Augustine About to Blow His Top


Not St. Augustine, but the Alaskan island named Augustine. See, it's a volcano. Just click on the link and be transported to Alaska to watch in real time. By the way, Alaska is -10 hours GMT.

Early Early Retirement?

I have become so frustrated and disgusted at my job that I'm seriously investigating what it would take for me to retire. Yes, retire. I'm just fed up! Now, I may have to be fed up for a while longer, but I won't work one day longer than I have to. God help us all in the meantime.

Duh!



The United Nations ranks Mexico as number 106 out of 120 countries with the worst water quality. Duh!

How About Some Toilet Water Instead?

And I don't mean cologne. Ekstra Bladet, a Danish tabloid, commissioned a test on ice served in restaurants. It turns out that ice served in soft drinks from the restaurants checked had more bacteria that water from their toilets.

Civil War

Former Iraqi premier, Ayad Allawi, said on BBC television today that civil war in Iraq is a fact. Why is that news? Well, because both the British and American defense ministers say that there is no civil war in Iraq. Could this be like that "there is no insurgency" when there really was one about 3 years ago? I'm just sayin'.

Protest and Funeral Marches

Around the world there were protests today against the War in Iraq on the third anniversary of its beginning. French students and labor unions protested a newly enacted government policy, and huge numbers of Serbian nationalists marched to commemorate the burial of Slobo Milo. Which ones were the biggest? Paris was in 1st place. Slobo's funeral takes 2nd, and the War in Iraq comes in last. Hmm...

Turkmenistan Will Save Us All

The "President for Life" and "Father of All Turkmen", Saparmoerat Nijazov, has ordered that a forest be planted in the Turkmenistan desert. Yes, we all owe him and them a debt of gratitude, because the trees will help combat global warming. Turkmenistan is a dry and hot desert country where the temperatures in summer can get up to 50C. But, all wise Nijazov has concluded that he can turn Turkmenistan into a garden spot by planting cedar trees there. He chose cedars because they "can live to be 1000 years old."

Wie vindt het eerste kievitsei?

Well, this year it was Jaap Wijdenes in Beek en Donk. So what, you say? Yeah, so what? I don't really know, but evidently there is some honor is finding the first egg of the European Plover lapwing each spring. The kievit is some kind of bird in the Netherlands. Must have something to do with proof that Spring has sprung. In this case though, if you find the first one, you call in to a special phone number and get your picture in the paper.

Septuagenarians?

Another 70 plusser in the sex news. This time it's a man who has become an "overnight star" of porn movies. He's David Bozdoganov a 75 year old Russian with a strange love of garlic. He swears by garlic's strengthening properties, and demands that it be rubbed on his penis before shooting (pun intended) a scene. The actresses he works with complain the entire time about the smell. Well, I like garlic too, but rub it on my dick?

I Knew It! I Knew It!

Smiling makes you sick. According to German researchers, persons who work in customer service type jobs that require them to look and act friendly have more stress and therefore, get sick more often than those who can be rude. The problem is that if you act happy when you're really not, you can become depressed. They studied a call center in which half of the participants responded to rude and angry callers in like fashion, and the other half responded in a friendly and good humored manner. The results showed that replying in a friendly way when you'd rather be rude, does nothing more than add to your stress. Dieter Zapf and collegues say the notion that "the customer is always right" should be abandoned.

DWI or DWS?

Italian police stopped a weaving automobile only to discover a half-naked man and a fully naked woman who was trying to have sex while the man was driving. The man had three times the legal limit of alcohol in his blood. But, here's the good part. The man was 59 years old and the woman was 70 years old. I've heard Italian women were sexy, but I didn't expect this! I'll spare you from the picture.

Sinus Infection & CAT Scan

I've been having this nose problem for quite some that now that I thought was due to allergies. Austin is the 2nd worst place in the US for pollen. First worst is Chapel Hill, NC. After my doctor diagnosed me with sinusitis (sinus infection), he sent me to an allergist to get tested for all my allergies. Okay, so far so good.

The test results show that I'm not allergic to very much. Maybe three tree pollens and that's all. So, all this time that I thought it was allergies, it was actually sinusitis. Years ago I read an article about how people say they have sinus infections when they really don't. It said that sinus infections are actually pretty rare. Well, I reckoned that I didn't have that problem. That's what I get for reckoning.

After the allergist determined that I'm not very allergic, he referred me for a CAT scan. Yeah, a CAT scan, not a feline scan. I go tomorrow to have it done. You can't take antibiotics before the CAT scan, because it won't show the full extent of the problem. I haven't had any now for two weeks, and I'm feelin' it!

She Said What?

Wafa Sultan, a Syrian-American psychiatrist, went on an Al-Jazeera talk show and declared that the struggle between the West and Islam is not a war of religions or civilizations, but rather a war of eras. Yeah, she says that Islam is at home in the Middle Ages, and the West is at home in the 21st century. So, what did she get for saying that? You're right, death threats.

Fatwa, fatwa, have you any reason?
Yes sir, yes sir, kafir hunting season
Hunt for apostates
And do them some harm
Let's put the sword to Dar-el-Harb

The Virgin Mary Protests

Perhaps deadly protests will break out all over Christendom, but I doubt it. Because, hey, even Joseph liked to roll her over once in a while. I can just hear him saying to the priests and scribes, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman, the Virgin Mary."

Actually, a Danish priest thought the T-shirt went too far, and convinced the store owner in Esjberg, Denmark to remove it from display. Is it just me, or did I hear it thunder?

Dubai Port Operations?

Airport police in Cairo uncovered an illegal shipment of Viagra hidden in 17 different shipping containers from Dubai. Yes, that country the Bush administration wanted to run our ports. However, it's the quantity that's impressive! One thousand three hundred kilos of Viagra! They didn't say how much of it was intended for Hosni Mubarak.

Ex-President of Mexico Warns of Caudillismo

Carlos Salinas de Gortari, whose brother Raul stole Mexico blind and had the leader of the ruling party assassinated, said recently that there is a risk of Latin America returning to "Caudillismo" which is a kind of authoritarianism combined with cronyism. This coming from a corrupt and lying former President who chose to go into exile after his term ended. What the hell is he talking about? I think the pot is calling the kettle black.

Jack Russel Terrier Comes Close to Biting Man's Penis Off

A German man was playing with his brother's girlfriend's dog when the girlfriend playfully told the dog to get him. The dog did alright. Damn near bit the man's penis off! The girlfriend failed to help him, because she lay on the floor laughing.

Okay, they didn't explain if the guy was nude while playing with the dog or not. But, really, how would a Jack Russel be able to get hold of a man's penis unless he were nude and squatting? Was the girlfriend nude too? I'm just sayin'.

Richard Holbrooke Won't Shed Any Tears

Richard Holbrooke, the main US negotiator during the Clinton administration who took part in negotiating the end of the Balkan war, said that he "will not shed any tears about the death of Slobodan Milosevic." Holbrooke called the ex-dictator of Serbia a sociopath and a war criminal. Hmm...what are they going to say when Cheney dies in a jail cell in the Hague?

It Couldn't Have Happened to a Better Guy

Slobo Milo is dead. Slobodan Milosevic that is. They called him the "Butcher of the Balkans" with good reason. He was a corrupt thief and killer. We're better off without him. He died in his prison cell in the Netherlands where he was on trial for crimes against humanity. If I hadn't quit drinkin' I'd break open a bottle of champagne.

Train the Trainer

From Monday afternoon thru Wednesday morning we were at the Austin Tele-Center conducting a train the trainer sessions. We've developed some new Customer Service training that will be delivered in all six Tele-Centers across Texas. Each Tele-Center has two trainers except the one in Austin. So, that was eleven people not counting the two of us. It went pretty well all in all, but the last day was like when you visit your relatives. By the third day, it's time to go! I have two words to describe the last morning: Intentionally Obtuse. Just google that, if you're not sure what I mean.