Are They Going to Draft Them?


Annemarie Jorritsma, mayor of Almere in the Netherlands, has proposed that the army send prostitutes along with the troops where they are serving overseas. She says this would do away with "sexual tension" between male and female troops. Sounds like a pretty good idea, and it would give new meaning to the words "camp follower." But, how are they going to get the hookers to agree? Conscription? And would the army pay them by contract, or by "piece work"? Just wondering.

I'd Give My Left Nut...


That's what we used to say back when I was younger. We said it in the context of doing something that we very much wanted to do. For example, I'd give my left nut to have her...well, you know what I mean. But, would you have your left nut nailed to a roof just to keep your balance? Maybe, if it meant not fall off.

August Voegl of Austria did just that, only it was an accident. He was repairing a roof with a nail gun in his hand, when he lost his balance and accidentally shot a nail thru his left nut. But, that's not all. He actually nailed (ahem) "himself" to the roof. He had to stay that way until an ambulance arrived.

Borat


The Deputy Foreign Minister of Kazakhstan has invited Borat to come visit. Rakhat Aliev invited Sasha Cohen to visit Kazakhstan to see that "women can drive cars, wine is made from grapes, and that Jews are completely free to go to the synagogue." He claims that it's smarter to invite Borat to come visit than to try to sue him. It would just make Kazakhstan look worse, and Borat better.

Mob Justice

Just some advice...don't go to Oaxaca and piss anybody off. It turns out that the huge "plantón" (sort of an occupation of the main square) in Oaxaca has taken to handling matters of justice. See, the whole city (and some other towns) are completely ungovernable. The Governor has authority in name only, and the striking teachers are demanding that he be removed by the federal government or that he resign. He won´t. Anyway, in the meantime regular crimes happen, so the "population" has taken to dishing out its own justice. From El Universal:

En las primeras horas del miércoles varios sujetos fueron detenidos por la población que se hizo justicia por su propia mano, debido a la falta de seguridad. Juan Cruz Vázquez, un presunto violador, y otro individuo, al parecer asaltante, fueron amarrados a un poste y exhibidos en la vía pública.

The Spanish says: "In the early hours of Wednesday various subjects were detainted by the people who carried out their own form of justice, due to the lack of security. Juan Cruz Vázquez, an alleged rapist, and another individual, suspected of assault, were tied to a post and exhibited in public."

Sounds like what the Pilgrims used to do to lawbreakers back in colonial days.

Hey, I Know That Guy!


British researchers foresee that humans will evolve to be taller and to live 120 years. But, we will also divide into two genetic classes: the genetic elite, and the genetic underclass. They also think we'll get larger heads and bigger dicks.

Oh, So That's What Happened!


All day yesterday I felt a little nauseous. I couldn't figure out why exactly. I reckoned I had taken my "meds" on an empty stomach which can make me feel bad. I had a little to eat and began to feel better. Then later, I felt weird. That's the only word that fits - weird. It wasn't unpleasant, but it wasn't all that good either. My stomach felt bloated and hurt like when you eat too much.

This morning I woke up and felt much better. I went downstairs, got out my pill organizer (yes, it takes a lot for me), and realized that I had taken Thursday's and today's meds yesterday. I've never done that before. I've forgotten to take them at all before, but never taken a double dose. No wonder I felt bad...Duh!

Oaxaca: Now They're Shooting at Each Other

There was a shootout yesterday in Oaxaca. It was the "radicals" against the "moderates." Isn't that always the case? A group of people comes together to achieve something, and before they accomplish it, they wind up warring with each other. Whenever the parties (APPO, Governor, Federal Gov.) come close to an agreement, radicals stir something up to short-circuit the pact. But, the radicals don't attack the opposition, they attack their own party.

It happens over and over - Sunni against Sunni, Shia against Shia, Republicans against Republicans - one side will settle for nothing less than complete humiliation of the opposition, and the other feels willing to negotiate. We sure are a strange species!

An Insult to Hitler?


Kevin Barret, an instructor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, has a membership in the Scholars for 9/11 Truth. He believes that the US Government attacked the World Trade Center and Pentagon on 9-11. He says that it follows the pattern that the Nazis carried out by the burning of the Reichstag. The Nazis had it done so that they could blame it on the Communists. Barret says it was a key to establishing the Nazi dictatorship. Many blame his of likening Bush to Hitler. His reply:

That's not comparing them as people, that's comparing the Reichstag fire to the demolition of the World Trade Center, and that's an accurate comparison that I would stand by. Hitler had a good 20 to 30 IQ points on Bush, so comparing Bush to Hitler would in many ways be an insult to Hitler.

This guy has a way with words doesn't he?

Death by Hoe

No, not ho! It's hoe, you know, like the agricultural tool. A Bulgarian woman killed one of her sons by beating him to death with a hoe back in April of 2005. The court convicted her of murder and sentenced her to 29 years in prison.

Just last month her doctors discovered that the had untreatable cancer and that she had a very short time to live. The authorities decided to release her from prison, so that she could go home and make the best of the time she had left with her husband and other son. Well, she promptly went home and beat her husband to death.

She's back in jail now awaiting trial for killing her husband. She has threatened to kill her other son, if they let her out again. That's why here in Texas we kill 'em before we let 'em out of prison.

New Cure for Hiccups


According to Francis Fesmire, the way to cure hiccups is thru anal massage. What?! In fact she has won the Ig-Nobel Prize for Medicine with her work. Doctor Fesmire had the idea of anus massage when a man came to her clinic with the hiccups. He had been afflicted with 30 hiccups per hour for the past 72 hours, and had tried all the home remedies you can think of. Looks like he didn't think of anal massage, but who would?

The doctor remembered that she had heard that anal massage could make a racing heart slow down, so she decided to try the same thing with hiccups. It worked. But, in spite of winning the Ig-Nobel she now tells patients to have sex that ends with an orgasm and the hiccup cure.

So, how do you go about getting the hiccups?

A Sigh of Relief


The Pope gave a mass, and chose not to make any announcement about the abolition of Limbo (see previous post). So, for the time being, all those angels and whatever that watch over the denizens of Limbo still have a job. Many observers thought that the Pope would announce the closing of Limbo and the lay-off of all those angels during his mass.

The Italian Archbishop Bruno Forte said that the commission is still working on the last draft, and that it wouldn't be out until 2007. Whew! They won't be filing for Unemployment Insurance any time soon. Besides, what would we do for fun at parties without it?

Why Not, Indeed?


Kinky Friedman has gone international! Not only is he running for Governor of Texas (I'm voting for him by the way), he's getting press coverage in the Netherlands. He has some pretty weird position on things that I don't exactly agree with, but hell, don't they all? Besides, he's a fringe candidate, and I like that about him. I love the way his fringe jackets look ;-)

Kinky is my kind of Governor. He doesn't take things too seriously, and God knows we could use some of that around here. As far as I know, he's never sent an IM to a 16 year old page even though his name is Kinky. One of his bumper stickers says, "He Ain't Kinky, He's My Governor."

All Power to the Soviets!


Right, that's close to 100 years old, but something similar is happening in Oaxaca, Mexico. It has reached the point that many observers feel the end will be violence by the military, matched by violence from the people. The Asamblea Popular de los Pueblos de Oaxaca (APPO) has grown to about 800,000 people who are manning barricades, making home-made bombs, and willing to fight. What do they want? They want the Governor of Oaxaca removed from office for abuse of authority. They just might get it, too! The have made the whole state of Oaxaca essentially ungovernable.

It all started with a teachers' strike which the Governor tried to break up with police. The authorities attacked the "plantón" which is an encampment on the zócalo (main plaza) in the center of Oaxaca. The result was several injuries and the beginning of the whole confrontation. Thia has gone on since June, 2006. The plantón still occupies the zócalo and the city is in the control of APPO. The Governor of Oaxaca and the President of Mexico have made gestures toward using military force against APPO, but so far haven't.

The Goddess and I have been to Oaxaca, Oaxaca (the capital city of the State of Oaxaca), and it's a beautiful and friendly place. It's a shame that the folks there had to resort to this, but I believe they are probably justified. Stay tuned, it's bound to be dramatic.

Silicone Breasts a Lifesaver


A 24 year old Bulgarian woman had a traffic accident at one of the major intersections in the city of Ruse. She ran a red light and crashed into another car. But, she survived because her breast implants acted as air bags. The problem is that she can't afford to buy a new car, or new breast implants. New breast implants? Yeah, the ones that saved her life blew up as they cushioned the impact.

Mission Accomplished?



From El Universal website today in history:
1941.- Adolfo Hitler anuncia en la Segunda Guerra Mundial que la Unión Soviética ha sido derrotada por Alemania.

Great news for George w. He's not the first one to declare victory only to be defeated later. On this day in 1941 Adolph Hitler declared victory over the USSR. A mere 4 years later he killed himself rather than be taken prisoner by Soviet troops. Ironic?

But What About All Those Employees?

The Vatican has announced that it will discuss the possible "disappearance" of Limbo. Limbo is that place that babies go to when they die without having committed any sin. They go to Limbo because even though they haven't sinned themselves, they nonetheless have original sin. So, that state of being in limbo is about to be no more.

Since I work in unemployment, I'm worried about all those laid-off angels or whatever they are that are losing their jobs. I mean where's the compassion in that? The Cardinals are probably just saying that they're going to do away with it, because the Vatican doesn't want to be caught out-sourcing all that work to India. Think about it...would you want your loved one to be watched over by contract workers?

Volleyball Diplomacy

At the US - Mexico border in California, there's a 20 ft high fence. Some Americans happened upon the idea of using the fence as a volleyball net. They got going with a pick-up game of some guys on the Mexican side. Now, that's the thing to do with that wall Congress seems determined to build.

Borat at the White House


Borat wanted to invite "Premier George Walter Bush" to the opening of his new movie, but the Secret Service at the White House ran him off before he had the chance to speak to the "Premier." I suspect that George W. could really gain from watching Borat's movie, because it would help him learn to speak English better.

I Knew It! I Knew It!


At an elementary school in Sweden the boys must sit down to pee. Yeah, I knew it would come to this! Women would demand it, and not be happy until we're all sitting to pee and drinking flavored coffee with our legs crossed at the knee. God help us! Have we men ever demanded that women stand up to pee, or demand that they raise the toilet seat? Well, it's about time we did, by God! We can't just take this sitting down. Not at all. In retaliation, let's men start standing up shit. That'll teach 'em!

It's Just an Act

All that supposed sex those vikings have in wild orgies, blah, blah, blah. Uh...no...It's not the case at all. In a survey done by a German research group, Danish women have the least sex of women from 14 countries in Europe. Close behind are the Swedes and Norwegians. Yeah, yeah, all that so called permissive society, porn, legal prostitutes, and so forth. Well, this should put the lie to that!

However, the survey didn't question the viking men. Maybe they're all down in Italy where the women have the most sex.