A Gift for My Friends

You know who you are ;-) I have recently become popular in places where you can't see this stuff legally. As salaam aleykum.

Time for a Tune-Up

Vladimir Lenin will take a two month vacation soon and leave his place of business for some rest and relaxation. He will leave his mausoleum on February 18 and stay gone until April 15. Officials in Russia say that he needs "some work" (as in "having work done") to restore his looks. The methods used in his preservation remain one of the world's best kept secrets. If they would let the secret out, they could make some major money from some of Hollywood's brightest and dullest lights. I can think of a few that could really use it - think plastic surgery gone wrong.

By the way, what do you think he has in his right hand?

Which Is Worse?

Heating up fish in the office microwave, or burning popcorn in it?

WTF Do I Know?

Boy, my football ESP has taken a nosedive. Not only did the Giants win, but the game came down to the last few seconds.

1200 Calories in Snacks per Viewer

According to a study by the Council for the Control of Calories and the Snack Food Association of the US the average Super Bowl viewer will consume 1200 calories of snacks and hors d'ouvers during the game. That doesn't count the "regular food" that we'll eat, like pizza, hot dogs, hamburgers and God knows what else. No, the 1200 calories comes just from the chips and dips, pretzels, nuts a so forth. Hey, I'll do my part! I wonder if people eat more or less when the game gets close.

So many Super Bowls have turned into duds after the first quarter that I imagine lots of folks just head for the bar to get a few more beers. By the second half I've seen all the good new commercials, so unless we still have a close game, I go do something else. Funny that the biggest sports day of the year has become a debut night for the latest Madison Avenue productions. Yep, Capitalist Realism makes for more compelling TV viewing than the game itself. ¡Love Live the USA!

Rest in Peace: Alan Henning

Some things have such profound impact when they happen that you remember exactly where you were when you found out. You know what I mean: JFK Assassination, George Wallace Assassination Attempt, Ronald Reagan Assassination Attempt, John Lennon murder, 9/11, etc.

Well, I remember exactly where I was when I found out that Alan Henning had died. Yes, it is sad news indeed. I heard early this morning from Suzanne Kimmel that Alan had died. Needless to say, I felt like someone had punched me in the belly. It knocked the breath right out of me, and I thought I might faint

What a great guy! In his youth he left a swath of broken hearts all across North Texas, and I know tonight that those hearts have broken again.

Farewell dear Alan. Gone but never forgotten!

Example of Catholicism?

The Bishop of Tenerife (Canary Islands), Bernardo Alvarez, says that some minor victims of sexual abuse actually desire it , and provoke it. He actually said, "There could be minors who consent to it (abuse), and, in fact, there are. There are adolescents 13 years of age who are minors and are perfectly agreeable to it, and, even more than that, want it. If you're not careful they'll even provoke it."

What?! This comes from a bishop of the Catholic church after all the abuse scandals. Do these old white-haired white-skinned men ever learn? Why would anyone, anywhere ever listen to these perverts?

No Juegue con Srta. Texas

No Shit. Really?

A study conducted at the Federal University of Rio de Janeiro proves that an excess of coffee causes panic attacks in those people with panic disorders. Duh!

Isn't That Touching?

I guess it can happen to anyone - vegetarianism that is. Armin Meiwes has become a vegetarian. You remember him...he's the guy that got convicted of murder and cannibalism in Germany. He advertised on the web for someone to kill and eat, and he got a response! Willing victim. Sorta like beef is to the rest of us, but probably not willing.

He has reformed so much that he has become the Green Party representative in the prison. They say he speaks and writes well, so he has gained a leadership position in the party. Political parties in prison? What? Only in Germany!

Photo: AFP

Mannequin Love

It's a fact and the South Dakota Supreme Court says it's okay. Well, as long as you keep it behind closed doors. Get a load of this guy's name - Michael James Plenty Horse. Shit, no wonder he's fuckin' a mannequin! Who else would hold still for him?

Man on a Roof

Austin has a sniper on the roof of a building. From the Austin American-Statesman web site:

Austin police are on the scene of a downtown building where they say an armed man is on the roof of a building near the 400 block of West 14th Street. Police have sealed off several blocks around the building; a parent at a nearby preschool said the school has been closed and evacuated.

Offices with windows (not a computer program) have closed all their blinds.

Dennis Kucinich Says Bush Nuts

Yep, Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich says that Bush displays mental instability. Kucinich says that Bush doesn't realize that his words have consequences. He throws around statements about the Third World War and such. Of course, I thought Bush had mental problems long ago. But, the real question: What about all those American that voted for this Bozo not once but twice?! By the way, I've made more than one donation to the Kucinich campaign. Looks like I'll have to make some more. The photo courtesy of AP.

T-Ball Hero

If you've never had the pleasure to watch a T-Ball game, you should do it soon. Little kids (2, 3 or 4 years old) play T-Ball, a version of baseball, with great glee. They don't seem to care what happens, the just play. Since they haven't developed a very long attention span yet, they will become engrossed in kicking up dirt on the infield and let a ground ball just roll on by. Or, even better, they'll just watch it as it rolls right past their legs.

Sometimes the batter will take off after his own hit or will run to second base instead of first. Good way to hit a double! In football you'll see gang tackling, well, in T-Ball you'll see gang fielding. A batter may hit the ball right up the middle and the entire team will take off after it. Then, when the finally corral the ball, they don't have anyone at first base to throw it to. They don't seem to care though, the just look like they enjoy it completely. I know I sure did!

Treinta Años sin Ducha

Sí es la verdad, una mujer que reside en Singapur no ha tomado un baño o ducha desde hace 30 años. Tampoco ha lavado los dientes. Se dice que vive en un apartamento con su hermano, pero, ¿cómo es que el hermano puede aguantar tal cosa? Y no es todo. Ella lleva su ropa por un mes entero y luego la tira en la basura. No la lava, sino compra ropa nueva. ¡Qué extraño!

What a Recovery!

I've often felt like throwing up while watching TV, but it's rare to see a performer do it. I don't know what she says after hurling, but she sounds pretty smooth.

I Am Not Gay

That make three of us. I figured I should speak up on the subject since so many others have too. Two Senators felt the need to divulge that kind personal information. So, why shouldn't I? Larry Craig, Hillary Clinton, and me - heterosexuals.

Now That's What I'm Talkin' 'Bout!

You too can stop alien abductions. Just get a thought screen helmet! You can't buy one, you have to actually make it yourself. But, don't worry, you can get the materials easily. And it does not have even one bit of aluminum foil! No shit, it really works.

That Ain't No Meteorite, That's a Spy Satellite!

I read a few days ago about a meteor that crashed in Peru, but that it also made the local people very sick. Then, a day or two later I read that "scientists" say the meteorite wasn't the cause of the illness. Now, Pravda.ru has sort of confirmed it all. They say it was an American spy satellite with radioactive materials on it. Somehow, it was spying on Iran, but had to be brought down when something went wrong. The loss of the satellite has really put a crimp in Bush's plan to attack Iran. Who ya gonna believe?

How I Broke My Leg

Hey, it wasn't easy! I had to go to some great lengths to do it. Try jumping out of a plane for one. Yeah, it costs a lot to do that.