Paris Beaches: No Topless Sunbathing


There's a beach in Paris? Paris on the ocean? No, but there is a beach there. This summer the city officials imported enough sand to form a beach along the Seine for the public to use during the exceptionally hot summer. However, there'll be no more topless sunbathing, and no more G-strings. If you do, you get fined 38 euro.

This Case Is Not Worth the Urine of an Iraqi Child

That's Saddam Hussein's take on his trial. He may be an evil killer, but he's sure got a way with words. I take it that this is not the Mother of All Trials.

Opblaasman

The Brits call him the "Buddy on Demand". He's an inflatable doll made to sit in your passenger's seat so it will appear that you're not traveling alone. They claim women feel more secure with him there. Well, there's another use for Buddy.

You know those High Occupancy Vehicle lanes in major cities? HOV lanes lets you drive faster than regular freeway traffic. Usually you have to have at least two persons in the car to be able to get in the HOV lane. Sometimes more. I think I see a really good use for old Buddy

Muslim Porn


Don't laugh! It really is porn from the Islamic Republic. Notice how she's just enticing you with that veil pulled away. And not just pulled back, but completely open to view! My Allah!

Hey, It Was Time to Partay!


Jeffrey Pelley killed his father, step-mother, and two step-sisters then went to a party. I guess he reckoned it was time to lighten up. Yeah, I mean killing four family members isn't the most relaxing thing you can do. That was a long time ago when Jeffrey was 17 years old. Hell, he's twice that age now. Only, now he's looking at 260 years in the pen. Just think, if he'd turned himself in back then and got the same sentence, he'd only have 243 years left to go.

Harold and Maude: The Sequel

They're actually named Simon and Edna, but they remind me of Harold and Maude. Many folks are too young to remember, but I guess I'm showing my age. Anyway, I say congratulations.

So If He Goes Impotent, Will He Cut Off His Penis?


Mickey Rourke found a unique way to get rid of his frustrations: He cut off his pinky finger. Well, not the whole thing, just the tip of it. He said he suddenly thought that he didn't need it anymore anyway. So, if his dick goes limp is he gonna cut it off too?

Cayenne Ain't Just a Pepper


No, it's also a Sinus Buster! You see, I'm still suffering from my sinus problems, but not near as much. I googled home remedies for sinusitis, and I found the Sinus Buster website. It uses the substance in the cayenne pepper called capsaicin in a metered nasal spray to shrink sinuses. Of course, the site has all kinds of testimonials. I ponied up my $20 or so, and got a spray bottle of it last week.

I won't lie, it burns. Oh yeah, it burns. But, it's not as bad as I expected it to be. Anyway, it really works! I have no trouble breathing at all any more. I still csn't smell or taste food, but I've come to like the loss of smell in certain situations. In fact, those situations are quite numerous. Even more frequent that I first thought.

Most people smell everything until they decide to hold their nose when something smells bad. What I'd like to do now is to change my default setting to no smell. But, to be able to smell when I specifically wanted to. Now, that's an idea for science!

It's Hot All Over

Not only is Europe suffering thru a heat wave, we are too! Well, actually ours is more expected...hell, it's this way every summer. So, what's new? Nothing really, except the usual complaining - God (followed by 1.5 second wait) Damn, it's hot! This is muttered by old timers and new timers alike. There's a point when even the sun worshippers can't take any more.

The forecast high for today in Austin is 104F (40C). Park your car in the sun, and you get to practice some one-finger-on-the-steering-wheel driving. Holding the steering wheel long enough to turn a corner is a bitch!

World Champion Vacationers

If you're going to be World Champs at something, then being World Champs at vacationing would be the best. The Dutch have won that prize, and it didn't take taunting the competition either. No headbutts, no cussing, no whatever. Well, there probably was some cussing somewhere, but it doesn't count. Now, there's a bunch of people after my own heart: World Champion Vacationers! It's tough, but somebody's got to do it.

No, the Traffic Is Not Moving


Before I left for work this morning, the Goddess called to tell me that she had heard on the radio that there was a major accident on I-35. She said it involved a gasoline spill. I later learned that it involved 7 (yes, seven) 18-wheelers and 3 cars. (I suppose that would be 129 wheels) I decided to take another route which is usually too slow, but I figured it might be better than the Interstate today.

Bad idea! I wound up driving in just as much traffic while trying to avoid the traffic. It's sort of one of those Oedipus Rex things. The more you try to avoid the problem, the more you bring it on. It took me over an hour and a half to get here today. That's 90 minutes to go about 30 km. What is that...about 3 or 3.5 km per hour? That last half of it was at about 110 km per hour, because once I got by the bottleneck, it was clear sailing.

How Many Can You Knock Down?


The Zidane vs. Materazzi knock down a la World Wrestling Entertainment is now a computer game! Yes, you get to see how many Materazzis you can take out, and get red-carded. I tried it myself, and I took down about 8 or 10. I wasn't really counting, because it was so much fun. Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!

It's About Fucking Time!

A Defense Department memo signed by Gordon England, the number 2 man at the DOD, states that even "enemy combatants" are covered by the Geneva Convention. This whole thing is in response to the Supreme Court's ruling saying that military tribunals, as done by the Bush Administration, violate the Constitution and the Geneva Convention.

One rhetorical questions: If you violate the Geneva Convention, doesn't that make you a war criminal?

Don't Say You Haven't Wanted to Do This Too


Let's just re-live the moment...Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!

The Ultimate in Self-Centeredness

That's what some people consider suicide to be. A person who would do that has no thought for others and how they may be affected. That's at least one way to look at it. Anyway, it looks like the building collapse in NYC today may have been a botched suicide attempt. I say botched because evidently the suicider was taken to a hospital with severe burns. If you're gonna take the whole building with you, you'd better make sure you die in the process. i have a feeling this guy is gonna wish even more that he hadn't survived.

Is That What Oxymoron Means?


The first style show in decades took place in Kabul, Afghanistan. The models were all foreign, but they all wore hijabs (at the least). There was even a part dedicated to burqas. Yes, burqas. If you're going to model burqas, do you even have to be good-looking? For that matter, do you even have to be a woman?

What Did You Do in the 60s, Daddy?


Researchers in the U.K. have concluded that most 50-somethings lie to their kids about what they did in the 60s. Seems they embellish their carrying-ons. They say they were too high to remember it all. They all saw the Beatles in person, had all kinds of sex, blah, blah, blah. The truth is that 8% used cannabis, and fewer than 1% took LSD.

Hell, I remember too much from the 60s, and I'm one of that 8%! Or am I embellishing? ;-)

What Do You Call It When Someone Looks Good from Behind, but...


Ugly from the front? Like the Lyle Lovett song "She's Hot to Go." Well, I guess we would say what ol' Lyle said, "She was ugly from the front." But, now I understand there's a Japanese word for just that thing: Bakku-shan.

Guy 1: Hey, man, look at her...whoa!
Guy 2: Be careful, buddy, she might just be bakku-shan.

Kenny Boy Is Dead


Like I said when Slobo Milo died, it couldn't have happened to a better guy. Only problem is that Kenny Boy died at this vacation home in Aspen, and Slobo died in a prison cell. Kenny Boy should have had the same fate.

You know, in some other countries economic crimes are punishable by death. Lucky for Kenny Boy, he didn't get caught in China.

Now, about that White House connection and where he got that nickname in the first place...

Nevada Gubenatorial Candidate


In the theme of freedom on July 4th it's only right to point out one of the Republican candidates for Governor of Nevada. Her name is Melody Damayo aka Mimi Miyagi. So, what's so internesting about that? Well, Melody is a former pornstar and she's a Republican! Why is it that the porn stars that enter politics do so as Republicans? Mary Carey ran as a Republican. Why, she even visited the White House as one of the Republican candidates.

Democrats are always the ones caught up in sex scandals, it's not often the Republicans. Republicans' weakness is for money. They always get caught with their hands in the cash register, and Democrats always get caught with their hands in their (or someone else's) pants.

Adieu, Bresil


What? Brazil is out of the World Cup? That can't be right! And it's the French that beat 'em? That can't be right either! The frogs knocked out the perennial favorite and defending champion. That means there won't be the standard final with someone playing Brazil. Okay, maybe that hasn't always happened, but we certainly expected it this time. So, as of now, it's Portugal, France, Italy, and Germany. It's an all EU final four. I don't know who I'm for now. I suppose the true underdog is Portugal, because they haven't made it this far in something like 50 years. Besides, they speak Portuguese just like Brazil. That's it! The champion will still speak Portuguese, so let's pull for Portugal.

This Is a Fine Mess You Got Me Into, Dick


Just imagine what ol' George W. is thinkin' now that the Supremes say he overreached his power, violated the constitution, and broke international law.

"Uh...Dick...you promised me this was okay!" "What's next, war crimes trials?"

South Korean Threatens Swiss Embassy

A South Korean man called directory assistance to request the phone number of the Swiss Embassy, because he was going "over there to blow the place up." Why? South Korea lost to Switzerland in the World Cup and was eliminated from the tournament. At least it wasn't over something stupid like cartoons of Mohammed!

More Than He Ever Dreamed Of


Charles Lennon had a problem with impotence back in 1996 (before Viagra). He had surgery to put an implant in his penis that would make it become erect when it was "sexually handled." Well, that didn't happen. Instead he was rewarded with a permanent erection. Ten year hard-on, folks. What's that old saying - be careful what you ask for, you just might get it? So, what did he get for his trouble? He got $400,000. The McDonald's hot-coffee-spiller got more than that!

Oh, and one other thing...Mr. Lennon still has the hard-on. He can't undergo surgery to remove it due to other health reasons. Sounds like a career in porn would be just the thing.

That Other Florida Story

CNN and everyone else is all lit up about the Al-Qaeda cell in Miami. It's probably going to turn out to be a bunch of young fuck-ups thinking they were tough. Anyway, that's not the other Florida story.

The other story is about Mr. Enrique Garcia from Stuart, Florida who was caught in flagrante delicto fucking his puppy "Snoopy." Authorities found him completely unclothed and uh...well...penetrating the dog in the woods behind his house. (No photos needed, right?) What did he have to say for himself? "It's my dog, what's the problem?" Well...that's Florida for ya. No wonder they voted for Bush and elected his brother Governor.

Hell, I Could Do That!

The US Army reports that Saddam Hussein has ended his hunger strike. So, how long was it? From dinner one night to breakfast the next morning? That's what breakfast means by the way, breaking the overnight fast. Man, that Saddam sure is noble, isn't he?

Oh, What a Noble Figure!


Get this...Saddam Hussein has gone on a hunger strike. One of the most self-centered, self-indulgent, assholes in human history goes on a hunger strike, because his lawyers keep getting killed. Wow, that's a page right out of Gandhi! What a pacifist! Don't make me gag.

I Thought Only Men Did That

A 79 year-old grandmother became so jealous of her ex-boyfriend (?) that she shot him dead after he ended their relationship. The police showed up and found her in a bathrobe and hairnet waving her pistol around. She said, "I did it, and I will do it again." Just what did she do? She shot the man five times in the head. Yeah, five times in the head.

NYC Number One

You ain't gonna believe this, but New York City is the most courteous city in the world. That's according to Reader's Digest anyway. Could that possibly be true? It's sure they're reputation, now it it?

Male or Female Brain

Men and women have differences in their brains. Duh! Well, anyway you can find out which kind of brain you have. Click here.

You Call That Lunch?


Well, yeah, that's what you call it when you eat in the middle of the day, isn't it?
Peanut butter, crackers, and a bottle of water with apple cider vinegar. No, it's not a fresh bottle of Ozarka. I'm too cheap for that.

iPodding to Work


Yes, that's me listening to my iPod. Actually I was listening to a podcast called "Langsam Gesprochene Nachrichten" from Deutsche Welle. That means "Slowly Spoken News" for people who are trying to learn German. Hey, somebody's gotta do it!

¡Go-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ol!


Finally the US gets a point in the World Cup! And against the Italians at that! Wow, with the Czechs losing to Ghana it's an open group. We're still not out of it, but it's going to be hard to win Group E for whoever does it. Three red cards in the game. Two of them on Americans.

Even Man's Best Friend Has Limits


Police in Modena, Utah spotted Nicholas T. Galanis on the street and wanted to talk to him about a suspected theft. Nick saw the cops too, and jumped into his car with his Pit Bull. Thus began a high-speed chase. The officers in pursuit noticed that the dog in the passenger seat was being thrown around the car hitting his head on the window. The wild ride eventually became too much for the dog. He bit Nick on the face and nose which left poor Nick missing a part of his nose. Two lessons here: 1) Don't run from the cops 2)If you do, don't bring your dog along.

Garden Gnome Liberation Front


There is an organization in Switzerland called the Garden Gnome Liberation Front that is going around "liberating" garden gnome statues. The estimated population of garden gnomes in Europe is 30 million. They've got a long way to go.

Your Freedom Fighter Is Our Terrorist


Or something like that. I had heard some "fringe nuts" say that Menachem Begin was a terrorist before he got respectable and became Prime Minister of Israel. He was a member of Irgun, I believe. The Irgun was the Hamas of its day, only it was Jewish. Anyway, now the story comes out that Begin sold his gold watch to finance an assassination attempt against Konrad Adenaur, the Chancellor of West Germany at the time.

Begin later shared the Nobel Peace Prize with Anwar Sadat. Now ain't that sumpthin'? Perhaps one day Osama will be one of our strongest allies. Hey, it's happened before!

Carrying Coal to Newcastle? How about STDs?


Some public employees in Britain working for the Department of the Environment in Newcastle are undergoing an investigation because they've been accused of having sex in the rest room by an anonymous co-worker. Now, I work for the government too (in Texas anyway), and I've seen what "public servants" look like. Believe me, they're not particularly attractive. But, I guess that's not the point, is it?

The "whistleblower" decries his co-workers' "depravity." Maybe the accused should accuse the whistleblower of "jealousy."

The President Is Worried


Yes, he says he's seriously concerned about the triple suicide at Guantanamo. He is? When did he become worried...just yesterday? So far, he hasn't been worried at all about it. I mean he has ignored the EU, UN, OAS, Amnisty International, Human Rights Watch, and everyone else that has said to close that prison down. There have been revelations galore about mistreatment of prisoners, desecration of the Koran (which is another thing entirely), torture dressed up as a "stress interview", and only God knows what else. None of those requests from international organizations or revelations about conditions have cause His Royal Highness any consternation at all.

I'm doubtful that his newfound concern is anything other than some kind of self-serving crap that he wants us to swallow. Doubtful might be to mild a word. Let me do that over. I'm convinced that his newfound concern is anything other than some kind of self-serving crap that he wants us to swallow.

Spreekt Je Nederlands?

The city of Bristol in the UK needed some good police dogs, and decided to purchase some that had already been trained. The problem is that they bought them from the Netherlands, and the dog's handlers had to learn Dutch to give the dogs commands. So, what if you're the bad guy and the cops are yelling in Dutch telling the dog to get you? You'd never know til it was too late.

New Invention: Adaptive Technology


Announcing the Nose Booster! Yes, all you do is place it on the bridge of your nose under your bifocals, and voilà you can comfortably read that computer screen through the lower part of your bifocals. And, it comes in a variety of colors too, so matching your frames is simple! Place your order in the comments section, and kiss your sore neck good-bye. Only $9.99! Order within the next 10 minutes and we'll throw in a second Nose Booster for only $4.99. Yes, you read that right, a second Nose Booster for half price! No more squinting and eye strain...order now!

Morey Stovall: "I don't see very well, so I wear glasses all the time. I'm over 50, so I wear bifocals. My job requires me read a lot on my computer. When I'm sitting in front it, I can't read the screen because the upper part of the bifocals make everything too blurry. The lower part is perfect, but I have to tilt my head back so much that it makes my neck hurt. Not anymore! Not now that I found the Nose Booster!"

Just Thank the Hollanders

Thanks to a 24 hour prayer marathon in the Netherlands, we didn't have to face the Day of the Beast. The prayer marathon included 50 towns and lasted from 6:00 pm Monday until 6:00 pm Tuesday on 06/06/06. I suppose it's one of those biblical days where the day ends at sunset. Anyway, thanks to the Dutch we avoided armageddon.

The Man with a Pussy


His name is Buck Angel, but his name at birth was Susan. He always felt like a male in a female body. So, when he got old enough, he had his breasts reduced (I'll say), began taking male hormones. and lifting weights. He never got the "final" surgery though. It cost too much and it would give him a penis that doesn't "work like it's supposed to." However, he is attracted to men, so the pussy issue is no problem.

It's All Viagra's Fault


There are reports that an epidemic of STDs has broken out in The Villages in Florida. That's a senior citizens' town like Sun City, I suppose. The gynecologist who sees many of the residents says it's all because if Viagra. Louis Franklin, a resident in The Villages, says, "I've had more dates since I moved here that I've had my whole life." Colleen McQuade, the gynecologist, says she has had more cases of STDs in The Villages than she used to have when she practiced in Miami.

Believe It


A medium in Brasil wrote two letters from the the victim of a murder whose spirit told the medium that the accused on trial had not done it. The two letters were entered into evidence and proved to be the determining factor in the judge's decision, according to the defense attorney. A clerk at the court confirmed that the letters were accepted as evidence, because the prosecution did not object.

Watch the Commercial or Pay

Royal Philips Electronics has applied for a patent in the U.S. that would not allow the TV's remote control to change channels during a commercial, unless you have already paid a fee. The same would apply to digitally recorded programs: you wouldn't be able to skip the commercials without paying a fee. What's this world coming to? We already pay for cable just to be able to watch the programs at all, now we have to pay not to watch? This is an outrage! Well, okay, not that much of an outrage, not like NSA spying. But, it pisses me off nonetheless.

The Fattest City in the Fattest State in the Fattest Country in the Whole Fat World


That would be Houston, Texas. We drove over there Saturday to see my sis-in-law and her husband. So, what did we do? We ate! Let's see, Saturday evening was Alladin's. I got the vegetable sampler which had like 12 or 15 things on it. It was fantastic. Afterwards we went to see Kinky Boots. I would say it's okay, but not what I would call great. It's a comedy about a shoe maker and a drag queen. There are some funny parts, but it was way too predictable. I didn't pick the movie by the way.

The next morning it was breakfast at Spanish Flower (the name reminds me of Spanish Fly). It was very good Mexican food. Then, later we went to church with the in-laws. They're Catholic and we've been to the same service with them several times. The services don't get any better - it still looks like a well rehearsed but poorly performed magic show. Like everyone knows their part so well that it's become routine. Robes, candles, wine, bread, holding stuff up in the air like a magician showing you there's nothing up his sleeves, assistants, procession, and so forth. The priest's homily was good though, it was about Archbishop Oscar Romero who was killed by death squads in El Salvador.

After church of course it was time to eat again. This time we went to Nidda's Thai Restaurant. I thought it was very good and so did the Goddess.

We left Houston about 9:30 in the morning so no more eating. Oh well.

The Egg Was First


John Brookfield, a British researcher, has determined that the egg came before the chicken. He says it's actually quite simple - genetic material cannot evolve in a living organism, it has to evolve in the egg. So, the egg that produced the chicken was laid by a different specie.

Short Pants Will Get You Killed

In Iraq at least. The coach and two members of the Iraqi Davis Cup team were executed by a militant Sunni group. Eye witnesses said that the execution took place because the three wore short pants. A few days ago the militant group warned the team that wearing shorts would not be tolerated. What the fuck? Shorts? Would they prefer them to play tennis in those long white dresses?

Borat's Back


And I don't mean his butt. He has returned. Borat is in Cannes to promote his new movie called Borat The Movie. I like.

Because They All Have Mustaches


Tiziano Ferro, an Italian popular singer, said on TV that it's impossible to find beautiful Mexican women, because they all have mustaches. He then backs off a little to say that Salma Hayek is the only exception.

35=10


According to a novel by Chetan Bhagat called One Night @ the Call Center trainers at call centers in India instruct their students from day one that 35=10. It means that the brain of a 35 year old American is equal to the brain of a 10 year old Indian. They say it helps their students better understand the American customers.

Sinus Treatment


Yeah, I'm still fighting with my sinuses. The picture is of my desk at this moment. I'm taking herbs, drinking lots of water, and well...hoping for my sense of smell to come back. I went back to the Academy of Oriental Medicine of Austin last Thursday to be "re-evaluated". I got some needles in the same places as before, a month's worth of herbs, and time to come back. The Iatrogenic Rash has improved, but not left the auditorium. So, now it's been like 3 1/2 months that I've been fuckin' with this and it ain't gone! I will say that it's improved a lot though.

No Good Samaritans Allowed

David Sharp died while climbing Mount Everest. He ran out of oxygen in the "dead zone". He didn't have a sherpa, and he didn't have enough oxygen tanks. He also didn't have any help, because 40 other climbers passed him by while he was lying there dying. Yes, 40.

Suspicious Saudis

Two University of South Florida students from Saudi Arabia remain is jail after their arrest on Friday for boarding a school bus without authorization. They got on the bus, took a seat, and began speaking Arabic. Students alerted the driver who was a substitute and didn't know that the two men weren't students. The driver called police, and the two men were arrested at the high school.

Now, get this, one of them was wearing a trenchcoat in 80F temperature in Tampa. Duh! What makes you suspicious of that? An Arab on a school bus in a trenchcoat...my Allah! When asked why they boarded the bus the two, who were questioned separately, gave more than one reason. First, they said they wanted to enroll in an easier English language class than the one at South Florida, then they said they wanted to see a high school, then they said they thought it would be fun.

Yeah, I know why...They wanted to get some American pussy! Remember they come from a country where all the women wear black tents. No, they're not Al-Qaeda, they're Al-Cunta.

Everybody's Doin' a Brand New Dance Now, C'mon Baby...

Do the Bird Flu. Yes, not only has bird flu itself arrived in the Ivory Coast, but the dance (click here to see it) has too. I didn't know it but Ivory Coast is quite a dance happy place. They name new dances after sports, politics, and so on. They even have one called the Guantanamo. Is that they one where they look like they're committing suidice?

Follow Up on Extreme Sport


A few days ago I posted about two Scandanavian guys who were going to ski down Mount Everest. Well, only one of them made it. The guy from Sweden, Tomas Olsson, has gone missing. The two skiers were at a cliff and were trying to rappel down when Tomas fell. His skiing partner, Tormod Granheim, went down to try to help him, but only found his ice ax. God bless him.

Immigration Reform


Okay, let me get this straight. A suspected people smuggler was shot and killed on the US-Mexican border trying to escape to Mexico. Wait a minute! He was going south? He was trying to smuggle people into Mexico? What did I miss here? He's taking illegal immigrants back to Mexico, and our Border Patrol shot him...because he tried to avoid a traffic stop and get across the border. Isn't that what East German border guards used to do when people tried to get to West Germany? I got to say I'm confused. Seems like the Minutemen would want to give the guy a medal.


I'm just sayin'.

UT Commencement at 8:30 A.M.?


Driving to work this morning was going along quite well until I took my regular exit from I-35. When I exited, I had to slam on the brakes, because traffic was backed up on the exit ramp. It was at a standstill on the ramp and on the access road. For fuck's sake! It turns out that the University of Texas is having their commencement exercises (strange name for that huh?) in the Erwin Center at fucking 8;30 in the morning! Well, maybe not 8:30 when they start, but it sure was early enough for people to tie up traffic trying to get there. Gimme a break!

Curious About Your Death?

Just go to The Death Psychic, and it will gladly inform you how you will meet your death. Here's what will happen to me:

While mowing the lawn barefoot, you accidentally run over your foot, severing your toes. Unable to walk, you bleed to death in your lawn.

Hmmm...I don't usually mow the lawn, and never have liked doing it, barefoot or not. Mowing the lawn barefoot? Really?

I'll Be Right Back

A young woman in Germany had filled her gas tank, but didn't have enough money to pay for it. She left her friend who was with her as a "deposit" while she drove home to get some money. Okay, that's a little unusual, but not unbelievable. Except she never came back.

The employees called the cops who came and questioned the friend who was later allowed to go. Well, gas is really pricey nowadays.

Hirsi Ali Comes to America


Hirsi Ali is presently a member of parliament in the Netherlands. She is resigning her seat and is moving to the US to work for the American Enterprise Institute. So what? Well, she's been living under threat of death for a long time, especially since Theo Van Gogh was murdered by jihadists in Amsterdam in 2004.

The reason it's all happening now is because she has acknowledged lying on her asylum request to live in the Netherlands. There has been a publicity campaign about it recently with a TV documentary. This was evidently public information before, but it's being rehashed lately. She was born in Somalia, grew up under Islam, and has been an outspoken critic of it. In fact, she collaborated with Van Gogh on the movie, Submission, that got him killed.

I for one say welcome to her, may her time in the US be safe.

Extreme Sport

Two Scandanavians have climbed Mount Everest, but that's not really news. What's news it that they are going to ski down it. That's 8850 meters above sea level. Whoa, and I thought my ill-fated sky dive was daring!

Imagine What It's Like Here!

A study in Denmark found that food from McDonald's is healthier than food in nursing homes. I'll bet the food in Danish nursing homes is better than nursing home food here. If you've ever visited a nursing home, you can believe it.

Figure This One Out


Joanna and Angela, two women, got married recently in Great Britain where same sex marriage has been legal for a few months. But, that's not the main thing. They are both transexuals: They were both men previously named John and Andrew. They both have been married before and they have children. But, they felt female, so they had sex change operations. After their respective operations they met on the Internet as two women. They fell in love and got married...as lesbians. I'm confused, but not as much as they are!

He's Still Breaking Records

The Wall Street Journal poll shows our Prezdint with an approval rating of 29%. That breaks the record for any president. How low can he go? Has he hit bottom (pun intended)?

I Approved this Message


I come from West Texas right next to Odessa
The place that is really God’s own
My wife’s no contessa, and I must confess-a
That my mind’s not very well honed
I take time to rest, but I do my best
With money that came from a loan

(chorus)
They stole the election and gave it to me
Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same
They tell me what’s best, I do the rest
And everything comes out okay


I bought me a ball team we all call the Rangers
After that they went straight to hell
With me at the helm there never was danger
That the Rangers would ever do well
We built a new ball park named, uh…the Ball Park
By then it was time for me to sell

(chorus)

Livin’ in a mansion and bein’ the Governor
Sounded like a whole lot of fun
But one Sunday sermon from my friend the preacher
And Mom sayin’ listen here son
You should be in the White House, not sittin’ in the bleachers
So, I thought, hell, why don’t I run?

(chorus)

I took on the office and the nucular button
Even though I don’t know which wing is west
No more stem cells I said, but all of a sudden
Them Al-Qaida cells put Dick to the test
I was down visitin’ Jeb and absorbed in my readin’
Andy said, “George, we’d better haul ass.”



(chorus)


I put the blame on Saddam the Iraqi
And let his people go on a rampage
War on TV’s better than watchin’ hockey
With me getting’ all of the praise
I always thought I’d look good in Khaki
With the USS Lincoln for a stage



(chorus)

Well, things started going from bad to worse
Our kids gettin’ killed by IEDs
We caught Saddam and a few of the perps
But, Zarkawi's got martyrs in their teens
My approval keeps droppin’ my policies are cursed
Social Security reform's in the deep freeze

(chorus)

Indictments keep coming who’s next to fall?
Why are you givin' me such a hard test?
Congress quit answering whenever I call
It’s hard I tell you, this leading the West
Our allies snub us they quit playing ball
I’m just doin' my best in a bullet-proof vest

Is That a Shoe Phone You're Wearing?


The Aphrodite Project has developed some sandals for sex workers (hookers?) to wear that include a GPS locator, an alarm button, and a liquid crystal screen for sending and receiving emails. It reminds me of Get Smart the TV show from the 60s. Only the shoe phone there was pretty crude by Aphrodite standards.

No Streaking during the World Cup


The Germans are serious about stopping streaking during the upcoming World Cup matches.
If you decide to attend and want to run naked on the field, plan on being fined up to 100,000 euros. This from a country that is providing temporary uh...drive-thru hooker work places for the cities in Germany that will host World Cup games. No streaking, what a disappointment for all those Pakistanis!

Michael Has Left US(A) for Good

Michael Jackson has decided to stay in Bahrain and never return to the good ol' USA. He's going to sell Neverland, and not look back. However, it he did look back and turned into a pillar of salt like Lot's wife, it wouldn't hurt his looks any.

I Finally Agree with George W.


When asked what his best moment as President was, George W. Bush told a German publication that it was when he caught a 3 kilo carp from a lake on his ranch. He said, "You know, I've had many great moments and it's hard to decide on the best one. I'd say that the best one was when I caught a 3.4 kilo carp from my lake." No, I'm not making that up, just check the link. I've got to say I agree with him.