Make No Mistake

We don't let no faggots get married here in Texas, and we're gonna make that plain to our kids.

Is That Like a Reversible Jacket?

Yes, the Palestinian National Authority has finally admitted that Arafat is in a coma. They say it is a "reversible coma." I've never heard those two words together like that. I think we've been introduced to a new phenomenon. Let me check Wikipedia. No, there's no page with that title. Wanna make one?

Get the Red Out!

Two must-have products for those of us "Blues" living in the "Red" states. One is Vizine to get the "Red" out of our teary red eyes, and the other is Photoshop to replace "Redeye" with a nice blue. To paraphrase Crystal Gayle, "Oh,don't it make my red eyes blue?"

Warp Speed

What took weeks even months back in the '70s when Franco died, and then didn't die, and then did die, has only taken one afternoon today. Just check out this page.

You Say "Medically Complex" I Say "Clinically Dead"

Here's an excerpt from an email I received from one of my "sources."

PNA: Yasser Arafat Dies in Paris?
November 04, 2004 1711 GMT
Several reports, including some from high-ranking European officials, have emerged that Palestinian National Authority leader Yasser Arafat has died in a Paris hospital, though hospital officials have denied the reports, saying Arafat�s condition is "medically complex." Palestinian spokespeople also denied the reports, but specified that Arafat was not "clinically dead."

He's in a coma...wait that's not a fucking coma...that's a medically complex condition, for God's sake!

He's Dead. No, He's Not!

What did I say? It's Franco all over again. The Israelis say he's dead, the French say he's not. But, who can trust either one of them?

He's Doing Very Well...Oops, He's Dead

Yasser Arafat is in a coma according to French sources. Is this going to be another one of those Generalisimo Francisco Franco stories? He's still alive, he's still alive, he's still...uh...dead.

Forgive Us, Father, for We Know Not What We Do

More of the same for four more years. That's not a good thing. America did not deserve what it got after the last election, because the election was stolen. This time it wasn't stolen, and, poor America, will deserve what it gets.

Talk About Jumping the Gun!

Correioweb, a Brazilian news website, has already call it for Kerry. They are predicting 306 electoral votes for Kerry and 218 for Bush. That's out of a total of 538. Wait a minute! What happened to the other 20? Uh-oh, scandal in the offing.

Poor Al Goldstein

Former publisher of Screw magazine, Al Goldstein, find himself homeless these days. The 68 year old Goldstein was working as a greeter at the Second Avenue Deli, but he got fired because he slept there one night. He's so down that another homeless guy at the shelter gave him 5 bucks. When asked if he would do it all over again, he said yes! What a fucking idiot! He wouldn't change anything he says. He must like livin' at the shelter.

It's Election Day and El Dia de Los Muertos

Hmmm...what's that trying to tell us? While we remember to vote, we should also remember the dead. Might the dead be voting after all? Bring 'em on!

Imagine What It Would Be

If we weren't there to help. According to a new study by the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, Columbia University School of Nursing, and Al-Mustansiriya University more than 100,000 Iraqi civilians have died due to violence since the war began. And they tell us we're there to help the Iraqi people. What? They needed help with population control? Gimme a break? We're over there to help American corporations and to scare the Bejesus out of Iran and Saudi Arabia.

Well, I THOUGHT She Was My Wife

An American on a flight to the Phillipines was detained and denied entry into the country after a woman complained he was sexually harrassing her. She just happened to be the Governor of Mindoro, an island in the country. He later said he had become confused and thought the woman was his wife. What the hell was he trying to do, have sex in the lavatory?

Food Fight

Taiwanese members of Parliament get down with a food fight. If only our Congress could get Tom DeLay involved in one!

Now THAT Would Be Something to See!

A coalition of political parties in Chile have asked the Chilean Court of Appeals in Santiago to issue arrest warrants for George W Bush, Dick Cheney, and Donald Rumsfeld. They want them tried for crimes against humanity for Abu Ghraib torture. Bush is supposed to visit Chile for a summit in the near future. Bring 'em on!

The Netherlands Prepares to Invade the US

I was driving home yesterday on I-35 when I noticed a most unusual thing. There was a white GMC Savannah van traveling north with large black lettering on the sides that said, "Royal Netherlands Air Force." Toward the rear of the van was more lettering that said, "Apache Training Detachment." Inside the van were 5 people. Two men in the front and two women in the second seat, with what looked to be a child in between the two women. None of them had on any kind of uniform, except the man in the passenger's seat had on an orange shirt. Maybe that was some kind of uniform (orange is sort of the Dutch national color), but I didn't see any epaulets or medals. So, what's going on? Is this some kind of advance team sent over here to scope things out? Is the Netherlands planning some kind of post-election invasion while were occupied trying to count the votes? I'm worried.

I'll Kill Myself If You Convict Me

Michael Jackson's family is trotting out a story that "The King of Pop" will kill himself if he's convicted of child molestation. Is that what they call preparing the Jury pool? Give me a break!

Pornostar in Campo

Pornostar in Campo, originally uploaded by Marcos Arroyos.

Here in the U.S. we always have unattractive male streakers at sports events. Now, those Europeans...

Not Exactly 12 Angry Men

It was more like 3 confused men and 3 confused women. I was on a jury in the County Court at Law #2 in Williamson County, Texas. Since it was a county court, it had 6 instead of 12 members. This is like my tenth time to be called for jury duty, and the 3rd time Ive actually been selected. What have I done to deserve this? Don't answer that!!!

This time I was on a family violence case. It was a 21 year old guy and an 18 year old girl who were common law married. Get this, they had 3 kids when it happened in August of '03. They now have 4 kids, and she's going to turn 20 on Halloween Day. We acquitted him, because there was a "reasonable doubt." The girl said one thing on the day and another thing on the stand. They did not put her written statement into evidence from the day it happened. The only thing we had was her testimony today and the cop's. Anyway, she took the stand and took the 5th. Yes, she took the 5th amendment! She was afraid that she would be prosecuted for perjury or lying to a police officer. She had a court-appointed attorney who advised her to take the 5th. So, the prosecutor had to find her to get her served a subpoena, then she gets to the stand and takes the 5th. They rush us out of the courtroom while they all argue about it. So, when we return she's still on the stand, and is now willing to testify, because she has been given immunity from prosecution for perjury. Which I think she proceeded to commit, but was immune from prosecution. Anyway, there was story A and story B. When it happened she refused any treatment or even examination by EMS, so there was no medical type evidence of her injuries. There were some photos of scratches on her arms and one on her neck, but she says she doesn't remember how that happened. She says she punched the guy in the nose causing him a bloody nose (I believe this part), and that the blood on the floor and the walls is from that. It actually seems more plausible than blood from her scratches. Anyway, it was VERY confusing, and so we had reasonable doubt. After it was over and we had acquitted him, we find out that he is already in prison for bank robbery. He was the guy that was holding up banks in Cedar Park. He had held up several and gotten away with it for a while. They had to get him out of prison to come stand trial on this charge. He has other charges pending on Family Violence. The judge came to us afterward and said that if he had heard the case he would have done the same thing. He just felt there was reasonable doubt.

It's been quite a couple of days! That makes the 3rd time I've been on a jury, and the first time that I was jury foreman. What an honor.

Anxiety, Fear, and Depression

A new study in China reveals that 22% of children there suffer from behavioral and emotional problems. They feel it is due to the traditionalist kind of education, and the "only child" policy in China. No wonder I'm so fucked up! I'm an only child at 53.