Everybody's Doin' a Brand New Dance Now, C'mon Baby...

Do the Bird Flu. Yes, not only has bird flu itself arrived in the Ivory Coast, but the dance (click here to see it) has too. I didn't know it but Ivory Coast is quite a dance happy place. They name new dances after sports, politics, and so on. They even have one called the Guantanamo. Is that they one where they look like they're committing suidice?

Follow Up on Extreme Sport


A few days ago I posted about two Scandanavian guys who were going to ski down Mount Everest. Well, only one of them made it. The guy from Sweden, Tomas Olsson, has gone missing. The two skiers were at a cliff and were trying to rappel down when Tomas fell. His skiing partner, Tormod Granheim, went down to try to help him, but only found his ice ax. God bless him.

Immigration Reform


Okay, let me get this straight. A suspected people smuggler was shot and killed on the US-Mexican border trying to escape to Mexico. Wait a minute! He was going south? He was trying to smuggle people into Mexico? What did I miss here? He's taking illegal immigrants back to Mexico, and our Border Patrol shot him...because he tried to avoid a traffic stop and get across the border. Isn't that what East German border guards used to do when people tried to get to West Germany? I got to say I'm confused. Seems like the Minutemen would want to give the guy a medal.


I'm just sayin'.

UT Commencement at 8:30 A.M.?


Driving to work this morning was going along quite well until I took my regular exit from I-35. When I exited, I had to slam on the brakes, because traffic was backed up on the exit ramp. It was at a standstill on the ramp and on the access road. For fuck's sake! It turns out that the University of Texas is having their commencement exercises (strange name for that huh?) in the Erwin Center at fucking 8;30 in the morning! Well, maybe not 8:30 when they start, but it sure was early enough for people to tie up traffic trying to get there. Gimme a break!

Curious About Your Death?

Just go to The Death Psychic, and it will gladly inform you how you will meet your death. Here's what will happen to me:

While mowing the lawn barefoot, you accidentally run over your foot, severing your toes. Unable to walk, you bleed to death in your lawn.

Hmmm...I don't usually mow the lawn, and never have liked doing it, barefoot or not. Mowing the lawn barefoot? Really?

I'll Be Right Back

A young woman in Germany had filled her gas tank, but didn't have enough money to pay for it. She left her friend who was with her as a "deposit" while she drove home to get some money. Okay, that's a little unusual, but not unbelievable. Except she never came back.

The employees called the cops who came and questioned the friend who was later allowed to go. Well, gas is really pricey nowadays.

Hirsi Ali Comes to America


Hirsi Ali is presently a member of parliament in the Netherlands. She is resigning her seat and is moving to the US to work for the American Enterprise Institute. So what? Well, she's been living under threat of death for a long time, especially since Theo Van Gogh was murdered by jihadists in Amsterdam in 2004.

The reason it's all happening now is because she has acknowledged lying on her asylum request to live in the Netherlands. There has been a publicity campaign about it recently with a TV documentary. This was evidently public information before, but it's being rehashed lately. She was born in Somalia, grew up under Islam, and has been an outspoken critic of it. In fact, she collaborated with Van Gogh on the movie, Submission, that got him killed.

I for one say welcome to her, may her time in the US be safe.

Extreme Sport

Two Scandanavians have climbed Mount Everest, but that's not really news. What's news it that they are going to ski down it. That's 8850 meters above sea level. Whoa, and I thought my ill-fated sky dive was daring!

Imagine What It's Like Here!

A study in Denmark found that food from McDonald's is healthier than food in nursing homes. I'll bet the food in Danish nursing homes is better than nursing home food here. If you've ever visited a nursing home, you can believe it.

Figure This One Out


Joanna and Angela, two women, got married recently in Great Britain where same sex marriage has been legal for a few months. But, that's not the main thing. They are both transexuals: They were both men previously named John and Andrew. They both have been married before and they have children. But, they felt female, so they had sex change operations. After their respective operations they met on the Internet as two women. They fell in love and got married...as lesbians. I'm confused, but not as much as they are!

He's Still Breaking Records

The Wall Street Journal poll shows our Prezdint with an approval rating of 29%. That breaks the record for any president. How low can he go? Has he hit bottom (pun intended)?

I Approved this Message


I come from West Texas right next to Odessa
The place that is really God’s own
My wife’s no contessa, and I must confess-a
That my mind’s not very well honed
I take time to rest, but I do my best
With money that came from a loan

(chorus)
They stole the election and gave it to me
Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same
They tell me what’s best, I do the rest
And everything comes out okay


I bought me a ball team we all call the Rangers
After that they went straight to hell
With me at the helm there never was danger
That the Rangers would ever do well
We built a new ball park named, uh…the Ball Park
By then it was time for me to sell

(chorus)

Livin’ in a mansion and bein’ the Governor
Sounded like a whole lot of fun
But one Sunday sermon from my friend the preacher
And Mom sayin’ listen here son
You should be in the White House, not sittin’ in the bleachers
So, I thought, hell, why don’t I run?

(chorus)

I took on the office and the nucular button
Even though I don’t know which wing is west
No more stem cells I said, but all of a sudden
Them Al-Qaida cells put Dick to the test
I was down visitin’ Jeb and absorbed in my readin’
Andy said, “George, we’d better haul ass.”



(chorus)


I put the blame on Saddam the Iraqi
And let his people go on a rampage
War on TV’s better than watchin’ hockey
With me getting’ all of the praise
I always thought I’d look good in Khaki
With the USS Lincoln for a stage



(chorus)

Well, things started going from bad to worse
Our kids gettin’ killed by IEDs
We caught Saddam and a few of the perps
But, Zarkawi's got martyrs in their teens
My approval keeps droppin’ my policies are cursed
Social Security reform's in the deep freeze

(chorus)

Indictments keep coming who’s next to fall?
Why are you givin' me such a hard test?
Congress quit answering whenever I call
It’s hard I tell you, this leading the West
Our allies snub us they quit playing ball
I’m just doin' my best in a bullet-proof vest

Is That a Shoe Phone You're Wearing?


The Aphrodite Project has developed some sandals for sex workers (hookers?) to wear that include a GPS locator, an alarm button, and a liquid crystal screen for sending and receiving emails. It reminds me of Get Smart the TV show from the 60s. Only the shoe phone there was pretty crude by Aphrodite standards.

No Streaking during the World Cup


The Germans are serious about stopping streaking during the upcoming World Cup matches.
If you decide to attend and want to run naked on the field, plan on being fined up to 100,000 euros. This from a country that is providing temporary uh...drive-thru hooker work places for the cities in Germany that will host World Cup games. No streaking, what a disappointment for all those Pakistanis!

Michael Has Left US(A) for Good

Michael Jackson has decided to stay in Bahrain and never return to the good ol' USA. He's going to sell Neverland, and not look back. However, it he did look back and turned into a pillar of salt like Lot's wife, it wouldn't hurt his looks any.

I Finally Agree with George W.


When asked what his best moment as President was, George W. Bush told a German publication that it was when he caught a 3 kilo carp from a lake on his ranch. He said, "You know, I've had many great moments and it's hard to decide on the best one. I'd say that the best one was when I caught a 3.4 kilo carp from my lake." No, I'm not making that up, just check the link. I've got to say I agree with him.

Yeah, They're Different Alright


A study conducted by the University College of London shows that people with the ability to learn other languages easily have differently structured brains and more "white matter". The part of the brain called Heschl's Area is larger and oriented differently. Tell me about it! Generally, we think that the more "cables" and "connections" in the brain the better. Well, that's true, but if your cable for strawberry ice cream is hooked up to the word for master cylinder in papiamento, what good does it do you? I'm just sayin'.

A Bullet to the Back of the Head Would Have Been Better

Joseph Lewis Clark was to be executed by lethal injection in Ohio, but it didn't happen as planned. Mr. Clark had used drugs so much in his past that the executioners couldn't find a vein strong enough to put the IV in. Witnesses said that the executioners had to try over and over to get the IV in. The entire thing took an hour and a half to carry out, which is much longer than usual. Witnesses said Mr. Clark grimaced, cried, and made guttural noises. Hmmm...don't give us Texans any ideas.

Special Tasting Rum


Construction workers in Szeged, Hungary who were renovating a house discovered a barrel of rum while the were working. They would pour themselves a drink every once in a while. The said the rum had a "special taste" but that was okay. They drank 300 liters of the rum and were preparing to throw the barrel. But, it's not really possible for Hungarians to throw out a barrel until the make sure that it's really empty. They opened it up and oops! There was the body of a dead man inside. The man, who was a Hungarian diplomat, had died some 20 years earlier in Jamaica. Eeeuuww! Just think, drinking an entire barrel full of rum with a 20 year old dead body in it! I'm feeling a little queasy just imagining it.

It turns out that sending a body to Hungary was quite difficult and expensive. The man's wife, who had recently died herself, had him shipped back to Hungary in a rum barrel to save money. Okay, but she just left him there. She didn't bother to bury him.

Prohibida la Fotografia

Back in the days of the Soviet Union, tourists and anyone else for that matter couldn't take photos of police, military personnel or bases, bridges, etc. Well, that was then. In 21st century Germany it is prohibited for journalists to take pictures of prostitutes or their places of business. Huh? Yes, it's all in an effort to keep the hookers safe during the World Cup. See, prostitution is legal there, so they want to have a safe work place. Is sexual harrassment of prostitutes illegal as well?