41 or 46 Samples Contained Cocaine

The toilets in the European Parliament building have traces of cocaine on them. So says German professor Fritz Sörgel. He's done similar studies on public restrooms around Europe. He found 80% of the toilets in the Bundestag in Berlin had cocaine traces, and that 90% in Brussels did. The Parliament's response was to call the testing an "invasion of privacy" and threaten legal action.

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised...It Will Be Marketed

Step right up, folks, get your Che Guevara T-shirt, your Che herbal tea, and your Che coat from the Burlington Coat Factory. Don't believe me? Just take at look at this!

Mi Segunda Patria

In Latin America they have this concept of the 2nd Homeland. I guess it started with the Spaniards whose homeland was Spain, but their American colony was their segunda patria. Anyway, Mexico is mine. There's something so...uh...Mexican about it. Hard to put into words, but here's one example.

Zach and I went to Chichen Itza on Tuesday. It's a lot different now. This was my 4th time there. They have some of the things fenced off so you can't get on them or touch them. You can still climb El Castillo, but you can't get on that monument to the warriors (whatever it's called). Parts of the Ball Court are off limits too. The first time we went in about '87 you could crawl into places they had opened up back in the woods. That's where I got the rock that I brought home. Part of the Patrimony of Mexico, and I took it, but, hey, I can't find it anymore, so I guess it serves me right.

Of course, it wouldn't be Mexico without some bathroom problem. The bus we took from Progreso to Chichen Itza has a bathroom. It's this little box like thing right by the rear door. You go down the steps to get into it. The catch was that the lock didn't work, so the door swung open if you didn't hold it, and the light inside the little box didn't work. You had to go by feel. I know 'cause I had to use it. Later on this kid, a boy about 10, went to use it. He asked me how you turn on the light and I said you don't. His mom and sister thought it was all very funny. Then I told all of them about peeing in a coke bottle in the back of a bus in Dolores Hidalgo, and throwing it out the window. The two kids were just flabbergasted. I can't describe the look on their faces, but they were just stunned. Their mother thought it was funny. I love Mexico!

The Cruise Is Over

Had a great time. Saw Chichen Itza for my fourth time, went to Cozumel for the first time (if you don't count landing and taking off at the Cozumel airport), and Belize City for the first and hopefully last time.

Some photos soon.

99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall

Okay, we all know that Leonardo DiCaprio was recently attacked by a woman with a beer bottle. The attack came close to killing him. What we didn't know was that the "party" he was attending during the attack was an orgy. No, I'm not making it up. For as reliable as See and Hear is, somebody probably made it up. But, what if it's true? Giselle Bundchen at an orgy?

Elation

Going on vacation! On a cruise no less. We'll be stopping in Progreso, Yucatan, Cozumel, Quintana Roo, and Belize. I'll be taking the 14 yr old grandson on a little bus excursion to Chichen Itza. After that I may not be up to doing much else. We leave Sunday and return the following Sunday. Who knows, something really interesting might happen...or not.

Say It Ain't So

Tom Cruise has asked for Katie Holmes' hand in marriage. Wait a minute! Isn't there an international campaign against pedophiles going on right now?
Mercy me.

I'm Shocked, Shocked...

Here's an example of a master at work. Mark Felt, who was Deep Throat, was twice put in charge of investigations to find out who was Deep Throat. He was so sly that he speculated the leaker probably was in the FBI. This guy had balls! Plus he was really mad. Nixon had passed him over for the head job at the FBI once J. Edgar Hoover quit wearing dresses for good. Don't fuck with a smart bureaucrat, you'll be holding you head in your own hands wondering what happened.

Not Guilty

Ten counts...not guilty...not guilty...not guilty...not guilty...not guilty...not guilty...not guilty...not guilty...not guilty...not guilty...not guilty...not guilty...not guilty...not guilty.

Judge Has Verdict in His Hand

Now, the judge is looking at the verdict. Court clerk will read it aloud.

Jury in the Court Room

The 8 women and 4 men are in the court room. Judge in place. Oh, oh, oh...

Michael's in the Court Room

Michael's entourage has arrived. Even LaToya has arrived. Oh my, I just can't stand the tension! No announcement yet...

Oh, I'm Just on Needles and Pins

I heard that the Michael Jackson jury has a verdict! Live feed at 1:45pm PDT. Can you feel the electricity in the air? Nah, I can't either.

Oh Those Germans!

Ya know, they're always thinking. When the World Cup comes to Germany, the city of Dortmund will have special "sex-garages" for the hookers and customers to use. It helps keep things under control better than just letting the whores roam the streets. How Germanic!

300 Orgasms per Day

No, it's not me, but I wish it was! Michelle Thompson "suffers" from the disorder called Permanent Sexual Arousal Syndrome (PSAS). Yes, it causes her to have orgasms all day long. Can you get that in a bottle?

Garganta Profunda

Well, finally, we know who Deep Throat was and is. I must say I'm glad I found out. Glad I lived long enough to know. It was just one of those things that always fascinated me. I don't know why exactly, it just did. Now, that leaves just a few questions unanswered: Who Killed Kennedy, Who Really Killed Marilyn Monroe, What Happened at Roswell, Just Who's at Area 51, Where Is Osama bin Laden, Who Was Behind the Assassination of Luis Donaldo Colosio...

Dude, Where's My Ear?

A British mother of two lost her left ear while drying her hair. A couple of months before she had undergone plastic surgery to make her ears not stick out so much. Uh, I think it worked! Now, it won't stick out at all.

Yes, It Has Come to That

Wanna be a blogger without having to do any writing. Well, here's the answer - autoblogger. Why bother with all that thinking? Is it him or is it Memorex? Only her hairdresser knows for sure.

For God So Loved the World...

Taken from Harper's Weekly Review.

a man in Holland was being tried on charges that he killed his mother, skinned her, dressed up in her skin, and then went out to direct traffic and recite Bible verses. “He loved her so much,” said his lawyer.

Apocalypse Tomorrow

Not really, but it will probably sound like it. I received the following email from the Business Operations Director:

Please be advised that a 21 gun salute honoring soldiers killed in action will take place on Thursday, May 26, at 11:30 am. We have been advised that the Honor Guard will be utilizing 40 mm cannons on the Capitol Grounds, which will obviously be quite loud. This e-mail is being sent to all State Office staff to eliminate staff calls and concerns regarding the event’s noise.