Gambling on the Stars

In Britain you can bet on whether Heather Mills' fake leg will fall off while competing on "Dancing with the Stars." Now, that's entertainment! Bet $100 and win $350, if it falls off. Or bet $600 that it won't fall off to get a pay off of $700. But, if it did happen to fall off, would they televise it? I doubt it.

Stop It or I'll Swallow Your Toothbrush!

Doctors in the university hospital in Shantou, China discovered two toothbrushes in the stomach of a patient. Okay, that sounds bad enough, right? Well, it turns out the man had swallowed the two toothbrushes seven years earlier after a fight with his wife. Seven years they just sat here causing no trouble. Suddenly, they began to cause him stomach pain, so he went to the hospital. As a postscript, the doctors report that the toothbrushes retained their color after all that time. I didn't wonder about that, but they told me anyway.

Hooray, Hooray, Scooter Gets Convicted

Yep, Scooter Libby learned today that the jury found him guilty on four of the five counts the government charged him with. Let's see: obstruction of justice, perjury, and lying to the FBI. Oh boy, I can't wait to see what sentence he gets. Maybe the death penalty? Okay, too harsh, but just barely!

Uups, Disculpe la Molestia

Pues, parece que el ejército suizo invadió la micronación de Liechtenstein por accidente. Una compañìa de 170 soldados se perdieron por la noche y marcharon más de una milla dentro de la pequeña nación. Después de poco se dieron cuenta de su equivocación y salieron de inmediato. Portaban armas de asalto pero sin balas. Sí sin balas. Pues, no hay daño ¿verdad? El gobierno de Lichtenstein dijo que no lo consideran nada alarmante. O, de paso, Liechtenstein no tiene ejército. ¿Por qué necesita ejército cuando tiene vecinos que invaden sin balas?

Texas Youth Commission

Oh, so now I know what that means! The Commission collects teen-aged boys from around the state, so that administrators of the facilities can fuck them whenever they want. After years of covering up for administrators and executives, the Texas Youth Commission (TYC) got its cover blown. Evidently, the Commission members have known about this abuse for quite some time, and have tried to keep it quiet. The Texas Senate has voted to put TYC under conservatorship.

Likewise, the Governor's office received a report from the Texas Rangers (no not the baseball team) detailing the problems back in September, but the Governor has done nothing about it. Well, he did something about it, but only after the report became public. Shit hits the fan in Texas, the state that so vehemently opposes gay marriage. Well, of course! The administrators don't want the marry the kids, they just want to fuck 'em.

NYC Calls N-Word Out of Bounds

The New York City municipal government voted in a symbolic resolution today to ask New Yorkers to refrain from using the N-word. That request includes all residents, and does not exempt black citizens. No, they mean everybody. So, no more N-word in hip hop songs, comedy routines, street slang, or anywhere else for that matter. The NYC city council doesn't approve of its use by anyone, and feels it degrades and denigrating.

Grave of Jesus Uncovered

A Canadian documentary team claims to have uncovered the burial place of Jesus. And, I don't mean Jesus Garcia, I mean the real Jesus. Experts from the fields of archeology, DNA, writing experts, and historians worked together in a cave discovered in 1980 near Jerusalem. They have concluded that the cave held 10 caskets with the names of the "occupants" carved into them. One says "Jesus, son of Joseph" another says "Judah, son on Jesus" and two others say "Mary." The team believes the caskets with Mary carved on them hold Mary Magdalene and Mary mother of Jesus. The documentary will play on the World Discovery Channel soon.

Wait a minute! Jesus ascended into heaven, how did they bury him near Jerusalem? Somebody's got some 'splainin to do!

God: Most Valuable Player

Quoting from a podcast that I heard today.

The coach and the owner of the Super Bowl Championship football team said that it was God's will that they won. So, why didn't they name God as the Most Valuable Player?

That statement comes from a preacher's sermon after the Super Bowl this year. What church? The Claremont United Church of Christ in Claremont, California. Oh, yeah.

Try This on for Size

Nothing is more depressing than people insisting that you’re wrong not to feel good.

Sound familiar? Sound like any self-help group you've attended? It does to me. It sounds a lot like the Friends of Job. You know, Job, the guy in the Bible that had such a hard time. His friends came to console him while he sat with boils in the ash heap. Eventually, they showed their true colors, and blamed him for his own problems.

In the Name of America the Violent

Customarily Muslim prayers and even events begin with the words "Bismallah ir Rachman ir Rachim." Which means "In the name of God the Compassionate the Merciful." Now there comes a professor in Egypt who began his class by writing on his chalkboard the words "In the Name of America the Violent." He says that America serves as his God, and the he prays to America daily. His students complained, and he has since checked into a psychiatric hospital. Well, at least he didn't pray to George W. That really would make him check into a psych hospital!

Thank You, Beth 1979

Yesterday I received a call from Beth 1979 with Citibank. I explained to her that I had tried to get Chuck Prince's email address or fax number, but no one would let me know it. I had spoken with a supervisor who had arranged for a manager to call me back. When I told Beth 1979 about what I wanted, she asked if she could help with the original problem. I explained my entire story about the high interest rate, and she offered to lower my rate.

That sounded good to me, so I asked her what that would make my minimum payment. When she told me that it would come to $227.06 this month, I accepted the offer. I had already mailed my letter to Mr. Prince, so her intervention didn't prevent upper management from finding out, but it did stop my efforts to contact Mr. Prince.

I asked her why no one had offered me that same deal the night before, and she speculated that they didn't know about this possibility. Well, I sure don't know, but I reckon that the reason they didn't has more to do with job title than lack of knowledge. Nevertheless, I appreciate what she did for me. Just as the conversation came to an end, I asked her to give me her name again. She said, "My name is Beth, and my badge number is 1979."

Does This Shirt Make Me Look Fat?

I can hear you saying, no, of course not! It makes you look sexy. Well, okay, so you didn't say sexy.

Fighting the Good Fight?

I don't know if you can call this fighting the good fight, but I will carry on fighting anyway. I have a dispute with Citibank/Citigroup that has run off and on for over a year now. My latest step involves a letter to the President of Citibank/Citigroup, Chuck Prince. I have attached the body of the letter below:

This letter confirms a telephone conversation of 02/15/2007 between the approximate hours of 7:00 pm and 8:00 pm CST. I spoke with three representatives and offered to continue making payments on my account as I have been doing for over two years. I explained that I would continue making payments as I have, or that I would make none at all. That offer still stands, however, your manager refused it.

I believe you have dealt with me in bad faith. I telephoned your customer service number to ask about the difference in my minimum payment for the February bill from the January bill. I learned that after having completed my agreement to make payments of $223 per month for 12 months, my interest rate has gone up to roughly 32%. You have rewarded me for meeting my 12 month commitment to you by more than tripling my interest rate from 9% to 32%. Now you want me to pay $307 per month. I don’t approve of that treatment

Last year I had a dispute with you about your treatment of me when you raised my minimum payment according to some new Federal law that allowed you to do so. At that time I offered to pay $223 per month, but everyone I spoke with refused my offer. Not until I had missed a payment did someone call to make arrangements. I told her that my offer still stood, and she accepted it right away. We agreed that I would pay $223 per month, and that you would draft my checking each month on the 25th. She also agreed to lower my interest rate to 9% which I much appreciated. Why did you have to wait until I had missed a payment to accept my offer?

In January of 2007, I called your customer service department to request that we extend our agreement for another 12 months, because I felt it had gone very well. The person I spoke with refused saying that I had met my commitment, and I couldn’t extend it, because my account had a good standing status. My minimum payment last month came to $158. I went ahead and made a payment of $223 instead, because I intended to continue my payments as I had offered to do.

Tonight, I prepared to make another payment for $223, when I discovered what you had done to me. I called again to attempt to continue my payments of $223 per month, but each person I spoke with consistently refused my offer. Why would you do this to a customer who has always met agreements with you? I also learned that “the bank” had closed my account unilaterally in June 2006 without informing me. Why would you do that to someone who had met every commitment made to you? A manager told me that I could request that Customer Service re-open my account. He said that if I did that, you would lower my interest rate, but the minimum payment would remain larger than what I have paid for so long. Why can’t you continue the agreement from last year? You closed the account, I didn’t.

I am confident that you have notes in your account record that will reflect what transpired. My offer still stands. If you would like to accept it, I will need a response from you accepting said offer. If you do not want to accept it, I will make no further payments on this account.

Thank you dear readers for indulging me on this. I hope to count on your support.

No Child Left Behind?

The United Nations agency concerned with children, Unicef, has named the best countries for children to live in. The study used 40 different parameters to rank children's standard of living. The ranking includes 21 developed countries. So, who came in first? The Netherlands finished first followed by Sweden, Denmark, Finland, and Spain. Where do we rank? Well...how about next to last? Penultimate. Yep, number 20 out of 21! So, who did we beat? The United Kingdom. Don't that just make ya proud?

Sorry, I Don't Understand You

A new study has determined that men who undergo vasectomies have a higher incidence of Progressive Primary Aphasia. This affliction can lead to loss of memory and a loss of understanding of one's native language. Uh...what did you say? It sounds like English, but I don't understand what you said.

Those of us who've had a vasectomy may wonder just what that will bring about. I suppose the choices range from not understanding your language to not understanding your kids. Either way, you have a lack of understanding.

Gay No More

A few months ago Ted Haggard, former president of the National Association of Evangelicals, resigned his pastorate and his presidency, because he had to admit his homosexuality. Remember, this particular group says that Jesus can change gay people into straight ones. Now, just why Ted had to struggle with his "urges" most of his life remains a mystery to me. I mean, if Jesus would help anyone, surely he would help Ted.

Don't worry. He did help Ted, sadly it came a little late, but better late than never, right? Ted underwent "intensive therapy" , and now has become completely heterosexual. His transformation may not rank up there with raising the dead, but it sure proves the power of...uh...Jesus? Maybe it proves the power of Ted's ego instead.

Riding Public Transportation Never Looked So Good

In Sofia, Bulgaria that is. Bus passengers waiting at bus stops in Sofia in the afternoon and evening can now watch porn on big screens. Yep, it's true. During the morning and early afternoon the screens display bus schedules and the progress of busses. But, if you venture out a little later, well, it will warm up those cold Bulgarian nights. In fact, city authorities have said that running the porn on the screens helps customer amuse themselves during those long, cold waits for the bus to show up.

Still Fasting After a Week

Yep, I still haven't done my regular survey of news sites from around the world. Sticking with just one or two sites a day. Maybe that's like Moderation Management instead of Alcoholics Anonymous. Hey, it's the best I can do! I hope that by the time I come off of the news fast, the news will have improved. Yeah, right! I have a better chance of winning the lottery...without buying a ticket. Which brings up a good point. Did you know that your odds of winning the lottery are only slightly improved by buying a ticket?

Nice Weather Again...Finally!

Well, it has warmed back up today, and what a beautiful day it is! Imbolc plus 3, I suppose. This photo comes from down at the end of the street by Brushy Creek. That desert blue sky this time of year can't be beat.

Goodbye Belle

Our dog, Belle, died today. She had been sick for a couple of weeks, and today was her last. We had taken her to the vet four times in the past two weeks, and they just couldn't get to the cause of her problem. We took her to the vet this morning so they could treat her based on what the latest test showed. She died while they were administering fluids and oxygen.

We went to the vet to say goodbye, and broke our hearts. You know, I've always said that dogs are better people than people - and that's still true. I miss her a lot.

I promise to keep your gentle spirit
And that special look in your eyes
I hope to stay the kind of person
That your soft acceptance made me be

Oh Belle, I have lost a piece of my heart to you
And I have completely broken in two
But, I give you that piece of my heart
Without demand or expectation
Because, you so freely gave me all of your heart
And that will always stay with me

Punxatawny Phil Says We'll Have an Early Spring

Well, tentatively that's good. Why tentatively? When spring comes early here in Texas, it means summer comes early too. And we know what summer means! So, an early spring has its downside. But, this year we have had a kinda long winter. Long for us anyway...it has lasted more than two or three days in a row. I'd like to see a little warmer weather soon. So, right on P. Phil! At least for now.

Dogs

Well, the dogs, Sandy and Belle, aren't doing so well. Sandy is 16 years-old and Belle is 12. Sandy possibly has cancer, definitely has stones in her bladder, and has real trouble getting around. After her visit to the vet, she's taking some anti-inflammatories and is getting around better. But, her condition probably won't get any better.

Belle has some kind of liver trouble, immune system problems, and she still won't eat. In fact, she turns her nose up at most everything. I got enough down her tonight to give her the anti-biotic she's taking.

Neither dog is doing very well right now, but they're still hanging in there.

Going on a Fast



Yes, I'll be fasting starting today. Different kind of fast though. I'm going on a news fast. Yeah, I'm not going to check my regular 30 or so websites each day for news. I don't know if fast would be quite correct, I will still check about 2 websites, but not my regular. So, what am I going to do instead? Not sure, but it just seems like the thing to do right now. Don't know how long I'll stay on this fast either. Hmmm...let's say for seven days. Think I can do it?

Swedes Get Second Life Embassy

The Swedish government announced that they will establish an embassy in Second Life. They plan to buy an island in the virtual world, so that Swedish companies can purchase spots (lots?) to promote Sweden and Swedish products. Will Swedish Second Life also a social welfare structure, so that Swedes in Second Life can get health care and other subsidies? Wouldn't be Sweden without it.

Kosher Porn

An Israeli porn DVD, "Assraelis", has caught the eye of a rabbi in New Jersey. The rabbi has threatened a lawsuit against the producer, Oren Cohen and Tight Fit, because the DVD cover has the logo used on food products denoting it as kosher. Imagine that, kosher porn!

The State of the Union Pageant

Let's face it. The State of the Union speech really looks more like an annual pageant. The words and topics of the speech have only symbolic meaning, not real meaning. How many times has the State of the Union speech reflected what really happens later in the year. The ritual of the President's entrance, the obligatory standing ovation, the seating of the Cabinet, the nod from the First Lady, blah, blah, blah, just prove that what we see has little meaning beyond the symbolic. The pageant serves more as a secular rite than a real speech. Don't expect much of substance tonight.

Imagine a wedding. All the parties have a role and even a place to stand. The two families sit on different sides of the central aisle. The mothers of the two betrothed have special places to sit. The bride enters to an anthem, the father of the bride performs a short ritual speech, the couple recite fairly standard phrases, and holy man blesses the union, then the couple exits to an anthem. Sounds a lot like the State of the Union doesn't it? How do a wedding and the State of the Union differ? Well, for one thing, a wedding ritualizes the couple's love for one another. Whereas, the State of the Union just congratulates the powerful.

3 Year Haiku

I want to break toys
Frustate no more in pieces
Don't let me do it

It's All Right

Here comes the sun, I say, it's all right. The sun shines today for the first time in about 10 days. That may not seem like very long to some, but here in Texas 10 without sun takes a toll. It just makes you feel better to start with.

On another note, we have to take our dogs to the vet tomorrow. It doesn't look good for either one of them. The oldest one is fading fast, and the young one has stopped eating (or at least almost) which isn't at all like her. Hoping for the best.

Are You Just Making That Up?

Late at night in the shadows of hope and fear, the flounderer stumbles upon a beautiful myth. But, a myth to be believed, not laughed at.

Someone spoke about spooks that come late at night to stagger out from the dark corners of closets and stare. Yes, I agree they do, and I've seen them myself. Heart pounding and eyes wide open, raised on elbows I have started to flee, but never made it anywhere. Did he (it's always he) wear a black outfit or a white one? I always figured he'd choose black. So, why didn't he? Don't just stand there and scare me, go pester someone else. I have better dreams to dream than this shit! Back up and fall over the suitcase you son of a bitch. Fall all the way down to the scuffed brown shoes, and see what it feels like. Not very good, does it?

Stereotypical but True

Yeah, that's where I spend much of my time. Especially so the older I get. Those commercials of men coming out of the men's room wishing they could spend more time elswhere are pretty true to form. Not quite ready for Flowmax yet, but you notice that I remember the name of it.

All Dressed Up with Nothing to Do

Well, almost! We arrived at the office just a few minutes before noon. I guess that about 1/4 of us showed up today. No problem with getting a parking space today! So, we came to work, but there's nothing to do. (There probably is something to do, but who wants to?) It's surf the internet and blog from home, or surf the internet and blog from the office. Fine by me!

It's Back to Work

My agency has decided to open today at 12:00. We'll be leaving Round Rock in a few minutes to make an attempt to get there. No real reason to be optimistic, because the temp hasn't gotten above freezing in several days. On the one hand, I'm glad to be getting out of the house. On the other, almost everyone else (Attorney General's office, City of Austin, Travis County) has closed for the day, and I wonder if we'll even be able to get there.

Modesty Comes at a Price

An Australian company named Ahiida had developed sportswear for Muslim women. They market several lines of sporting wear, but the one that captured my attention is the burkini. Yes, a swimsuit burqa. They have two styles - slim-fit (photo) and modest-fit. I took a look at both and found it hard to tell the difference. One difference is the price: $170 AUD ($133 USD) for slim-fit, and $190AUD ($149 USD) for modest fit. Does that mean even Ahiida makes modesty the more expensive choice? Twenty bucks for a couple of inches more material. No one ever said righteousness would be cheap.

Amsterdam to Honor Prostitutes

Well, somebody had to! The city of Amsterdam will dedicate a new sculpture to the prostitutes of the world in March. The sculpture will have a woman standing in a doorway with a self confident look and her hand on her hip. Mariska Majoor, who is a former prostitute herself, has taken the iniative to honor all the world's prostitutes. The city government has donated some property in the red light district to help out. The unveiling of the statue will take place during the 2nd "open house" of the red light district. Best wishes!

Whining 'Bout the Weather

Okay, this has gotten old. I didn't like it much anyway, but now this has gone too far. First we had rain, then sleet, then snow. The problem isn't that it has happened, it's that it has happened now for so long! We don't usually have winter around here for more than about two days in a row. It's time for a break.

Texas Closed for Ice

I got a call this afternoon from my office telling me that they have already cancelled tomorrow. Well, not really cancelled it, because they can't keep it from happening, but they've already called off work tomorrow. I've worked there an awful (that's how we actually pronounce "awfully") long time, and that has never happened before. Whoa, tomorrow must be gonna turn out real bad (yeah, that's how we say that too)!

MLK Jr Day on Ice

Here's what it looked like in my back yard this morning. The temperature has fallen since then. Right now it sits at 27F.

Do You Want Ice with That?

No, not really, but it looks like I'm going to get it anyway. Tomorrow is a Federal Holiday, MLK Jr. Day, and my office will be closed. But, it won't be much of a holiday, because we will have to spend it inside the house. We've been under a Winter Storm Warning and will remain under one until...who knows? Anyway, at this moment in Round Rock the temperature sits at freezing. We've had rain for a couple of days and all the weather folks on TV tell us that driving is hazardous. They even say this may extend into Tuesday. Man, I hope not, we'll really have cabin fever by then. Us Texans don't customarily have to stay indoors very much, and it can get old pretty quick.

Taxable Income

Danish authorities have decided that the money "earned" by being a sperm donor is taxable. First of all, I didn't know they paid people to jack off, and secondly where do I sign up? No, wait, I can't sign up, I've had a vasectomy. Damn, all that time and I could have been getting paid!

In Denmark sperm banks pay "customers" for their donations. The government has now decided that such income is taxable. Sperm banks fear that reporting the income will prevent donors from remaining anonymous, and will cause them to stop donating. Ole Schou, director of one of the world's largest sperm banks, says, "it is certainly a shame and frustrating, when we have one of the world's best funcioning corps of donors." Oh, those Danes!

But, how about this donor with his own website - picture and all. Do you think he's paying taxes? And, what about that fresh home insemination procedure?

Denmark: The Land of Lowered Expectations

Or should that be The Happiest Country on Earth? According to researchers Danes report being the most satisfied with their lives, and the happiest of people. They have some of the worst weather and least enjoyable food on earth. The Swedes have more beautiful blondes, the French and Italians have much better food, so what makes the Danes so damned happy? The researchers think they know why. The Danes have lower expectations than most of us. When your expectations are low, you're always pleasantly surprised when anything better happens. So, just lower your expectations, and be happy...don't worry.

Come to think of it that's the genius of George W. Bush. We all have such low expectations of him that we're surprised when anything goes right.

$20,000 per Alien

The Texas Border Watch pilot project has come to an end. The new legislative session, which began this week, will take up the question of permanent funding. According to an article by the Associated Press the project resulted in the arrest of 10, count 'em, 10 illegal immigrants.

In case you don't know, our governor Rick Perry had 12 webcams installed on the Texas-Mexico border so that regular Texans (and anyone else) could monitor the comings and goings of persons trying to illegally enter Texas. The project had a price tag of $200,000 to get started, and resulted in the apprehension of 10 would be illegals during a month long pilot program. Yeah, that comes out to $20,000 per illegal. I'll bet the illegals would have taken a payment of $20k not to even try to enter Texas.

There Is Something in the Air

And it ain't just cedar pollen! I discovered last year that I have a strong allergy to mountain cedar pollen which has played a big part in my sinus struggles for the past year. Cedar season runs until about the end of this month. I started taking antihistamines about the first of December and (knock on wood) so far I'm handling it okay.

But that's not the real point. Today the main street in downtown Austin, Congress Ave., is closed because dozens of dead birds were littering the street. Authorities feared that the problem is due to some toxic gas or toxic something, so they closed Congress Ave from Caesar Chavez street (1st street) to 11th street and from Brazos to Colorado. That's a huge chunk of downtown.

However, in spite of radio messages to the contrary, the Capitol Complex is not closed. So, me and my co-workers are here fearlessly carrying on the business of the State of Texas. Yeah, right! The co-workers that have gone outside to look around assure us that there are no birds to be seen. Hmmm...

Better Living thru Chemistry

The Brave New World has definitely arrived. We have achieved the much sought after aphrodisiac that ourforebears spent millenia trying to find. Viagra, Cialis, Levitra...they're all here. Now, after much searching, a German pharmaceutical company, Boehringer, has stumbled across a drug that increases sexual desire in females. The drug in question flopped as an antidepressant, but hmm... it had a most desireable (pun intended) effect. In fact, many have called it the "Viagra for women." That wouldn't be exactly accurate since Viagra makes it possible for an otherwise impotent male to perform sexually. Evidently they feel no need to increase sexual desire in males.

However, that's about all that would be lacking for women. I mean they don't really have to uh...perform somuch as they have to want to. Okay, maybe that's not absolutely true, but it's pretty accurate in the general sense. The name of this new wonder drug is Flibanserin. I think they need to find a better name for it. How about Libidia?

No Wonder They Were Yelling "Muqtada"

It turns out that the cell phone video we all got to see of Saddam's hanging was definitely unofficial. Outsiders from Muqtada Al-Sadr's militia "infiltrated" into the proceedings and hung Saddam themselves. That fits perfectly with this fucked up misadventure we got ourselves into. Not only can our puppet the Iraqi government not govern anything outside of the Green Zone in Baghdad, but they can't even control it! The fact that outsiders could get to Saddam and hang him without our knowing any better just symbolizes the entire effort there.

Muqtada Al-Sadr runs a militia we call the Mahdi Army. Saddam executed his father who was the Grand Ayatollah Mohammad Mohammad Sadeq al-Sadr. Muqtada lived in exile until we overthrew Saddam. He came home after that and has managed to be a major pain in our ass ever since. He and his militia fought us in Najaf and several other places. Now it turns out they executed Saddam righ under our noses. It just makes you wonder what other fuck ups have happened that they didn't tell us about.

Judgment at Baghdad? I Don't Think So.

One of the best films of all time (at least in my opinion) is Judgment at Nuremberg. It tells the story of the war crimes trials of Nazi leaders after the end of WWII. The movie stars Spencer Tracey, Burt Lancaster, Judy Garland, Maximiliam Schell, Richard Widmark, Montgomery Clift, Marlene Dietrich, and even more. Anyway, it tells of the nobility of men as well as their depravity. It manages to do that rather even-handedly. It shows the nobility of the German defense lawyer, and the depravity of the accused. It shows how sitting in judgment by the victor after a war is tricky business.

Could someone make an equivalent film about the trials of Baathist Party leaders in Iraq? No, I don't think so. The trials had the same characteristics of a Stalin show trial. The defense had only token opportunity to work on behalf of the defendants. The first judge withdrew because he didn't want to be a part of a kangaroo court. One of the defense lawyers died at the hands of assassins, while all of their family members were threatened. This trial in which Saddam was sentenced to death had all the predictability of a farce. If a film director tried to make such a film it would result in a sleazy B film.

We Americans try to hold ourselves to a high standard in behavior, but we don't measure up any better than our enemies. Sadly, we seem to behave just as poorly when all is said and done. Do I believe that Saddam committed crimes against humanity? Yes, I do. Should he have been removed from his position and put to death? Yes, I agree. But did either one of those two things take place as it should have? No, most definitely not.

We removed him from power under the guise of protecting the world, while we really just wanted to dominate the Middle East and make the world safe for ExxonMobils. We rounded Saddam up and put him on trial by a bunch of our puppets. Was it just coincidence or irony that his death sentence came down just a few days before the November 7 election?

The UN Working Group on Arbitraty Detention concluded:

Even prior to the conclusion of the trial, the U.N. Working Group on Arbitrary Detention, in its Opinion 31/2006 dated 1 September 2006[2]: (a) has held that the detention is arbitrary within Category III of the Working Group’s categories (failure to provide a fair trial) [see para. 27]; and (b) has called upon the governments of Iraq and the USA to remedy the situation by providing a fair trial. [see para 28]

We can and should do better than this. What an unsophisticated way to go about it! God help the war criminals that brought all this about. If there be any justice in this universe, they're time will come.

Death Watch: Saddam Hussein

According to my calculations, the Iraqi government will hang Saddam Hussein within the next half hour. Several newspapers say on their web pages that the execution will take place between 5:30 and 6:00 a.m. December 30, Baghdad time. That means between 8:30 and 9:00 p.m. central standard time. Only time will tell. Anyway, when this brutal, vicious, motherfucking dictator gets killed, we'll just have Fidel to watch...unless someone else pulls a Turkmenbashi and dies unexpectedly.

I'm not a supporter of the Iraq war, but I have to acknowledge that the world will be better off without Saddam Hussein. Go to hell, Saddam!

Castro Wins!

According to the Nuevo Herald in Miami, American and Iraqi authorities have agreed to hold Saddam's execution tomorrow before 6 a.m. The Associated Press' source is a high-level Iraqi official who requested anonymity, because he does not have authorization to speak to the press. The source says that American forces will turn Saddam over to the Iraqis shortly before his execution.

Okay, so it looks like Castro will win the "stayin' alive" battle against Saddam. He's outlasted Pinochet, Somoza, Stroessner, and God only knows who else.

I Must Not Know How to Yawn

According to Piero Salzarulo, a professor of psychology in Florence, Italy, a yawn "gives a sense of well-being comparable to an orgasm." Even more, on a pleasure scale of 1 to 10 a yawn rates an 8.5 according to a study done by Robert Provine, professor of psychology, at the University of Maryland. Well, that leads me to only one conclusion: I don't know how to yawn. I mean, if yawning is comparable to an orgasm, I would be doing it all the time! However, the faces of people yawning and having an orgasm sure do look similar.

Santas of the World Unite!

You have nothing to lose but your...chains? Yep, that's right. In Italy a new group has sprung up called the "Movimento di liberazione dei Babbi Natale da terrazzo" (Movement for the Liberation of Santa Clauses from Terraces). Many people attach Santas to their terraces or to their balconies during the Christmas season. They appear to be climbing a fence or climbing a wall. However, lately many of the have gone missing, replaced with a letter from the MlBNt saying that they have "liberated" the Santas into the forest where they are happy.

By the way, the "Movimento autonomo per la liberazione delle anime da giardino" (Autonomous Movement for the Liberation of Garden Gnomes) has denied any responsibility. They say that they work only for the liberation of garden gnomes and to work for other beings would just be a distraction.

Well, It's Not Like...Uh...Surprising

News flash - The Iraqi Supreme Court has ruled that Saddam Hussein's death sentence remains valid, and that he must hang within the next 30 days. This guy didn't have a chance from the day he got captured. I mean, c'mon, did you really think a puppet government under the direction of the U.S. would acquit him? By an almost unbelievable coincidence his death sentence came down just before the 2006 elections in the U.S. But, even that couldn't help Bush and company. Maybe they'll try to kill him before the start of 2007.

Okay, let's predict. Who will die first, Fidel Castro or Saddam Hussein? In spite of it all, it's lookin' like Saddam might go first. Who would have thought it?

Spanish Doctor Says No Cancer for Fidel

Last week the Cuban government requested that José Luis Garcia Sabrido, a physician in Spain, come to Cuba to take a look at Fidel. The good doctor has returned and says that Fidel doesn't have cancer as the CIA reported. In fact, John Negroponte said that the CIA had intelligence to show that Fidel would die before Christmas. Maybe he meant Christmas next year. Evidently, old the old bastard continues to live.

Don't you know that his continuing to live just pisses George W. off? Hell, Castro might resume his duties and be in office longer than George. Whoa!

Dead or Not Dead?

Coalition forces in Afghanistan have announced that they killed Mullah Osmani, allegedly one of the top commanders of the Taliban, on Tuesday in the area near the Afghanistan-Pakistan border. Almost immediately the Taliban denied that the Coalition had done any such thing. If this guy really died, and if he really held a high post in the Taliban, how come I never heard of him before? Granted, I don't know everything about Afghanistan, but I do read vast (and I mean vast) amounts of world news every day.

It seems like every week or so the other Coalition forces (the ones in Iraq) announce that they have killed the leader of Al-Qaeda in Iraq. That poor guy just keeps dying over and over, kind of like Cartman on South Park. Well, maybe this Mullah Osmani fellow is like Kenny, he keeps getting killed every few days.

Less Than Two Days to Live

According to the CIA estimate, Fidel Castro suffers from an aggressive cancer that will take his life "before Christmas." Well, for the CIA to be right (not that they have ever gotten much right about Fidel), it means he has less than two days left to live. I suppose he knows that and will do whatever it takes to prove them wrong. I guessed in a previous post that the CIA had engaged in wishful thinking, and it looks more and more that way.

So far anyway, he has remained alive and kicking, figuratively speaking. He still takes Hugo Chavez' calls, so he must have held off death for a little while.

I look forward to seeing what the supporters and detractors will have to say when he finally kicks the bucket. The posts after Pinochet died showed a wide variety of feelings about him from Chileans. I expect no less from the Cubans - in exile or not.

Turkmenbashi Dead

Another brutal, vicious dictator is dead. No, it's still not Castro. This deserving dictator is Sapamurat Niyazov. He's the narcissist that has had Turkmenistan under his thumb for years after he named himself President for Life. In the arrogant and self-centered world of dictators, Niyazov had a special place. He changed the names of the months and days of the week to have his name or his mother's name as part of it. Canals, cities, airports, vodka, even aftershave bore the name he gave himself - Turkmenbashi, which means Father of All Turkmen.

This guy beats the Dear Leader in naming things after himself. Of course, I don't know if Turkmenbashi could have made 18 holes-in-one the very first time he played golf like Kim Jong Il did. Niyazov makes one more dictator that we're better off without.

We Are Winning this War

That depends which side you're on. And I'm not talking about Iraq or Afghanistan or Terrorism. No, I'm talking about the War on Drugs. A new report by John Gettman shows that marijuana is the largest cash crop in the U.S.A. Yep, brings in more money than wheat, corn, soy, etc. We produce 10K tons of marijuana per year that has a value of $35.8 billion...that's with a "b" not with an "m".

Of course, if we stopped the "War" the value would probably drop to less than one-third of that. Oh well, we gotta keep Wall Street in business.

I Would Like to Thank All the Little People

Thank you so much, Time Magazine, for naming me Person of the Year for 2006. You don't know how much this means to me. I want to thank my wife, my daughters, my parents, all of the people that stood by me during those long years...

Town in Sweden Wants to Change Name

A town in Sweden, Fjuckby, wants to change its name. They want a new name because the name closely resembles that infamous English word "fuck." But wait there's more! The Swedish word "juck" means very much the same thing, so they have a double dose. Now, the word "by" means town, so I don't blame them, I mean how would you like to live in Fucktown? Well, okay, some of you would like it, but the good folks in Fjuckby don't.

Flanders Declares Independence from Belgium

In the northern part of Belgium, Flanders, folks speak Dutch which they call Flemish. Confusing? It gets worse. They have long had an open conflict with the Walloons of southern Belgium. The Walloons speak French. Okay, so we have Walloons fighting the Flemish who really are French and Dutch. Well, not exactly. Anyway, that's a simplification of it.

This week Belgian TV ran a "mockumentary" saying that Flanders had become independent. They had real politicians and real journalists reporting like it had really happened - a lot like "War of the Worlds" by Orson Welles. Cool! That would be like a TV show reporting that Florida had declared independence, because it has a Hispanic majority in the southern part of the state. Or, that South Louisiana had declared independence to form the New Acadian Republic.

We're Better Off without Him

Another dictator with bloody hands has died. No, not Castro, at least not yet. This one stood in direct opposition to Fidel in fact. Augusto Pinochet the thief, tax evader, and mass murderer has gone to meet his maker. I hope his maker gives him direct passage to hell...he deserves it.

He couldn't have pulled it off alone, though. He had plenty of help from us, as in U.S. Richard Nixon, Henry Kissinger, et al played their part. Pinochet never faced justice from humanity, but his name has become synonymous with brutality. That's only fair.

I kinda like the idea that he died on my birthday...Fuck you Augusto!

¿La Verdad o Sólo Esperanzas de Los Gringos?

La BBC reporta según fuentes cubanos anónimos que El Líder padece de una clase de cáncer agresivo y que probablemente muera antes de la navidad. Pero, hemos oido algo parecido de la CIA hace meses, ¿verdad? ¿Es que sufren de pensamientos esperantivos (wishful thinking)?

Otra vez tratan de leer los residuos del té acerca de la muerte de un gobernante como pasó con Franco, Arafat, y El Papa. Cada minusioso detalle sobre el estado de salud del agonizante se lee como presagio de la futura. ¡Déjenlos en paz, por favor! No tenemos que saber todo de sus últimos momentos. Alquien escribirá un libro por supuesto.

Spray-On Condom

Soon you won't have to fumble in the dark to tear open the package and try to get the condom turned the right way. Now, the Institude for Condom Consultancy is working on a spray-on condom. Men would put their penises in a device that will spray latex onto the penis for the full 360 degrees. I wonder who they'll get to test the device? Not me.

No More Waiting in Long Lines for the Ladies Room

A new product has hit the market so that females can pee standing up. No more waiting in long lines at concerts or squatting behind bushes when you go camping. No, now women have a device that simulates a penis. Penis envy, anyone? A woman came up with the idea while on a fishing trip. They claim older women who have trouble sitting due to arthritis can use it, as well as women on safari trips.

The inventor says, "It certainly could be that some women will not find it to be very feminine to stand up like a man, but there is nothing especially feminine about having your pants down around your ankles squatting behind a bush." Each one comes with a little towelette for freshening up afterwards. Why hasn't someone thought of this before?

Besides, it just might solve that eternal toilet seat up or down problem.

Beware Meat Eaters!

We've seen this before. Careful with what you tell your insurance company. An insurance company in the Netherlands, Agis, may soon introduce a special health policy for vegetarians which would have lower premiums. The smoking thing started this way! Now they exile you to the outdoors regardless of the weather.

Not long before they have the meat eaters sitting in the parking lot while the vegetarians get to sit inside in comfort, not having to smell the burning flesh.

So Who Are You?

I was watching Countdown with Keith Olberman tonight when he announced that according to an IT muckety-muck there is a new blog created every second. And the average readership of a blog is exactly one. So, besides me who are you, fella?

All Goat-Fuckers to Denmark

The Animal Ethics Council in Denmark had ruled that there is no need to forbid sex with animals, large animals that is. They concluded that having sex with a large animal does not cause the animal "to suffer from being overburden", and therefore should not be outlawed. However, they recommended that sex-shows and porn involving animals be forbidden.

That reminds me of something I heard about certain Dutch personalities who refer to Muslims as "geiten neukers" which loosely means goat-fuckers. Well, they have banned the Burqa. Next, they'll be sending all Muslims to Denmark.

I Won't Be Flying with Them!

A Chinese airline, China Southern, has concluded that it's too expensive for passengers use the toilet while aircraft is in the air. So, they've decided to tell all their passengers to piss before they get on the plane. They say that each time a passenger uses the toilet that it wastes 1 liter of fuel. Now, really, I can't believe that. But, whatever the reason, I have to piss to often to be flying their (un)friendly skies.