But What Will They FEEL Like?

Madame Toussaud's wax museum in London will have a wax Britney Spears with moving breasts. Evidently, they are going to make them out of balloons so they'll have some movement to them. Why would we care?

Bastards!

Hans Blix has called certain members of the Bush administration bastards! Now, we're gettin' good. Let's hear what they really think!

Was It His Struggle or His Head?

The famous book by Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf, has recently come under scrutiny. Suspicion is that it really means My Head, and that he was complaining about a chronic headache.

Austin #1 and #2

In results released this past weekend Fortune magazine named Austin as the #1 city for single people. This was based on entertainment, cost of living, etc. Austin came in just ahead of Denver/Boulder. On the same weekend Austin was also named #2 for problems with allergies, just behind Chappel Hill, NC. It's a good place to meet someone special if you can get them to stop sneezing long enough to introduce yourself.

As If the Monica Affair Wasn't Bad Enough!

It seems that Sharon Stone is going to portray Hillary Clinton in a movie biography made by A&E about the Clinton White House years. Poor Hillary! Sharon Stone is such a cunt, I wouldn't think Hillary would be pleased with the choice.

The Results Are In

The 2003 Atilla Award goes to...ahem...George W. Bush for the Iraq war, his disregard for environmental agreements, and his record on human rights. My vote went for the US Military due to its destruction of the Iraqi environment, but I'm very please with the ultimate winner. Don't Mess With Texas!

Maybe He's Actually that Smart

It has occurred to to me maybe Saddam Hussein really had those WMDs. But, he secretly destroyed them as the invasion started, because he knew that when Bush and Blair couldn't produce them, they would get booted out of office. Hmm...

No $ 4 U

This takes the cake, or something like cake. The Accident Group, a name that could cause all kinds of jokes, fired 2500 people by text messages on their phones. Seems they went out of business, and thought text messaging was the best way to inform everyone. In turn the former workers sacked the company's call centers, taking computers, coffee makers, etc.

Now, There's a Thought!

Iran has requested (demanded) that the US apologize to the international community for supporting Al-Qaeda in the past. Hey, guys, uh...we're not supposed to talk about that...uh, that could bring up all kinds of stuff.

7:54 AM - 78 F, 25 C

No shit, it never cooled off last night! June 1st and we're already this hot. Oh hell, it's gonna be a bad one!

So, What's the Big Deal? Just Bring 'Em to Texas!

The Aussies and Brits are shocked that the US is planning a death camp at Camp Delta in Guantanamo. What the hell to they think Huntsville Death Row is? As blood-thirsty as we Texans are, just bring 'em here, we'll kill 'em.

Well, He Has to Do Something!

Mike Tyson has admitted that he wants to rape the woman he was convicted of raping back in 1991. That's PRESENT tense, not past. You see, he says he didn't rape her back then, but his conviction made him so mad that he wants to now. Maybe we should have him share a prison cell with Dr. Kevorkian.

At Least It Wasn't a Self-Inflicted Shotgun Blast to His Back

The brains behind the suicide bombing last week in Casablanca has died in prison from heart and liver disease. According to the authorities the autopsy confirmed that it was from natural causes. Yeah, right!

Synchronized Swimming Censored!

Yes, friends, that subversive activity called synchronized swimming has gone overboard. The Brazilian Synchronized Swimming Team has had to change their routine due to excessive violence. Say what? Yes, it has too much violence to be used in the Pan-American Games. The team was making hand pistols and pointing in unison (of course) toward the audience. Oh my.

Now, That Sounds Like a Good Idea!

Looks like the Algerians have a unique way of petitioning the govenment. Maybe we Americans should adopt something like that.

Don't Touch Me! I Mean It!

Now you too can kick ass! Just buy this Electric Jacket. No, it's not a new execution device invented in Texas. It's for "self-defense." Sorta like our attack on Iraq was in self-defense.

May All Sentient Beings Be Happy

Studies confirm that Buddhists really are happier that the rest of us. This has been verified by some brain scans that reveal more activity in the centers responsible for pleasant emotions. Namo Amitabha, Namo Amitabha...

One Already Got Thru to the President

The Canadian Agriculture Office has announced that Mad Cow Disease has been found in Canada in the province of Alberta. The US government has decided to stop importation of bovines from the province.

Have You Been Wondering About Jerry Hall's Life? I Haven't

I don't know what to call her, model maybe, groupie maybe, hanger-on...anyway, Mick Jagger's ex (that's her real claim to fame) is going to have a TV show on the BBC about what it's like to be a superstar. I wonder how she would know?

Chickenhawks Beware!

Modeled after the top 55 most wanted Iraqi Ba'athists, there is now available the Chickenhawk Cards. They list the 54 top Republican Chickenhawks. Chickenhawks are defined as bellicose, prominent persons who avoided service in the military themselves. They just want someone else to fight for them!