But, But, What If the Prostitute Is a Man?

The US Military has adopted a new policy making it an offense to use the services of a prostitute. The change is an effort to stop trafficking in women forced into prostitution near US military bases overseas. I suppose it would be okay to traffic in men.

Let This Be a Sign Unto You

Hurricanes Charley, Frances and Ivan are God's message to Florida and the South. He did not vote for Bush. Would you call it karma?

Cell Phone on a Motorcycle?

Yes, at least in Italy. Now you can get a helmet with a wireless cell phone built in.

Oh, The Life of a Revolutionary!

The leaders of two rival guerrilla groups in Peru are in the same prison with life sentences. One of them proposed peace talks with the government. Due to that he got special privileges. He gets to have his girlfriend come "visit" him each night. The other one gets to listen. Well...he's heard enough! Now he's complaining that they only let his mother and sister come to visit him. Poor guy...but what did he expect?

SHGb02+14a

Not the most exciting or descriptive of names, but that's the name for the place that scientists have received radio signals from. Maybe it's them!

What Does Don Henley Know?

One of Don Henley's songs is titled They're Not Here, They're Not Coming, but what does he know? They done been here! I was put onto this story by one one those crazy Europeans who thinks that women dressed in the chador are sexy. There's just no accounting for taste.

Seventeen Million Dollars Says Otherwise

Michael Jackson says he's innocent of the charges of child sexual abuse, but his payouts say otherwise.

Barcelona: Nudist Paradise

Oh, I'll be that El Generalisimo Francisco Franco is turning in his grave. The City of Barcelona has approved nudity in public in their fair city. Are they sure they want to go through with this? If the Barcelonans look anything like the folks I've seen in the locker room, I don't want to go there.

Cocaina a la Modificacion Genetica

Researchers funded by Colombian cocaine traffickers have developed a genetically modified coca plant. It's bigger, better, more resistant to pesticides, and gives a better high. What more could we want? Besides, with the cost of research nowadays, who else can afford it?

De Knie Is Fini

Last Monday my wife, the Goddess, went to the hospital to have knee replacement surgery. The surgery went well and the doctor said, "She's just going to love her new knee." I hope she's right (yes, it was a female orthopedic surgeon). The only problem is that little thing called recovery. The Goddess has had hell with it. In fact, she told me that if she had known it would be this bad, she's not sure she would have done it. I don't know what she would have done instead, because she was in constant pain before the surgery. Anyway, she's coming along quite well, in my opinion. But, the Goddess wants it to be over already. She moved from the hospital room to a rehab unit (in the same building) on Friday. She's probably going to stay there thru Wednesday. At least, that's what the insurance has approved.

A question has come to my mind: What do they do with the old knee? Do they "reuse" parts of it? Do they like cremate it? I'll have to try to find that one out.

Does It Improve on Silence?

Before you speak, ask yourself, is it kind, is it necessary, is it true, does it improve on the silence?

-Sai Baba

Gunner

Gunner, originally uploaded by Marcos Arroyos.

The American Military threatens Muqtadha al Sadr outside the Imam Ali mosque.

Marktadha al Sadr

Marktadha al Sadr, originally uploaded by Marcos Arroyos.

Really, I had no idea! Wow, this is kind of embarrassing. Oh well.

Lith..Who?

The US Olympic basketball team has lost to the Lithuanians. Who? What's that some kind of medicine for bipolar disorder? The creator and all time king of basketball is dead? Le roi est mort, vive le roi!

Senator Kennedy a Terrorist?

The Department of Homeland Security has apologized to Senator Edward Kennedy for a mix-up that has happened several times when he has tried to board airplanes in the US. It seems his name is similar to someone suspected of being a terrorist. Nah, it's that the Republicans think he's a terrorist!

Homeland Security Letter

The following letter was provided to me through sources who requested to remain unnamed. Marcos Arroyos cannot verify the authenticity or the truthfulness of this letter. I can only pass it on to my concerned fellow citizens.

August 19, 2004

Department of Homeland Security
Washington, DC
USA


Dear Lord Furthermore:

One of our many duties at the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) is the verification of the safety of the American food production system. Toxic biological and/or chemical agents introduced into the food distribution system could wreak havoc with the American way of life. In an effort to secure the nation�s food supply, we have undertaken a wide variety of security measures regarding this important issue. Of course, we cannot publish the exact nature of these measures, but we can divulge some their general aspects.

We conduct routine DNA analysis of food products, and compare those results with several data bases. A recent comparison brought about an unexpected outcome. In fact, the outcome was so unusual that we thought there had been a rupture in the chain of custody of the tested sample. However, we tested the sample again in a different DHS-operated laboratory, and were faced with the same results.

Our test discovered a match between your DNA and a substance found on some feathers retrieved from a poultry processing plant in the Northeastern United States. Additional investigation revealed that the feathers in question came from the anus area of one of the hens processed in that plant. There was trace evidence of chicken blood on the feathers along with what turned out to be seminal fluid. Such a discovery proved to be quite puzzling to us until we had Dr. Henry Lee, a renowned DNA expert, and one of our forensic veterinarians inspect the test results. They hypothesized that someone of North European descent with red hair had engaged in rough sex with the hen.

In an enlightened and sexually liberated environment such as your place of residence this behavior may not cause consternation, but we wish to assure you that the DHS takes a dim view of this kind of aberrant and unnatural sexual practice. It is within our purview as Protectors of the Homeland to take any steps necessary to prevent any and all deviant sexual acts.

Later investigation revealed that the poultry processing plant had placed a job advertisement for a chicken plucker for which many people applied. Only under hypnosis was the staff there able to recall that during testing for the position one applicant insisted on plucking the chicken while it was still alive. This applicant also insisted that he be allowed to pluck his chicken in private in the men�s room. The rest of the story is too raw and unseemly to repeat. Suffice it to say that when male members of the staff later discovered the plucked hen lying unconscious in the sink basin of the men�s room, they joked that the job posting was for a chicken plucker not a chicken fucker.

Lord Furthermore, we regret to inform you that any future travel by you to or through the United States of America is hereby prohibited.

Very truly yours,
Tom Ridge
Director, Department of Homeland Security

NOW They Tell Me!

The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse has discovered that "We found a tight connection between teen sexual behavior and dating and teen risk of smoking, drinking and using illegal drugs." Duh! I wonder if they would find a "tight connection" between swimming, laying eggs, quacking and being a duck? Gimme a break!

Chatter Stopped

Sources with the US intelligence community have confirmed per Stratfor that al-Qaeda chatter has gone silent. This usually happens just before a big attack, when they've been infiltrated, or when a big arrest has been made. Batten down the hatches, 'cause the shit's about to hit the fan.

Yeah, But the Throat Cancer Will Get Ya First

Rolling Stones star Charlie Watts has been diagnosed with throat cancer. Meanwhile, Spanish researchers have discovered that Cannibinoids (good ol' marijuana) prevent the growth of brain tumors. I wonder if there's a preventative effect? Of course, you could end up like Charlie - you keep the brain healthy, but the throat cancer takes you out.

Blame It on Viagra

Evidently there's been a surge in divorces among people 55 and older. Many factors figure in, but ultimately they blame it on the Viagra.

Banana Republic Ain't Just a Clothing Store

The European Organization for Security and Cooperation has announced that it will send election observers to the US to make sure there's no irregularities in the Presidential election this November. Watch out, a military coup d'etat is next!

Atlantis Found!

According to Ulf Erlingsson, a Swedish geographer, the lost kingdom of Atlantis is actually Ireland. He says that the legend about it sinking below the ocean is actually a story about a shoal in the North Sea that did get flooded in about 6500 BC. Well, my idea is that the sinking story is more metaphorical. The natives of Atlantis (Ireland) had just discovered alcoholic beverages, and drank themselves into oblivion. So, the sinking legend is about their drinking themselves "under the waves" so to speak. Don't believe me? Hey, they're still at it!

So, Ya Wanna Move to Texas?

Well, if you think the weather is so great here, because we seldom have any snow, you'd be right about the no snow. But, you wouldn't be right about the great weather. The forcast high today is 101F. That's almost equal to 40C. You think that's great weather? Park your car outside for 30 minutes, then see if you can bear to touch the steering wheel when you get back in.

Dime que No Es Verdad

Al-Qaeda Chiapas? Al-Qaeda Mexico City, Tijuana, Guadalajara, Monterrey, Juarez? Yep, that's what Raymundo Riva Palacio says. He says they're coming into the US along with illegal aliens. In fact, he says one was arrested in McAllen on July 19 at the airport. He was heading to New York to do who knows what? There's even a Hezbollah group in Chiapas! Allahu Akhbar a la Mexicana!

Appalling, Just Appalling

Harper's Magazine in reporting in its weekly review that British soldiers allegedly mistreated Iraqi prisoners by "making them dance like Michael Jackson." I wonder if they also made them fondle little boys?

Bonkers

They say Bush in bonkers. I can sympathize, I am too; but of course I'm not the President.

Reminisce

Carnival Spirit, originally uploaded by Marcos Arroyos.

Oh, just thinking back to that leisurely luxurious cruise we took to the Caribbean.

No Thanks, We'll Just Stay Irrelevant

The Papacy has issued another "Letter to the Bishops of the Catholic Church" about homosexuality and feminism. It claims they both undermine the family. What the fuck do a bunch of never married old queers know about raising a family? And, how can they condemn homosexuality, when that's what about 70% of them are? The other 30% are pedophiles. God forgive them for they know not what they do.

Back from Galveston

Been gone for avbout a week. First, went to Houston to see the in-laws. Went to an Astros game (Astros won), and saw the Bourne Supremacy. I think the game was better than the movie, because the game had several home runs. The movie was full of non-sensical chase scenes that lasted much too long. Chase scenes are to movies what drum solos are to rock concerts. A little bit is good, a little more is not. By the way, while waiting outside the gate at Minute Maid park, I happened to see two Al-Qaeda operatives casing the place. Well, what else would they be, if not Al-Qaeda? Two "Middle Eastern" appearing men, way over-dressed for an American baseball game, standing outside the stadium, but not going in. Then they moved to the curb and looked down the street as if they were waiting for someone to pick them up, but no one did. They turned and began looking at the roof of the stadium and pointing. Then they suddenly walked away. Aha, but not until after I took their picture! I made like I was having the Goddess pose in front of the stadium, and I took a picture with them in the background. Gotcha!

We spent a couple of days in Galveston eating way too much seafood. All in all, it was a lot of fun.

El Poeta Maestro

Marcos, originally uploaded by Marcos Arroyos.

I stand on one leg,
I make the loudness peg,
Your indulgence I beg
As you gaze at my jpeg.

Now, That's the Way to Finance the War

Former former President of Spain, Jose Maria Aznar, paid $2 million to a US public relations firm to help improve his image in the US, and to get presented with the Congressional Gold Medal. Well, he got the medal all right, Representatives Jim Gibbons and Sylvestre Reyes sponsored a proposal to give him the medal, and it was approved. The only problem is that the money went to the PR firm and not to the US government. Let's try putting one on Ebay, and see if we can help finance this war in Iraq.

I Didn't Know Fucking Was an Olympic Event

Durex, the condom manufacturer, has provided 130K condoms to the athletes at the Olympic Games. That comes out to 13 per athlete. Last time in Sydney they gave the athletes 50K, but they ran out, and had to ask for 20K more. And I thought athletes were supposed to refrain from sex, so they wouldn't lose their energy.

Don't Put a Lot of Suds on Mine

Some youngsters in Sweden got sick while attending a pop festival from consuming some alcohol laden soap. There was some soap in the rest rooms with 62% alcohol content that they mixed in their otherwise non-alcoholic drinks. Don't try this at home.

Britney Does Bollywood

Can it be true? After her Hollywood flop "Crossroads", she's going to Bollywood? Not only that she's gonna play a lesbian in an Indian movie. A movie opened last month in India about lesbians and it was not well received. In fact, I believe Hindu fundamentalists burned down the theater where it was showing in one town. I don't remember anyone burning down a theater for showing "Crossroads," but maybe they should have. Burn, baby, burn.

Those "I" Countries Are All the Same

The 911 Commission investigation the attacks of that day will report next week that Al-Qaeda had more contacts with Iran than with Iraq. But, don't blame the administration, because those countries over there all look the same.

So, What Was He Supposed to Be Cutting?
 
A doctor in Bucharest has cut off a patient's penis during surgery, and furthermore, cut it intothree pieces.

Let's Have a Good Cry
 
There's a new bar in China called the Cry Bar that let's you cry in peace. They even offer onions and peppermint oil to help get you started.

Oh Those Wily Americans!

Now this is an interesting take on things! Supreme Leader Ayatollah Kamenei of Iran blames the beheading of hostages in Iraq on American and Israeli secret services. He says he doesn't believe that the people who killed those foreigners were Muslims. You'll notice that quite a few posts back (like two months ago or more) I wondered why Al Zarqawi would claim credit for beheading Nick Berg, but cover his face up while doing it. As a matter of fact, none of the videos shows anyone's face except the victim's. But, they then claim credit on a website. Hmmm...I can't figure it out. The Ayatollah just might be on the right track here. Of course, he might not be too.

Notes from the Underworld

And I don't mean the Mafia. Now you can travel inside a buried coffin. Not the most exciting website, I must say.

We Come From Quebec

A French-speaking (?) seeing eye dog from Montreal is preventing his owner from being accepted into an intensive English course at a university in New Brunswick. The owner had to sign a pledge to give his dog commands in English. The problem is that the dog doesn't understand commands in any language except French, and to try to make it bi-lingual (?) is too late. Can't teach an old dog new language tricks.

Republican Jesus

Yes, friends, he has made his Second Coming and this time He's gonna do the crucifyin'! Don't say I didn't warn you.

How Many Jihadis Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

It takes six. Three to hold the assault rifles, one to shoot a really bad video, one to post it online, and one to behead the bulb.

And Now from the Man Bites Dog Category...

A woman in Iran has given birth to a frog. No, really. At least that's what they claim. Not only that, but the frog has "human" characteristics.

Head Up Your Ass?

According to a new study about Non-steriodal pain relievers and lower cancer rates, similar cells in the colon and brain show lower rates of cancer in people who take NSAIDs. Brain cells and colon cells are a lot alike? Hmmm....

Um, Would That Be John Kerry?

Ron Reagan, yes that Ron Regan, says he'll vote for whoever can beat Bush.

�Viva El Rey!

El Rey de Espa�a hizo un gesto ins�lito a un grupo de detractores. �Carajo! Esa clase de rey es la que necesitamos los estadounidenses. Perd�n, se me olvid� que ya es la clase de presidente que tenemos.

Okay, That Explains Lenin, but Not Stalin

Researchers have announced that Vladimir Lenin suffered from syphillis. That's what they have been calling his "strokes." In that case Stalin must have had rabies.

Them Saudis Don't Fuck Around

They've already killed 3 suspects after the beheading of Paul Johnson. If they were that quick why couldn't they have gotten there a little quicker?

Esther

Funny how the lady has had two names from the Bible. I wonder how the original Esther would feel about this.

How Would You Like That for an Epitaph?

"He was a brave man," said Noor. "His last words were 'Allahu Akbar'."

Oh Those Brits

Big Brother on British TV got out of hand last nite. Evidently there was a plate throwing, bottle breaking, furniture hurling brawl in the house. In fact, security had to be called in to restore order. The police and Scotland Yard have opened an investigation. Now, that's reality TV!

Again Already?

Yes, I'm on vacation again. And I will be next month too. See, after some 20 years working for the same people, you accrue vacation time so fast that it's actually hard to use it all! Oh, poor me!

It's Not Just Hollywood

Bollywood is also causing an uproar, or rather the religious fundamentalists are. A new movie Girlfriend is causing quite a stir. Even riots!

I Hope They're Right

Researchers says that being bilingual keeps the brain flexible, and younger. It supposedly helps prevent age related slow down of thinking. I'm gonna need all the help I can get.

Hmmm...This Sounds Familiar

Oh what a circus!
Oh what a show!
Argentina has gone to town
Over the death of an actress called Eva Peron
We've all gone crazy
Mourning all day and mourning all night
Falling over ourselves to get all
Of the misery right
Oh what an exit! That's how to go!
When they're ringing your curtain down
Demand to be buried like Eva Peron

You Call That Mourning?

The Governor of Texas has declared Friday a Day of Mourning, except that State Agencies will stay open with a skeleton staff. No, we don't dig up bodies at the graveyard, we have just a minimum number of staff working that day. But, I tell ya, I just can't believe that they are going to disrespect that great man, Ronnie Raygun, and just give him a skeleton day of mourning! I mean they gave Nixon the full thing! C'mon is that really mourning? NO! We're saying to dear ol' Ronnie, "Well, we really wanted to honor you, but, ya see there's these other obligations we have. Yeah, Dick got a whole day of mourning. But, I'm sure you'll understand (like he could understand anything with Alzheimer's), Ron, that just like you we're conservatives. We want the business of business to flow uninterrupted. Just think of it like when you so courageously fired the air traffic controllers, it didn't stop everything completely, it just slowed it down a little. Well, this is kind of like that. We want to honor you, make no mistake, but like you show business types always say, 'The Show Must Go On!' So, hey, you"re getting a skeleton day of mourning, Bob Hope didn't get that much!"

Sort of Like Evita

There's a line from one of the songs in the musical Evita in which Che says, "falling all over ourselves to get the misery right." While were getting the misery right, let's not forget Iran/Contra, Beirut, Granada, Libya Attack, Arms for Hostages, Ketchup as a Vegetable...

Bush Goin' Bonkers?

Looks like he's goin' the way of Nixon. Gettin' a little shaky is he? Just ask his staff.

Bumpersticker

I was sitting in traffic the other day, and saw a bumpersticker with lots of writing on it. My lane of traffic was moving and the lane with the bumbersticker was stopped. As I creeped past, it saw that it said, "Bill Clinton is no longer the holder of the title of Worst President in American History." I didn't know he was the previous holder of that title, but I must say I agree that he's been beat!

I'm Pretty Far Down the Rankings in That Case

Who ranks as the highest?
One who does not harm anything.
One who never retaliates.
One who is always at peace regardless
of the other person's disposition.
- Buddha

It Arrived Right On Time

Every year for at least the last 20 years and probably longer than that the temperature in May starts out pleasant, but by Memorial Day it's unbearable. Yesterday, was Memorial Day, and I hear that it reached 100 degrees F. (38 C) officially in Austin. You can always count on Memorial Day itself being viciously hot. Today is just as hot! God help us!

What Two Countries Have the Largest Number of Spanish Speakers?

This was surprising, it's Mexico #1 with 95 million speakers, and the United States #2 with 46 million. We have even more Spanish speakers than Spain!

So THAT'S Why...

The CDC has announced that teens are screwing less and eating more. Hmmm...is that why newly-weds almost always start getting fat right after the wedding ceremony?

Maybe He Should Worry About His Priests First

The Pope is worried about American society's "soulless vision of life." How about the vision of his pedophile priests that they protected for so long? Wake up, old man, the world is steaming right on by.

What's with these One-Eyed Mullahs?

The British police arrested Abu Hamza today due to an American request. We're going to try to extradite him. Abu Hamza has only one good eye. Then there's that Mullah Omar of Taliban fame who is known as the One-Eyed Mulla. Then what about that cleric, Sheikh Abdul Omar Rahman, we have in prison in New York who was behind the first WTC bombing? That fucker's completely blind! He doesn't even have one eye. Is there some subtle metaphysical hint here that these guys are symbolically fucking blind? I would say open your eyes to them, but that wouldn't help.

Now They Tell Us!

Not only did we get sucker punched by the Iraqis, now it looks like we got bamboozled by the Iranians. Things are never what they seem!

18,000 Strong and Still Growing!

According to the International Institute of Strategic Studies, Al Qaeda has 18,000 members around the world, and their recruitment has grown due to the war in Iraq. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot! George, how are you still walking with so many bullets in your feet?

Please, Please, Go Help Someone Else!

We have helped the Iraqis to over 5500 dead since Bush declared "Mission Accomplished." Don't you feel good to be such a help to the Iraqi people?

Now, The Conspiracy Theory Gets Even Better! Bring 'em On!

Aztlan.net has even more info on the Nick Berg video. It's just a way to deflect attention away from Abu Ghraib. God bless the Internet! The conspiracy theories can travel a the speed of light now.

New Guinness Record!

Most nude riders on a roller coaster. Bring 'em on!

Who Ranks the Highest?

Who ranks as the highest?
One who does not harm anything.
One who never retaliates.
One who is always at peace regardless
of the other person's disposition.
- Buddha

It Took a Month to Admit It, but Better Late than Never

Barbara Ehrenreich finally said what I've been waiting for a woman to say.

Ahmad Chalabi - Fallen from Favor

This guy takes us on a wild goose chase that we paid heavily for, he admits that he was just leading us on, and we still supported him to the tune of over $300K per month. It wasn't until just last month that we cut the guy off from the trough. What the hell is or was going on here? He fed the Pentagon false intelligence about Saddam's WMD just to get us to establish him as the leader of Iraq. We fly him in just after the war started, only to find out the guy has no backing among the people. The fact that he hadn't lived in Iraq for 40+ years wasn't a clue? So, now finally he's fallen from favor. The people in the Bush administration were so dead set on going to war that they just ate up everything he told them. Kind of like getting screwed by a used car salesman, and going back to do business with him some more.

Not Enough Blood

Yesterday, I read a post on Aztlan.net that the Berg beheading was a fraud. According to a MD in Mexico, there wasn't enough blood in the video to indicate that Berg had been alive when it happened. I watched the video, and I did notice something out of place. The screams of the victim were not in sync with the video. In fact, the sound of the screams starts when the "killer" pulls the knife out of his shirt. Except, Berg doesn't change expression. I had put it down to being a very cheap video, etc. But, like the doctor says, if he was already dead, then he wouldn't spurt blood all over the place. So, I have to say that perhaps he was already dead, and they just had him propped up there to look like he was alive. The video shows him telling about his family, but it's clearly video from a different time. Things are not what they seem...still.

Rummy Said It's Okay

So, there's a new article out from Seymour Hersch that says Rummy approved the "less restrictive" interrogation techniques developed for Guantanamo for use in Abu Ghraib. See, I told he was on his way out!

Mistake

Yesterday, I made the mistake of viewing the Nick Berg beheading video. I found out it was available on a website. I wanted to see it, but after I saw it, I was sick at my stomach. I stayed that way for the rest of the day. One thing about though, it makes you realize what we humans are capable of.

Food for Not Thought

It is better to see God in everything than to try and figure it out.

-Neem Karoli Baba

I Support [fill in the blank] 110%

Does the statement, "I support Tom Eagleton 110%," ring any bells? It does to me. That's what George McGovern said about his Vice-Presidential running mate just before he dumped him. Yesterday, Bush said to Rumsfeld, "You're doing a superb job." That's a sure sign that Rummy is on his way out.

Original Mothers' Day

The first Mothers' Day was actually a protest against war. It was really about mothers raising their kids not to participate in war. What happened?

Murder & Rape

Unnamed military sources who've seen the photos and videos that Rumsfeld referred to say that they include images of murder and rape. Now, this makes you wonder just where did these soldiers learn how to do that? Some of them are prison guards in their civilian life. But, that leaves some who are just regular people. War not only kills inocent people, it also cripples those that survive it.

The Higher You Go the Further You Have to Fall

Bush and Rumsfeld must really be squirmin' these days. They make all these claims about how we're battling evil, how we're the noble ones, and then out come those undeniable torture photos. But, it's not like they didn't set themselves up for it. Bush thinks he's been annointed by God to rid the world of evil, and he turns out to be one of the worst offenders. Rumsfeld even told the senators that there are videos and more photos that are yet to come out. He said, "There are a lot more photographs and videos that exist. If these are released to the public, obviously it's going to make matters worse." It's an awfully long way down from way up there.

Would You Like Glass Shards with That?

I was struggling to get out of the truck this morning, because my parking "neighbor" was too close to the line, and I dropped Nana's thermos and it broke. So, I couldn't have my coffee this morning at work. I cursed very loudly when it happened, and opened my door real hard so it would put a mark on my neighbor's SUV. Yes, SUV, what else? I had to go over to the Capitol Grill to get some coffee, but even though it's good it's not mine.

Well, THAT Is Awfully Nice of You

The new US chief of prisons in Iraq, Maj. Gen. Geoffrey Miller, has anounced a policy banning the use of hoods on prisoners. "I believe [the hood] sends a message we do not want to send to the civilian population," he said today. Now, isn't that special? Oh, the hoods were alright until some pictures of them got on CBS and then the internet. They were in use from the beginning until just today, and that's not the message we want to send. Give me a fucking break! How arrogant, what else are we going to decide is not the message we want to send? Uh, maybe illegally invading another country, and killing over 10,000 civilians?

Now, The Real Fire Drill

Last week we had a fire on the 5th floor which was confined to a file room, but we all evacuated the building thinking it was a drill. We had been told there would be a fire drill soon, so we thought that was it. Now, today we have the real (?) fire drill. We all exited the building in a very orderly manner, because just last week we sort of practiced. One hint that it was a drill was there the lobby was full of firefighters when we came down from one floor up. The Fire Department is fast, but not that fast. Like in many places the firefighters are also EMTs, so I figured they were there in case one of us overweight, underactive, bloated government employees passed out in the stairs on the way down. Just imagine trying to evacuate a building full of bureaucrats! Bring out the oxygen mask, Reginald.

50 +1 Ways to Leave Your Lover

"Get out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan"

Send an SMS, Jess.

Virtual breaking up is hard (easy?) to do.

That's a Pretty Good Idea

Some 8th grade students in the Chicago area gave away laxative laced brownies to classmates. They got in trouble, too. But, that got me to thinking, what about doing that around here? First, there's no doubt that they would be eaten. Second, some of the "victims" would probably be grateful.

They Can Use the Money We Gave Them

The families of the Pakistanis killed in the fake terrorist attack are suing the Macedonian Government. Let's see, the Macedonians did this to raise their stature with the US as a partner in the "War on Terror" in order to get more money. So, maybe they can used the extra money we gave them to pay off the families. What tangled webs we weave...

Now, That's Certainly a New Take on the Problem

Macedonia, one of our allies in the "Coalition of the Willing", has been faking terrorist attacks. I guess they don't have enough of their own, and they needed to make some up.

A Sad Day Indeed!

Word has come out that one third of the actors in the adult film industry had tested positive for HIV. The story just broke two weeks ago when one actor, Darren James, tested positive. Now it is positively an epidemic! Some say that now the industry will have to require actors to use condoms. Directors have refused to do that in the past because "viewers were not favorable." Well, it looks like we're going to have to suffer condoms with our porn. A sad day indeed!

We Have Been Sucker Punched

Baghdad fell too easily. The Special Republican Guards offered almost no resistance. Not even soldiers in the bases near Tikrit when CNN arrived ahead of US troops. Cheney, Bush, Rumsfeld, et al thought we had just scared them off. They thought the Shock and Awe had just been overwhelming. Turns out the Iraqi Generals had a plan all along. That's one thing the Neo-cons forgot - things in the Middle East are never what they appear to be. As salaam aleykum, baby.

Cheap in More Than One Way

Last night at dinner Nana was telling me how she went to Wal-Mart to get her hair cut and that they had corn on the cob on sale. They were 4 for a dollar. We were eating them and she kept talking about how corn is cheap when it first comes in. They used to by it at Skaggs for 10 for a dollar, or something like that. Finally, I asked her, "How many did you buy?" "Four." "Four? They were so cheap that you only got four?" "Yes, that's all we ever get is four." "No, it isn't. Jean usually gets more than four. Wow, they were so cheap you got a dollar's worth! Did the checkout clerk ask you why you bothered?" I'm laughing hard by now. "No, she didn't." "Did you buy anything else?" "Yes, I got some milk and some cookies." "I'll bet you bought more than just four cookies." "No, I bought four." "You bought four cookies?" "Yeah, four packages." "Yeah, that's what I thought, you bought more than four cookies." I'm still laughing really hard. "'I'll bet you said, 'Wow, that corn is so cheap, I'll buy a dollar's worth." "Well, yes, it was cheap." "It sure was! It was cheap alright." "Cheap in both ways, wasn't it?" "Yes, cheap in both ways."

This Is Not a Test

About 11:30 this morning at work the fire alarm went off. No one had told us about a fire drill (we usually know about them in advance), so we left the building in an orderly manner. We gathered by the monument to fallen Peace Officers. We all thought it was a surprise fire drill, because we had gotten an email last week saying that everyone must participate in the drills. Evidently, some people weren't actually leaving when we had a drill. I can't imagine that to tell you the truth - a government employee not leaving his or her office when given half a chance? Well, anyway, we go to the Peace Officers Memorial, and I start thinking that we used to go down the street to a nearby park and check in at one of the picnic tables. So, I head off in that direction only to run across a group of people from my office coming back from there. They told me that no one was at the picnic table. I went back to the memorial and was gossiping about someone's promotion or lack of it with a person I know, when they come over to get me, because I need to sign in and be accounted for. Shortly after that we re-enter the building. I learned later that it wasn't a surprise fire drill, it was the real thing. There had been a fire on the 5th floor in a file room. It sure was a nice spring day outside. I wonder what will burn around here.

Who

Who is this that hears,
Who is this that sees,
It's me, you say
Who's that?

Can you find me inside?
Can you find anyone inside?
Are you the same person
You were in high school?

No?
Then who is it that sees,
Who is it that hears,
It's me, you say
Who's that?

No Bread and Wine for You

So, the Vatican declares that Catholic politicians who are pro-choice should not receive communion. What about pedophiles? Can they still get communion?

Food Is a Drug!

Brain scans of subjects who smelled and tasted foods like ice cream, hamburgers, pizza, and such had the same reactions as drug addicts when craving drugs. The study says the same brain circuits get activated. Now, for the War on Food! Get ready for interdiction of chocolate from Switzerland, pasta from Italy, and well nothing from England, because their food is so bad.

Ye Shall Be Like Unto A Serpent

Last night Nana was letting the dogs out for the last time before bed, when she saw a snake on our back porch. She came and got me from upstairs. She was scared to death! She was breathing hard and shaking. Anyway, we couldn't find the snake, but the dogs could smell it, and I had to get them to go on out the door. She called to tell me that Papa found the snake on the back porch in the corner where all that junk is by the screen door. She wanted me to know that she wasn't seeing things. I didn't accuse her of seeing things, but she brought it up this morning. She thought that maybe it had just been a "vision." I didn't think it was because the dogs went straight over there smelling all around. If they hadn't done that, then of course I would have thought she was having visions.

Barely Treading Water

I have a deadline looming, that's becoming harder and harder to meet. I made a committment yesterday that I could have something finished by the close of business on Thursday. Now, I find out that what I thought I had left to do was only part of it! Ay que la chingada! Oy vey, and all those other phrases of distress! God help me.

Figment

This morning Papa came out of his room saying that he felt very good, and that he had slept better than he had in a long time. He said he woke up once, having to go to the bathroom, and noticed that there was a woman in his room dancing. She was moving around and casting her shadow on the wall. Nana asked him if she was young (what does that tell ya?), and he said yes. I asked if she had on any clothes (what does that tell ya?), and he said yes she had on some orange kind of pants. He said he just got up and walked right by her on his way to the bathroom, and just ignored her. When he came back, she was gone. I told him that she probably got mad and left because he was ignoring her, he said, "Yeah, she probably did." He said he had taken a pain pill and figured that's why he had that dream. Hmmm...he's got some Vicodin...

Spring Fever or Something More?

Ever since spring started I've been thinking more and more often about leaving this line of work, or leaving work altogether. Now, that could be because it's spring fever. But, my experience in past years is different. This time I've been thinking a lot about retiring. It just has a different feel this time. I can't exactly retire and draw my pension yet, but...oh well.

Rain Falls on All

Yes, it does. Like Jesus said, it falls on the just and the unjust alike. I hope it's doing some good.