More Travelog
Monday night was our first formal dinner. Our cruise was for 8 days so we had two formal nights. I wore a suit, and the Goddess wore an silver evening gown with a little piss ant silver purse that would hold little more than her �Sail and Sign� card which is the size of a credit card. This was the night that they honored birthdays and anniversaries. We were honored for our wedding anniversary. The waiters (none of them native English speakers) sang �Happy Birthday� or �Happy Anniversary� as appropriate at each table with a celebrant. These guys weren�t singers, mind you, so the songs were quite funny. Imagine a mix of foreign accents singing �Happy Birthday� off key about 10 different times!
The show for Monday night was a Las Vegas style show. I asked our dining companions what a Las Vegas show was, and they answered that it was young women dancing with very few clothes on. When I asked if there would be pole dancing, they said they didn�t think so. They were right. The performers for the shows were excellent. I was very impressed.
Day Three - Tuesday January 20
All Day at Sea
Tuesday was another day at sea. Now, get this, they had a morning seminar on shopping led by the Cruise Director. �What,� I asked, �a seminar on shopping?� The Goddess sure didn�t (and doesn�t) need a seminar on how to shop, but there she was, attending one anyway. Yes, the Cruise Director visits merchants in the ports and arranges special deals with certain shops for his travelers. He puts on a PowerPoint presentation telling which shop offers the free bracelet for just coming in, and which one has a special on Tanzanite earrings. Tanzanite? Yes, that�s a new and scarce indigo, blue, purple gemstone from Tanzania. �But, isn�t Tanzania in East Africa?� you might ask. �And weren�t you in the Caribbean?� Well, yes to both questions, but somehow Tanzanite is a hot item for sale on the island of Sint Maarten/Saint Martin. You could probably find it for sale on other islands too without putting forth very much effort, it turns out that Sint Maarten is the shopping capital of the Caribbean. Everything there is duty free, at least on the Dutch side. The Dutch used to be the only world superpower a few centuries ago, and they did it by buying and selling anything to everyone. That tradition remains alive and well on Sint Maarten. Things weren�t looking good for my bank account, because the Goddess was really energized by the seminar.
We sailed along the coast of the Dominican Republic and later Puerto Rico. The show Tuesday night was a comedian named Eddie Capone who flew to the ship to join us. At least he said he flew to the ship, but I sure didn�t see any landing strip on board. He was very good.
All in all, a very smooth day.
Day Four - Wednesday January 21
Sint Maarten/Saint Martin
We woke up to the ship sitting still in a harbor. On inspection we realized we were anchored in the harbor of the island of Saint Martin. This little island is about 37 square miles, but is divided between two countries. There is a Dutch side (16 sq mi) and a French side (21 sq mi). We were anchored on the Dutch side at the port town of Philipsburg. We had signed up for an island tour so we went ashore, and got on the tour bus. Our driver was from the Dutch side, and he told us that the girls on the Dutch were friendly, and the girls on the French side were grouchy. But, he said he preferred to go to the disco on the French side, because even though the French girls were grouchy, they could shake it better than the Dutch girls. He explained how to call from one side of the island to the other is an international call. So, it�s actually cheaper just to drive (or walk) to the place you want to talk to. He drove us around the island to Marigot on the French side. We spent an hour there shopping. The French side had an open air market, the Dutch side had well tended shops with Tiffany�s as one of them. The French side has a casino that anyone can gamble in. The Dutch side has a casino too, but the locals can only go there once a month. Otherwise, they get in trouble with the authorities. Of course, visitors are free to go to the casino as much as they want. I told you there was something mercantile about those Dutch folks! We bought things on both sides. The French side was shirts and crafts, the Dutch side was a camera, Tanzanite earrings, and T-shirts. What does that tell ya? The Goddess picked up her free bracelet, of course.
Our bus driver told us the local legend about how the island was divided between the two countries. They put a Dutchman and a Frenchman back-to-back on the beach, and had them start walking around the island. The amount of land they covered would be claimed for their country. The Frenchman was a hardy soul, and he took off walking in a purposeful manner. The Dutchman started walking, but after a little way he got hot and decided to sit down and have a beer. He continued after a short nap, but later began drinking gin. It turned out the the Frenchman covered 21 sq miles, and the Dutchman only 16. But, the Dutchman said that it wasn�t quantity but quality that mattered. He had claimed all the salt mines, the sugar cane, and the indigo fields. Maybe, there really was a method to his madness.
We set sail for Barbados at 4:00 pm.
Thursday, January 29, 2004
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
On Board the Spirit
We stepped on board the Spirit and were transported to another world. It�s not an overstatement to say we were in the lap of luxury. The interior of the ship looked like a luxury hotel. There was an atrium with glass elevators, real art on the stairways, and beautiful views of the ocean. I often am able to find the darkness in light, but I must say, this ship was beautiful. It had ten decks for the customers, and another 2 or 3 decks for the crew. We went to dinner in a beautiful dining room called the Empire Room. It was quite elegant. Our table was on the first floor of the dining room and was number 114. We sat with two other couples at table 114 for dinner each night of the cruise, one from Virginia, and one from Wisconsin. The couple from Virginia, Norm and Elaine, were actually transplants from New York, and they had the accents to prove it too. The couple from Wisconsin, Bill and Gail, were not transplants, and they had the Wisconsin accent to prove that. No doubt they said the same about us. Our waiters were Isabel (a man) and Nick. Isabel was from Honduras, and Nick was from Italy. They were great! And a lot of fun. The first night our bar waitress came by and asked me and Norm if we wanted something from the bar. Both of us answered no. She went to the next table when Bill started yelling across the room �Ma�am, ma�am, I want a beer.� Yes, he was yelling. She came back, apologized, and took his order. That was the last time I saw Bill without his trusty Coors Light until the last morning of the cruise when the bar was closed. Also the first night on board the crew had a welcome aboard show in the Pharoah�s Room which is a theater with two levels of balconies. A theater on a ship? Who woulda thought it? Well, not me anyway. We didn�t go to the show the first night, because of the trying day we�d had up to that point. We went to sleep early, and slept surprisingly well.
Day Two - Monday January 19
All Day at Sea
Monday morning we awoke to a view of some land off the starbord side of the ship. I turned on the TV in our room, and found that one of the channels was actually a kind of tracking system that showed exactly where the ship was on a map. I learned that the land I could see was Cuba. I have wanted to visit Cuba since I started learning Spanish from Cuban exiles back in 1961, but never have. Here I was in a ship within sight of Cuba�s shore. At least, I�ve seen it now. We spent all day sailing alongside Cuba, heading toward the island of Hispaniola shared by Haiti and the Dominican Republic.
The Goddess also had something to excite her. There was a section of the ship on deck 3 called Fashion Boulevard where she spent considerable time, and money. In fact, deck 3 turned out to be her favorite. She has the final statement from our �Sail and Sign� card to prove it.
Monday morning after breakfast, I spent some time by the swimming pool on the Lido Deck. There were 3 swimming pools on the Spirit, one for kids, one for adults, and one for both. I was sitting at a table by the swimming pool for both. It�s not often that one can claim to have had an epiphany, because they are so strikingly and unexpectedly true. I think I had an epiphany even if it wasn�t the first time I had had inklings in this direction. Put simply - human beings look absolutely ludicrous! Consider all the other fauna on the planet; you can easily see how their bodies agree in some fundamental way with what they do. Humans? Puh-leeze! We have these big heads that totter on a top-heavy body with what looks to be spindly legs for support. Think about it! Most of our weight is from the waist up. You could say the same is true for dogs, but at least the dog has four legs on the ground! I�ve heard it said that human walking is just a form of controlled falling, we just keep putting one leg out to break the fall. Just try looking around a cruise ship and you�ll see what I mean. Okay, it might be that the specimens on a cruise ship are somewhat defective, but I�ve never seen a less graceful more physically inept group anywhere! The people in the cruise line business say that the people who take cruises are �the newly wed, the overfed, and the almost dead.� I�m here to tell ya, ya can say that again! Maybe is was just our cruise, but there was a definite lack of the newly wed - leaving...well you know who�s left. I would wager that there weren�t more than 4 passengers on the whole ship that could have climbed the stairs from deck one to deck 10. That�s why there were at least 11 elevators for us to use! They only had one ship�s physician, for God�s sake, it would be plain unsafe for most of us to walk more than one floor at a time!
We stepped on board the Spirit and were transported to another world. It�s not an overstatement to say we were in the lap of luxury. The interior of the ship looked like a luxury hotel. There was an atrium with glass elevators, real art on the stairways, and beautiful views of the ocean. I often am able to find the darkness in light, but I must say, this ship was beautiful. It had ten decks for the customers, and another 2 or 3 decks for the crew. We went to dinner in a beautiful dining room called the Empire Room. It was quite elegant. Our table was on the first floor of the dining room and was number 114. We sat with two other couples at table 114 for dinner each night of the cruise, one from Virginia, and one from Wisconsin. The couple from Virginia, Norm and Elaine, were actually transplants from New York, and they had the accents to prove it too. The couple from Wisconsin, Bill and Gail, were not transplants, and they had the Wisconsin accent to prove that. No doubt they said the same about us. Our waiters were Isabel (a man) and Nick. Isabel was from Honduras, and Nick was from Italy. They were great! And a lot of fun. The first night our bar waitress came by and asked me and Norm if we wanted something from the bar. Both of us answered no. She went to the next table when Bill started yelling across the room �Ma�am, ma�am, I want a beer.� Yes, he was yelling. She came back, apologized, and took his order. That was the last time I saw Bill without his trusty Coors Light until the last morning of the cruise when the bar was closed. Also the first night on board the crew had a welcome aboard show in the Pharoah�s Room which is a theater with two levels of balconies. A theater on a ship? Who woulda thought it? Well, not me anyway. We didn�t go to the show the first night, because of the trying day we�d had up to that point. We went to sleep early, and slept surprisingly well.
Day Two - Monday January 19
All Day at Sea
Monday morning we awoke to a view of some land off the starbord side of the ship. I turned on the TV in our room, and found that one of the channels was actually a kind of tracking system that showed exactly where the ship was on a map. I learned that the land I could see was Cuba. I have wanted to visit Cuba since I started learning Spanish from Cuban exiles back in 1961, but never have. Here I was in a ship within sight of Cuba�s shore. At least, I�ve seen it now. We spent all day sailing alongside Cuba, heading toward the island of Hispaniola shared by Haiti and the Dominican Republic.
The Goddess also had something to excite her. There was a section of the ship on deck 3 called Fashion Boulevard where she spent considerable time, and money. In fact, deck 3 turned out to be her favorite. She has the final statement from our �Sail and Sign� card to prove it.
Monday morning after breakfast, I spent some time by the swimming pool on the Lido Deck. There were 3 swimming pools on the Spirit, one for kids, one for adults, and one for both. I was sitting at a table by the swimming pool for both. It�s not often that one can claim to have had an epiphany, because they are so strikingly and unexpectedly true. I think I had an epiphany even if it wasn�t the first time I had had inklings in this direction. Put simply - human beings look absolutely ludicrous! Consider all the other fauna on the planet; you can easily see how their bodies agree in some fundamental way with what they do. Humans? Puh-leeze! We have these big heads that totter on a top-heavy body with what looks to be spindly legs for support. Think about it! Most of our weight is from the waist up. You could say the same is true for dogs, but at least the dog has four legs on the ground! I�ve heard it said that human walking is just a form of controlled falling, we just keep putting one leg out to break the fall. Just try looking around a cruise ship and you�ll see what I mean. Okay, it might be that the specimens on a cruise ship are somewhat defective, but I�ve never seen a less graceful more physically inept group anywhere! The people in the cruise line business say that the people who take cruises are �the newly wed, the overfed, and the almost dead.� I�m here to tell ya, ya can say that again! Maybe is was just our cruise, but there was a definite lack of the newly wed - leaving...well you know who�s left. I would wager that there weren�t more than 4 passengers on the whole ship that could have climbed the stairs from deck one to deck 10. That�s why there were at least 11 elevators for us to use! They only had one ship�s physician, for God�s sake, it would be plain unsafe for most of us to walk more than one floor at a time!
Day One - Sunday January 18
Austin to Miami
We had reservations on Continental Airlines for a flight from Austin-Bergstrom International Airport (ABIA) to Houston-Bush Intercontinental Airport (IAH) leaving around 8:15 am. In this post-9/11 world all the airlines recommend that passengers arrive at least 2 hours before departure. We did. In fact, we had to get up at 5:00 am just to have the 2 hour cushion. On entering the terminal we discover we are the only passengers on Continental to arrive the recommended 2 hours early. It turned out to be good that we did, because the airline had a seat reservation for the Goddess, but no ticket. The Goddess�s real name is Rebecca Jean Brooks which is what her passport shows, of course. However, she has always gone by Jean, so her reservation was originally made in the name of Jean Brooks. Her passport doesn�t support that, so we paid an extra $50 to get the name changed (don�t ask why, I don�t know) to Rebecca on the ticket. Well, somehow the change got muddled and her (Rebecca�s or Jean�s) ticket was canceled. That made for the very unusual fact that she had a reservation but no ticket. We wound up having to buy another round trip ticket for Rebecca.
Ah, but it was only a small setback, so we had a few minutes of slight anxiety, but nothing insurmountable. The flight to IAH was uneventful. The terminal at Houston was much more crowded, including SUV versions of golf carts driving up and down the concourse. Imagine being one of those drivers. You drive people around the airport all day while yelling, �Excuse the cart, please...excuse the cart, please.� One minimalist driver just says, �Cart!...Cart!...Cart!� Wow, what a job!
Is it just me, or does anyone else always have a connecting flight at a gate that is at least 3/4 to 1 mile from the gate you arrived at? Same airline, same terminal, just a different concourse. You arrive at C12, and you have to walk to D87. What�s up with that? The terminal can even be deserted and they�ll let you off at gate B117 at the very end of the concourse, the absolutely farthest point from baggage claim. The people that run the gift shops must have paid off the airlines. They make everyone walk past at least 5 gift shops per plane change.
We boarded our flight for Miami and found our seats next to a woman talking on her cell phone. She was reeking of alcohol, and drinking more. She told the person on the phone that she started drinking around 9:00 am today, then she questioned, �Is that bad?� Hmmm...The drunk lady talks to the Goddess (thank God I was sitting by the aisle) incessantly. Every time the Goddess would think the drunk was through talking and would return to reading her book, the drunk would start talking again. Finally, the captain turned off the fasten seat belt sign and the drunk got up to go to the lavatory. She never came back. She was later observed seated in the last row of the plane, drinking another drink, and talking some poor fucker�s ear off. Better him than us.
Miami International Airport (MIA)
The airport code for Miami is MIA which of course also stands for �missing in action.� Let me tell ya, it�s not just a coincidence. We deplaned in Miami, and upon leaving the jet way, we approached a man holding a Carnival Cruise sign. He was giving directions to arriving passengers, so we approached him. He directed us (unlike quite a few other people) to another Carnival employee about 50 yards down the concourse. The second employee was a man with a heavy Chinese accent. The Goddess approached him and told him (in her Texas accented English) we had just arrived on a Continental flight, and were going to sail on the Carnival Spirit. The man asked, �You say-oo too-day?� �Yes,� she answered, �Carnival Spirit.� �You say-oo too-day?� he asked again. �Yes.� �Nuhmbah thuhteen,� he said as he wrote #13 on our ground transfer. We proceeded to baggage carousel number 13, along with several others from our flight. Oddly though, the sign at #13 just showed an Air Canada flight. We waited, and waited. No luggage. Then, everyone was pretty much gone, and we had no bags. Finally, we approached someone else with Carnival who told us that Continental was always on carousel number 8. Newly heartened, we quickly took off for #8. Once there, we found it deserted. Now, we�re getting really pissed. We approach a security man, who was quite unaccustomed to being asked questions, but he did endeavor to help us. He told us to check carousel #9. Well, it was just as empty as #8. Just when the Goddess is about to go off on somebody, a woman starts yelling that our bags are in the Continental unclaimed luggage office. �We�ve been looking for you, where have you been?� the lady asked. It was really a rhetorical question, because they weren�t the least interested in the Goddess�s answer. We collected our bags, and began following a woman with a Carnival Spirit sign out the door of the terminal.
Now, the Goddess has never been one to pack light, and to make matters worse, she had not packed light in one of those oversized suitcases. So, the bags were very heavy, but they had wheels on the bottom to make the wrestling easier. Well, have you ever noticed how those fucking wheels don�t fucking work? They jam, they go straight when you want to turn, and they turn when you want to go straight. Neither of us would be a poster boy or girl for physical fitness, so we were both huffing and puffing along. The Goddess�s suitcase kept turning over every 5 or 6 feet, so she started to really fume. She was cussing and sweating and sweating and cussing. I was feeling much the same, but was trying to stoically endure, knowing that �this too shall pass.� It was just that the passing was taking way too long! We finally arrived at the stop for our bus, but no bus was there. Not to worry, one arrived within minutes. We boarded the bus and occupied the last two seats on the right side. The Goddess was not ready to relax until she personally witnessed the driver put our bags on the bus. He finally did, and we took off for the port. The Goddess was talking about how �so far, I�m not impressed with Carnival,� when I stopped her, because I was afraid that she was going to start attracting malevolent spirits that would ruin the whole cruise. I must have acted in time, because things started going for the better.
Austin to Miami
We had reservations on Continental Airlines for a flight from Austin-Bergstrom International Airport (ABIA) to Houston-Bush Intercontinental Airport (IAH) leaving around 8:15 am. In this post-9/11 world all the airlines recommend that passengers arrive at least 2 hours before departure. We did. In fact, we had to get up at 5:00 am just to have the 2 hour cushion. On entering the terminal we discover we are the only passengers on Continental to arrive the recommended 2 hours early. It turned out to be good that we did, because the airline had a seat reservation for the Goddess, but no ticket. The Goddess�s real name is Rebecca Jean Brooks which is what her passport shows, of course. However, she has always gone by Jean, so her reservation was originally made in the name of Jean Brooks. Her passport doesn�t support that, so we paid an extra $50 to get the name changed (don�t ask why, I don�t know) to Rebecca on the ticket. Well, somehow the change got muddled and her (Rebecca�s or Jean�s) ticket was canceled. That made for the very unusual fact that she had a reservation but no ticket. We wound up having to buy another round trip ticket for Rebecca.
Ah, but it was only a small setback, so we had a few minutes of slight anxiety, but nothing insurmountable. The flight to IAH was uneventful. The terminal at Houston was much more crowded, including SUV versions of golf carts driving up and down the concourse. Imagine being one of those drivers. You drive people around the airport all day while yelling, �Excuse the cart, please...excuse the cart, please.� One minimalist driver just says, �Cart!...Cart!...Cart!� Wow, what a job!
Is it just me, or does anyone else always have a connecting flight at a gate that is at least 3/4 to 1 mile from the gate you arrived at? Same airline, same terminal, just a different concourse. You arrive at C12, and you have to walk to D87. What�s up with that? The terminal can even be deserted and they�ll let you off at gate B117 at the very end of the concourse, the absolutely farthest point from baggage claim. The people that run the gift shops must have paid off the airlines. They make everyone walk past at least 5 gift shops per plane change.
We boarded our flight for Miami and found our seats next to a woman talking on her cell phone. She was reeking of alcohol, and drinking more. She told the person on the phone that she started drinking around 9:00 am today, then she questioned, �Is that bad?� Hmmm...The drunk lady talks to the Goddess (thank God I was sitting by the aisle) incessantly. Every time the Goddess would think the drunk was through talking and would return to reading her book, the drunk would start talking again. Finally, the captain turned off the fasten seat belt sign and the drunk got up to go to the lavatory. She never came back. She was later observed seated in the last row of the plane, drinking another drink, and talking some poor fucker�s ear off. Better him than us.
Miami International Airport (MIA)
The airport code for Miami is MIA which of course also stands for �missing in action.� Let me tell ya, it�s not just a coincidence. We deplaned in Miami, and upon leaving the jet way, we approached a man holding a Carnival Cruise sign. He was giving directions to arriving passengers, so we approached him. He directed us (unlike quite a few other people) to another Carnival employee about 50 yards down the concourse. The second employee was a man with a heavy Chinese accent. The Goddess approached him and told him (in her Texas accented English) we had just arrived on a Continental flight, and were going to sail on the Carnival Spirit. The man asked, �You say-oo too-day?� �Yes,� she answered, �Carnival Spirit.� �You say-oo too-day?� he asked again. �Yes.� �Nuhmbah thuhteen,� he said as he wrote #13 on our ground transfer. We proceeded to baggage carousel number 13, along with several others from our flight. Oddly though, the sign at #13 just showed an Air Canada flight. We waited, and waited. No luggage. Then, everyone was pretty much gone, and we had no bags. Finally, we approached someone else with Carnival who told us that Continental was always on carousel number 8. Newly heartened, we quickly took off for #8. Once there, we found it deserted. Now, we�re getting really pissed. We approach a security man, who was quite unaccustomed to being asked questions, but he did endeavor to help us. He told us to check carousel #9. Well, it was just as empty as #8. Just when the Goddess is about to go off on somebody, a woman starts yelling that our bags are in the Continental unclaimed luggage office. �We�ve been looking for you, where have you been?� the lady asked. It was really a rhetorical question, because they weren�t the least interested in the Goddess�s answer. We collected our bags, and began following a woman with a Carnival Spirit sign out the door of the terminal.
Now, the Goddess has never been one to pack light, and to make matters worse, she had not packed light in one of those oversized suitcases. So, the bags were very heavy, but they had wheels on the bottom to make the wrestling easier. Well, have you ever noticed how those fucking wheels don�t fucking work? They jam, they go straight when you want to turn, and they turn when you want to go straight. Neither of us would be a poster boy or girl for physical fitness, so we were both huffing and puffing along. The Goddess�s suitcase kept turning over every 5 or 6 feet, so she started to really fume. She was cussing and sweating and sweating and cussing. I was feeling much the same, but was trying to stoically endure, knowing that �this too shall pass.� It was just that the passing was taking way too long! We finally arrived at the stop for our bus, but no bus was there. Not to worry, one arrived within minutes. We boarded the bus and occupied the last two seats on the right side. The Goddess was not ready to relax until she personally witnessed the driver put our bags on the bus. He finally did, and we took off for the port. The Goddess was talking about how �so far, I�m not impressed with Carnival,� when I stopped her, because I was afraid that she was going to start attracting malevolent spirits that would ruin the whole cruise. I must have acted in time, because things started going for the better.
Monday, January 12, 2004
Friday, January 09, 2004
Got Milk?
Committee of Nursing Mother Collective Announces Glorious New Revolutionary Program
January 9, 2004 Juche 93
By HON G. RHEE
PYONGYANG, North Korea (KCNA) � The Central Committee of the Nursing Mothers Juche Collective firmly declared on January 9 that Nursing Mothers stand shoulder-to-shoulder in solidarity with the people of the Democratic People�s Republic of Korea (DPRK). Expressing the will of the Korean people exemplified by the revolutionary cause of the Workers� Party of Korea, Chairwoman Tum E Gro Il set forth a new slogan �Got Milk?� Speaking at a solidarity rally in South Phyong-an, Mrs. Gro Il declared the Got Milk? program to be the shining goal that all progressive peoples in the 21st Century harken to.
The program will create the title of Mother of the People to be filled by nursing mothers throughout the Fatherland. Nursing mothers will each be assigned to provide breast milk to every resident of one of the workers� housing collectives. Mrs. Gro Il announced the publication of People�s Educational Manual No. 2-2004 which instructs nursing mothers on the techniques for breast feeding adults. Mrs. Gro Il set forth a second slogan �Let us pave a wide avenue for the Mothers of the People as they give life to the Juche Idea of the Great Leader Kim Il Sung by providing their milk without fear of the teeth of adults!�
In a statement of solidarity with the Central Committee of the Nursing Mothers Juche Collective, Chon Do Hong of the Peoples� Bureau of Revolutionary Agriculture proclaimed at the same rally that the daily ration of grass and roots for Mothers of the People would be increased to 25% more than the standard. He joined with Chairwoman Gro Il in hailing the heroic acts of socialist progress of the Mothers of the People. Mr. Hong called on all workers in the DPRK act with equal heroism and pull all remaining teeth from the eye teeth forward. Mr. Hong was widely applauded as he had his one remaining front tooth extracted
while standing at the podium.
The rally was attended by senior officials of the local Party, and power organs and working people's organizations, people from all walks of life and youth and students.
Committee of Nursing Mother Collective Announces Glorious New Revolutionary Program
January 9, 2004 Juche 93
By HON G. RHEE
PYONGYANG, North Korea (KCNA) � The Central Committee of the Nursing Mothers Juche Collective firmly declared on January 9 that Nursing Mothers stand shoulder-to-shoulder in solidarity with the people of the Democratic People�s Republic of Korea (DPRK). Expressing the will of the Korean people exemplified by the revolutionary cause of the Workers� Party of Korea, Chairwoman Tum E Gro Il set forth a new slogan �Got Milk?� Speaking at a solidarity rally in South Phyong-an, Mrs. Gro Il declared the Got Milk? program to be the shining goal that all progressive peoples in the 21st Century harken to.
The program will create the title of Mother of the People to be filled by nursing mothers throughout the Fatherland. Nursing mothers will each be assigned to provide breast milk to every resident of one of the workers� housing collectives. Mrs. Gro Il announced the publication of People�s Educational Manual No. 2-2004 which instructs nursing mothers on the techniques for breast feeding adults. Mrs. Gro Il set forth a second slogan �Let us pave a wide avenue for the Mothers of the People as they give life to the Juche Idea of the Great Leader Kim Il Sung by providing their milk without fear of the teeth of adults!�
In a statement of solidarity with the Central Committee of the Nursing Mothers Juche Collective, Chon Do Hong of the Peoples� Bureau of Revolutionary Agriculture proclaimed at the same rally that the daily ration of grass and roots for Mothers of the People would be increased to 25% more than the standard. He joined with Chairwoman Gro Il in hailing the heroic acts of socialist progress of the Mothers of the People. Mr. Hong called on all workers in the DPRK act with equal heroism and pull all remaining teeth from the eye teeth forward. Mr. Hong was widely applauded as he had his one remaining front tooth extracted
while standing at the podium.
The rally was attended by senior officials of the local Party, and power organs and working people's organizations, people from all walks of life and youth and students.
Thursday, January 01, 2004
Happy New Year!
A new year has been born. May it be better than the last. Let's see: Lies to Congress, SARS, Columbia Explodes over Texas, War on False Pretenses, Alienating Allies, Unacknowledged Guerrilla War, Leaking CIA Agent's name for Retaliation, War Profits thru No Competitive Bidding, Fires in California, Earthquake in California, Mad Cow U.S.A. Hmm...shouldn't be hard to be better than that!
A new year has been born. May it be better than the last. Let's see: Lies to Congress, SARS, Columbia Explodes over Texas, War on False Pretenses, Alienating Allies, Unacknowledged Guerrilla War, Leaking CIA Agent's name for Retaliation, War Profits thru No Competitive Bidding, Fires in California, Earthquake in California, Mad Cow U.S.A. Hmm...shouldn't be hard to be better than that!
Tuesday, December 30, 2003
The Year Is Dying
Requiem Dos Mil Tres. Lots of stuff happened this year. Mostly pretty good stuff happened to me. Although, I don't think I'm the rule, I'm probably the exception.
Another year, another war. Who's it gonna be this year? Odds are 2 to 1 for war with Syria. 3 to 1 with Saudi Arabia. 3 to 1 with Pakistan. 3 to 1 with Iran. 7 to 1 with N. Korea.
Requiem Dos Mil Tres. Lots of stuff happened this year. Mostly pretty good stuff happened to me. Although, I don't think I'm the rule, I'm probably the exception.
Another year, another war. Who's it gonna be this year? Odds are 2 to 1 for war with Syria. 3 to 1 with Saudi Arabia. 3 to 1 with Pakistan. 3 to 1 with Iran. 7 to 1 with N. Korea.
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
Monday, December 22, 2003
He Forgot?!
Police in Miami arrested a man today who was passing thru a metal detector at the airport. He was asked to remove his shoes, wherein a knife and an icepick were discovered. He said that he forgot about having them in his shoes. My feet are much more sensitive than that!
Police in Miami arrested a man today who was passing thru a metal detector at the airport. He was asked to remove his shoes, wherein a knife and an icepick were discovered. He said that he forgot about having them in his shoes. My feet are much more sensitive than that!
Thursday, December 18, 2003
Yes, They're Paying For It
Australian sperm banks are advertising for donors. They will pay for a round trip ticket and two weeks accomodations.
Australian sperm banks are advertising for donors. They will pay for a round trip ticket and two weeks accomodations.
Thursday, December 04, 2003
Break On Through
The Doors are back! Will the new singer get drunk and piss on the crowd too? I can't wait!
The Doors are back! Will the new singer get drunk and piss on the crowd too? I can't wait!
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
Monday, December 01, 2003
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
How Do I Sign Up?
A doctor specializing in pain management has developed the much sought after orgasmatron. But, he's having trouble getting volunteers to test the device. Huh?
A doctor specializing in pain management has developed the much sought after orgasmatron. But, he's having trouble getting volunteers to test the device. Huh?
Hey, Watch That Old Woman Over There!
An American Airlines jetliner had to be escorted back to Miami by two USAF fighter jets shortly after taking off due to an unruly female senior citizen. C'mon, you can't control an old woman? Buh-bye.
An American Airlines jetliner had to be escorted back to Miami by two USAF fighter jets shortly after taking off due to an unruly female senior citizen. C'mon, you can't control an old woman? Buh-bye.
Friday, November 14, 2003
Hey, Tampax, What Do You Want to Drink?
According to a survey Americans are naming their children after brand names. There are several 3 year-olds named Chevy, Delmonte, Infiniti, Celica, and more. There are even two kids named ESPN!
According to a survey Americans are naming their children after brand names. There are several 3 year-olds named Chevy, Delmonte, Infiniti, Celica, and more. There are even two kids named ESPN!
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
Friday, November 07, 2003
Thursday, November 06, 2003
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