Psst, You Wanna Buy a Car?

Poor Juergen Schrempp, President of DaimlerChrysler, got his official car stolen. It's a Mercedes Class S600. It has a reinforced body and bullet-proof windows. It weighs 3.5 tons. The value is 800,000 euros. I'll bet you could make a good deal on it though.

Chrismukkah

Yes, it's that time of year again. It's when we begin a long season of celebrations. Let's see it starts with Thanksgiving, then Hanukkah, Solstice, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Year, and the biggest one of all Super Sunday. Someone in a "mixed" family, Jewish and Christian that is, has come up with a name for two of the celebrations - Chrismukkah. Just click and learn all about it.

Who?

Ireland tops the list of the 100 best places to live. You mean that place that everyone was dying to get out of about 120 years ago? That place? We even came in 13th! Not even in the top 10. Well, at least we beat the French.

Germans Stink!

That's according to a poll conducted in Germany concerning the workplace and problems there.

It's a Plague of Biblical Proportions!

The locusts are back in Egypt. That was the 8th plague out of ten to get Pharaoh to release the Hebrew slaves. What's next? Passover?

He Is STILL Alive

Really, no shit, Yasser Arafat is alive. There is no possibility witin Islam to disconnect him from life support, so they just have to wait on God. It would be interesting to see a special on MTV of Arafat Unplugged.

Yeah, Well, Tell THAT to Homeland Security!

Yusus Islam a.k.a. Cat Stevens was awarded the Man for Peace Award in Rome. The man handing him the prize was none other than Michael Gorbachov. Funny, wasn't it just a while back that we deported him for being a terrorist?

Ve Haf Vays to Mek You...

Fake an orgasm. Yes, evidently, it's true. A majority of German women say that they "simulate" orgasms. Must be all the leather that gets in the way.

Going Once...Going Twice

Someone, somewhere, has Saddam Hussein's leg, and is auctioning it off on an online auction house. Wanna bid? Go to www.azubo.de. Okay, it's not really his physical leg, it's the leg from his statue that was knocked down by American troops on that famous videotape. But, be careful! The German government is investigating its authenticity.

Make No Mistake

We don't let no faggots get married here in Texas, and we're gonna make that plain to our kids.

Is That Like a Reversible Jacket?

Yes, the Palestinian National Authority has finally admitted that Arafat is in a coma. They say it is a "reversible coma." I've never heard those two words together like that. I think we've been introduced to a new phenomenon. Let me check Wikipedia. No, there's no page with that title. Wanna make one?

Get the Red Out!

Two must-have products for those of us "Blues" living in the "Red" states. One is Vizine to get the "Red" out of our teary red eyes, and the other is Photoshop to replace "Redeye" with a nice blue. To paraphrase Crystal Gayle, "Oh,don't it make my red eyes blue?"

Warp Speed

What took weeks even months back in the '70s when Franco died, and then didn't die, and then did die, has only taken one afternoon today. Just check out this page.

You Say "Medically Complex" I Say "Clinically Dead"

Here's an excerpt from an email I received from one of my "sources."

PNA: Yasser Arafat Dies in Paris?
November 04, 2004 1711 GMT
Several reports, including some from high-ranking European officials, have emerged that Palestinian National Authority leader Yasser Arafat has died in a Paris hospital, though hospital officials have denied the reports, saying Arafat�s condition is "medically complex." Palestinian spokespeople also denied the reports, but specified that Arafat was not "clinically dead."

He's in a coma...wait that's not a fucking coma...that's a medically complex condition, for God's sake!

He's Dead. No, He's Not!

What did I say? It's Franco all over again. The Israelis say he's dead, the French say he's not. But, who can trust either one of them?

He's Doing Very Well...Oops, He's Dead

Yasser Arafat is in a coma according to French sources. Is this going to be another one of those Generalisimo Francisco Franco stories? He's still alive, he's still alive, he's still...uh...dead.

Forgive Us, Father, for We Know Not What We Do

More of the same for four more years. That's not a good thing. America did not deserve what it got after the last election, because the election was stolen. This time it wasn't stolen, and, poor America, will deserve what it gets.

Talk About Jumping the Gun!

Correioweb, a Brazilian news website, has already call it for Kerry. They are predicting 306 electoral votes for Kerry and 218 for Bush. That's out of a total of 538. Wait a minute! What happened to the other 20? Uh-oh, scandal in the offing.

Poor Al Goldstein

Former publisher of Screw magazine, Al Goldstein, find himself homeless these days. The 68 year old Goldstein was working as a greeter at the Second Avenue Deli, but he got fired because he slept there one night. He's so down that another homeless guy at the shelter gave him 5 bucks. When asked if he would do it all over again, he said yes! What a fucking idiot! He wouldn't change anything he says. He must like livin' at the shelter.

It's Election Day and El Dia de Los Muertos

Hmmm...what's that trying to tell us? While we remember to vote, we should also remember the dead. Might the dead be voting after all? Bring 'em on!