Poor Dolly
Dolly the cloned sheep is dead. Let's all stop for a moment of silence in rememberance. She was the first cloned animal, leading the way for others later. The normal life span for a sheep is 11 to 12 years, Dolly lived for 6. They put her to sleep because she had a serious respiratory disease that caused her much suffering. Poor Dolly. Dolly is dead, long live Dolly!
Friday, February 14, 2003
It's Valen Time
One of the women on my team got a really nice crystal vase (pronounced vahz) with roses and lots of other greenery in it. It looks really expensive. Anyway, it came while we were meeting on a supposedly very important and very overdue project. Everything stopped while they fawned and cooed over it. Tears, congratulations, sweet words. The estrogen was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I'm gonna have to start wearing a bra!
One of the women on my team got a really nice crystal vase (pronounced vahz) with roses and lots of other greenery in it. It looks really expensive. Anyway, it came while we were meeting on a supposedly very important and very overdue project. Everything stopped while they fawned and cooed over it. Tears, congratulations, sweet words. The estrogen was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I'm gonna have to start wearing a bra!
Thursday, February 13, 2003
Duck Tape
Here's the answer to my question about the Orange level alert. But, I just can't shake the feeling that this is all (Heathrow, anti-aircraft guns in DC, missils in N Korea that can reach us, Osama bin Laden's latest message) being orchestrated to get us to go along.
Here's the answer to my question about the Orange level alert. But, I just can't shake the feeling that this is all (Heathrow, anti-aircraft guns in DC, missils in N Korea that can reach us, Osama bin Laden's latest message) being orchestrated to get us to go along.
Wednesday, February 12, 2003
Who's on Larry King Tonight?
There are anti-aircraft guns in Washington, DC. Fighters are flying over NYC. Tanks and troops are deployed at Heathrow airport in London. We are on threat level Orange due to suspected bio/chem/radiological attack. Osama bin Laden has released a new statement calling on muslims to suicide bomb America. We are at the brink of war with Iraq. Larry King has Joan Lunden on his show tonight talking about surrogate motherhood. The fucking world is about to go straight to hell, and Larry is talking to Joan about surrogate mothers. No, he's not talking to experts on terrorism, he's not talking to former diplomats, he's talking to Joan Lunden! May God help us all.
There are anti-aircraft guns in Washington, DC. Fighters are flying over NYC. Tanks and troops are deployed at Heathrow airport in London. We are on threat level Orange due to suspected bio/chem/radiological attack. Osama bin Laden has released a new statement calling on muslims to suicide bomb America. We are at the brink of war with Iraq. Larry King has Joan Lunden on his show tonight talking about surrogate motherhood. The fucking world is about to go straight to hell, and Larry is talking to Joan about surrogate mothers. No, he's not talking to experts on terrorism, he's not talking to former diplomats, he's talking to Joan Lunden! May God help us all.
Internet Cafe at the Top of the World
There's an Internet cafe at the peak of Mount Everest. I'm waiting for my first junk mail from up there.
There's an Internet cafe at the peak of Mount Everest. I'm waiting for my first junk mail from up there.
Tuesday, February 11, 2003
No Amnesty
Ok, let me get this straight. The Supreme Court has ruled that no mentally ill prisoner can be executed. There is a prisoner on death row in Arkansas who has become mentally ill while in prison (like that's unusual). Arkansas cannot execute him, but according to a US Federal Appeals Court they CAN force him to take psychiatric meds to make him sane, even though the treatment would lead to his execution. Therefore, they can kill him after all.
Ok, let me get this straight. The Supreme Court has ruled that no mentally ill prisoner can be executed. There is a prisoner on death row in Arkansas who has become mentally ill while in prison (like that's unusual). Arkansas cannot execute him, but according to a US Federal Appeals Court they CAN force him to take psychiatric meds to make him sane, even though the treatment would lead to his execution. Therefore, they can kill him after all.
Monday, February 10, 2003
Do You Want That with Cream Gravy?
Health officials in China have forbidden the use of human breast-milk in dishes served in restaurants there. Evidently, there was enough demand for it that an entrepreneur went out to rural areas and bought breast-milk from nursing mothers to use in preparing some fish dishes. I won't be lamenting the loss!
Health officials in China have forbidden the use of human breast-milk in dishes served in restaurants there. Evidently, there was enough demand for it that an entrepreneur went out to rural areas and bought breast-milk from nursing mothers to use in preparing some fish dishes. I won't be lamenting the loss!
Sunday, February 09, 2003
Why Are We Wasting It on Computer Chips?
Oh my God! There's a critical shortage of silicone in Brazil, because the women and transvestites are rushing to get breast implants before Carnaval starts on March 1. Can we get a quick shipment from the computer chip manufacturers?
Oh my God! There's a critical shortage of silicone in Brazil, because the women and transvestites are rushing to get breast implants before Carnaval starts on March 1. Can we get a quick shipment from the computer chip manufacturers?
Can I Do It Too?
Let's see, if the British government (along with the US government's encouragement) can drag out and plagiarize a post-grad's 12 year old thesis about weapons in Iraq, and claim it is current; why couldn't I pull out my credit card statements from 12 years ago and say they're current too? At least they would be my own!
Let's see, if the British government (along with the US government's encouragement) can drag out and plagiarize a post-grad's 12 year old thesis about weapons in Iraq, and claim it is current; why couldn't I pull out my credit card statements from 12 years ago and say they're current too? At least they would be my own!
Saturday, February 08, 2003
Colombia Ain't Got No Oil, That's Why
More car bombs go off in Colombia that anywhere else. More random terrorism there than anywhere else. Are we bombing the shit out of the terrorists there? No, they're not sitting on an ocean of oil, for God's sake. Of course, the "War on Drugs" has been going on for 20 to 25 years, and the FARC just seem to get stronger. But, we haven't been dropping "daisy cutters" on them all this time either. I know, let's hire the FARC to go over to Afghanistan and take care of that Osama problem we've got. Just tell 'em that he didn't pay up on a drug shipment, he'd be dead in a week!
More car bombs go off in Colombia that anywhere else. More random terrorism there than anywhere else. Are we bombing the shit out of the terrorists there? No, they're not sitting on an ocean of oil, for God's sake. Of course, the "War on Drugs" has been going on for 20 to 25 years, and the FARC just seem to get stronger. But, we haven't been dropping "daisy cutters" on them all this time either. I know, let's hire the FARC to go over to Afghanistan and take care of that Osama problem we've got. Just tell 'em that he didn't pay up on a drug shipment, he'd be dead in a week!
Friday, February 07, 2003
I Am Curious Orange
The nation stands at terror warning level Orange. High risk. So, what am I supposed to do? Watch my cul-de-sac a little more attentively than I have been at Yellow? Am I supposed to eye the cashier at the convenience store with more scrutiny (no, he's not Middle-Eastern in appearance), even though he's been working there since before we got the color warnings? When watching TV, am I supposed to be more vigilant about coded messages in the scripts of "Will and Grace?" C'mon, just what am I supposed to do differently in my John Doe life? So far, every John and Jane Doe's report of someone else's suspicious activity has turned out to be imaginations run wild. Should I re-instate the duck and cover drills they had in schools back in the '50s? Help me out here, what do I do?
The nation stands at terror warning level Orange. High risk. So, what am I supposed to do? Watch my cul-de-sac a little more attentively than I have been at Yellow? Am I supposed to eye the cashier at the convenience store with more scrutiny (no, he's not Middle-Eastern in appearance), even though he's been working there since before we got the color warnings? When watching TV, am I supposed to be more vigilant about coded messages in the scripts of "Will and Grace?" C'mon, just what am I supposed to do differently in my John Doe life? So far, every John and Jane Doe's report of someone else's suspicious activity has turned out to be imaginations run wild. Should I re-instate the duck and cover drills they had in schools back in the '50s? Help me out here, what do I do?
Thursday, February 06, 2003
Intercept
The following is a transcript of an intercepted telephone conversation in January, 2003 between Lieutenant Patrick Flannigan and Corporal Jesus Abel Guerra at the US Detention facility at Guantanamo, Cuba.
Lt. Flannigan: Hello, HQ, Flannigan.
Cpl. Guerra: Sir, Guerra speaking, there�s something going on here with one of the prisoners, Sir.
Lt. Flannigan: Yeah, yeah, what�s new?
Cpl. Guerra: Sir, I believe one of them is trying to kill himself, sir!
Lt. Flannigan: So,...whadaya want me to do about it? Just one less towel-head if you ask me. He was going to martyr himself for the Jihad anyway...
Cpl. Guerra: But, sir, I�m serious, he�s like rolling his sheet up, so it would be like a rope. I think he�s trying to hang himself, sir!
Lt. Flannigan: Don�t go makin� judgements about someone else�s religion, Corporal. That�s their way of signifyin� that there is only one God. He�s making the bed sheet into a one. Don�t worry about it, son.
Cpl. Guerra: With all due respect, Sir, but he�s forming it into a circle, or something...he looks really morose, sir, I think it�s more than just the Shahada.
Lt. Flannigan: Shahada? What the fuck is that, Corporal? Don�t tell me you been studyin� up on them motherfuckers...
Cpl. Guerra: Well, yes sir, we all had to take a training class about Islam, before they shipped us over, sir.
Lt. Flannigan: So, what�s the deal, you thinkin� �bout convertin�?
Cpl. Guerra: No, sir, I come from a family of devout Catholics, sir.
Lt. Flannigan: Yeah, me too, I could tell you some stories that�d make your ass pucker, son, about when I was an altar boy. That son of a bitch Father Maloney, damn near ripped my asshole open...
Cpl. Guerra: Uh, sir, he�s like making it into a circle or something, sir.
Lt. Flannigan: I told you don�t go judging other people�s religion. He�s just simbolizin� that the universe is one, ruled by Allah. You know that one in all, all in one thing.
Cpl. Guerra: No sir, I mean he�s making it round on the end, like making a noose out of it.
Lt. Flannigan: Naaaw, you�re crazy... that�s what they do to mark off the holy ground he�s gonna kneel down in, I betcha he�s facin� east, ain�t he?
Cpl. Guerra: Yes sir, he is facing east, but I think that�s just a coincidence...sir, he�s tied the round part into a noose like I suspected, what do I do, sir?
Lt. Flannigan: Aw, just ask Mohammad if he�s ok...you know without disturbin� his religious ritual.
Cpl. Guerra: Mohammad? Sir, his name Rashid al-Hemdi...
Lt. Flannigan: Shit, Corporal, don�t you know they�re ALL named Mohammad? Just like all you Mexicans are named Jesus (GEE-zuhs). Just ask Mr. Mohammad Al-Fuckyersister if he�s ok.
Cpl. Guerra: Hey, you ok?...hey, you ok?...he�s ignoring me sir, and he�s tying the straight end onto the roof of his cage. Sir, he�s trying to KILL HIMSELF!
Lt. Flannigan: These towel-heads are real sensitive about their prayer time, so just leave him alone, I don�t want Washington callin� down here because some pussy from Amnesty International says we wouldn�t let them pray in their accustomed way. I�m tellin� ya, leave him alone!
Cpl. Guerra: Sir, please sir, he�s got the noose around his neck and he�s hanging from it. He�s got his knees bent, so he�ll hang by the neck.
Lt. Flannigan: Well, shit...ok, let the fucker hang there till his pisses in his pants, and then cut him down. Goddamn fuckin� towel-heads...
(delay while Corporal Guerra cuts down inmate, unintelligible words)
Cpl. Guerra: Ok, sir, he�s down, and he�s still breathing. I saved his life, sir!
Lt. Flannigan: Shit, Goddamnit... you bleeding heart little cunt face, now he�s gonna be whining about not getting to Paradise.
Rashid al-Hemdi: (translation from Arabic) You pig! What do you care? Why don�t you leave me alone? I want to go to Paradise! God is Great! There is no God, but God!
Lt. Flannigan: See you little fucker? I told you to leave him be!
Rashid al-Hemdi: (uninterrupted in background) Death to America! Death to the Infidels!...There is no God, but God, and Mohammad is...
The following is a transcript of an intercepted telephone conversation in January, 2003 between Lieutenant Patrick Flannigan and Corporal Jesus Abel Guerra at the US Detention facility at Guantanamo, Cuba.
Lt. Flannigan: Hello, HQ, Flannigan.
Cpl. Guerra: Sir, Guerra speaking, there�s something going on here with one of the prisoners, Sir.
Lt. Flannigan: Yeah, yeah, what�s new?
Cpl. Guerra: Sir, I believe one of them is trying to kill himself, sir!
Lt. Flannigan: So,...whadaya want me to do about it? Just one less towel-head if you ask me. He was going to martyr himself for the Jihad anyway...
Cpl. Guerra: But, sir, I�m serious, he�s like rolling his sheet up, so it would be like a rope. I think he�s trying to hang himself, sir!
Lt. Flannigan: Don�t go makin� judgements about someone else�s religion, Corporal. That�s their way of signifyin� that there is only one God. He�s making the bed sheet into a one. Don�t worry about it, son.
Cpl. Guerra: With all due respect, Sir, but he�s forming it into a circle, or something...he looks really morose, sir, I think it�s more than just the Shahada.
Lt. Flannigan: Shahada? What the fuck is that, Corporal? Don�t tell me you been studyin� up on them motherfuckers...
Cpl. Guerra: Well, yes sir, we all had to take a training class about Islam, before they shipped us over, sir.
Lt. Flannigan: So, what�s the deal, you thinkin� �bout convertin�?
Cpl. Guerra: No, sir, I come from a family of devout Catholics, sir.
Lt. Flannigan: Yeah, me too, I could tell you some stories that�d make your ass pucker, son, about when I was an altar boy. That son of a bitch Father Maloney, damn near ripped my asshole open...
Cpl. Guerra: Uh, sir, he�s like making it into a circle or something, sir.
Lt. Flannigan: I told you don�t go judging other people�s religion. He�s just simbolizin� that the universe is one, ruled by Allah. You know that one in all, all in one thing.
Cpl. Guerra: No sir, I mean he�s making it round on the end, like making a noose out of it.
Lt. Flannigan: Naaaw, you�re crazy... that�s what they do to mark off the holy ground he�s gonna kneel down in, I betcha he�s facin� east, ain�t he?
Cpl. Guerra: Yes sir, he is facing east, but I think that�s just a coincidence...sir, he�s tied the round part into a noose like I suspected, what do I do, sir?
Lt. Flannigan: Aw, just ask Mohammad if he�s ok...you know without disturbin� his religious ritual.
Cpl. Guerra: Mohammad? Sir, his name Rashid al-Hemdi...
Lt. Flannigan: Shit, Corporal, don�t you know they�re ALL named Mohammad? Just like all you Mexicans are named Jesus (GEE-zuhs). Just ask Mr. Mohammad Al-Fuckyersister if he�s ok.
Cpl. Guerra: Hey, you ok?...hey, you ok?...he�s ignoring me sir, and he�s tying the straight end onto the roof of his cage. Sir, he�s trying to KILL HIMSELF!
Lt. Flannigan: These towel-heads are real sensitive about their prayer time, so just leave him alone, I don�t want Washington callin� down here because some pussy from Amnesty International says we wouldn�t let them pray in their accustomed way. I�m tellin� ya, leave him alone!
Cpl. Guerra: Sir, please sir, he�s got the noose around his neck and he�s hanging from it. He�s got his knees bent, so he�ll hang by the neck.
Lt. Flannigan: Well, shit...ok, let the fucker hang there till his pisses in his pants, and then cut him down. Goddamn fuckin� towel-heads...
(delay while Corporal Guerra cuts down inmate, unintelligible words)
Cpl. Guerra: Ok, sir, he�s down, and he�s still breathing. I saved his life, sir!
Lt. Flannigan: Shit, Goddamnit... you bleeding heart little cunt face, now he�s gonna be whining about not getting to Paradise.
Rashid al-Hemdi: (translation from Arabic) You pig! What do you care? Why don�t you leave me alone? I want to go to Paradise! God is Great! There is no God, but God!
Lt. Flannigan: See you little fucker? I told you to leave him be!
Rashid al-Hemdi: (uninterrupted in background) Death to America! Death to the Infidels!...There is no God, but God, and Mohammad is...
Wednesday, February 05, 2003
Yugoslavia Dead!
The vote was 55 in favor of dissolving Yugoslavia, and 7 opposed. The same 7 voted in favor of awarding the "Excellence in Achievement Medal" to the engineers that designed the Yugo. Makes you nostalgic for the Yugo doesn't it?
The vote was 55 in favor of dissolving Yugoslavia, and 7 opposed. The same 7 voted in favor of awarding the "Excellence in Achievement Medal" to the engineers that designed the Yugo. Makes you nostalgic for the Yugo doesn't it?
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