I Want My MTV (Sanitized)
Believe it or not, MTV is imposing self-censorship. That's a little hypocritical in my book. Why, all of a sudden, is it important to "clean up" what viewers can see? After all, they're only censoring anything related to war or protests against it. I think if we could see some of the blood and guts, we might not be so gung ho about it.
Wednesday, March 26, 2003
Tuesday, March 25, 2003
I Feel Better Already
At last I can exhale! NFL Europe is going ahead with its season in spite of the War on Iraq.
At last I can exhale! NFL Europe is going ahead with its season in spite of the War on Iraq.
Thursday, March 20, 2003
Pneumonia Psychosis
What may be worse that the actual SARS disease is the
fear that the disease is causing. At the Prince of Wales hospital in Hong Kong everyone is wearing protective masks, and "people are paralyzed with fear." In Singapore thousands of masks have been sold in the last three days. If the cruise missle and the suicide bomber don't getcha the paramyxovirus will.
What may be worse that the actual SARS disease is the
fear that the disease is causing. At the Prince of Wales hospital in Hong Kong everyone is wearing protective masks, and "people are paralyzed with fear." In Singapore thousands of masks have been sold in the last three days. If the cruise missle and the suicide bomber don't getcha the paramyxovirus will.
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
Monday, March 17, 2003
Remnant Who Will Return
David Mitchell aka Emmanuel has told his lawyer that he considers Elizabeth Smart his wife, and he wants to rename her Remnant Who Will Return. Great name, but where did he get it? From God?
David Mitchell aka Emmanuel has told his lawyer that he considers Elizabeth Smart his wife, and he wants to rename her Remnant Who Will Return. Great name, but where did he get it? From God?
Busybody Mother-in-Law Official Reason for Divorce
The Italian Supreme Court has affirmed a lower court's decision that an interfering mother-in-law is sufficient reason for awarding a divorce.
The Italian Supreme Court has affirmed a lower court's decision that an interfering mother-in-law is sufficient reason for awarding a divorce.
Talking Fish Warns of the Apocalypse
A Hasidic Jew in New York who is a fish seller has encountered a fish that speaks Hebrew and has warned of the
end of the world. You never know when you are uhm...walk...talking to the Messiah.
A Hasidic Jew in New York who is a fish seller has encountered a fish that speaks Hebrew and has warned of the
end of the world. You never know when you are uhm...walk...talking to the Messiah.
St. Patrick's Day Haircut
Well, not really, but I did cut my hair and it is St. Patrick's Day. Actually, it's my summer haircut. Summer, you say? Yeah, in a matter of a week or two, it's gonna be so fuckin' hot around here you'd think it's summer. Texas has 9 months of summer, 2 1/2 months of winter, and one week each of spring and fall. Spring's over!
Well, not really, but I did cut my hair and it is St. Patrick's Day. Actually, it's my summer haircut. Summer, you say? Yeah, in a matter of a week or two, it's gonna be so fuckin' hot around here you'd think it's summer. Texas has 9 months of summer, 2 1/2 months of winter, and one week each of spring and fall. Spring's over!
Friday, March 14, 2003
Love Is Not Enough
Ironically, the same newspaper is reporting that British women who place personal ads for men are mainly looking for a rich man. I guess if he can afford the Viagra, he has enough money to get to use it! One interesting fact is that women describe the kind of man they are want. Men, on the other hand, describe themselves and not the kind of woman they want. The psychologist that did the study says it "this is Darwinism of personal ads."
Ironically, the same newspaper is reporting that British women who place personal ads for men are mainly looking for a rich man. I guess if he can afford the Viagra, he has enough money to get to use it! One interesting fact is that women describe the kind of man they are want. Men, on the other hand, describe themselves and not the kind of woman they want. The psychologist that did the study says it "this is Darwinism of personal ads."
Once Per Week Is Not Enough
A British medical journal is reporting that Brit men can get Viagra but under the National Health Service that can only have one blue pill per week. The "patients" feel that the Service should be more generous. I wonder what their wives think. Has anyone asked them?
A British medical journal is reporting that Brit men can get Viagra but under the National Health Service that can only have one blue pill per week. The "patients" feel that the Service should be more generous. I wonder what their wives think. Has anyone asked them?
Thursday, March 13, 2003
ET Day
A Republican from New Mexico, the Roswell area exactly, has proposed an Extraterrestrial Culture Day for his state. He says such a day would "improve relations among citizens of the entire universe - known and
unknown." No harm in that, right? May all actions of the various legislatures be as harmless! Namaste!
A Republican from New Mexico, the Roswell area exactly, has proposed an Extraterrestrial Culture Day for his state. He says such a day would "improve relations among citizens of the entire universe - known and
unknown." No harm in that, right? May all actions of the various legislatures be as harmless! Namaste!
Wednesday, March 12, 2003
Texas Pride
We are Number One! Texas has put more people to death than any other state, and probably any other country. It's hard to be humble when you're in the Top Spot! We don't care how irregular the justice is, we're just proud of the punishment.
We are Number One! Texas has put more people to death than any other state, and probably any other country. It's hard to be humble when you're in the Top Spot! We don't care how irregular the justice is, we're just proud of the punishment.
Tuesday, March 11, 2003
Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness?
The following definition comes from a web page on the "Resurgence" website. "HAPPINESS IS BUT a fleeting, abnormal state that results from satiation of our animal, instinctual selves whether by eating, sex, companionship or self-preservation." Say what?
The following definition comes from a web page on the "Resurgence" website. "HAPPINESS IS BUT a fleeting, abnormal state that results from satiation of our animal, instinctual selves whether by eating, sex, companionship or self-preservation." Say what?
MIG-21 for Sale on Ebay
A Russian MIG-21 is up for sale on Ebay with the high bid so far at $14,900. The plane was previously from Poland, but is being offered by a citizen of the
Netherlands. You have until Sunday March 16 to get in your bid. Where would you park something like that?
A Russian MIG-21 is up for sale on Ebay with the high bid so far at $14,900. The plane was previously from Poland, but is being offered by a citizen of the
Netherlands. You have until Sunday March 16 to get in your bid. Where would you park something like that?
Monday, March 10, 2003
Gay Divorce in Texas
No, it's not a typo. A gay couple, who were married in Vermont where gay marriage is recognized and legal, divorced last week in Beaumont, Texas. Texas? Homophobic Texas? Well, I guess it makes sense after all, because Texas would agree that two gay men shouldn't be married, so why not grant them a divorce? Sorta funny logic, though.
No, it's not a typo. A gay couple, who were married in Vermont where gay marriage is recognized and legal, divorced last week in Beaumont, Texas. Texas? Homophobic Texas? Well, I guess it makes sense after all, because Texas would agree that two gay men shouldn't be married, so why not grant them a divorce? Sorta funny logic, though.
Sunday, March 09, 2003
Rogue Steaks
The Steak Department of the United States of America
March 9, 2003
Press release
Media type: all
Release: immediate
The United States of America Department of Steak today announces its annual list of rogue steaks, all of which take part in steak-sponsored terrorism. Inclusion on this list signifies that the United States of America deems listees to be what is commonly referred to as �outlaw steaks.� Steak-sponsored terrorism encompasses those entities that offer aid and support to organizations that seek to strike terror into the hearts of beef eaters all over the world. It can be stated without fear of contradiction that eaters of beef wish only for the peace and stability necessary for the proper consumption of steaks. So called outlaw steaks seek through the use of overcooked meat, parasite contaminated meat, and a host of other evil means at their disposal to coerce the average beef eater into giving up a well-deserved steak for the less tasty and less nutritious products of chicken or fish. Some even go so far as to promote vegetarianism, even though vegetarianism has been completely discredited since the fall of the Berlin Wall.
The purpose of this list is to make world opinion aware of the entities responsible for such evil, and to declare said entities ineligible for any aid, assistance, or other form of succor from the United States of America, its governmental subdivisions, or its individual citizens. Entities are listed below in alphabetical order.
Bhutan
Botswana
Buddhists
Cameroon
FPLGB (Frente Popular para la Liberaci�n del Ganado Bovino)
Haiti
Iran*
Iraq*
Mali
North Korea*
PETA
Poor People
Rwanda
Syria
Vegans United
* - indicates members of rogue steaks and axis of evil.
The Steak Department of the United States of America
March 9, 2003
Press release
Media type: all
Release: immediate
The United States of America Department of Steak today announces its annual list of rogue steaks, all of which take part in steak-sponsored terrorism. Inclusion on this list signifies that the United States of America deems listees to be what is commonly referred to as �outlaw steaks.� Steak-sponsored terrorism encompasses those entities that offer aid and support to organizations that seek to strike terror into the hearts of beef eaters all over the world. It can be stated without fear of contradiction that eaters of beef wish only for the peace and stability necessary for the proper consumption of steaks. So called outlaw steaks seek through the use of overcooked meat, parasite contaminated meat, and a host of other evil means at their disposal to coerce the average beef eater into giving up a well-deserved steak for the less tasty and less nutritious products of chicken or fish. Some even go so far as to promote vegetarianism, even though vegetarianism has been completely discredited since the fall of the Berlin Wall.
The purpose of this list is to make world opinion aware of the entities responsible for such evil, and to declare said entities ineligible for any aid, assistance, or other form of succor from the United States of America, its governmental subdivisions, or its individual citizens. Entities are listed below in alphabetical order.
Bhutan
Botswana
Buddhists
Cameroon
FPLGB (Frente Popular para la Liberaci�n del Ganado Bovino)
Haiti
Iran*
Iraq*
Mali
North Korea*
PETA
Poor People
Rwanda
Syria
Vegans United
* - indicates members of rogue steaks and axis of evil.
Friday, March 07, 2003
Flying Buffalo Wings?
Hooters, yes that Hooters, is going into the airline business. Hooters Air will be flying from Atlanta to Myrtle Beach, SC four times a week. The flights will have regular flight attendants in addition to "Hooters Girls" in snug T-shirts and orange short-shorts. Myrtle Beach never has been one of my top places to go. Too bad.
Hooters, yes that Hooters, is going into the airline business. Hooters Air will be flying from Atlanta to Myrtle Beach, SC four times a week. The flights will have regular flight attendants in addition to "Hooters Girls" in snug T-shirts and orange short-shorts. Myrtle Beach never has been one of my top places to go. Too bad.
Thursday, March 06, 2003
The Way Things Are Goin' They're Gonna Crucify Me
A woman in New Zealand has written to George Bush asking him to crucify her on television. She wants to demonstrate to him how much suffering and pain he would cause the Iraqi people by attacking. Better yet, why not put Bush on the cross?
A woman in New Zealand has written to George Bush asking him to crucify her on television. She wants to demonstrate to him how much suffering and pain he would cause the Iraqi people by attacking. Better yet, why not put Bush on the cross?
He Died Like a Rat
A new study of historical records seems to confirm a theory that Josef Stalin was assassinated by this own collegues. Evidently, Lavrenti Beria, head of the Secret Police, and Nikita Kruschev, who succeeded Stalin, fed the Man of Steel warfarin which is a rat poison that causes strokes and hemorrhages. Stalin died of a brain hemorrhage. They were afraid he was going to start another purge against the Jews, and they thought he was ready to start a nuclear war with the US. God bless Beria! God bless Kruschev!
A new study of historical records seems to confirm a theory that Josef Stalin was assassinated by this own collegues. Evidently, Lavrenti Beria, head of the Secret Police, and Nikita Kruschev, who succeeded Stalin, fed the Man of Steel warfarin which is a rat poison that causes strokes and hemorrhages. Stalin died of a brain hemorrhage. They were afraid he was going to start another purge against the Jews, and they thought he was ready to start a nuclear war with the US. God bless Beria! God bless Kruschev!
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