No, the Traffic Is Not Moving


Before I left for work this morning, the Goddess called to tell me that she had heard on the radio that there was a major accident on I-35. She said it involved a gasoline spill. I later learned that it involved 7 (yes, seven) 18-wheelers and 3 cars. (I suppose that would be 129 wheels) I decided to take another route which is usually too slow, but I figured it might be better than the Interstate today.

Bad idea! I wound up driving in just as much traffic while trying to avoid the traffic. It's sort of one of those Oedipus Rex things. The more you try to avoid the problem, the more you bring it on. It took me over an hour and a half to get here today. That's 90 minutes to go about 30 km. What is that...about 3 or 3.5 km per hour? That last half of it was at about 110 km per hour, because once I got by the bottleneck, it was clear sailing.

How Many Can You Knock Down?


The Zidane vs. Materazzi knock down a la World Wrestling Entertainment is now a computer game! Yes, you get to see how many Materazzis you can take out, and get red-carded. I tried it myself, and I took down about 8 or 10. I wasn't really counting, because it was so much fun. Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!

It's About Fucking Time!

A Defense Department memo signed by Gordon England, the number 2 man at the DOD, states that even "enemy combatants" are covered by the Geneva Convention. This whole thing is in response to the Supreme Court's ruling saying that military tribunals, as done by the Bush Administration, violate the Constitution and the Geneva Convention.

One rhetorical questions: If you violate the Geneva Convention, doesn't that make you a war criminal?

Don't Say You Haven't Wanted to Do This Too


Let's just re-live the moment...Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!

The Ultimate in Self-Centeredness

That's what some people consider suicide to be. A person who would do that has no thought for others and how they may be affected. That's at least one way to look at it. Anyway, it looks like the building collapse in NYC today may have been a botched suicide attempt. I say botched because evidently the suicider was taken to a hospital with severe burns. If you're gonna take the whole building with you, you'd better make sure you die in the process. i have a feeling this guy is gonna wish even more that he hadn't survived.

Is That What Oxymoron Means?


The first style show in decades took place in Kabul, Afghanistan. The models were all foreign, but they all wore hijabs (at the least). There was even a part dedicated to burqas. Yes, burqas. If you're going to model burqas, do you even have to be good-looking? For that matter, do you even have to be a woman?

What Did You Do in the 60s, Daddy?


Researchers in the U.K. have concluded that most 50-somethings lie to their kids about what they did in the 60s. Seems they embellish their carrying-ons. They say they were too high to remember it all. They all saw the Beatles in person, had all kinds of sex, blah, blah, blah. The truth is that 8% used cannabis, and fewer than 1% took LSD.

Hell, I remember too much from the 60s, and I'm one of that 8%! Or am I embellishing? ;-)

What Do You Call It When Someone Looks Good from Behind, but...


Ugly from the front? Like the Lyle Lovett song "She's Hot to Go." Well, I guess we would say what ol' Lyle said, "She was ugly from the front." But, now I understand there's a Japanese word for just that thing: Bakku-shan.

Guy 1: Hey, man, look at her...whoa!
Guy 2: Be careful, buddy, she might just be bakku-shan.

Kenny Boy Is Dead


Like I said when Slobo Milo died, it couldn't have happened to a better guy. Only problem is that Kenny Boy died at this vacation home in Aspen, and Slobo died in a prison cell. Kenny Boy should have had the same fate.

You know, in some other countries economic crimes are punishable by death. Lucky for Kenny Boy, he didn't get caught in China.

Now, about that White House connection and where he got that nickname in the first place...

Nevada Gubenatorial Candidate


In the theme of freedom on July 4th it's only right to point out one of the Republican candidates for Governor of Nevada. Her name is Melody Damayo aka Mimi Miyagi. So, what's so internesting about that? Well, Melody is a former pornstar and she's a Republican! Why is it that the porn stars that enter politics do so as Republicans? Mary Carey ran as a Republican. Why, she even visited the White House as one of the Republican candidates.

Democrats are always the ones caught up in sex scandals, it's not often the Republicans. Republicans' weakness is for money. They always get caught with their hands in the cash register, and Democrats always get caught with their hands in their (or someone else's) pants.

Adieu, Bresil


What? Brazil is out of the World Cup? That can't be right! And it's the French that beat 'em? That can't be right either! The frogs knocked out the perennial favorite and defending champion. That means there won't be the standard final with someone playing Brazil. Okay, maybe that hasn't always happened, but we certainly expected it this time. So, as of now, it's Portugal, France, Italy, and Germany. It's an all EU final four. I don't know who I'm for now. I suppose the true underdog is Portugal, because they haven't made it this far in something like 50 years. Besides, they speak Portuguese just like Brazil. That's it! The champion will still speak Portuguese, so let's pull for Portugal.

This Is a Fine Mess You Got Me Into, Dick


Just imagine what ol' George W. is thinkin' now that the Supremes say he overreached his power, violated the constitution, and broke international law.

"Uh...Dick...you promised me this was okay!" "What's next, war crimes trials?"

South Korean Threatens Swiss Embassy

A South Korean man called directory assistance to request the phone number of the Swiss Embassy, because he was going "over there to blow the place up." Why? South Korea lost to Switzerland in the World Cup and was eliminated from the tournament. At least it wasn't over something stupid like cartoons of Mohammed!

More Than He Ever Dreamed Of


Charles Lennon had a problem with impotence back in 1996 (before Viagra). He had surgery to put an implant in his penis that would make it become erect when it was "sexually handled." Well, that didn't happen. Instead he was rewarded with a permanent erection. Ten year hard-on, folks. What's that old saying - be careful what you ask for, you just might get it? So, what did he get for his trouble? He got $400,000. The McDonald's hot-coffee-spiller got more than that!

Oh, and one other thing...Mr. Lennon still has the hard-on. He can't undergo surgery to remove it due to other health reasons. Sounds like a career in porn would be just the thing.

That Other Florida Story

CNN and everyone else is all lit up about the Al-Qaeda cell in Miami. It's probably going to turn out to be a bunch of young fuck-ups thinking they were tough. Anyway, that's not the other Florida story.

The other story is about Mr. Enrique Garcia from Stuart, Florida who was caught in flagrante delicto fucking his puppy "Snoopy." Authorities found him completely unclothed and uh...well...penetrating the dog in the woods behind his house. (No photos needed, right?) What did he have to say for himself? "It's my dog, what's the problem?" Well...that's Florida for ya. No wonder they voted for Bush and elected his brother Governor.

Hell, I Could Do That!

The US Army reports that Saddam Hussein has ended his hunger strike. So, how long was it? From dinner one night to breakfast the next morning? That's what breakfast means by the way, breaking the overnight fast. Man, that Saddam sure is noble, isn't he?

Oh, What a Noble Figure!


Get this...Saddam Hussein has gone on a hunger strike. One of the most self-centered, self-indulgent, assholes in human history goes on a hunger strike, because his lawyers keep getting killed. Wow, that's a page right out of Gandhi! What a pacifist! Don't make me gag.

I Thought Only Men Did That

A 79 year-old grandmother became so jealous of her ex-boyfriend (?) that she shot him dead after he ended their relationship. The police showed up and found her in a bathrobe and hairnet waving her pistol around. She said, "I did it, and I will do it again." Just what did she do? She shot the man five times in the head. Yeah, five times in the head.

NYC Number One

You ain't gonna believe this, but New York City is the most courteous city in the world. That's according to Reader's Digest anyway. Could that possibly be true? It's sure they're reputation, now it it?

Male or Female Brain

Men and women have differences in their brains. Duh! Well, anyway you can find out which kind of brain you have. Click here.