You Call That Mourning?

The Governor of Texas has declared Friday a Day of Mourning, except that State Agencies will stay open with a skeleton staff. No, we don't dig up bodies at the graveyard, we have just a minimum number of staff working that day. But, I tell ya, I just can't believe that they are going to disrespect that great man, Ronnie Raygun, and just give him a skeleton day of mourning! I mean they gave Nixon the full thing! C'mon is that really mourning? NO! We're saying to dear ol' Ronnie, "Well, we really wanted to honor you, but, ya see there's these other obligations we have. Yeah, Dick got a whole day of mourning. But, I'm sure you'll understand (like he could understand anything with Alzheimer's), Ron, that just like you we're conservatives. We want the business of business to flow uninterrupted. Just think of it like when you so courageously fired the air traffic controllers, it didn't stop everything completely, it just slowed it down a little. Well, this is kind of like that. We want to honor you, make no mistake, but like you show business types always say, 'The Show Must Go On!' So, hey, you"re getting a skeleton day of mourning, Bob Hope didn't get that much!"