of a conspiracy much like Nelson Mandela. Uh, Michael, now let's not get carried away. The only way your name and Nelson's belong in the same sentence is to show just how irrelevant you are. Not even a close comparison! What a schmuck.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Billy Idol or Is That Idle?
It happens to the best of us, and it happened to Billy Idol too. He started growing gray pubic hair. So, he took the bull by the horns (so to speak) and shaved them off! He must not have a lot to do lately. Hey, it's tough getting publicity when you're a no talent has-been.
It happens to the best of us, and it happened to Billy Idol too. He started growing gray pubic hair. So, he took the bull by the horns (so to speak) and shaved them off! He must not have a lot to do lately. Hey, it's tough getting publicity when you're a no talent has-been.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
At Least They're Not Having Sex
Studies from the Abstinence Clearinghouse show that teens who take the abstinence pledge not to have sex before marriage are more likely to try anal and oral sex than those who don't. Hmmm...what does that mean? That's kinda like saying you're a vegetarian, but that you eat chicken.
Studies from the Abstinence Clearinghouse show that teens who take the abstinence pledge not to have sex before marriage are more likely to try anal and oral sex than those who don't. Hmmm...what does that mean? That's kinda like saying you're a vegetarian, but that you eat chicken.
Monday, March 21, 2005
What Does That Say About Family?
De Telegraaf reports that pets are more loved (or at least loved as much) as family and friends by almost one third of pet owners. Surprising? Not really.
De Telegraaf reports that pets are more loved (or at least loved as much) as family and friends by almost one third of pet owners. Surprising? Not really.
Sunday, March 20, 2005
One in Three Americans Are Chronically Overworked
One third of all American's are overworked. That's sad to hear, but let me tell ya, I'm a member of the other 2/3. But, hey, it ain't easy!
One third of all American's are overworked. That's sad to hear, but let me tell ya, I'm a member of the other 2/3. But, hey, it ain't easy!
Friday, March 18, 2005
A Product in Demand
A student in Brazil was arrested recently for selling drugs. Uh, Viagra that is. Yes, he was set up in business with 7000 boxes of the stuff. Seems a shipment was stolen last August. Did he keep any for personal use?
A student in Brazil was arrested recently for selling drugs. Uh, Viagra that is. Yes, he was set up in business with 7000 boxes of the stuff. Seems a shipment was stolen last August. Did he keep any for personal use?
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Ultima Cena
An idea whose time has come. Well, not to "Old Europe", but at least to my blog. Italy, France and Spain have banned its public display. Hey, y'all! We're the religious fanatics! Quit crowding us out.
Nearly & Almost Just Don't Count
Sorry, President Musharraf, but almost catching Bin Laden ten months ago is just as good as almost winning the lottery. Nuthin'! Gimme a break, what are you after, more military aid? Isn't having the A bomb enough? And what about that guy of yours, Mr. Khan, that got off with no penalty for selling nuclear technology? With friends like y'all, we'll be dead soon.
Sorry, President Musharraf, but almost catching Bin Laden ten months ago is just as good as almost winning the lottery. Nuthin'! Gimme a break, what are you after, more military aid? Isn't having the A bomb enough? And what about that guy of yours, Mr. Khan, that got off with no penalty for selling nuclear technology? With friends like y'all, we'll be dead soon.
Like a Breath of Fresh Air
A new product is on the market. It's a little hard to describe, so just click on the link, and breathe a little easier.
A new product is on the market. It's a little hard to describe, so just click on the link, and breathe a little easier.
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