Judgment at Baghdad? I Don't Think So.

One of the best films of all time (at least in my opinion) is Judgment at Nuremberg. It tells the story of the war crimes trials of Nazi leaders after the end of WWII. The movie stars Spencer Tracey, Burt Lancaster, Judy Garland, Maximiliam Schell, Richard Widmark, Montgomery Clift, Marlene Dietrich, and even more. Anyway, it tells of the nobility of men as well as their depravity. It manages to do that rather even-handedly. It shows the nobility of the German defense lawyer, and the depravity of the accused. It shows how sitting in judgment by the victor after a war is tricky business.

Could someone make an equivalent film about the trials of Baathist Party leaders in Iraq? No, I don't think so. The trials had the same characteristics of a Stalin show trial. The defense had only token opportunity to work on behalf of the defendants. The first judge withdrew because he didn't want to be a part of a kangaroo court. One of the defense lawyers died at the hands of assassins, while all of their family members were threatened. This trial in which Saddam was sentenced to death had all the predictability of a farce. If a film director tried to make such a film it would result in a sleazy B film.

We Americans try to hold ourselves to a high standard in behavior, but we don't measure up any better than our enemies. Sadly, we seem to behave just as poorly when all is said and done. Do I believe that Saddam committed crimes against humanity? Yes, I do. Should he have been removed from his position and put to death? Yes, I agree. But did either one of those two things take place as it should have? No, most definitely not.

We removed him from power under the guise of protecting the world, while we really just wanted to dominate the Middle East and make the world safe for ExxonMobils. We rounded Saddam up and put him on trial by a bunch of our puppets. Was it just coincidence or irony that his death sentence came down just a few days before the November 7 election?

The UN Working Group on Arbitraty Detention concluded:

Even prior to the conclusion of the trial, the U.N. Working Group on Arbitrary Detention, in its Opinion 31/2006 dated 1 September 2006[2]: (a) has held that the detention is arbitrary within Category III of the Working Group’s categories (failure to provide a fair trial) [see para. 27]; and (b) has called upon the governments of Iraq and the USA to remedy the situation by providing a fair trial. [see para 28]

We can and should do better than this. What an unsophisticated way to go about it! God help the war criminals that brought all this about. If there be any justice in this universe, they're time will come.

Death Watch: Saddam Hussein

According to my calculations, the Iraqi government will hang Saddam Hussein within the next half hour. Several newspapers say on their web pages that the execution will take place between 5:30 and 6:00 a.m. December 30, Baghdad time. That means between 8:30 and 9:00 p.m. central standard time. Only time will tell. Anyway, when this brutal, vicious, motherfucking dictator gets killed, we'll just have Fidel to watch...unless someone else pulls a Turkmenbashi and dies unexpectedly.

I'm not a supporter of the Iraq war, but I have to acknowledge that the world will be better off without Saddam Hussein. Go to hell, Saddam!

Castro Wins!

According to the Nuevo Herald in Miami, American and Iraqi authorities have agreed to hold Saddam's execution tomorrow before 6 a.m. The Associated Press' source is a high-level Iraqi official who requested anonymity, because he does not have authorization to speak to the press. The source says that American forces will turn Saddam over to the Iraqis shortly before his execution.

Okay, so it looks like Castro will win the "stayin' alive" battle against Saddam. He's outlasted Pinochet, Somoza, Stroessner, and God only knows who else.

I Must Not Know How to Yawn

According to Piero Salzarulo, a professor of psychology in Florence, Italy, a yawn "gives a sense of well-being comparable to an orgasm." Even more, on a pleasure scale of 1 to 10 a yawn rates an 8.5 according to a study done by Robert Provine, professor of psychology, at the University of Maryland. Well, that leads me to only one conclusion: I don't know how to yawn. I mean, if yawning is comparable to an orgasm, I would be doing it all the time! However, the faces of people yawning and having an orgasm sure do look similar.

Santas of the World Unite!

You have nothing to lose but your...chains? Yep, that's right. In Italy a new group has sprung up called the "Movimento di liberazione dei Babbi Natale da terrazzo" (Movement for the Liberation of Santa Clauses from Terraces). Many people attach Santas to their terraces or to their balconies during the Christmas season. They appear to be climbing a fence or climbing a wall. However, lately many of the have gone missing, replaced with a letter from the MlBNt saying that they have "liberated" the Santas into the forest where they are happy.

By the way, the "Movimento autonomo per la liberazione delle anime da giardino" (Autonomous Movement for the Liberation of Garden Gnomes) has denied any responsibility. They say that they work only for the liberation of garden gnomes and to work for other beings would just be a distraction.

Well, It's Not Like...Uh...Surprising

News flash - The Iraqi Supreme Court has ruled that Saddam Hussein's death sentence remains valid, and that he must hang within the next 30 days. This guy didn't have a chance from the day he got captured. I mean, c'mon, did you really think a puppet government under the direction of the U.S. would acquit him? By an almost unbelievable coincidence his death sentence came down just before the 2006 elections in the U.S. But, even that couldn't help Bush and company. Maybe they'll try to kill him before the start of 2007.

Okay, let's predict. Who will die first, Fidel Castro or Saddam Hussein? In spite of it all, it's lookin' like Saddam might go first. Who would have thought it?

Spanish Doctor Says No Cancer for Fidel

Last week the Cuban government requested that José Luis Garcia Sabrido, a physician in Spain, come to Cuba to take a look at Fidel. The good doctor has returned and says that Fidel doesn't have cancer as the CIA reported. In fact, John Negroponte said that the CIA had intelligence to show that Fidel would die before Christmas. Maybe he meant Christmas next year. Evidently, old the old bastard continues to live.

Don't you know that his continuing to live just pisses George W. off? Hell, Castro might resume his duties and be in office longer than George. Whoa!

Dead or Not Dead?

Coalition forces in Afghanistan have announced that they killed Mullah Osmani, allegedly one of the top commanders of the Taliban, on Tuesday in the area near the Afghanistan-Pakistan border. Almost immediately the Taliban denied that the Coalition had done any such thing. If this guy really died, and if he really held a high post in the Taliban, how come I never heard of him before? Granted, I don't know everything about Afghanistan, but I do read vast (and I mean vast) amounts of world news every day.

It seems like every week or so the other Coalition forces (the ones in Iraq) announce that they have killed the leader of Al-Qaeda in Iraq. That poor guy just keeps dying over and over, kind of like Cartman on South Park. Well, maybe this Mullah Osmani fellow is like Kenny, he keeps getting killed every few days.

Less Than Two Days to Live

According to the CIA estimate, Fidel Castro suffers from an aggressive cancer that will take his life "before Christmas." Well, for the CIA to be right (not that they have ever gotten much right about Fidel), it means he has less than two days left to live. I suppose he knows that and will do whatever it takes to prove them wrong. I guessed in a previous post that the CIA had engaged in wishful thinking, and it looks more and more that way.

So far anyway, he has remained alive and kicking, figuratively speaking. He still takes Hugo Chavez' calls, so he must have held off death for a little while.

I look forward to seeing what the supporters and detractors will have to say when he finally kicks the bucket. The posts after Pinochet died showed a wide variety of feelings about him from Chileans. I expect no less from the Cubans - in exile or not.

Turkmenbashi Dead

Another brutal, vicious dictator is dead. No, it's still not Castro. This deserving dictator is Sapamurat Niyazov. He's the narcissist that has had Turkmenistan under his thumb for years after he named himself President for Life. In the arrogant and self-centered world of dictators, Niyazov had a special place. He changed the names of the months and days of the week to have his name or his mother's name as part of it. Canals, cities, airports, vodka, even aftershave bore the name he gave himself - Turkmenbashi, which means Father of All Turkmen.

This guy beats the Dear Leader in naming things after himself. Of course, I don't know if Turkmenbashi could have made 18 holes-in-one the very first time he played golf like Kim Jong Il did. Niyazov makes one more dictator that we're better off without.

We Are Winning this War

That depends which side you're on. And I'm not talking about Iraq or Afghanistan or Terrorism. No, I'm talking about the War on Drugs. A new report by John Gettman shows that marijuana is the largest cash crop in the U.S.A. Yep, brings in more money than wheat, corn, soy, etc. We produce 10K tons of marijuana per year that has a value of $35.8 billion...that's with a "b" not with an "m".

Of course, if we stopped the "War" the value would probably drop to less than one-third of that. Oh well, we gotta keep Wall Street in business.

I Would Like to Thank All the Little People

Thank you so much, Time Magazine, for naming me Person of the Year for 2006. You don't know how much this means to me. I want to thank my wife, my daughters, my parents, all of the people that stood by me during those long years...

Town in Sweden Wants to Change Name

A town in Sweden, Fjuckby, wants to change its name. They want a new name because the name closely resembles that infamous English word "fuck." But wait there's more! The Swedish word "juck" means very much the same thing, so they have a double dose. Now, the word "by" means town, so I don't blame them, I mean how would you like to live in Fucktown? Well, okay, some of you would like it, but the good folks in Fjuckby don't.

Flanders Declares Independence from Belgium

In the northern part of Belgium, Flanders, folks speak Dutch which they call Flemish. Confusing? It gets worse. They have long had an open conflict with the Walloons of southern Belgium. The Walloons speak French. Okay, so we have Walloons fighting the Flemish who really are French and Dutch. Well, not exactly. Anyway, that's a simplification of it.

This week Belgian TV ran a "mockumentary" saying that Flanders had become independent. They had real politicians and real journalists reporting like it had really happened - a lot like "War of the Worlds" by Orson Welles. Cool! That would be like a TV show reporting that Florida had declared independence, because it has a Hispanic majority in the southern part of the state. Or, that South Louisiana had declared independence to form the New Acadian Republic.

We're Better Off without Him

Another dictator with bloody hands has died. No, not Castro, at least not yet. This one stood in direct opposition to Fidel in fact. Augusto Pinochet the thief, tax evader, and mass murderer has gone to meet his maker. I hope his maker gives him direct passage to hell...he deserves it.

He couldn't have pulled it off alone, though. He had plenty of help from us, as in U.S. Richard Nixon, Henry Kissinger, et al played their part. Pinochet never faced justice from humanity, but his name has become synonymous with brutality. That's only fair.

I kinda like the idea that he died on my birthday...Fuck you Augusto!

¿La Verdad o Sólo Esperanzas de Los Gringos?

La BBC reporta según fuentes cubanos anónimos que El Líder padece de una clase de cáncer agresivo y que probablemente muera antes de la navidad. Pero, hemos oido algo parecido de la CIA hace meses, ¿verdad? ¿Es que sufren de pensamientos esperantivos (wishful thinking)?

Otra vez tratan de leer los residuos del té acerca de la muerte de un gobernante como pasó con Franco, Arafat, y El Papa. Cada minusioso detalle sobre el estado de salud del agonizante se lee como presagio de la futura. ¡Déjenlos en paz, por favor! No tenemos que saber todo de sus últimos momentos. Alquien escribirá un libro por supuesto.

Spray-On Condom

Soon you won't have to fumble in the dark to tear open the package and try to get the condom turned the right way. Now, the Institude for Condom Consultancy is working on a spray-on condom. Men would put their penises in a device that will spray latex onto the penis for the full 360 degrees. I wonder who they'll get to test the device? Not me.

No More Waiting in Long Lines for the Ladies Room

A new product has hit the market so that females can pee standing up. No more waiting in long lines at concerts or squatting behind bushes when you go camping. No, now women have a device that simulates a penis. Penis envy, anyone? A woman came up with the idea while on a fishing trip. They claim older women who have trouble sitting due to arthritis can use it, as well as women on safari trips.

The inventor says, "It certainly could be that some women will not find it to be very feminine to stand up like a man, but there is nothing especially feminine about having your pants down around your ankles squatting behind a bush." Each one comes with a little towelette for freshening up afterwards. Why hasn't someone thought of this before?

Besides, it just might solve that eternal toilet seat up or down problem.

Beware Meat Eaters!

We've seen this before. Careful with what you tell your insurance company. An insurance company in the Netherlands, Agis, may soon introduce a special health policy for vegetarians which would have lower premiums. The smoking thing started this way! Now they exile you to the outdoors regardless of the weather.

Not long before they have the meat eaters sitting in the parking lot while the vegetarians get to sit inside in comfort, not having to smell the burning flesh.

So Who Are You?

I was watching Countdown with Keith Olberman tonight when he announced that according to an IT muckety-muck there is a new blog created every second. And the average readership of a blog is exactly one. So, besides me who are you, fella?