Imagine That!

A "politician" in Belgium has promised to give oral sex to anyone who votes for her. Finally, a political platform that has some public support! Her name is Tania Dervaux and she's a candidate for the Senate from the Nee party in Antwerp. Of course, like any politician the compaign promise comes with some qualifications. If you are a married voter or you are just timid, you have to get your "pay-off" in Second Life. Well, that's a lot less than promised!

Mugger Geese Take Man's Cell Phone

Yes, a poor young student of jurisprudence fell prey to a gang of geese. Just walking along minding his own business, and sudddenly the geese attacked! They kept pecking at his cell phone until he had to let it go. Then, one of the perpetrators grabbed the phone and fled with it. He has called his phone several times since the incident, but he gets no answer. The geese probably have the caller ID turned on, and know not to answer.

A Breakthrough? Electronic Cigarettes

I suppose someone had to do it. But, why? A Chinese company, Ruyan, has invented an electronic cigarette. It's a little cartridge with nicotine in it that you suck on like a cigarette. You don't inhale smoke, just air and nicotine. When you exhale, it's comes out as smoke that the company claims is harmless (yeah, right!). You can buy these if you live in China, Israel, Turkey, Australia and some European countries. The company says they will target the United States next.

Workers' Compensation

People injured on the job have the recourse of applying for workers' compensation. Here in the US we have lots of negative ideas about just what deserves compensation. Many people believe that anyone receiving workers' compensation just doesn't want to work and prefers to malinger.

I don't know how the folks in Belgium feel, but I know that a professional beer taster has won his court case against his employer, Inbev. The poor fellow became an alcoholic while doing his work. The company tried to get out of paying, but a court in Belgium ruled that the company must pay the former employee €35,000. That come out to probably $50,000 or so.

So, we have the case of a man who really, really enjoyed his work so much that... he did it too well. Now, surely Americans could sympathize with that.

Say It Ain't So, Sascha

Oh no, it turns out that Sascha Baron Cohen will not play Freddie Mercury in a movie about Queen. All the various managers and producers of various things say, "drivel." A few days ago I reported that Borat would play Freddie Mercury, because I saw a story saying that in Aftonbladet. Well, whoever thought it up had a good idea, I think. Who knows maybe they'll do it after all. Please, Borat, please!

I'll Say!

Cypriot troops have banned the use of the sex toy made in Britian named the Love Bug 2. They say that it puts out "waves" that interfere with their radio communications. What the hell do they use for radio? Not very secure if you ask me. Or, could the sexual energy produce radio waves?

He Will, He Will Rock You

Borat will. Sascha Baron Cohen will play Freddie Mercury in a new file about Queen. Check the link, they even look the same.

Skepticism Well Placed

Well, it turns out that no one really knows who lies dead in the coffin. The Iraqi government said that some tribal fighters killed Abu Ayub al Masri. Then the Interior Ministry said they had the body of some other guy named al Baghdadi, the alleged spiritual leader of Al Qaeda in Iraq. Now, the US announces they have killed Al Qaeda's "Information Minister" named al Juburi. One body makes three al Qaeda members. Sounds just like some of the accounting that went on at Enron.

Man Close to Bin Laden in Guantanamo

We've caught so many number threes of Al-Qaida, it's a wonder anyone takes the number three job anymore. The latest "major operative" we've caught is Abd al Hadi al-Iraki. He is "close to Bin Laden." Hell, everyone we catch is as close to Bin Laden as his jugular vein ;-) Have you ever heard of this guy? Me neither. I think they just keep dragging up the shaggy looking Middle Eastern men, and tell us they're some bogey-man. Funny how we can catch all this guys near and dear to Bin Laden and al-Zawahiri, but we can't catch them. Sounds like a shell game to me. Besides this guy looks like a man in my office before his hair turned gray. Matt is that you?

Goodbye Sandy

We lost Sandy today. She was a 16 1/2 year old Cocker Spaniel that wrapped me around her dew claw. We got Sandy on March 24, 1991, and we gave her up today April 20, 2007. What a dog! She taught me so much that I needed to learn. I am indebted to her more than I could ever repay. Bless you Sandy, you made my life more than what it might have been otherwise.






So long, Sandy
Your blonde curly hair
And your ever playful spirit
Added to our lives in ways uncountable.

You opened me up to life
That I never knew was there
My throat tightens and my heart aches
To think of how you blessed life
More than life blessed you.

Bounding in and out of sight
In a field full of bluebonnets
With your tail never leaving view
Come back some time, Sandy
We'll do it all over again.

That Skirt Looks Just Too Violent

Yes, a violent skirt has become a problem at the Miss Universe contest. It turns out that the home team (the contest takes place in Mexico City) broke the uh...rules? Miss Mexico had chosen to wear a skirt with images of Mexican history on it. One of those images shows a man standing before a firing squad, and another depicted some fallen Catholic insurgents who rose up against the secular government in Mexico back in the 1920s. The designers wanted to depict Mexican history as it really happened. Well, critics jumped all over that one, and the Mexican entrant has decided to re-design the skirt.

Parody of a Parody

I don't know if I should say it had to happen, but it did happen. Peaches does a parody of Alanis Morissette's parody of Fergie's My Humps. Only this time it's called My Dumps. Whatcha gonna do with all that tripe? All that tripe comin' out your pipe?

SMU Doesn't Want Bush's Library

They thought it would distinguish the university to have the George W. Bush library on campus, but a large number of professors and even Methodist bishops don't want anything to do with him. Of course, if you had a university, would you want it to have connections with an illiterate war criminal? No, I didn't think so. We've had enough of Bush here in Texas to last more than a lifetime. Put his library somewhere else - like Baghdad maybe.

I Just Wanna Be Sedated

While waiting in one of those little "alcoves" (an open area separated by a thin curtain" in the procedure waiting area, I heard my neighbor tell her husband that she felt scared about a colonoscopy and, "I just wanna be sedated." I began thinking that would make a perfect title for a heavy metal song. Hell, maybe somebody has already done it, I don't know.

Well, the sedation sure worked on me! The nurses tell you that they give you something that makes you forget. It sure does! I kept asking the same thing over and over (at least the Goddess says I did). Of all things, I kept asking if I was "personable" when the doctor came by. Personable? Where did that come from?

Anyway, the doctor pronounced me in good shape and I don't have to do the colonoscopy for another 10 years.

It Has Started

Well, sort of the opposite of what Jesus said at the end on the cross, "It is finished." In my case it has only started. I have the singular pleasure of undergoing a colonoscopy tomorrow. And today I have started with the uh..."clean out" to put it nicely. About 30 minutes ago I took the first dose of some kind of stuff that makes you spend all of your time in the bathroom. It hasn't kicked in yet, so I'm typing this right now. I may not have the chance later ;-)

He's Not a Victim, He's a Volunteer

Volunteer firefighter that is. But, that's not all. Steven S. Cole works as a volunteer firefighter in the state of Ohio. He went to the park one day, and got arrested for it. What did he do? He went dressed in a bikini and a blond wig. The police took him to the station for drunk driving and public disorder. So, what did his buddies say when they saw his mug shot? I don't know, but I'll bet they laughed a lot.

Notice that when the took his "mug shot" they didn't take the photo of just his mug. They got a full-body shot. Now, that's not nice!

Custom-Made Coffins

Do you want a coffin that looks like a cell phone, or how about a stack of blankets? Well, now you can have one according to your own designs. Yep, a group of carpenters from Ghana of the Ga tribe will make you whatever you want in the way of a coffin. They'll even make armoirs or chests however you like. But, the main selling point remains the cell phone coffins. Oh yeah, reach out and touch someone! Want to place an order? Just click.

Gimme That Old Time Religion

Or at least a chocolate Jesus. A sculpture by Cosimo Cavallaro of Jesus on the Cross in milk chocolate has raised the ire of a group of U.S. Catholics. They want to boycott the coming exposition of the uh...piece...at the Lab Gallery in Manhattan. The artwork stands just short of 6 feet tall and weighs 198 pounds. Yes, almost 200 pounds of chocolate in the form of a man...well...a man and a God, because we all know that Jesus had both human and divine nature. And just in time for Easter! That sure puts those hollow chocolate Easter bunnies to shame.

Four Hundred Thirty-Five Thousand (Six Hundred) Sleepers

According to the Terrorist Identities Datamart Environment (TIDE) we have 435,000 terror suspects. Yep, according to the Washington Post the list grows so fast that it has become almost unmanageable. I have always maintained that when you watch everyone so closely, the info you get becomes completely meaningless. But, hey, what do I know?

Alaska Senator Ted Stevens' wife Catherine gets delayed every time she wants to board a plane, because her name resembles Cat Stevens, now known as Yusuf Islam. Islam finds himself on the list because, well we don't know - the information remains classified. Well, I know I feel better without Catherine on my flight.

Chiquita Supports Terrorist Organization

Yep, Chiquita banana paid $1.7 million to the United Self-Defense Forces of Columbia which constitutes an extreme right wing paramilitary death-squad that is on the U.S. list of terrorist organizations. Now, why would an American company support a terrorist organization? M-o-n-e-y. That's all there is to it. So, enjoy those bananas on your cereal, because Chiquita paid good money to make sure you could have an uninterrupted supply of them.

Only His Mother Showed Up

Amir Vehabovic from Bosnia decided to test his "friends" to see who he could really rely on. Well, like they say, be careful what you ask for. He printed a death announcement, faked a death certificate, and bribed undertakers to deliver a fake coffin to a fake funeral. He invited 45 people and only his mother showed up.

How's That for a Senior Discount?

One of the largest whorehouses in Europe, Pascha in Cologne, has begun offering a discount to customers 66 years old and older. From 12:00 noon to 5:00 pm they can get service at half price. Yes, 50% off. This whorehouse also has a money-back guarantee which makes it the only one in the world with that kind of guarantee. Not satisfied, money back.

Diplomatic Immunity

A couple of weeks ago police in El Salvador discovered the Israeli ambassador in the street nude and drunk in possession of sado-masochistic "articles." It turns out that the ambassador, Tzuriel Raphael, had attended a gathering of S&M aficionados, and well...somehow he wound up out in public nude. The Israeli government fired him immediately and brought him back to Israel. The article doesn't say if the police arrested the man, but it did say that he identified himself as the Israeli ambassador. Hell yeah! I mean he didn't want to get arrested did he?

Gambling on the Stars

In Britain you can bet on whether Heather Mills' fake leg will fall off while competing on "Dancing with the Stars." Now, that's entertainment! Bet $100 and win $350, if it falls off. Or bet $600 that it won't fall off to get a pay off of $700. But, if it did happen to fall off, would they televise it? I doubt it.

Stop It or I'll Swallow Your Toothbrush!

Doctors in the university hospital in Shantou, China discovered two toothbrushes in the stomach of a patient. Okay, that sounds bad enough, right? Well, it turns out the man had swallowed the two toothbrushes seven years earlier after a fight with his wife. Seven years they just sat here causing no trouble. Suddenly, they began to cause him stomach pain, so he went to the hospital. As a postscript, the doctors report that the toothbrushes retained their color after all that time. I didn't wonder about that, but they told me anyway.

Hooray, Hooray, Scooter Gets Convicted

Yep, Scooter Libby learned today that the jury found him guilty on four of the five counts the government charged him with. Let's see: obstruction of justice, perjury, and lying to the FBI. Oh boy, I can't wait to see what sentence he gets. Maybe the death penalty? Okay, too harsh, but just barely!

Uups, Disculpe la Molestia

Pues, parece que el ejército suizo invadió la micronación de Liechtenstein por accidente. Una compañìa de 170 soldados se perdieron por la noche y marcharon más de una milla dentro de la pequeña nación. Después de poco se dieron cuenta de su equivocación y salieron de inmediato. Portaban armas de asalto pero sin balas. Sí sin balas. Pues, no hay daño ¿verdad? El gobierno de Lichtenstein dijo que no lo consideran nada alarmante. O, de paso, Liechtenstein no tiene ejército. ¿Por qué necesita ejército cuando tiene vecinos que invaden sin balas?

Texas Youth Commission

Oh, so now I know what that means! The Commission collects teen-aged boys from around the state, so that administrators of the facilities can fuck them whenever they want. After years of covering up for administrators and executives, the Texas Youth Commission (TYC) got its cover blown. Evidently, the Commission members have known about this abuse for quite some time, and have tried to keep it quiet. The Texas Senate has voted to put TYC under conservatorship.

Likewise, the Governor's office received a report from the Texas Rangers (no not the baseball team) detailing the problems back in September, but the Governor has done nothing about it. Well, he did something about it, but only after the report became public. Shit hits the fan in Texas, the state that so vehemently opposes gay marriage. Well, of course! The administrators don't want the marry the kids, they just want to fuck 'em.

NYC Calls N-Word Out of Bounds

The New York City municipal government voted in a symbolic resolution today to ask New Yorkers to refrain from using the N-word. That request includes all residents, and does not exempt black citizens. No, they mean everybody. So, no more N-word in hip hop songs, comedy routines, street slang, or anywhere else for that matter. The NYC city council doesn't approve of its use by anyone, and feels it degrades and denigrating.

Grave of Jesus Uncovered

A Canadian documentary team claims to have uncovered the burial place of Jesus. And, I don't mean Jesus Garcia, I mean the real Jesus. Experts from the fields of archeology, DNA, writing experts, and historians worked together in a cave discovered in 1980 near Jerusalem. They have concluded that the cave held 10 caskets with the names of the "occupants" carved into them. One says "Jesus, son of Joseph" another says "Judah, son on Jesus" and two others say "Mary." The team believes the caskets with Mary carved on them hold Mary Magdalene and Mary mother of Jesus. The documentary will play on the World Discovery Channel soon.

Wait a minute! Jesus ascended into heaven, how did they bury him near Jerusalem? Somebody's got some 'splainin to do!

God: Most Valuable Player

Quoting from a podcast that I heard today.

The coach and the owner of the Super Bowl Championship football team said that it was God's will that they won. So, why didn't they name God as the Most Valuable Player?

That statement comes from a preacher's sermon after the Super Bowl this year. What church? The Claremont United Church of Christ in Claremont, California. Oh, yeah.

Try This on for Size

Nothing is more depressing than people insisting that you’re wrong not to feel good.

Sound familiar? Sound like any self-help group you've attended? It does to me. It sounds a lot like the Friends of Job. You know, Job, the guy in the Bible that had such a hard time. His friends came to console him while he sat with boils in the ash heap. Eventually, they showed their true colors, and blamed him for his own problems.

In the Name of America the Violent

Customarily Muslim prayers and even events begin with the words "Bismallah ir Rachman ir Rachim." Which means "In the name of God the Compassionate the Merciful." Now there comes a professor in Egypt who began his class by writing on his chalkboard the words "In the Name of America the Violent." He says that America serves as his God, and the he prays to America daily. His students complained, and he has since checked into a psychiatric hospital. Well, at least he didn't pray to George W. That really would make him check into a psych hospital!

Thank You, Beth 1979

Yesterday I received a call from Beth 1979 with Citibank. I explained to her that I had tried to get Chuck Prince's email address or fax number, but no one would let me know it. I had spoken with a supervisor who had arranged for a manager to call me back. When I told Beth 1979 about what I wanted, she asked if she could help with the original problem. I explained my entire story about the high interest rate, and she offered to lower my rate.

That sounded good to me, so I asked her what that would make my minimum payment. When she told me that it would come to $227.06 this month, I accepted the offer. I had already mailed my letter to Mr. Prince, so her intervention didn't prevent upper management from finding out, but it did stop my efforts to contact Mr. Prince.

I asked her why no one had offered me that same deal the night before, and she speculated that they didn't know about this possibility. Well, I sure don't know, but I reckon that the reason they didn't has more to do with job title than lack of knowledge. Nevertheless, I appreciate what she did for me. Just as the conversation came to an end, I asked her to give me her name again. She said, "My name is Beth, and my badge number is 1979."

Does This Shirt Make Me Look Fat?

I can hear you saying, no, of course not! It makes you look sexy. Well, okay, so you didn't say sexy.

Fighting the Good Fight?

I don't know if you can call this fighting the good fight, but I will carry on fighting anyway. I have a dispute with Citibank/Citigroup that has run off and on for over a year now. My latest step involves a letter to the President of Citibank/Citigroup, Chuck Prince. I have attached the body of the letter below:

This letter confirms a telephone conversation of 02/15/2007 between the approximate hours of 7:00 pm and 8:00 pm CST. I spoke with three representatives and offered to continue making payments on my account as I have been doing for over two years. I explained that I would continue making payments as I have, or that I would make none at all. That offer still stands, however, your manager refused it.

I believe you have dealt with me in bad faith. I telephoned your customer service number to ask about the difference in my minimum payment for the February bill from the January bill. I learned that after having completed my agreement to make payments of $223 per month for 12 months, my interest rate has gone up to roughly 32%. You have rewarded me for meeting my 12 month commitment to you by more than tripling my interest rate from 9% to 32%. Now you want me to pay $307 per month. I don’t approve of that treatment

Last year I had a dispute with you about your treatment of me when you raised my minimum payment according to some new Federal law that allowed you to do so. At that time I offered to pay $223 per month, but everyone I spoke with refused my offer. Not until I had missed a payment did someone call to make arrangements. I told her that my offer still stood, and she accepted it right away. We agreed that I would pay $223 per month, and that you would draft my checking each month on the 25th. She also agreed to lower my interest rate to 9% which I much appreciated. Why did you have to wait until I had missed a payment to accept my offer?

In January of 2007, I called your customer service department to request that we extend our agreement for another 12 months, because I felt it had gone very well. The person I spoke with refused saying that I had met my commitment, and I couldn’t extend it, because my account had a good standing status. My minimum payment last month came to $158. I went ahead and made a payment of $223 instead, because I intended to continue my payments as I had offered to do.

Tonight, I prepared to make another payment for $223, when I discovered what you had done to me. I called again to attempt to continue my payments of $223 per month, but each person I spoke with consistently refused my offer. Why would you do this to a customer who has always met agreements with you? I also learned that “the bank” had closed my account unilaterally in June 2006 without informing me. Why would you do that to someone who had met every commitment made to you? A manager told me that I could request that Customer Service re-open my account. He said that if I did that, you would lower my interest rate, but the minimum payment would remain larger than what I have paid for so long. Why can’t you continue the agreement from last year? You closed the account, I didn’t.

I am confident that you have notes in your account record that will reflect what transpired. My offer still stands. If you would like to accept it, I will need a response from you accepting said offer. If you do not want to accept it, I will make no further payments on this account.

Thank you dear readers for indulging me on this. I hope to count on your support.

No Child Left Behind?

The United Nations agency concerned with children, Unicef, has named the best countries for children to live in. The study used 40 different parameters to rank children's standard of living. The ranking includes 21 developed countries. So, who came in first? The Netherlands finished first followed by Sweden, Denmark, Finland, and Spain. Where do we rank? Well...how about next to last? Penultimate. Yep, number 20 out of 21! So, who did we beat? The United Kingdom. Don't that just make ya proud?

Sorry, I Don't Understand You

A new study has determined that men who undergo vasectomies have a higher incidence of Progressive Primary Aphasia. This affliction can lead to loss of memory and a loss of understanding of one's native language. Uh...what did you say? It sounds like English, but I don't understand what you said.

Those of us who've had a vasectomy may wonder just what that will bring about. I suppose the choices range from not understanding your language to not understanding your kids. Either way, you have a lack of understanding.

Gay No More

A few months ago Ted Haggard, former president of the National Association of Evangelicals, resigned his pastorate and his presidency, because he had to admit his homosexuality. Remember, this particular group says that Jesus can change gay people into straight ones. Now, just why Ted had to struggle with his "urges" most of his life remains a mystery to me. I mean, if Jesus would help anyone, surely he would help Ted.

Don't worry. He did help Ted, sadly it came a little late, but better late than never, right? Ted underwent "intensive therapy" , and now has become completely heterosexual. His transformation may not rank up there with raising the dead, but it sure proves the power of...uh...Jesus? Maybe it proves the power of Ted's ego instead.

Riding Public Transportation Never Looked So Good

In Sofia, Bulgaria that is. Bus passengers waiting at bus stops in Sofia in the afternoon and evening can now watch porn on big screens. Yep, it's true. During the morning and early afternoon the screens display bus schedules and the progress of busses. But, if you venture out a little later, well, it will warm up those cold Bulgarian nights. In fact, city authorities have said that running the porn on the screens helps customer amuse themselves during those long, cold waits for the bus to show up.

Still Fasting After a Week

Yep, I still haven't done my regular survey of news sites from around the world. Sticking with just one or two sites a day. Maybe that's like Moderation Management instead of Alcoholics Anonymous. Hey, it's the best I can do! I hope that by the time I come off of the news fast, the news will have improved. Yeah, right! I have a better chance of winning the lottery...without buying a ticket. Which brings up a good point. Did you know that your odds of winning the lottery are only slightly improved by buying a ticket?

Nice Weather Again...Finally!

Well, it has warmed back up today, and what a beautiful day it is! Imbolc plus 3, I suppose. This photo comes from down at the end of the street by Brushy Creek. That desert blue sky this time of year can't be beat.

Goodbye Belle

Our dog, Belle, died today. She had been sick for a couple of weeks, and today was her last. We had taken her to the vet four times in the past two weeks, and they just couldn't get to the cause of her problem. We took her to the vet this morning so they could treat her based on what the latest test showed. She died while they were administering fluids and oxygen.

We went to the vet to say goodbye, and broke our hearts. You know, I've always said that dogs are better people than people - and that's still true. I miss her a lot.

I promise to keep your gentle spirit
And that special look in your eyes
I hope to stay the kind of person
That your soft acceptance made me be

Oh Belle, I have lost a piece of my heart to you
And I have completely broken in two
But, I give you that piece of my heart
Without demand or expectation
Because, you so freely gave me all of your heart
And that will always stay with me

Punxatawny Phil Says We'll Have an Early Spring

Well, tentatively that's good. Why tentatively? When spring comes early here in Texas, it means summer comes early too. And we know what summer means! So, an early spring has its downside. But, this year we have had a kinda long winter. Long for us anyway...it has lasted more than two or three days in a row. I'd like to see a little warmer weather soon. So, right on P. Phil! At least for now.

Dogs

Well, the dogs, Sandy and Belle, aren't doing so well. Sandy is 16 years-old and Belle is 12. Sandy possibly has cancer, definitely has stones in her bladder, and has real trouble getting around. After her visit to the vet, she's taking some anti-inflammatories and is getting around better. But, her condition probably won't get any better.

Belle has some kind of liver trouble, immune system problems, and she still won't eat. In fact, she turns her nose up at most everything. I got enough down her tonight to give her the anti-biotic she's taking.

Neither dog is doing very well right now, but they're still hanging in there.

Going on a Fast



Yes, I'll be fasting starting today. Different kind of fast though. I'm going on a news fast. Yeah, I'm not going to check my regular 30 or so websites each day for news. I don't know if fast would be quite correct, I will still check about 2 websites, but not my regular. So, what am I going to do instead? Not sure, but it just seems like the thing to do right now. Don't know how long I'll stay on this fast either. Hmmm...let's say for seven days. Think I can do it?

Swedes Get Second Life Embassy

The Swedish government announced that they will establish an embassy in Second Life. They plan to buy an island in the virtual world, so that Swedish companies can purchase spots (lots?) to promote Sweden and Swedish products. Will Swedish Second Life also a social welfare structure, so that Swedes in Second Life can get health care and other subsidies? Wouldn't be Sweden without it.

Kosher Porn

An Israeli porn DVD, "Assraelis", has caught the eye of a rabbi in New Jersey. The rabbi has threatened a lawsuit against the producer, Oren Cohen and Tight Fit, because the DVD cover has the logo used on food products denoting it as kosher. Imagine that, kosher porn!

The State of the Union Pageant

Let's face it. The State of the Union speech really looks more like an annual pageant. The words and topics of the speech have only symbolic meaning, not real meaning. How many times has the State of the Union speech reflected what really happens later in the year. The ritual of the President's entrance, the obligatory standing ovation, the seating of the Cabinet, the nod from the First Lady, blah, blah, blah, just prove that what we see has little meaning beyond the symbolic. The pageant serves more as a secular rite than a real speech. Don't expect much of substance tonight.

Imagine a wedding. All the parties have a role and even a place to stand. The two families sit on different sides of the central aisle. The mothers of the two betrothed have special places to sit. The bride enters to an anthem, the father of the bride performs a short ritual speech, the couple recite fairly standard phrases, and holy man blesses the union, then the couple exits to an anthem. Sounds a lot like the State of the Union doesn't it? How do a wedding and the State of the Union differ? Well, for one thing, a wedding ritualizes the couple's love for one another. Whereas, the State of the Union just congratulates the powerful.

3 Year Haiku

I want to break toys
Frustate no more in pieces
Don't let me do it

It's All Right

Here comes the sun, I say, it's all right. The sun shines today for the first time in about 10 days. That may not seem like very long to some, but here in Texas 10 without sun takes a toll. It just makes you feel better to start with.

On another note, we have to take our dogs to the vet tomorrow. It doesn't look good for either one of them. The oldest one is fading fast, and the young one has stopped eating (or at least almost) which isn't at all like her. Hoping for the best.

Are You Just Making That Up?

Late at night in the shadows of hope and fear, the flounderer stumbles upon a beautiful myth. But, a myth to be believed, not laughed at.

Someone spoke about spooks that come late at night to stagger out from the dark corners of closets and stare. Yes, I agree they do, and I've seen them myself. Heart pounding and eyes wide open, raised on elbows I have started to flee, but never made it anywhere. Did he (it's always he) wear a black outfit or a white one? I always figured he'd choose black. So, why didn't he? Don't just stand there and scare me, go pester someone else. I have better dreams to dream than this shit! Back up and fall over the suitcase you son of a bitch. Fall all the way down to the scuffed brown shoes, and see what it feels like. Not very good, does it?

Stereotypical but True

Yeah, that's where I spend much of my time. Especially so the older I get. Those commercials of men coming out of the men's room wishing they could spend more time elswhere are pretty true to form. Not quite ready for Flowmax yet, but you notice that I remember the name of it.

All Dressed Up with Nothing to Do

Well, almost! We arrived at the office just a few minutes before noon. I guess that about 1/4 of us showed up today. No problem with getting a parking space today! So, we came to work, but there's nothing to do. (There probably is something to do, but who wants to?) It's surf the internet and blog from home, or surf the internet and blog from the office. Fine by me!

It's Back to Work

My agency has decided to open today at 12:00. We'll be leaving Round Rock in a few minutes to make an attempt to get there. No real reason to be optimistic, because the temp hasn't gotten above freezing in several days. On the one hand, I'm glad to be getting out of the house. On the other, almost everyone else (Attorney General's office, City of Austin, Travis County) has closed for the day, and I wonder if we'll even be able to get there.

Modesty Comes at a Price

An Australian company named Ahiida had developed sportswear for Muslim women. They market several lines of sporting wear, but the one that captured my attention is the burkini. Yes, a swimsuit burqa. They have two styles - slim-fit (photo) and modest-fit. I took a look at both and found it hard to tell the difference. One difference is the price: $170 AUD ($133 USD) for slim-fit, and $190AUD ($149 USD) for modest fit. Does that mean even Ahiida makes modesty the more expensive choice? Twenty bucks for a couple of inches more material. No one ever said righteousness would be cheap.

Amsterdam to Honor Prostitutes

Well, somebody had to! The city of Amsterdam will dedicate a new sculpture to the prostitutes of the world in March. The sculpture will have a woman standing in a doorway with a self confident look and her hand on her hip. Mariska Majoor, who is a former prostitute herself, has taken the iniative to honor all the world's prostitutes. The city government has donated some property in the red light district to help out. The unveiling of the statue will take place during the 2nd "open house" of the red light district. Best wishes!

Whining 'Bout the Weather

Okay, this has gotten old. I didn't like it much anyway, but now this has gone too far. First we had rain, then sleet, then snow. The problem isn't that it has happened, it's that it has happened now for so long! We don't usually have winter around here for more than about two days in a row. It's time for a break.

Texas Closed for Ice

I got a call this afternoon from my office telling me that they have already cancelled tomorrow. Well, not really cancelled it, because they can't keep it from happening, but they've already called off work tomorrow. I've worked there an awful (that's how we actually pronounce "awfully") long time, and that has never happened before. Whoa, tomorrow must be gonna turn out real bad (yeah, that's how we say that too)!

MLK Jr Day on Ice

Here's what it looked like in my back yard this morning. The temperature has fallen since then. Right now it sits at 27F.

Do You Want Ice with That?

No, not really, but it looks like I'm going to get it anyway. Tomorrow is a Federal Holiday, MLK Jr. Day, and my office will be closed. But, it won't be much of a holiday, because we will have to spend it inside the house. We've been under a Winter Storm Warning and will remain under one until...who knows? Anyway, at this moment in Round Rock the temperature sits at freezing. We've had rain for a couple of days and all the weather folks on TV tell us that driving is hazardous. They even say this may extend into Tuesday. Man, I hope not, we'll really have cabin fever by then. Us Texans don't customarily have to stay indoors very much, and it can get old pretty quick.

Taxable Income

Danish authorities have decided that the money "earned" by being a sperm donor is taxable. First of all, I didn't know they paid people to jack off, and secondly where do I sign up? No, wait, I can't sign up, I've had a vasectomy. Damn, all that time and I could have been getting paid!

In Denmark sperm banks pay "customers" for their donations. The government has now decided that such income is taxable. Sperm banks fear that reporting the income will prevent donors from remaining anonymous, and will cause them to stop donating. Ole Schou, director of one of the world's largest sperm banks, says, "it is certainly a shame and frustrating, when we have one of the world's best funcioning corps of donors." Oh, those Danes!

But, how about this donor with his own website - picture and all. Do you think he's paying taxes? And, what about that fresh home insemination procedure?

Denmark: The Land of Lowered Expectations

Or should that be The Happiest Country on Earth? According to researchers Danes report being the most satisfied with their lives, and the happiest of people. They have some of the worst weather and least enjoyable food on earth. The Swedes have more beautiful blondes, the French and Italians have much better food, so what makes the Danes so damned happy? The researchers think they know why. The Danes have lower expectations than most of us. When your expectations are low, you're always pleasantly surprised when anything better happens. So, just lower your expectations, and be happy...don't worry.

Come to think of it that's the genius of George W. Bush. We all have such low expectations of him that we're surprised when anything goes right.

$20,000 per Alien

The Texas Border Watch pilot project has come to an end. The new legislative session, which began this week, will take up the question of permanent funding. According to an article by the Associated Press the project resulted in the arrest of 10, count 'em, 10 illegal immigrants.

In case you don't know, our governor Rick Perry had 12 webcams installed on the Texas-Mexico border so that regular Texans (and anyone else) could monitor the comings and goings of persons trying to illegally enter Texas. The project had a price tag of $200,000 to get started, and resulted in the apprehension of 10 would be illegals during a month long pilot program. Yeah, that comes out to $20,000 per illegal. I'll bet the illegals would have taken a payment of $20k not to even try to enter Texas.

There Is Something in the Air

And it ain't just cedar pollen! I discovered last year that I have a strong allergy to mountain cedar pollen which has played a big part in my sinus struggles for the past year. Cedar season runs until about the end of this month. I started taking antihistamines about the first of December and (knock on wood) so far I'm handling it okay.

But that's not the real point. Today the main street in downtown Austin, Congress Ave., is closed because dozens of dead birds were littering the street. Authorities feared that the problem is due to some toxic gas or toxic something, so they closed Congress Ave from Caesar Chavez street (1st street) to 11th street and from Brazos to Colorado. That's a huge chunk of downtown.

However, in spite of radio messages to the contrary, the Capitol Complex is not closed. So, me and my co-workers are here fearlessly carrying on the business of the State of Texas. Yeah, right! The co-workers that have gone outside to look around assure us that there are no birds to be seen. Hmmm...

Better Living thru Chemistry

The Brave New World has definitely arrived. We have achieved the much sought after aphrodisiac that ourforebears spent millenia trying to find. Viagra, Cialis, Levitra...they're all here. Now, after much searching, a German pharmaceutical company, Boehringer, has stumbled across a drug that increases sexual desire in females. The drug in question flopped as an antidepressant, but hmm... it had a most desireable (pun intended) effect. In fact, many have called it the "Viagra for women." That wouldn't be exactly accurate since Viagra makes it possible for an otherwise impotent male to perform sexually. Evidently they feel no need to increase sexual desire in males.

However, that's about all that would be lacking for women. I mean they don't really have to uh...perform somuch as they have to want to. Okay, maybe that's not absolutely true, but it's pretty accurate in the general sense. The name of this new wonder drug is Flibanserin. I think they need to find a better name for it. How about Libidia?