How Do I Sign Up?
A doctor specializing in pain management has developed the much sought after orgasmatron. But, he's having trouble getting volunteers to test the device. Huh?
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
Hey, Watch That Old Woman Over There!
An American Airlines jetliner had to be escorted back to Miami by two USAF fighter jets shortly after taking off due to an unruly female senior citizen. C'mon, you can't control an old woman? Buh-bye.
An American Airlines jetliner had to be escorted back to Miami by two USAF fighter jets shortly after taking off due to an unruly female senior citizen. C'mon, you can't control an old woman? Buh-bye.
Friday, November 14, 2003
Hey, Tampax, What Do You Want to Drink?
According to a survey Americans are naming their children after brand names. There are several 3 year-olds named Chevy, Delmonte, Infiniti, Celica, and more. There are even two kids named ESPN!
According to a survey Americans are naming their children after brand names. There are several 3 year-olds named Chevy, Delmonte, Infiniti, Celica, and more. There are even two kids named ESPN!
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
Friday, November 07, 2003
Thursday, November 06, 2003
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
Doctor, My Eyes
The past two days have been hard on my poor eyes. They're not so good in the first place, and what I've been doing hasn't helped. No, it's not jacking off! I've been going over a translation of the unemployment information booklet. So, I've been staring at the computer screen trying to decide if we should have two spaces after a period or not. It turns out not. We have something like 31 pages of text to get mashed into 28 pages. I've been changing line spacing, font size of line breaks, putting things together so that I can take them apart again. The ironic thing about it all is that no one is going to read it! People never read their little booklet. Hmm...I wonder if I could get away with...
The past two days have been hard on my poor eyes. They're not so good in the first place, and what I've been doing hasn't helped. No, it's not jacking off! I've been going over a translation of the unemployment information booklet. So, I've been staring at the computer screen trying to decide if we should have two spaces after a period or not. It turns out not. We have something like 31 pages of text to get mashed into 28 pages. I've been changing line spacing, font size of line breaks, putting things together so that I can take them apart again. The ironic thing about it all is that no one is going to read it! People never read their little booklet. Hmm...I wonder if I could get away with...
Thursday, October 23, 2003
Monday, October 20, 2003
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
Free Fall, Expensive Landing + 2
Yesterday and today mark the dates 2 years ago that I had my most unfortunate incident, and the surgery to repair it, respectively. It was two years ago yesterday that I accomplished my first (and last) skydive, resulting in two broken bones in my right leg. I broke the tibia and the fibula which the orthopedic surgeons quaintly refer to as a �tib-fib.�
On October 14, 2001 (a beautiful fall day without a cloud in the sky) I did a tandem jump from 12,000 feet. A tandem jump is where you are strapped, buckled, tied and everywhich way connected to an experienced jumper who does all the work. The guy I was attached to weighed about 250 lbs. Our weights together would easily exceed 425 lbs. Let me just say that it�s mighty hard to stop 425 lbs. of mass traveling at a velocity of 1 meter per second with one spindly leg contacting the earth at a most inopportune time. The results (should you ever want to try it) are that your foot will turn in ways you could never imagine, and you will get to take a ride in an ambulance. Lying in a field near a bed of ants, being unable to move very much in a completely ridiculous Evil Knieval-looking skydiving suit with a group of 6-8 onlookers asking questions like what is your driver�s license number while having to pee really bad and waiting on the ambulance to arrive are what you get without any extra charge.
On October 15, 2001 I had surgery to repair the break. I had a long thin piece of metal installed in my leg with eleven screws (one of them really more the size of a bolt) that secure it to the tibia, and keep the tibia in the proper place. The surgeon seemed completely unconcerned about the broken fibula, and indicated that it would take care of itself (makes you wonder just what it�s for). I got to use a walker (practice for my old age) for a couple of months, and a cane for another four months. But, the best part is that I had a handicapped parking pass. The handicapped parking spaces aren�t all they�re cracked up to be though. Many of them are not at all close to the front door of an establishment, and many times they are occupied (sometimes with cars that do not have a f__king handicapped pass)!
Even now, two years later, I still have aches and pains from those two lovely days in October. Blessed are the skydivers, for they shall touch the earth.
Yesterday and today mark the dates 2 years ago that I had my most unfortunate incident, and the surgery to repair it, respectively. It was two years ago yesterday that I accomplished my first (and last) skydive, resulting in two broken bones in my right leg. I broke the tibia and the fibula which the orthopedic surgeons quaintly refer to as a �tib-fib.�
On October 14, 2001 (a beautiful fall day without a cloud in the sky) I did a tandem jump from 12,000 feet. A tandem jump is where you are strapped, buckled, tied and everywhich way connected to an experienced jumper who does all the work. The guy I was attached to weighed about 250 lbs. Our weights together would easily exceed 425 lbs. Let me just say that it�s mighty hard to stop 425 lbs. of mass traveling at a velocity of 1 meter per second with one spindly leg contacting the earth at a most inopportune time. The results (should you ever want to try it) are that your foot will turn in ways you could never imagine, and you will get to take a ride in an ambulance. Lying in a field near a bed of ants, being unable to move very much in a completely ridiculous Evil Knieval-looking skydiving suit with a group of 6-8 onlookers asking questions like what is your driver�s license number while having to pee really bad and waiting on the ambulance to arrive are what you get without any extra charge.
On October 15, 2001 I had surgery to repair the break. I had a long thin piece of metal installed in my leg with eleven screws (one of them really more the size of a bolt) that secure it to the tibia, and keep the tibia in the proper place. The surgeon seemed completely unconcerned about the broken fibula, and indicated that it would take care of itself (makes you wonder just what it�s for). I got to use a walker (practice for my old age) for a couple of months, and a cane for another four months. But, the best part is that I had a handicapped parking pass. The handicapped parking spaces aren�t all they�re cracked up to be though. Many of them are not at all close to the front door of an establishment, and many times they are occupied (sometimes with cars that do not have a f__king handicapped pass)!
Even now, two years later, I still have aches and pains from those two lovely days in October. Blessed are the skydivers, for they shall touch the earth.
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
He Was Just Trying to Shake Hands
A man in Berlin must appear in court Thursday, because he taught his German shephard to do the Heil Hitler salute. On top of that, the dog's name is Adolf!
A man in Berlin must appear in court Thursday, because he taught his German shephard to do the Heil Hitler salute. On top of that, the dog's name is Adolf!
Thursday, October 09, 2003
Talk About Evil! This Is Evil!
L'Esgl�sia cat�lica difon que els preservatius s�n permeables al virus de la sida
L'Esgl�sia cat�lica assegura, als pa�sos m�s afectats per la sida, que els preservatius no s�n efica�os per evitar la transmissi� de la malaltia. Segons publica avui el diari "The Guardian", l'Esgl�sia cat�lica est� divulgant, entre la poblaci� dels pa�sos afectats per la sida, que no s'ha d'usar el preservatiu perqu� el virus d'immunodefici�ncia humana pot passar pels seus porus. El rotatiu assegura que, malgrat el consens de la comunitat cient�fica, ratificat per l'Organitzaci� Mundial de la Salut (OMS), l'Esgl�sia est�n la idea que els preservatius s�n permeables al virus.
L'Esgl�sia cat�lica difon que els preservatius s�n permeables al virus de la sida
L'Esgl�sia cat�lica assegura, als pa�sos m�s afectats per la sida, que els preservatius no s�n efica�os per evitar la transmissi� de la malaltia. Segons publica avui el diari "The Guardian", l'Esgl�sia cat�lica est� divulgant, entre la poblaci� dels pa�sos afectats per la sida, que no s'ha d'usar el preservatiu perqu� el virus d'immunodefici�ncia humana pot passar pels seus porus. El rotatiu assegura que, malgrat el consens de la comunitat cient�fica, ratificat per l'Organitzaci� Mundial de la Salut (OMS), l'Esgl�sia est�n la idea que els preservatius s�n permeables al virus.
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
Monday, October 06, 2003
Would That Be Like a Rebuilt Alternator?
Just like a recapped tire, you can get your vagina rebuilt. Hmmm...how long before a rebuilt penis?
Just like a recapped tire, you can get your vagina rebuilt. Hmmm...how long before a rebuilt penis?
Friday, October 03, 2003
We Are Sadder Than Mexicans?
New Scientist magazine published a study that says Nigerians are the happiest people in the world. Mexican are second. Both of those countries have had repressive authoritarian governments and rampant poverty, yet they are happiest. Damn, makes me sad to think about it.
New Scientist magazine published a study that says Nigerians are the happiest people in the world. Mexican are second. Both of those countries have had repressive authoritarian governments and rampant poverty, yet they are happiest. Damn, makes me sad to think about it.
Thursday, October 02, 2003
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
Thursday, September 25, 2003
Is He Bragging or Complaining?
I was born from the nectar of immortality as the primordial horse and as Indra's noble
elephant. Among men, I am the king.
Among weapons I am the thunderbolt. I am Kamadhuk, the cow that fulfills all desires; I am
Kandarpa, the power of sex, and Vasuki, the king of snakes.
-Bhagavad Gita 10:27-28
I was born from the nectar of immortality as the primordial horse and as Indra's noble
elephant. Among men, I am the king.
Among weapons I am the thunderbolt. I am Kamadhuk, the cow that fulfills all desires; I am
Kandarpa, the power of sex, and Vasuki, the king of snakes.
-Bhagavad Gita 10:27-28
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