Imagine That!

A "politician" in Belgium has promised to give oral sex to anyone who votes for her. Finally, a political platform that has some public support! Her name is Tania Dervaux and she's a candidate for the Senate from the Nee party in Antwerp. Of course, like any politician the compaign promise comes with some qualifications. If you are a married voter or you are just timid, you have to get your "pay-off" in Second Life. Well, that's a lot less than promised!

Mugger Geese Take Man's Cell Phone

Yes, a poor young student of jurisprudence fell prey to a gang of geese. Just walking along minding his own business, and sudddenly the geese attacked! They kept pecking at his cell phone until he had to let it go. Then, one of the perpetrators grabbed the phone and fled with it. He has called his phone several times since the incident, but he gets no answer. The geese probably have the caller ID turned on, and know not to answer.

A Breakthrough? Electronic Cigarettes

I suppose someone had to do it. But, why? A Chinese company, Ruyan, has invented an electronic cigarette. It's a little cartridge with nicotine in it that you suck on like a cigarette. You don't inhale smoke, just air and nicotine. When you exhale, it's comes out as smoke that the company claims is harmless (yeah, right!). You can buy these if you live in China, Israel, Turkey, Australia and some European countries. The company says they will target the United States next.

Workers' Compensation

People injured on the job have the recourse of applying for workers' compensation. Here in the US we have lots of negative ideas about just what deserves compensation. Many people believe that anyone receiving workers' compensation just doesn't want to work and prefers to malinger.

I don't know how the folks in Belgium feel, but I know that a professional beer taster has won his court case against his employer, Inbev. The poor fellow became an alcoholic while doing his work. The company tried to get out of paying, but a court in Belgium ruled that the company must pay the former employee €35,000. That come out to probably $50,000 or so.

So, we have the case of a man who really, really enjoyed his work so much that... he did it too well. Now, surely Americans could sympathize with that.

Say It Ain't So, Sascha

Oh no, it turns out that Sascha Baron Cohen will not play Freddie Mercury in a movie about Queen. All the various managers and producers of various things say, "drivel." A few days ago I reported that Borat would play Freddie Mercury, because I saw a story saying that in Aftonbladet. Well, whoever thought it up had a good idea, I think. Who knows maybe they'll do it after all. Please, Borat, please!

I'll Say!

Cypriot troops have banned the use of the sex toy made in Britian named the Love Bug 2. They say that it puts out "waves" that interfere with their radio communications. What the hell do they use for radio? Not very secure if you ask me. Or, could the sexual energy produce radio waves?

He Will, He Will Rock You

Borat will. Sascha Baron Cohen will play Freddie Mercury in a new file about Queen. Check the link, they even look the same.

Skepticism Well Placed

Well, it turns out that no one really knows who lies dead in the coffin. The Iraqi government said that some tribal fighters killed Abu Ayub al Masri. Then the Interior Ministry said they had the body of some other guy named al Baghdadi, the alleged spiritual leader of Al Qaeda in Iraq. Now, the US announces they have killed Al Qaeda's "Information Minister" named al Juburi. One body makes three al Qaeda members. Sounds just like some of the accounting that went on at Enron.

Man Close to Bin Laden in Guantanamo

We've caught so many number threes of Al-Qaida, it's a wonder anyone takes the number three job anymore. The latest "major operative" we've caught is Abd al Hadi al-Iraki. He is "close to Bin Laden." Hell, everyone we catch is as close to Bin Laden as his jugular vein ;-) Have you ever heard of this guy? Me neither. I think they just keep dragging up the shaggy looking Middle Eastern men, and tell us they're some bogey-man. Funny how we can catch all this guys near and dear to Bin Laden and al-Zawahiri, but we can't catch them. Sounds like a shell game to me. Besides this guy looks like a man in my office before his hair turned gray. Matt is that you?

Goodbye Sandy

We lost Sandy today. She was a 16 1/2 year old Cocker Spaniel that wrapped me around her dew claw. We got Sandy on March 24, 1991, and we gave her up today April 20, 2007. What a dog! She taught me so much that I needed to learn. I am indebted to her more than I could ever repay. Bless you Sandy, you made my life more than what it might have been otherwise.






So long, Sandy
Your blonde curly hair
And your ever playful spirit
Added to our lives in ways uncountable.

You opened me up to life
That I never knew was there
My throat tightens and my heart aches
To think of how you blessed life
More than life blessed you.

Bounding in and out of sight
In a field full of bluebonnets
With your tail never leaving view
Come back some time, Sandy
We'll do it all over again.

That Skirt Looks Just Too Violent

Yes, a violent skirt has become a problem at the Miss Universe contest. It turns out that the home team (the contest takes place in Mexico City) broke the uh...rules? Miss Mexico had chosen to wear a skirt with images of Mexican history on it. One of those images shows a man standing before a firing squad, and another depicted some fallen Catholic insurgents who rose up against the secular government in Mexico back in the 1920s. The designers wanted to depict Mexican history as it really happened. Well, critics jumped all over that one, and the Mexican entrant has decided to re-design the skirt.

Parody of a Parody

I don't know if I should say it had to happen, but it did happen. Peaches does a parody of Alanis Morissette's parody of Fergie's My Humps. Only this time it's called My Dumps. Whatcha gonna do with all that tripe? All that tripe comin' out your pipe?

SMU Doesn't Want Bush's Library

They thought it would distinguish the university to have the George W. Bush library on campus, but a large number of professors and even Methodist bishops don't want anything to do with him. Of course, if you had a university, would you want it to have connections with an illiterate war criminal? No, I didn't think so. We've had enough of Bush here in Texas to last more than a lifetime. Put his library somewhere else - like Baghdad maybe.

I Just Wanna Be Sedated

While waiting in one of those little "alcoves" (an open area separated by a thin curtain" in the procedure waiting area, I heard my neighbor tell her husband that she felt scared about a colonoscopy and, "I just wanna be sedated." I began thinking that would make a perfect title for a heavy metal song. Hell, maybe somebody has already done it, I don't know.

Well, the sedation sure worked on me! The nurses tell you that they give you something that makes you forget. It sure does! I kept asking the same thing over and over (at least the Goddess says I did). Of all things, I kept asking if I was "personable" when the doctor came by. Personable? Where did that come from?

Anyway, the doctor pronounced me in good shape and I don't have to do the colonoscopy for another 10 years.

It Has Started

Well, sort of the opposite of what Jesus said at the end on the cross, "It is finished." In my case it has only started. I have the singular pleasure of undergoing a colonoscopy tomorrow. And today I have started with the uh..."clean out" to put it nicely. About 30 minutes ago I took the first dose of some kind of stuff that makes you spend all of your time in the bathroom. It hasn't kicked in yet, so I'm typing this right now. I may not have the chance later ;-)

He's Not a Victim, He's a Volunteer

Volunteer firefighter that is. But, that's not all. Steven S. Cole works as a volunteer firefighter in the state of Ohio. He went to the park one day, and got arrested for it. What did he do? He went dressed in a bikini and a blond wig. The police took him to the station for drunk driving and public disorder. So, what did his buddies say when they saw his mug shot? I don't know, but I'll bet they laughed a lot.

Notice that when the took his "mug shot" they didn't take the photo of just his mug. They got a full-body shot. Now, that's not nice!

Custom-Made Coffins

Do you want a coffin that looks like a cell phone, or how about a stack of blankets? Well, now you can have one according to your own designs. Yep, a group of carpenters from Ghana of the Ga tribe will make you whatever you want in the way of a coffin. They'll even make armoirs or chests however you like. But, the main selling point remains the cell phone coffins. Oh yeah, reach out and touch someone! Want to place an order? Just click.

Gimme That Old Time Religion

Or at least a chocolate Jesus. A sculpture by Cosimo Cavallaro of Jesus on the Cross in milk chocolate has raised the ire of a group of U.S. Catholics. They want to boycott the coming exposition of the uh...piece...at the Lab Gallery in Manhattan. The artwork stands just short of 6 feet tall and weighs 198 pounds. Yes, almost 200 pounds of chocolate in the form of a man...well...a man and a God, because we all know that Jesus had both human and divine nature. And just in time for Easter! That sure puts those hollow chocolate Easter bunnies to shame.

Four Hundred Thirty-Five Thousand (Six Hundred) Sleepers

According to the Terrorist Identities Datamart Environment (TIDE) we have 435,000 terror suspects. Yep, according to the Washington Post the list grows so fast that it has become almost unmanageable. I have always maintained that when you watch everyone so closely, the info you get becomes completely meaningless. But, hey, what do I know?

Alaska Senator Ted Stevens' wife Catherine gets delayed every time she wants to board a plane, because her name resembles Cat Stevens, now known as Yusuf Islam. Islam finds himself on the list because, well we don't know - the information remains classified. Well, I know I feel better without Catherine on my flight.

Chiquita Supports Terrorist Organization

Yep, Chiquita banana paid $1.7 million to the United Self-Defense Forces of Columbia which constitutes an extreme right wing paramilitary death-squad that is on the U.S. list of terrorist organizations. Now, why would an American company support a terrorist organization? M-o-n-e-y. That's all there is to it. So, enjoy those bananas on your cereal, because Chiquita paid good money to make sure you could have an uninterrupted supply of them.