Taxable Income

Danish authorities have decided that the money "earned" by being a sperm donor is taxable. First of all, I didn't know they paid people to jack off, and secondly where do I sign up? No, wait, I can't sign up, I've had a vasectomy. Damn, all that time and I could have been getting paid!

In Denmark sperm banks pay "customers" for their donations. The government has now decided that such income is taxable. Sperm banks fear that reporting the income will prevent donors from remaining anonymous, and will cause them to stop donating. Ole Schou, director of one of the world's largest sperm banks, says, "it is certainly a shame and frustrating, when we have one of the world's best funcioning corps of donors." Oh, those Danes!

But, how about this donor with his own website - picture and all. Do you think he's paying taxes? And, what about that fresh home insemination procedure?

Denmark: The Land of Lowered Expectations

Or should that be The Happiest Country on Earth? According to researchers Danes report being the most satisfied with their lives, and the happiest of people. They have some of the worst weather and least enjoyable food on earth. The Swedes have more beautiful blondes, the French and Italians have much better food, so what makes the Danes so damned happy? The researchers think they know why. The Danes have lower expectations than most of us. When your expectations are low, you're always pleasantly surprised when anything better happens. So, just lower your expectations, and be happy...don't worry.

Come to think of it that's the genius of George W. Bush. We all have such low expectations of him that we're surprised when anything goes right.

$20,000 per Alien

The Texas Border Watch pilot project has come to an end. The new legislative session, which began this week, will take up the question of permanent funding. According to an article by the Associated Press the project resulted in the arrest of 10, count 'em, 10 illegal immigrants.

In case you don't know, our governor Rick Perry had 12 webcams installed on the Texas-Mexico border so that regular Texans (and anyone else) could monitor the comings and goings of persons trying to illegally enter Texas. The project had a price tag of $200,000 to get started, and resulted in the apprehension of 10 would be illegals during a month long pilot program. Yeah, that comes out to $20,000 per illegal. I'll bet the illegals would have taken a payment of $20k not to even try to enter Texas.

There Is Something in the Air

And it ain't just cedar pollen! I discovered last year that I have a strong allergy to mountain cedar pollen which has played a big part in my sinus struggles for the past year. Cedar season runs until about the end of this month. I started taking antihistamines about the first of December and (knock on wood) so far I'm handling it okay.

But that's not the real point. Today the main street in downtown Austin, Congress Ave., is closed because dozens of dead birds were littering the street. Authorities feared that the problem is due to some toxic gas or toxic something, so they closed Congress Ave from Caesar Chavez street (1st street) to 11th street and from Brazos to Colorado. That's a huge chunk of downtown.

However, in spite of radio messages to the contrary, the Capitol Complex is not closed. So, me and my co-workers are here fearlessly carrying on the business of the State of Texas. Yeah, right! The co-workers that have gone outside to look around assure us that there are no birds to be seen. Hmmm...

Better Living thru Chemistry

The Brave New World has definitely arrived. We have achieved the much sought after aphrodisiac that ourforebears spent millenia trying to find. Viagra, Cialis, Levitra...they're all here. Now, after much searching, a German pharmaceutical company, Boehringer, has stumbled across a drug that increases sexual desire in females. The drug in question flopped as an antidepressant, but hmm... it had a most desireable (pun intended) effect. In fact, many have called it the "Viagra for women." That wouldn't be exactly accurate since Viagra makes it possible for an otherwise impotent male to perform sexually. Evidently they feel no need to increase sexual desire in males.

However, that's about all that would be lacking for women. I mean they don't really have to uh...perform somuch as they have to want to. Okay, maybe that's not absolutely true, but it's pretty accurate in the general sense. The name of this new wonder drug is Flibanserin. I think they need to find a better name for it. How about Libidia?

No Wonder They Were Yelling "Muqtada"

It turns out that the cell phone video we all got to see of Saddam's hanging was definitely unofficial. Outsiders from Muqtada Al-Sadr's militia "infiltrated" into the proceedings and hung Saddam themselves. That fits perfectly with this fucked up misadventure we got ourselves into. Not only can our puppet the Iraqi government not govern anything outside of the Green Zone in Baghdad, but they can't even control it! The fact that outsiders could get to Saddam and hang him without our knowing any better just symbolizes the entire effort there.

Muqtada Al-Sadr runs a militia we call the Mahdi Army. Saddam executed his father who was the Grand Ayatollah Mohammad Mohammad Sadeq al-Sadr. Muqtada lived in exile until we overthrew Saddam. He came home after that and has managed to be a major pain in our ass ever since. He and his militia fought us in Najaf and several other places. Now it turns out they executed Saddam righ under our noses. It just makes you wonder what other fuck ups have happened that they didn't tell us about.

Judgment at Baghdad? I Don't Think So.

One of the best films of all time (at least in my opinion) is Judgment at Nuremberg. It tells the story of the war crimes trials of Nazi leaders after the end of WWII. The movie stars Spencer Tracey, Burt Lancaster, Judy Garland, Maximiliam Schell, Richard Widmark, Montgomery Clift, Marlene Dietrich, and even more. Anyway, it tells of the nobility of men as well as their depravity. It manages to do that rather even-handedly. It shows the nobility of the German defense lawyer, and the depravity of the accused. It shows how sitting in judgment by the victor after a war is tricky business.

Could someone make an equivalent film about the trials of Baathist Party leaders in Iraq? No, I don't think so. The trials had the same characteristics of a Stalin show trial. The defense had only token opportunity to work on behalf of the defendants. The first judge withdrew because he didn't want to be a part of a kangaroo court. One of the defense lawyers died at the hands of assassins, while all of their family members were threatened. This trial in which Saddam was sentenced to death had all the predictability of a farce. If a film director tried to make such a film it would result in a sleazy B film.

We Americans try to hold ourselves to a high standard in behavior, but we don't measure up any better than our enemies. Sadly, we seem to behave just as poorly when all is said and done. Do I believe that Saddam committed crimes against humanity? Yes, I do. Should he have been removed from his position and put to death? Yes, I agree. But did either one of those two things take place as it should have? No, most definitely not.

We removed him from power under the guise of protecting the world, while we really just wanted to dominate the Middle East and make the world safe for ExxonMobils. We rounded Saddam up and put him on trial by a bunch of our puppets. Was it just coincidence or irony that his death sentence came down just a few days before the November 7 election?

The UN Working Group on Arbitraty Detention concluded:

Even prior to the conclusion of the trial, the U.N. Working Group on Arbitrary Detention, in its Opinion 31/2006 dated 1 September 2006[2]: (a) has held that the detention is arbitrary within Category III of the Working Group’s categories (failure to provide a fair trial) [see para. 27]; and (b) has called upon the governments of Iraq and the USA to remedy the situation by providing a fair trial. [see para 28]

We can and should do better than this. What an unsophisticated way to go about it! God help the war criminals that brought all this about. If there be any justice in this universe, they're time will come.

Death Watch: Saddam Hussein

According to my calculations, the Iraqi government will hang Saddam Hussein within the next half hour. Several newspapers say on their web pages that the execution will take place between 5:30 and 6:00 a.m. December 30, Baghdad time. That means between 8:30 and 9:00 p.m. central standard time. Only time will tell. Anyway, when this brutal, vicious, motherfucking dictator gets killed, we'll just have Fidel to watch...unless someone else pulls a Turkmenbashi and dies unexpectedly.

I'm not a supporter of the Iraq war, but I have to acknowledge that the world will be better off without Saddam Hussein. Go to hell, Saddam!

Castro Wins!

According to the Nuevo Herald in Miami, American and Iraqi authorities have agreed to hold Saddam's execution tomorrow before 6 a.m. The Associated Press' source is a high-level Iraqi official who requested anonymity, because he does not have authorization to speak to the press. The source says that American forces will turn Saddam over to the Iraqis shortly before his execution.

Okay, so it looks like Castro will win the "stayin' alive" battle against Saddam. He's outlasted Pinochet, Somoza, Stroessner, and God only knows who else.

I Must Not Know How to Yawn

According to Piero Salzarulo, a professor of psychology in Florence, Italy, a yawn "gives a sense of well-being comparable to an orgasm." Even more, on a pleasure scale of 1 to 10 a yawn rates an 8.5 according to a study done by Robert Provine, professor of psychology, at the University of Maryland. Well, that leads me to only one conclusion: I don't know how to yawn. I mean, if yawning is comparable to an orgasm, I would be doing it all the time! However, the faces of people yawning and having an orgasm sure do look similar.

Santas of the World Unite!

You have nothing to lose but your...chains? Yep, that's right. In Italy a new group has sprung up called the "Movimento di liberazione dei Babbi Natale da terrazzo" (Movement for the Liberation of Santa Clauses from Terraces). Many people attach Santas to their terraces or to their balconies during the Christmas season. They appear to be climbing a fence or climbing a wall. However, lately many of the have gone missing, replaced with a letter from the MlBNt saying that they have "liberated" the Santas into the forest where they are happy.

By the way, the "Movimento autonomo per la liberazione delle anime da giardino" (Autonomous Movement for the Liberation of Garden Gnomes) has denied any responsibility. They say that they work only for the liberation of garden gnomes and to work for other beings would just be a distraction.

Well, It's Not Like...Uh...Surprising

News flash - The Iraqi Supreme Court has ruled that Saddam Hussein's death sentence remains valid, and that he must hang within the next 30 days. This guy didn't have a chance from the day he got captured. I mean, c'mon, did you really think a puppet government under the direction of the U.S. would acquit him? By an almost unbelievable coincidence his death sentence came down just before the 2006 elections in the U.S. But, even that couldn't help Bush and company. Maybe they'll try to kill him before the start of 2007.

Okay, let's predict. Who will die first, Fidel Castro or Saddam Hussein? In spite of it all, it's lookin' like Saddam might go first. Who would have thought it?

Spanish Doctor Says No Cancer for Fidel

Last week the Cuban government requested that José Luis Garcia Sabrido, a physician in Spain, come to Cuba to take a look at Fidel. The good doctor has returned and says that Fidel doesn't have cancer as the CIA reported. In fact, John Negroponte said that the CIA had intelligence to show that Fidel would die before Christmas. Maybe he meant Christmas next year. Evidently, old the old bastard continues to live.

Don't you know that his continuing to live just pisses George W. off? Hell, Castro might resume his duties and be in office longer than George. Whoa!

Dead or Not Dead?

Coalition forces in Afghanistan have announced that they killed Mullah Osmani, allegedly one of the top commanders of the Taliban, on Tuesday in the area near the Afghanistan-Pakistan border. Almost immediately the Taliban denied that the Coalition had done any such thing. If this guy really died, and if he really held a high post in the Taliban, how come I never heard of him before? Granted, I don't know everything about Afghanistan, but I do read vast (and I mean vast) amounts of world news every day.

It seems like every week or so the other Coalition forces (the ones in Iraq) announce that they have killed the leader of Al-Qaeda in Iraq. That poor guy just keeps dying over and over, kind of like Cartman on South Park. Well, maybe this Mullah Osmani fellow is like Kenny, he keeps getting killed every few days.

Less Than Two Days to Live

According to the CIA estimate, Fidel Castro suffers from an aggressive cancer that will take his life "before Christmas." Well, for the CIA to be right (not that they have ever gotten much right about Fidel), it means he has less than two days left to live. I suppose he knows that and will do whatever it takes to prove them wrong. I guessed in a previous post that the CIA had engaged in wishful thinking, and it looks more and more that way.

So far anyway, he has remained alive and kicking, figuratively speaking. He still takes Hugo Chavez' calls, so he must have held off death for a little while.

I look forward to seeing what the supporters and detractors will have to say when he finally kicks the bucket. The posts after Pinochet died showed a wide variety of feelings about him from Chileans. I expect no less from the Cubans - in exile or not.

Turkmenbashi Dead

Another brutal, vicious dictator is dead. No, it's still not Castro. This deserving dictator is Sapamurat Niyazov. He's the narcissist that has had Turkmenistan under his thumb for years after he named himself President for Life. In the arrogant and self-centered world of dictators, Niyazov had a special place. He changed the names of the months and days of the week to have his name or his mother's name as part of it. Canals, cities, airports, vodka, even aftershave bore the name he gave himself - Turkmenbashi, which means Father of All Turkmen.

This guy beats the Dear Leader in naming things after himself. Of course, I don't know if Turkmenbashi could have made 18 holes-in-one the very first time he played golf like Kim Jong Il did. Niyazov makes one more dictator that we're better off without.

We Are Winning this War

That depends which side you're on. And I'm not talking about Iraq or Afghanistan or Terrorism. No, I'm talking about the War on Drugs. A new report by John Gettman shows that marijuana is the largest cash crop in the U.S.A. Yep, brings in more money than wheat, corn, soy, etc. We produce 10K tons of marijuana per year that has a value of $35.8 billion...that's with a "b" not with an "m".

Of course, if we stopped the "War" the value would probably drop to less than one-third of that. Oh well, we gotta keep Wall Street in business.

I Would Like to Thank All the Little People

Thank you so much, Time Magazine, for naming me Person of the Year for 2006. You don't know how much this means to me. I want to thank my wife, my daughters, my parents, all of the people that stood by me during those long years...

Town in Sweden Wants to Change Name

A town in Sweden, Fjuckby, wants to change its name. They want a new name because the name closely resembles that infamous English word "fuck." But wait there's more! The Swedish word "juck" means very much the same thing, so they have a double dose. Now, the word "by" means town, so I don't blame them, I mean how would you like to live in Fucktown? Well, okay, some of you would like it, but the good folks in Fjuckby don't.

Flanders Declares Independence from Belgium

In the northern part of Belgium, Flanders, folks speak Dutch which they call Flemish. Confusing? It gets worse. They have long had an open conflict with the Walloons of southern Belgium. The Walloons speak French. Okay, so we have Walloons fighting the Flemish who really are French and Dutch. Well, not exactly. Anyway, that's a simplification of it.

This week Belgian TV ran a "mockumentary" saying that Flanders had become independent. They had real politicians and real journalists reporting like it had really happened - a lot like "War of the Worlds" by Orson Welles. Cool! That would be like a TV show reporting that Florida had declared independence, because it has a Hispanic majority in the southern part of the state. Or, that South Louisiana had declared independence to form the New Acadian Republic.