Ransom Demand: 300 Kilos of Cocaine

The daughter of one of the wealthiest men in the Netherlands was kidnapped from her home in Amsterdam this week. She was freed sometime yesterday. The novel part of the case is the ransom demand: 300 kilos of cocaine. That's a new one to me! The police suspect that drug traffickers are behind the kidnapping.

That makes for an interesting image. Imagine a dark deserted public square for the ransom to be delivered. From a warehouse in the shadows comes a forklift roaring out with a pallet full of plastic bags with white powder in them. The forklift driver sets the pallet down out in the open, backs up, and disappears back into the warehouse. From shadows on the other side of the square comes a pick up truck. A man get out, and looks around to make sure no one is watching. He steps up to the pallet, breaks open one of the bags, puts a little of the white powder on his finger and tastes it. He turns back toward where he came from, and signals thumbs up. Now, a dually diesel pick up roars out of the shadows with ten men in the back. They jump out and start loading the bags into both trucks. While they do this, a woman walks hesitantly out of the shadows from where the trucks came. She seems disoriented and scared. A man steps out of the warehouse and shouts, "Claudia!" She recognizes the man as her father, shouts "Papa!", and starts running to him. He opens his arms and she collapses into his embrace. Father and daughter turn and walk into the warehouse. The men finish loading the bags, and the trucks squeal their tires when they take off.

Not likely? No, I think 300 kilos of anything would be a little too cumbersome for a ransom demand. Hmmm...what was it all about then?

Preston Michael Spears Federline är här

How come I'm hearing this so late? I've been on the Internet off and on all day, but didn't see this until now. Poor Preston. If you had his parents, I'd feel sorry for you too.

Hey, I Didn't Do It! I Was Playing Golf



Don't blame him, he was on vacation for God's sake! Would you rush back to your job, just because of a little water?

Because Animals Are Better People Than People



Donate to the ASPCA animal relief effort in the region hit by Hurricane Katrina. Click on the banner to donate. I did.

Was That Michael Brown's Head I Just Saw Rolling By?

Yeah, I think it was. The FEMA director put in his resignation today in the interests of FEMA and the President.

Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth

There's a old-timey phrase that goes - Why he'd look a gift horse in the mouth. It comes from back when people used horses for pulling plows and the like. Back then the buyer would look in the horse's mouth to determine how healthy and therefore how good the horse was. Well, if someone is giving you a horse, would you look in its mouth to see if you wanted to take it? That's the point, your not supposed to be so ungrateful that you'd do such a thing.

Well, we've done it. The US turned back some food rations provided by the German military, because we are afraid that they might be infested with Mad Cow Disease.

Nothing Quite Like a Father and Son Fishing Trip

Nothing Quite Like a Father and Son Fishing Trip
Originally uploaded by Marcos Arroyos.

Who needs food when there's fish like this in the water? Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime.

Mexico Invades the United States

Today, for the first time ever, Mexican troops have crossed the Rio Bravo into the United States. This is the first time that a contingent of regular foreign troops have set foot on American territory in the history of the U.S. Only this invasion is to bring supplies to Kelly AFB in San Antonio to help with evacuees from Louisiana. It's one of the few times that the U.S. has accepted foreign assistance. Well, I say, ¡Viva México!

Suicide in Germany Every 47 Minutes

Armin Schmidtke of the National Program for the Prevention of Suicide in Germany reports that in Germany someone commits suicide every 47 minutes. She says that worldwide it's such a large number of people that it's as if September 11 happens every day. As the song from Mexico goes, "La vida no vale nada, nada vale la vida."

Bring Him On!

Bring Him On!, originally uploaded by Marcos Arroyos.

Bush was more than ready to land on a flight deck of an aircraft carrier. How 'bout parachuting him into New Orleans right near the Convention Center? I say bring him on!

You Have Been Warned

Sonnette Ehlers in South Africa has developed a penis trap to be used against rape. It's actually a condom placed in a woman's vagina. If she get raped the condom, called Rapex, adheres to the attacker's penis and cannot be removed. If he tries to pull the condom off, it digs even deeper into his penis. When he shows up at a hospital for help, the emergency personnel can call the police. So, it prevents the spread of AIDS by rape, and prevents pregnancy from a rape. Let someone get "trapped" and it'll prevent rape too!

The Perfect Job for Me

The London zoo has an exhibit of homo sapiens on display in it's simian section. They just wear swim suits and play all day. Sounds perfect! Do they have one person sitting at a computer all day reading the Internet? No? Well, that's the job for me. Where do I apply?

Borat Attacks

I had heard that Borat was hitchhiking in Wise County, Texas, but I suppose he got a ride. Now, he's in California.

Nostalgic?

Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear...Chairman Mao rides again!

An Anonymous Administration Official Said:

"What we expected to achieve was never realistic given the timetable or what unfolded on the ground... We are in the process of...shedding the unreality that dominated at the beginning." Don't you like that? Shedding the unreality that dominated at the beginning...how about in the middle and will dominate at the end. Shedding the unreality? Hardly.

Sing Us a Song, Piano Man

Sing us a song he did. It was all a fraud. It turns out the Piano Man can't play the piano, and he didn't have amnesia. He used to work in a mental hospital, so he knew how to act like a mental patient. He's just a gay German who wanted to commit suicide, but didn't go thru with it. By the way, isn't gay German a contradiction in terms?

Who Done It?

Workers in a mosque near Jaffa found a pig's head inside the mosque with a keffiyeh and the name Mohammed written on it. Okay, Muslims and Jews both consider the pig to be impure. So, who would have brought it in there? Christians? Discordians? Atheists?

Honorary American

Honorary American, originally uploaded by Marcos Arroyos.

I have the pleasure of announcing that Lord Furthermore has been granted honorary American citizenship. Attached is a photo of the Lord Himself. One problem, though, since we allow no royalty in America, we have taken the liberty of changing his royal title of Lord to his first name. Therefore, let it be known far and wide that the former Lord Furthermore will be henceforth named Lord Furthermore. The word Lord no longer being a title, but his first name.

This action is in line with that great American tradition of re-inventing oneself, a la Puff Daddy to P Diddy to Diddy. Besides, we can make you American, democratic, and consumerist whether you want to be or not, just ask the French. EuroDisney is just a little parcel of red, white, and blue in France. Our red, white, and blue by God!

Notice in the photo how Lord stares to the horizon personifying American wanderlust, as he fills 'er up with foreign fossil fuel. Go west young man! Or in this case, put on your glasses old man! He's really squinting in an effort to make out the visible panty lines of some much younger American women going into the Burger King next door. (Okay, so we do allow some royalty here.) No, there's no thongs in them red states, thank God!

Ever vigilant! See how Lord steadfastly attends the pump as directed by the sign on the gas pump. You know in your heart that he wasn't prosecuted, because Lord wouldn't drive off! Jack off, maybe, but never drive off.

Open road, convertible with the top down, sliding that throbbing stiff gas nozzle into the hot wet tunnel, oh happy day! How much more American could he be? Welcome to American citizenship, Lord, we wouldn't have it any other way.

Death by PowerPoint Ain't Just a Phrase

Yale professor Edward R Tufte says that not only are PowerPoint presentations boring, they are actually dangerous. He even says that a continuous PowerPoint presentation could have been responsible for the Columbia space shuttle crash. He says it makes you dumb.

Norwegian Men Request Caesarian

What? Norwegian men want to have Caesarian sections...uh, no, the want their women to have them. Hmmm...now I wonder why would that be? ;-)