Foot Size + 5 cm Divided by Two
Russian researchers have discovered that you can tell how big a man's dick is by the size of his foot. Measure the length of his foot in centimeters, add 5, then divide by two. The formula works for 90% of men. Of course, you could just put on clown shoes to impress people.
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Okay, Mike, but No Biting
Mike Tyson has run out of money. So, he's turning to his skills as an actor to get out of debt. Huh? Actor? Well, uh, yeah, actor. See, he's going to become a porn star under the stage name of "Iron Mike." What's he gonna do when he get 'em in the clinch? No biting, Mike, no biting.
Mike Tyson has run out of money. So, he's turning to his skills as an actor to get out of debt. Huh? Actor? Well, uh, yeah, actor. See, he's going to become a porn star under the stage name of "Iron Mike." What's he gonna do when he get 'em in the clinch? No biting, Mike, no biting.
Monday, August 01, 2005
Just Blame It on the Viagra
Rafael Palmeiro has been suspended from Major League baseball because of steroid use. He testified in Congress that he has "never used steroids. Period." Even today he says, "I have never intentionally used steroids. Never. Ever. Period." He claims not to know how steroids got into his body. Well, he has been on TV as a pitch (get it?) man for Viagra. Maybe that's how! Wait a minute! I get it, he unintentionally used them. Well, that's okay then.
Rafael Palmeiro has been suspended from Major League baseball because of steroid use. He testified in Congress that he has "never used steroids. Period." Even today he says, "I have never intentionally used steroids. Never. Ever. Period." He claims not to know how steroids got into his body. Well, he has been on TV as a pitch (get it?) man for Viagra. Maybe that's how! Wait a minute! I get it, he unintentionally used them. Well, that's okay then.
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Michael's Latest Album a Big Flop
Yes, it was bound to happen. Michael Jackson's comeback is more like a go-away. His latest album The Essential Michael Jackson sold only 8000 copies in the USA in its first week. Just move to Berlin, Michael, and leave us alone.
Yes, it was bound to happen. Michael Jackson's comeback is more like a go-away. His latest album The Essential Michael Jackson sold only 8000 copies in the USA in its first week. Just move to Berlin, Michael, and leave us alone.
Friday, July 29, 2005
Free Admission for the Naked
The Leopold Museum in Vienna has a summer special. If you show up naked at the entrance, you get in free.
The Leopold Museum in Vienna has a summer special. If you show up naked at the entrance, you get in free.
Monday, July 25, 2005
Fuck Me Pumps Cause Schizophrenia
Hey, I ain't makin' this up. A Swedish researcher, Jarl Flensmark,has published a paper in Medical Hypotheses that the advent of high heels coincides with the first reported cases of schizophrenia. He goes even further to point out that the mass production of high heel shoes is followed by higher rates of schizophrenia. This happened in Massachusetts where mass production of shoes began, and the same pattern shows up when mass production spread to Europe. Who knew?
Hey, I ain't makin' this up. A Swedish researcher, Jarl Flensmark,has published a paper in Medical Hypotheses that the advent of high heels coincides with the first reported cases of schizophrenia. He goes even further to point out that the mass production of high heel shoes is followed by higher rates of schizophrenia. This happened in Massachusetts where mass production of shoes began, and the same pattern shows up when mass production spread to Europe. Who knew?
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Chewable Viagra
I hadn't heard of this new way to take Viagra, but here it is. They say there's this "problem" in Argentina, because younger men are taking it for recreational reasons. So? Like there's some other reason for sex? Okay, okay, that's how we procreate, but if it weren't for the fun part of it we would have gone extinct eons ago. Bring 'em on!
I hadn't heard of this new way to take Viagra, but here it is. They say there's this "problem" in Argentina, because younger men are taking it for recreational reasons. So? Like there's some other reason for sex? Okay, okay, that's how we procreate, but if it weren't for the fun part of it we would have gone extinct eons ago. Bring 'em on!
Friday, July 15, 2005
41 or 46 Samples Contained Cocaine
The toilets in the European Parliament building have traces of cocaine on them. So says German professor Fritz Sörgel. He's done similar studies on public restrooms around Europe. He found 80% of the toilets in the Bundestag in Berlin had cocaine traces, and that 90% in Brussels did. The Parliament's response was to call the testing an "invasion of privacy" and threaten legal action.
The toilets in the European Parliament building have traces of cocaine on them. So says German professor Fritz Sörgel. He's done similar studies on public restrooms around Europe. He found 80% of the toilets in the Bundestag in Berlin had cocaine traces, and that 90% in Brussels did. The Parliament's response was to call the testing an "invasion of privacy" and threaten legal action.
The Revolution Will Not Be Televised...It Will Be Marketed
Step right up, folks, get your Che Guevara T-shirt, your Che herbal tea, and your Che coat from the Burlington Coat Factory. Don't believe me? Just take at look at this!
Step right up, folks, get your Che Guevara T-shirt, your Che herbal tea, and your Che coat from the Burlington Coat Factory. Don't believe me? Just take at look at this!
Friday, July 08, 2005
Mi Segunda Patria
In Latin America they have this concept of the 2nd Homeland. I guess it started with the Spaniards whose homeland was Spain, but their American colony was their segunda patria. Anyway, Mexico is mine. There's something so...uh...Mexican about it. Hard to put into words, but here's one example.
In Latin America they have this concept of the 2nd Homeland. I guess it started with the Spaniards whose homeland was Spain, but their American colony was their segunda patria. Anyway, Mexico is mine. There's something so...uh...Mexican about it. Hard to put into words, but here's one example.
Zach and I went to Chichen Itza on Tuesday. It's a lot different now. This was my 4th time there. They have some of the things fenced off so you can't get on them or touch them. You can still climb El Castillo, but you can't get on that monument to the warriors (whatever it's called). Parts of the Ball Court are off limits too. The first time we went in about '87 you could crawl into places they had opened up back in the woods. That's where I got the rock that I brought home. Part of the Patrimony of Mexico, and I took it, but, hey, I can't find it anymore, so I guess it serves me right.
Of course, it wouldn't be Mexico without some bathroom problem. The bus we took from Progreso to Chichen Itza has a bathroom. It's this little box like thing right by the rear door. You go down the steps to get into it. The catch was that the lock didn't work, so the door swung open if you didn't hold it, and the light inside the little box didn't work. You had to go by feel. I know 'cause I had to use it. Later on this kid, a boy about 10, went to use it. He asked me how you turn on the light and I said you don't. His mom and sister thought it was all very funny. Then I told all of them about peeing in a coke bottle in the back of a bus in Dolores Hidalgo, and throwing it out the window. The two kids were just flabbergasted. I can't describe the look on their faces, but they were just stunned. Their mother thought it was funny. I love Mexico!
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Saturday, June 25, 2005
99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall
Okay, we all know that Leonardo DiCaprio was recently attacked by a woman with a beer bottle. The attack came close to killing him. What we didn't know was that the "party" he was attending during the attack was an orgy. No, I'm not making it up. For as reliable as See and Hear is, somebody probably made it up. But, what if it's true? Giselle Bundchen at an orgy?
Okay, we all know that Leonardo DiCaprio was recently attacked by a woman with a beer bottle. The attack came close to killing him. What we didn't know was that the "party" he was attending during the attack was an orgy. No, I'm not making it up. For as reliable as See and Hear is, somebody probably made it up. But, what if it's true? Giselle Bundchen at an orgy?
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Elation
Going on vacation! On a cruise no less. We'll be stopping in Progreso, Yucatan, Cozumel, Quintana Roo, and Belize. I'll be taking the 14 yr old grandson on a little bus excursion to Chichen Itza. After that I may not be up to doing much else. We leave Sunday and return the following Sunday. Who knows, something really interesting might happen...or not.
Going on vacation! On a cruise no less. We'll be stopping in Progreso, Yucatan, Cozumel, Quintana Roo, and Belize. I'll be taking the 14 yr old grandson on a little bus excursion to Chichen Itza. After that I may not be up to doing much else. We leave Sunday and return the following Sunday. Who knows, something really interesting might happen...or not.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Say It Ain't So
Tom Cruise has asked for Katie Holmes' hand in marriage. Wait a minute! Isn't there an international campaign against pedophiles going on right now?
Mercy me.
Tom Cruise has asked for Katie Holmes' hand in marriage. Wait a minute! Isn't there an international campaign against pedophiles going on right now?
Mercy me.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
I'm Shocked, Shocked...
Here's an example of a master at work. Mark Felt, who was Deep Throat, was twice put in charge of investigations to find out who was Deep Throat. He was so sly that he speculated the leaker probably was in the FBI. This guy had balls! Plus he was really mad. Nixon had passed him over for the head job at the FBI once J. Edgar Hoover quit wearing dresses for good. Don't fuck with a smart bureaucrat, you'll be holding you head in your own hands wondering what happened.
Here's an example of a master at work. Mark Felt, who was Deep Throat, was twice put in charge of investigations to find out who was Deep Throat. He was so sly that he speculated the leaker probably was in the FBI. This guy had balls! Plus he was really mad. Nixon had passed him over for the head job at the FBI once J. Edgar Hoover quit wearing dresses for good. Don't fuck with a smart bureaucrat, you'll be holding you head in your own hands wondering what happened.
Monday, June 13, 2005
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