Just in Time for Easter

Engineers in Andalucia have developed a robotic arm of Christ for a statue in Malaga that will perform "blesses better." Who said science and religion can't mix?

Peter Was Right

"Speaking paradoxically we may say that incompetence, having been standardized, has now become an essential part of professional excellence. We have no longer incompetent professionals, we have professionalized incompetence." -Feyearabend

They Have a Pill for That Now

Princess Diana made a video before her death saying that the Prince is (or at least was) impotent. And he wanted to be a tampon in Camilla Parker Bowles' cunt? Maybe that's the only way he could get in there.

Now, That's What I Call a Protest!

It seems that a homeless couple in Stockholm decided to have sex in public since they had no where else to go. They went to the city center, put a double bed there, and proceded to fuck out in the open. I'll bet that was quite a show. Leave it to those Swedes!

Okay, I Did Resign...

But, I didn't know you were going to take me to the fucking Central African Republic! What kind of exile is THAT? If it had been like last time, you know Venezuela then Washington, I might not be so pissed. You found the only country in the world that might actually be poorer than Haiti to take me to! C'mon, you think I'm crazy? Hey, even Cedros got Panama for God's sake! Baby Doc? He gets France, and what do I get?...Bangui in the Central African Fucking Republic!

He's Not the First to Do It...

But, he is the first President to do it. It seems that Hugo Chavez, President of Venezuela, called George W. a pendejo! Awright, Hugo! Tell it like is is!

Uh, I'm Afraid It Already Is

"We just want the president to synchronize his conscience with his conduct," Representative Elijah E. Cummings said. Well, if you ask me, his conduct is perfectly aligned with his conscience. No contradictions there!

So You Wanna Be an Air Traffic Controller?

Think again. The air traffic controller on duty when two planes collided in the air near the German-Swiss border was killed by an attacker who figured out who he was.

The Stinking French Have Banned the Hijab...

Let's attack the Americans! What? It's the FRENCH, Ayman, not us! We didn't ban the fucking hijab! In fact, people wear them all over the place, along with crosses, and Stars of David. We have something called Freedom of Religion, you stupid cocksucker! You wouldn't know freedom of religion from your shit-stained underwear. Give me a break, and get back in your cave with all those other backward mother-fuckers!

Look Who's Gay!

I heard over the weekend that the Governor's wife, Anita, has moved out of the Governor's Mansion, because she is seeking a divorce. It seems she caught him in bed with a male intern. There's a different story that says it was the Secretary of State, but either way, the Governor who is so pro family, so anti-gay, got caught fucking a man! It's just not okay to be gay in Texas.

Camelot in Texas?

Yes, at least Avalon in Texas. We stayed at a bed and breakfast called Castle Avalon. It is built in the form of a castle and has all the appropriate decorations. It's a little difficult to tell if it's serious or kitsch. Either way, it was fun!

El Verdadero Triangulo de Bermuda?

"En Europa el primer brote de s�filis, conocida en Espa�a como "mal franc�s", en Italia como "mal espa�ol" y en Francia como "mal napolitano", se dio en 1493, cuando Cristobal Col�n volvi� de su primer viaje a Am�rica y durante los siglos XV y XVI caus� miles de muertos."

In Europe the first outbreak of syphlis, known in Spain as "french disease", en Italy as "Spanish disease" and in France as "Neapolitan disease", came about in 1493, when Christopher Columbus returned from his first voyage to America and during the XV and XVI centuries caused thousands of deaths.

Wasn't He in the KGB?

Vladimir Putin, President of Russia, used to be the top man at the KGB. One of Putin's challengers in the Russian Presidential election coming up this spring has suddenly disappeared after a running a full-page add in the newspaper criticizing Putin. Coincidence?

Quotation

"One of my discarded pubic hairs has more talent that Kid Rock." - Marcos Arroyos

All Because of a Tit and a Shield

Gimme a break! We're gonna have a 5 minute delay in live broadcasts just because of a tit? What would have happened with two tits? Ten minute delay? C'mon!

0.2 or 2.0?

Some guy in Europe has named his son John Cusak 2.0. Wouldn't you know it, he's an engineer.

Travelog (finale)

Day Five - Thursday January 22

Barbados

It was about noon on Thursday when we pulled into the port at Bridgetown, Barbados. I didn�t know, but almost everyone else on the ship did, that the Queen Mary 2 was in port at Bridgetown. We sailed in and everyone ran to the top deck to shoot photos. We took a few, but it seemed kind of silly taking pictures of a cruise ship from another cruise ship. We docked right at the port, because the Queen Mary was where we would normally dock. Actually that made it better for us, because the people on the Queen Mary had to take shuttle busses into the terminal, and we only had to walk. We had signed up for another bus tour, so we went into the terminal. I was quite impressed with the terminal. It was really a shopping mall, I don�t think there was really any official purpose to it, unless of course, the official purpose is shopping. I mean there wasn�t a Customs office or anyone to check passports or anything like that. Barbados is an independent country, so I expected something official like at least a stamp on my passport or something. Nothing!

We boarded our tours bus, and found the seats to be made for munchkins. The only way two people could sit on one of those seats would be for the one by the aisle to hang one butt cheek over the edge of the seat. So, there was room for like three American-size butt cheeks. And, to tell you the truth, the Barbadians didn�t look any smaller than us, so I�m not sure who the bus was built for, but it wasn�t us. Our driver was named Tyrone, and he explained that they were a former British colony and so they drive on the right side of the road. He drove us out of Bridgetown through large fields of sugar cane. Evidently, Barbados relies on sugar and rum exports for its economy...well, and tourism. Anyway, we were passing these rows of very tall, very beautiful palm trees. Tyrone said, �These palm trees are called Royal Palms. They are very pretty, and look like they would be very productive, but they are good for nothin�.� I thought that was kind of funny, because I thought he was remarking on the uselessness of royalty. But, no one else laughed. Then, he said it again, and asked, �Do you get what I mean?� I was right, he was disparaging the royals! Good for him! He also pointed out some very unusual looking trees. They were completely bare with branches that look sort of like spaghetti that�s dried after it was cooked. They were the frangipani tree. The blooms from the tree are used to make a perfume. Of course, we had to buy some, well we actually bought frangipani cologne.

We stopped at an old plantation house to look around. It was full of antiques and old horse buggies. Not much to see, really, but at least I got to get off of my right butt cheek for a few minutes. Next, we went to a church in Saint John�s parish. The church wasn�t that spectacular, but the view from the church sure was! It was up on a hill overlooking a little neighborhood nestled on an inlet with a beautiful white beach facing the Atlantic Ocean. The temperature was perfect in the shade of the tall trees, we could have stayed there much longer in my opinion. Besides, I got to exercise my right butt cheek again.

We then went to an old lookout on one of the highest points on the island. It was built by Scots fusiliers, whatever that is. Anyway, the view was spectacular again! You could see the island from the south end to the north end all along the western coast.

On the way back to Bridgetown, Tyrone told us that there are a lot of churches in Barbados, and that you can start your own if you want to. Just buy a Bible, a hallelujah, and a tambourine. He�s right there were a lot of small churches with strange names. Traffic was heavy, and he explained that the main reason for traffic accidents in Barbados is tourists driving on the wrong side of the road.

I was very impressed with Barbados. It looked like more than just a tourist stop, it�s a place that someone could actually live.

We returned to the terminal, where the Goddess accomplished HER mission. That was to get a free charm for the free bracelet she had picked up back on Saint Martin. See, the same company has stores on several of the islands. If you get your free bracelet on Saint Martin, they�ll give you a free charm on Barbados for just coming in. Glad we got THAT done!

The ship set sail for Martinique that night at 10:00 pm.

Day Six - Friday January 23

Martinique

We arrived in Martinique sometime before I woke up. We had scheduled a walking tour of the city center of Fort de France. Just as we got off the ship on the dock, it started raining. It was a fairly light rain though, and I was sure it wouldn�t last long. We were waiting under a little tent like thing, when our guide showed up. She was on her cell phone with her boss. It turns out that they canceled our tour due to the rain. I felt they shouldn�t have done that, because i was sure the rain was going to stop soon. But, what do I know? I�m not a Martinecan. Well, we went in with another couple to share a cab to downtown. Before we even got there, the rain had stopped. See? I knew what I was talking about!

We got out of the cab at a sort of outdoor tourist market. Hmmm...the taxi driver must have been in cahoots with the Goddess. Anyway, the two women headed into the market, and the other man and I stood nearby chatting. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that two men were sitting at the base of a statue smoking something that they were sharing. One of the men was laughing uncontrollably. I mean he was making a lot of noise and certainly not trying to be discreet. I kept looking at them, so the man who wasn�t laughing got up and walked away. The laughing man kept looking at us, and I began to feel he was laughing at us. Maybe we looked funny, but honestly, we didn�t look any different than 5000 other tourists. The Goddess came back to show me what she had bought, and we started walking to another group of tents, when the laughing man started following us. Then he abruptly turned and walked away. I snapped his photo. I�ll include it in the ones I post.

After we bought a few more items, the Goddess and I began walking around downtown. It looks very much like any other town in France. By the way, we were in France. Martinique is a departement of France. That�s like being a state of the US. So, if you�re in Martinique, you�re in France just as much as you�re in the US, if you�re in Hawaii. We made our way back around to near where we got out of the taxi. There was a large park nearby, so we started walking through it. Two young men came walking down a sidewalk perpendicular to the one we were on. I noticed that they both had on black T-shirts. One shirt had a drawing of Tupac Shakur with the words �Thug Life� in big letters. The other one had a large drawing of a marijuana plant. Not only that, they were sharing a smoke too. As they passed by, I detected that familiar smell of marijuana. They didn�t seem to be making any effort to be discreet either. I later found out that there is a lot of drug use in Martinique, but not because the government is so enlightened. It�s because they don�t have very many police. Wow, the Voodoo Nights!

We also discovered something you sure wouldn�t expect to find on a Caribbean island. At least, I didn�t. It was an automated toilet. Yes, automated. I had asked where the toilet was and was directed to these two cylindrical things. They were shaped and colored like a Coors Light can (Bill would have been pleased). I had to get change to use them. The currency there is the Euro (see, I said it was France), so I broke a dollar and the lady gave me 90 cents. One use of the toilet cost 30 cents. Anyway, you put your money in and the door slides open automatically. After you step in, it closes automatically too. Then you used the facilities, and have a place to wash your hands (the water starts running automatically, like the sinks in an airport). The sign said it was an automatic dryer, but I couldn�t get that to work. To exit, you press a lever, and the door opens. After you step out, the door slides closed again, and the toilet undergoes an automatic cleaning and disinfecting. Yes, you can hear water spraying inside and then a sound like it�s drying itself, which it is. While we were waiting for it to clean itself, several other people came up and asked us about it. It was an immediate hit! Everyone wanted to try it. Americans are so easily impressed.

Across the street we saw a museum about the Pre-columbian Caribbean. We went in and it was sort of like every other Pre-columbian museum we�ve been to before. Lots of broken clay pots, jawbones, and sharp rocks.

We took a taxi back to the port, and boarded the ship, because the ship was going to sail at 2:00 pm.

Day Seven - Saturday January 24

All Day at Sea

Upon leaving Martinique, we began our return trip to Miami. It was to take about two and a half days. The Goddess had made appointments for both of us to have a facial and a massage Saturday morning. Yes, a facial for me. At least half of my face is covered with whiskers, so I wondered just what this would be like. It turned out that since I had that much facial hair, I got a bodial. What�s that? Well, it�s a facial over your entire body. The woman doing my facial/massage was from Portugal, and her English was not very good. I asked if she spoke Spanish, and it turned out that she did a little. I have been reading a newspaper website from Rio de Janeiro in Portuguese every day for 3 years or so, and it came in handy. I spoke to her in Spanish, and she spoke to me in Portuguese. We were able to understand each other quite well. Anyway, she put this green facial mask all over me. Well, not ALL over me, if you know what I mean. Then she wrapped me up in what looked like aluminum foil. After a while, I went into the shower, and washed that off. I came back and she put some kind of other stuff on me and wrapped me up in foil again. Then, I went and showered again. That made my third shower for the morning! Then I got the massage. Both processes were for one hour each, so after two hours I was feeling very relaxed. The same was true for the Goddess, except she really got a facial.

Saturday night was another formal night in the dining room. There was only one �Happy Birthday� this time though. Much better.

Every night the ship had a midnight buffet, but we never stayed up for it. But, Saturday night was no regular midnight buffet. It was the gala buffet. It opened at 11:30 pm for pictures. Yes, pictures. Can you imagine? Pictures of a buffet? This wasn�t your regular all you can eat Chinese buffet like down at the neighborhood shopping center, this was an EVENT! Food was carved and shaped and otherwise manipulated into every kind of thing imaginable. There were fish made out of cucumber slices, bouquets made from carved vegetables. Swans from yellow long-neck squash. And the desserts! Oh, wow! Churches made out of sugar, what looked like trees made from hardened chocolate. This buffet we stayed up for. We ate too, even though we weren�t the least bit hungry. Two desserts were had by all.

Day Eight - Sunday January 25

All Day at Sea

The last day at sea was kind of subdued. Everyone knew that it would be over soon, but no one wanted to talk about it. It was like when someone is terminally ill and everyone knows it, but pretends the patient is going to recover. We started packing early, so we wouldn�t have to have any last minute panic. We got everything packed and went to �The Last Supper.� We were sad to see the food come to an end. It had been really spectacular. We made several photos with out waiters dining companions.

Back in the room we watched the Golden Globes. Oh yeah, we had satellite TV from the US. Funny thing though, when the networks would go to local news, we saw the news and weather from Nashville, TN, Erie, PA, of New York City depending on what network we were watching. Why Nashville? For that matter, why Erie? It�s still a mystery. Now, NYC I understand.

We left our packed bags outside the door of our room. Ship staff collected them during the night.

Each night the cabin steward had fashioned animals out of towels. He would roll them up, fold them, stuff them inside one another, and come up with an animal that he would leave on our bed. We got a lamb, a dog, an elephant, a sting ray, a monkey, and some others I can�t remember.

Day Nine - Monday January 26

Debarkation and Miami to Austin

We woke Monday morning in Miami. There were many announcements on the public address system about being patient with the debarkation. Patient was not a problem for me, I didn�t want to leave anyway. The cruise director suggested for everyone to go to the Lido deck, have some breakfast, and wait over a cup of coffee. Fine by me. I figured we would be one of the later people called to debark, because our flight out of Miami wasn�t until 5:45 that afternoon. We were the second group called. We debarked before 11:00 am. When you debark, you leave the ship and walk down several levels of terminal building to a central place where you claim your baggage. Just because you have claimed your baggage doesn�t make anything easier. Just like at the airport, you have to walk a ridiculously long way wrestling with your luggage, huffing, puffing, cussing. We rounded a post and were heading toward the customs officers. As we struggled along, the strap I had over my shoulder to a bag began to slip. It had fallen all the way off and was even more difficult to handle. I stopped to get a new and better grip, when some Carnival employee quickly runs over and tell me, �You can�t stop here! If you want to stop you have to go back over there!� She pointed back to where we had started our luggage wrestling match. Now, this brought about a moment for me! I was innocently trying to get a grip on my bag. There was no need for all that shouting. So, I lost my grip on my patience. I shouted back, �Well, I AM STOPPING!� Then I grabbed my luggage and struggled on to the customs officer. He gave our declaration form a cursory look and waved us on. Next, we huffed and puffed up to a woman who was directing people to the correct bus.

She told us to go to the fourth one for the Miami airport. If we had been able to pick up our bags in baggage claim, and walk straight ahead, we would have been even with the bus we wanted. But, no. We had to weave around in the terminal, dragging, dropping, losing, cussing, etc. We boarded the bus, and waited for the driver to get all the bags loaded. A while later we left for the airport. We arrived at the airport in an area that we could check the bags all the way to Austin. We did, and headed into the airport. Once inside we began our long wait. It was before noon and we weren�t leaving until 5:45.

The Goddess lay down in the floor of gate 16 and went to sleep using a carry-on bag for a pillow. She�s never done that before!

Right across the concourse there was a KLM flight leaving that afternoon for Amsterdam. Oh how I wished we could get on that plane!

Finally, our time came to board our flight, but not until after we had eaten a Whopper and fries at Burger King. What a contrast to the gala buffet! So sad. As we were taxiing to the gate the pilot announced that we would be going to a gate in the new E concourse. He announced it like that was something good. It wasn�t. Our connecting flight for Austin was in concourse C. Again, they let us off the plane as far as we could be from our next gate. Okay, it wasn�t as far as could be, because there were gates farther away, but no many! We arrived in Houston on time, and had about 30 minutes to wait for our flight to Austin. On our long walk to the C concourse, we had to stop and buy a cap for Zach to commemorate the upcoming Super Bowl. As we approached our gate, I saw a tall skinny guy dressed kind of funny walking toward me. He had on a long scarf, and a heavy dark blue wool coat with gold embroidery on it. He was looking down, and seemed to be hiding his face. He had good reason to. It was Steven Tyler of Aerosmith. I turned to the Goddess, and said, �That�s Steven Tyler.� �Who?� she asked. �Steven Tyler...Liv Tyler�s father.� She shook her head like that wasn�t registering. �Aerosmith, you know, Steven Tyler!� �Where?� she asked. By the time all that had happened he was 50 yards down the concourse and barely visible. �There, in the weird looking coat.� �Oh.� She was pretty unimpressed. Now, if it had been Toby Keith...

Boarding the flight with us was Marcia Ball, another singer only this one isn�t as famous. We boarded on time, and then began taxiing on a ride that seemed to take forever. I think we must have driven half way to Austin. We wound up taking off about 30 minutes late. The plane pulled up to the gate in Austin at the very fucking end of the concourse. Once again, as far away as could be. Only this time the Austin terminal was completely deserted. We were the only people in the terminal, except for some housekeeping staff. Now, I ask you, was that really necessary? Couldn�t we have pulled into gate 1? It�s not a Continental gate you might answer. Well, what does it matter, the terminal�s DESERTED! So, it ended just as it began - with a �moment.�

More Travelog

Monday night was our first formal dinner. Our cruise was for 8 days so we had two formal nights. I wore a suit, and the Goddess wore an silver evening gown with a little piss ant silver purse that would hold little more than her �Sail and Sign� card which is the size of a credit card. This was the night that they honored birthdays and anniversaries. We were honored for our wedding anniversary. The waiters (none of them native English speakers) sang �Happy Birthday� or �Happy Anniversary� as appropriate at each table with a celebrant. These guys weren�t singers, mind you, so the songs were quite funny. Imagine a mix of foreign accents singing �Happy Birthday� off key about 10 different times!

The show for Monday night was a Las Vegas style show. I asked our dining companions what a Las Vegas show was, and they answered that it was young women dancing with very few clothes on. When I asked if there would be pole dancing, they said they didn�t think so. They were right. The performers for the shows were excellent. I was very impressed.

Day Three - Tuesday January 20

All Day at Sea

Tuesday was another day at sea. Now, get this, they had a morning seminar on shopping led by the Cruise Director. �What,� I asked, �a seminar on shopping?� The Goddess sure didn�t (and doesn�t) need a seminar on how to shop, but there she was, attending one anyway. Yes, the Cruise Director visits merchants in the ports and arranges special deals with certain shops for his travelers. He puts on a PowerPoint presentation telling which shop offers the free bracelet for just coming in, and which one has a special on Tanzanite earrings. Tanzanite? Yes, that�s a new and scarce indigo, blue, purple gemstone from Tanzania. �But, isn�t Tanzania in East Africa?� you might ask. �And weren�t you in the Caribbean?� Well, yes to both questions, but somehow Tanzanite is a hot item for sale on the island of Sint Maarten/Saint Martin. You could probably find it for sale on other islands too without putting forth very much effort, it turns out that Sint Maarten is the shopping capital of the Caribbean. Everything there is duty free, at least on the Dutch side. The Dutch used to be the only world superpower a few centuries ago, and they did it by buying and selling anything to everyone. That tradition remains alive and well on Sint Maarten. Things weren�t looking good for my bank account, because the Goddess was really energized by the seminar.

We sailed along the coast of the Dominican Republic and later Puerto Rico. The show Tuesday night was a comedian named Eddie Capone who flew to the ship to join us. At least he said he flew to the ship, but I sure didn�t see any landing strip on board. He was very good.

All in all, a very smooth day.

Day Four - Wednesday January 21

Sint Maarten/Saint Martin

We woke up to the ship sitting still in a harbor. On inspection we realized we were anchored in the harbor of the island of Saint Martin. This little island is about 37 square miles, but is divided between two countries. There is a Dutch side (16 sq mi) and a French side (21 sq mi). We were anchored on the Dutch side at the port town of Philipsburg. We had signed up for an island tour so we went ashore, and got on the tour bus. Our driver was from the Dutch side, and he told us that the girls on the Dutch were friendly, and the girls on the French side were grouchy. But, he said he preferred to go to the disco on the French side, because even though the French girls were grouchy, they could shake it better than the Dutch girls. He explained how to call from one side of the island to the other is an international call. So, it�s actually cheaper just to drive (or walk) to the place you want to talk to. He drove us around the island to Marigot on the French side. We spent an hour there shopping. The French side had an open air market, the Dutch side had well tended shops with Tiffany�s as one of them. The French side has a casino that anyone can gamble in. The Dutch side has a casino too, but the locals can only go there once a month. Otherwise, they get in trouble with the authorities. Of course, visitors are free to go to the casino as much as they want. I told you there was something mercantile about those Dutch folks! We bought things on both sides. The French side was shirts and crafts, the Dutch side was a camera, Tanzanite earrings, and T-shirts. What does that tell ya? The Goddess picked up her free bracelet, of course.

Our bus driver told us the local legend about how the island was divided between the two countries. They put a Dutchman and a Frenchman back-to-back on the beach, and had them start walking around the island. The amount of land they covered would be claimed for their country. The Frenchman was a hardy soul, and he took off walking in a purposeful manner. The Dutchman started walking, but after a little way he got hot and decided to sit down and have a beer. He continued after a short nap, but later began drinking gin. It turned out the the Frenchman covered 21 sq miles, and the Dutchman only 16. But, the Dutchman said that it wasn�t quantity but quality that mattered. He had claimed all the salt mines, the sugar cane, and the indigo fields. Maybe, there really was a method to his madness.

We set sail for Barbados at 4:00 pm.

On Board the Spirit

We stepped on board the Spirit and were transported to another world. It�s not an overstatement to say we were in the lap of luxury. The interior of the ship looked like a luxury hotel. There was an atrium with glass elevators, real art on the stairways, and beautiful views of the ocean. I often am able to find the darkness in light, but I must say, this ship was beautiful. It had ten decks for the customers, and another 2 or 3 decks for the crew. We went to dinner in a beautiful dining room called the Empire Room. It was quite elegant. Our table was on the first floor of the dining room and was number 114. We sat with two other couples at table 114 for dinner each night of the cruise, one from Virginia, and one from Wisconsin. The couple from Virginia, Norm and Elaine, were actually transplants from New York, and they had the accents to prove it too. The couple from Wisconsin, Bill and Gail, were not transplants, and they had the Wisconsin accent to prove that. No doubt they said the same about us. Our waiters were Isabel (a man) and Nick. Isabel was from Honduras, and Nick was from Italy. They were great! And a lot of fun. The first night our bar waitress came by and asked me and Norm if we wanted something from the bar. Both of us answered no. She went to the next table when Bill started yelling across the room �Ma�am, ma�am, I want a beer.� Yes, he was yelling. She came back, apologized, and took his order. That was the last time I saw Bill without his trusty Coors Light until the last morning of the cruise when the bar was closed. Also the first night on board the crew had a welcome aboard show in the Pharoah�s Room which is a theater with two levels of balconies. A theater on a ship? Who woulda thought it? Well, not me anyway. We didn�t go to the show the first night, because of the trying day we�d had up to that point. We went to sleep early, and slept surprisingly well.

Day Two - Monday January 19

All Day at Sea

Monday morning we awoke to a view of some land off the starbord side of the ship. I turned on the TV in our room, and found that one of the channels was actually a kind of tracking system that showed exactly where the ship was on a map. I learned that the land I could see was Cuba. I have wanted to visit Cuba since I started learning Spanish from Cuban exiles back in 1961, but never have. Here I was in a ship within sight of Cuba�s shore. At least, I�ve seen it now. We spent all day sailing alongside Cuba, heading toward the island of Hispaniola shared by Haiti and the Dominican Republic.

The Goddess also had something to excite her. There was a section of the ship on deck 3 called Fashion Boulevard where she spent considerable time, and money. In fact, deck 3 turned out to be her favorite. She has the final statement from our �Sail and Sign� card to prove it.

Monday morning after breakfast, I spent some time by the swimming pool on the Lido Deck. There were 3 swimming pools on the Spirit, one for kids, one for adults, and one for both. I was sitting at a table by the swimming pool for both. It�s not often that one can claim to have had an epiphany, because they are so strikingly and unexpectedly true. I think I had an epiphany even if it wasn�t the first time I had had inklings in this direction. Put simply - human beings look absolutely ludicrous! Consider all the other fauna on the planet; you can easily see how their bodies agree in some fundamental way with what they do. Humans? Puh-leeze! We have these big heads that totter on a top-heavy body with what looks to be spindly legs for support. Think about it! Most of our weight is from the waist up. You could say the same is true for dogs, but at least the dog has four legs on the ground! I�ve heard it said that human walking is just a form of controlled falling, we just keep putting one leg out to break the fall. Just try looking around a cruise ship and you�ll see what I mean. Okay, it might be that the specimens on a cruise ship are somewhat defective, but I�ve never seen a less graceful more physically inept group anywhere! The people in the cruise line business say that the people who take cruises are �the newly wed, the overfed, and the almost dead.� I�m here to tell ya, ya can say that again! Maybe is was just our cruise, but there was a definite lack of the newly wed - leaving...well you know who�s left. I would wager that there weren�t more than 4 passengers on the whole ship that could have climbed the stairs from deck one to deck 10. That�s why there were at least 11 elevators for us to use! They only had one ship�s physician, for God�s sake, it would be plain unsafe for most of us to walk more than one floor at a time!

Day One - Sunday January 18

Austin to Miami

We had reservations on Continental Airlines for a flight from Austin-Bergstrom International Airport (ABIA) to Houston-Bush Intercontinental Airport (IAH) leaving around 8:15 am. In this post-9/11 world all the airlines recommend that passengers arrive at least 2 hours before departure. We did. In fact, we had to get up at 5:00 am just to have the 2 hour cushion. On entering the terminal we discover we are the only passengers on Continental to arrive the recommended 2 hours early. It turned out to be good that we did, because the airline had a seat reservation for the Goddess, but no ticket. The Goddess�s real name is Rebecca Jean Brooks which is what her passport shows, of course. However, she has always gone by Jean, so her reservation was originally made in the name of Jean Brooks. Her passport doesn�t support that, so we paid an extra $50 to get the name changed (don�t ask why, I don�t know) to Rebecca on the ticket. Well, somehow the change got muddled and her (Rebecca�s or Jean�s) ticket was canceled. That made for the very unusual fact that she had a reservation but no ticket. We wound up having to buy another round trip ticket for Rebecca.

Ah, but it was only a small setback, so we had a few minutes of slight anxiety, but nothing insurmountable. The flight to IAH was uneventful. The terminal at Houston was much more crowded, including SUV versions of golf carts driving up and down the concourse. Imagine being one of those drivers. You drive people around the airport all day while yelling, �Excuse the cart, please...excuse the cart, please.� One minimalist driver just says, �Cart!...Cart!...Cart!� Wow, what a job!

Is it just me, or does anyone else always have a connecting flight at a gate that is at least 3/4 to 1 mile from the gate you arrived at? Same airline, same terminal, just a different concourse. You arrive at C12, and you have to walk to D87. What�s up with that? The terminal can even be deserted and they�ll let you off at gate B117 at the very end of the concourse, the absolutely farthest point from baggage claim. The people that run the gift shops must have paid off the airlines. They make everyone walk past at least 5 gift shops per plane change.

We boarded our flight for Miami and found our seats next to a woman talking on her cell phone. She was reeking of alcohol, and drinking more. She told the person on the phone that she started drinking around 9:00 am today, then she questioned, �Is that bad?� Hmmm...The drunk lady talks to the Goddess (thank God I was sitting by the aisle) incessantly. Every time the Goddess would think the drunk was through talking and would return to reading her book, the drunk would start talking again. Finally, the captain turned off the fasten seat belt sign and the drunk got up to go to the lavatory. She never came back. She was later observed seated in the last row of the plane, drinking another drink, and talking some poor fucker�s ear off. Better him than us.

Miami International Airport (MIA)

The airport code for Miami is MIA which of course also stands for �missing in action.� Let me tell ya, it�s not just a coincidence. We deplaned in Miami, and upon leaving the jet way, we approached a man holding a Carnival Cruise sign. He was giving directions to arriving passengers, so we approached him. He directed us (unlike quite a few other people) to another Carnival employee about 50 yards down the concourse. The second employee was a man with a heavy Chinese accent. The Goddess approached him and told him (in her Texas accented English) we had just arrived on a Continental flight, and were going to sail on the Carnival Spirit. The man asked, �You say-oo too-day?� �Yes,� she answered, �Carnival Spirit.� �You say-oo too-day?� he asked again. �Yes.� �Nuhmbah thuhteen,� he said as he wrote #13 on our ground transfer. We proceeded to baggage carousel number 13, along with several others from our flight. Oddly though, the sign at #13 just showed an Air Canada flight. We waited, and waited. No luggage. Then, everyone was pretty much gone, and we had no bags. Finally, we approached someone else with Carnival who told us that Continental was always on carousel number 8. Newly heartened, we quickly took off for #8. Once there, we found it deserted. Now, we�re getting really pissed. We approach a security man, who was quite unaccustomed to being asked questions, but he did endeavor to help us. He told us to check carousel #9. Well, it was just as empty as #8. Just when the Goddess is about to go off on somebody, a woman starts yelling that our bags are in the Continental unclaimed luggage office. �We�ve been looking for you, where have you been?� the lady asked. It was really a rhetorical question, because they weren�t the least interested in the Goddess�s answer. We collected our bags, and began following a woman with a Carnival Spirit sign out the door of the terminal.

Now, the Goddess has never been one to pack light, and to make matters worse, she had not packed light in one of those oversized suitcases. So, the bags were very heavy, but they had wheels on the bottom to make the wrestling easier. Well, have you ever noticed how those fucking wheels don�t fucking work? They jam, they go straight when you want to turn, and they turn when you want to go straight. Neither of us would be a poster boy or girl for physical fitness, so we were both huffing and puffing along. The Goddess�s suitcase kept turning over every 5 or 6 feet, so she started to really fume. She was cussing and sweating and sweating and cussing. I was feeling much the same, but was trying to stoically endure, knowing that �this too shall pass.� It was just that the passing was taking way too long! We finally arrived at the stop for our bus, but no bus was there. Not to worry, one arrived within minutes. We boarded the bus and occupied the last two seats on the right side. The Goddess was not ready to relax until she personally witnessed the driver put our bags on the bus. He finally did, and we took off for the port. The Goddess was talking about how �so far, I�m not impressed with Carnival,� when I stopped her, because I was afraid that she was going to start attracting malevolent spirits that would ruin the whole cruise. I must have acted in time, because things started going for the better.

Rush Limbaugh's Birthday

Pill popper, under indictment, victim of a runaway District Attorney.
So, why doesn't he follow the advice of Job's wife, "curse the day you were born and die"? It would make it easier on all of us.

Got Milk?

Committee of Nursing Mother Collective Announces Glorious New Revolutionary Program
January 9, 2004 Juche 93
By HON G. RHEE

PYONGYANG, North Korea (KCNA) � The Central Committee of the Nursing Mothers Juche Collective firmly declared on January 9 that Nursing Mothers stand shoulder-to-shoulder in solidarity with the people of the Democratic People�s Republic of Korea (DPRK). Expressing the will of the Korean people exemplified by the revolutionary cause of the Workers� Party of Korea, Chairwoman Tum E Gro Il set forth a new slogan �Got Milk?� Speaking at a solidarity rally in South Phyong-an, Mrs. Gro Il declared the Got Milk? program to be the shining goal that all progressive peoples in the 21st Century harken to.

The program will create the title of Mother of the People to be filled by nursing mothers throughout the Fatherland. Nursing mothers will each be assigned to provide breast milk to every resident of one of the workers� housing collectives. Mrs. Gro Il announced the publication of People�s Educational Manual No. 2-2004 which instructs nursing mothers on the techniques for breast feeding adults. Mrs. Gro Il set forth a second slogan �Let us pave a wide avenue for the Mothers of the People as they give life to the Juche Idea of the Great Leader Kim Il Sung by providing their milk without fear of the teeth of adults!�

In a statement of solidarity with the Central Committee of the Nursing Mothers Juche Collective, Chon Do Hong of the Peoples� Bureau of Revolutionary Agriculture proclaimed at the same rally that the daily ration of grass and roots for Mothers of the People would be increased to 25% more than the standard. He joined with Chairwoman Gro Il in hailing the heroic acts of socialist progress of the Mothers of the People. Mr. Hong called on all workers in the DPRK act with equal heroism and pull all remaining teeth from the eye teeth forward. Mr. Hong was widely applauded as he had his one remaining front tooth extracted
while standing at the podium.

The rally was attended by senior officials of the local Party, and power organs and working people's organizations, people from all walks of life and youth and students.

Happy New Year!

A new year has been born. May it be better than the last. Let's see: Lies to Congress, SARS, Columbia Explodes over Texas, War on False Pretenses, Alienating Allies, Unacknowledged Guerrilla War, Leaking CIA Agent's name for Retaliation, War Profits thru No Competitive Bidding, Fires in California, Earthquake in California, Mad Cow U.S.A. Hmm...shouldn't be hard to be better than that!

The Year Is Dying

Requiem Dos Mil Tres. Lots of stuff happened this year. Mostly pretty good stuff happened to me. Although, I don't think I'm the rule, I'm probably the exception.

Another year, another war. Who's it gonna be this year? Odds are 2 to 1 for war with Syria. 3 to 1 with Saudi Arabia. 3 to 1 with Pakistan. 3 to 1 with Iran. 7 to 1 with N. Korea.

Texas Is A Right to Work State

I wonder if this is what they meant? You have the right to work, but never to the fruit of work. - Bhagavad Gita

He Forgot?!

Police in Miami arrested a man today who was passing thru a metal detector at the airport. He was asked to remove his shoes, wherein a knife and an icepick were discovered. He said that he forgot about having them in his shoes. My feet are much more sensitive than that!

Yes, They're Paying For It

Australian sperm banks are advertising for donors. They will pay for a round trip ticket and two weeks accomodations.

Break On Through

The Doors are back! Will the new singer get drunk and piss on the crowd too? I can't wait!

Hasidic Saying

�God is not nice, and God is not an uncle. God is an earthquake.�

Ryan Patrick Owen Jason Kelly

I am now a grandpa! Ryan was born 11-28-03 at 11:07 pm in Austin, Texas. He's got a heavy load to carry with all those names, but I'll help him out.

How Do I Sign Up?

A doctor specializing in pain management has developed the much sought after orgasmatron. But, he's having trouble getting volunteers to test the device. Huh?

Hey, Watch That Old Woman Over There!

An American Airlines jetliner had to be escorted back to Miami by two USAF fighter jets shortly after taking off due to an unruly female senior citizen. C'mon, you can't control an old woman? Buh-bye.

Hey, Tampax, What Do You Want to Drink?

According to a survey Americans are naming their children after brand names. There are several 3 year-olds named Chevy, Delmonte, Infiniti, Celica, and more. There are even two kids named ESPN!

God Help Us

I found this prayer on progressivetheology.org.

From the cowardice that dare not face new truth,
From the laziness that is contented with half truth,
From the arrogance that thinks it knows all truth,
Good Lord, deliver us.

Kenyan prayer

Jessica Lynch Topless!

Larry Flynt has purchased a photo of Jessica Lynch topless on a beach prior to the Iraq War. To quote the President, "Bring 'em on!"

Uh,...I Think I Get It

That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons of history. - Aldous Huxley

Si Se Cabe el Zapato

�Rencor? �Yo? As� se explican mis problemas.

Doctor, My Eyes

The past two days have been hard on my poor eyes. They're not so good in the first place, and what I've been doing hasn't helped. No, it's not jacking off! I've been going over a translation of the unemployment information booklet. So, I've been staring at the computer screen trying to decide if we should have two spaces after a period or not. It turns out not. We have something like 31 pages of text to get mashed into 28 pages. I've been changing line spacing, font size of line breaks, putting things together so that I can take them apart again. The ironic thing about it all is that no one is going to read it! People never read their little booklet. Hmm...I wonder if I could get away with...

300 Illegal Workers Arrested at Wal-Marts

So, what's this shit about being so concerned about America and American products? Maybe, that's just a marketing strategy.

All Your Base...

Are belong to us.

Free Fall, Expensive Landing + 2

Yesterday and today mark the dates 2 years ago that I had my most unfortunate incident, and the surgery to repair it, respectively. It was two years ago yesterday that I accomplished my first (and last) skydive, resulting in two broken bones in my right leg. I broke the tibia and the fibula which the orthopedic surgeons quaintly refer to as a �tib-fib.�

On October 14, 2001 (a beautiful fall day without a cloud in the sky) I did a tandem jump from 12,000 feet. A tandem jump is where you are strapped, buckled, tied and everywhich way connected to an experienced jumper who does all the work. The guy I was attached to weighed about 250 lbs. Our weights together would easily exceed 425 lbs. Let me just say that it�s mighty hard to stop 425 lbs. of mass traveling at a velocity of 1 meter per second with one spindly leg contacting the earth at a most inopportune time. The results (should you ever want to try it) are that your foot will turn in ways you could never imagine, and you will get to take a ride in an ambulance. Lying in a field near a bed of ants, being unable to move very much in a completely ridiculous Evil Knieval-looking skydiving suit with a group of 6-8 onlookers asking questions like what is your driver�s license number while having to pee really bad and waiting on the ambulance to arrive are what you get without any extra charge.

On October 15, 2001 I had surgery to repair the break. I had a long thin piece of metal installed in my leg with eleven screws (one of them really more the size of a bolt) that secure it to the tibia, and keep the tibia in the proper place. The surgeon seemed completely unconcerned about the broken fibula, and indicated that it would take care of itself (makes you wonder just what it�s for). I got to use a walker (practice for my old age) for a couple of months, and a cane for another four months. But, the best part is that I had a handicapped parking pass. The handicapped parking spaces aren�t all they�re cracked up to be though. Many of them are not at all close to the front door of an establishment, and many times they are occupied (sometimes with cars that do not have a f__king handicapped pass)!

Even now, two years later, I still have aches and pains from those two lovely days in October. Blessed are the skydivers, for they shall touch the earth.

He Was Just Trying to Shake Hands

A man in Berlin must appear in court Thursday, because he taught his German shephard to do the Heil Hitler salute. On top of that, the dog's name is Adolf!

Talk About Evil! This Is Evil!

L'Esgl�sia cat�lica difon que els preservatius s�n permeables al virus de la sida


L'Esgl�sia cat�lica assegura, als pa�sos m�s afectats per la sida, que els preservatius no s�n efica�os per evitar la transmissi� de la malaltia. Segons publica avui el diari "The Guardian", l'Esgl�sia cat�lica est� divulgant, entre la poblaci� dels pa�sos afectats per la sida, que no s'ha d'usar el preservatiu perqu� el virus d'immunodefici�ncia humana pot passar pels seus porus. El rotatiu assegura que, malgrat el consens de la comunitat cient�fica, ratificat per l'Organitzaci� Mundial de la Salut (OMS), l'Esgl�sia est�n la idea que els preservatius s�n permeables al virus.

They Did What?

This from the Harpers website about the Paris, Texas high school band, "School officials in Paris, Texas, apologized after the high school band played "Deutschland �ber alles," with the Nazi flag flying, on the evening of Rosh Hashana."

Would That Be Like a Rebuilt Alternator?

Just like a recapped tire, you can get your vagina rebuilt. Hmmm...how long before a rebuilt penis?

Uh...The Window's Open, Beavis

Are we not wasps who spend all day in a fruitless attempt to traverse a window-pane - while the other half of the window is wide open? - Fingers Pointing Toward the Moon by Wei Wu Wei

We Are Sadder Than Mexicans?

New Scientist magazine published a study that says Nigerians are the happiest people in the world. Mexican are second. Both of those countries have had repressive authoritarian governments and rampant poverty, yet they are happiest. Damn, makes me sad to think about it.

Happy Birthday, Mohandas

Today is Mahatma Ghandi's 134th birthday. Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called children of God! Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama, Rama, Hare, Hare.

Of Course, This Isn't About Me

How swiftly men perish who praise themselves, unappraised of
Their real measure and unable to live peacefully with others.

Load too many of them and even peacock feathers
Would break the cart's axle.

-Tirukkural 48: 474-475

Is He Bragging or Complaining?

I was born from the nectar of immortality as the primordial horse and as Indra's noble
elephant. Among men, I am the king.

Among weapons I am the thunderbolt. I am Kamadhuk, the cow that fulfills all desires; I am
Kandarpa, the power of sex, and Vasuki, the king of snakes.

-Bhagavad Gita 10:27-28

But Do They Have the Death Penalty?

Scientists have discovered that monkeys have a sense of (in)justice. They don't like when another monkey gets rewarded more for the same task.

Superstitions

It is the customary fate of new truths to begin as heresies and to end as superstitions. - T.H. Huxley

So, I guess the Big Bang Theory just isn't old enough yet for it to be superstition.

Hoy Es El Dieciseis de Septiembre

Hoy es el dia en que los mexicanos declararon su independencia de los espanoles. Es el dia de la libertad mexicana. Ahora, la pregunta pertinente es, cuando van a declarar su independencia de los EEUU?

No Shit

Sitting quietly alone
meditating is not hard.
What is hard is living
on a broad scale and
responding to the world at large.

- Wu Yubi (1391-1469)

Esta Muerto Bin Laden

Un experto del terrorismo dice que el video de Bin Laden que se revelo el anteayer es un montaje de imagenes previamente divulagadas. A mi quiere decir que el hijo de puta esta muerto. Lo que merece tambien. Que maten al otro, al Zawahiri!

Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down

One of my all-time favorite hang-over songs was sung by Johnny Cash who died today. Have one more for dessert, Johnny!

�Caballo-Bomba?

OK, ahora dicen que est�n usando animales para sus bombas en Colombia. �Qu� vergonzosos! �Por qu� no se usan sus proprios cuerpos? A lo menos los palestinos se suiciden, y no matan a animales. Probablemente, es porque valen m�s los animales en Palestina que los humanos. �Cu�nto m�s?

Send Lawyers, Guns, and Money...

The day has finally arrived that our beloved, twisted Warren Zevon has passed on to that eternal resting place (�I�ll Sleep When I�m Dead�) where he can reminisce with Lynard Skynard (�Play that Dead Band�s Song�) about the virtues of Alabama, and look away (�Desperados Under the Eaves�) to the time when Roland, Norway�s favorite son, caught Van Owen in a barroom in Mombassa drinking gin (�Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner�), and wait until we send for him (�The Envoy�) because there�s guns in Damascus, woe Jerusalem.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall tell the truth.

It Took a Canadian to Write This

Oh, those ten commandments! What was that about graven images? Hmmm...looks an awful lot like the monument.

The Noose Is Tightening?

Boy, it sure must take some strength to tighten that noose! It's been tightening for two full years, and it's not caught him yet.

So, How Do I Get This Guy As My Boss?

Free from desire,
He neither praises the peaceful
Nor blames the wicked.

The same in joy and sorrow,
He is always happy.

He sees there is nothing to do.

-Ashtavakra Gita 18:82

Gift of the Neo-Cons

From Asia Times Online: "So this is the gift of Washington's neo-conservatives to the world: instead of a democratic Iraq, a putrid state infected by a guerrilla virus and on the verge of a devastating civil and ethnic war." So, who's shocked and awed now?

The Peace Is Deadlier Than The War

The number of dead US soldiers since the President declared victory on May Day has now outnumbered those killed during the war. Some victory!

Rama vs. Allah

Allah, for the moment, has the upper hand in this battle. But, expect for Rama to get in some blows too.

Hardwood Floor?

Last weekend Jean and I went to Home Depot to see how much it might cost to get a hardwood floor in our living room, because the carpet in there was all worn out. We found these parquet tiles for $0.98 per sq. foot. Well, you can't beat that price! I mean usually the stuff costs $5.00 per sq foot. We measured the room and it's close to 350 sq feet. So we decide to buy it. She had heard a radio ad that said this company would come to your house and do 8 hours of work for $350. Well, putting all that together it's like $700 for a hardwood floor, when they usually cost around $4,000. So, Monday after work I go to Home Depot and buy the flooring. Jean called the company on Monday and they said yes they will do that work and yes it's $350. She called again on Tuesday to confirm that they would do the work for $350. Well, that afternoon a guy calls saying that she had been given the wrong price, that it would be more like $2000. So, we tell them to forget it. We try to find someone else and of course no one else does it that cheap either. Except for yours truly, of course.

Now, I'm not one of those guys that likes home projects. In fact, I hate them. I would rather pay too much than do the work myself. But, in this case, I really don't have any choice except to take the flooring back. So, I decide to do it myself. We spend last night moving furniture, and pulling up carpet. Today cleaning the concrete underneath, blah, blah, blah. So then about 11:30 this morning I started laying the wood tiles. I just stopped a little bit ago, and let me tell you, it is just as hard as I thought it was. It is not easier than I thought, and it's not harder than I thought (of course, I am naturally pessimistic and I thought it would be pretty nigh impossible to start with). Lemme tell ya, it's a bitch. My hands are used to typing as the most strenuous thing they do, so putting down adhesive, laying these interlocking tiles, and being on my hands and knees all day has just about done me in. So my hands and knees are all swollen and blistered. Poor me! Poor me! And I'm not even fucking through. I have the other half to go tomorrow!

Don't try this at home. Let someone else do it for you!

You Can Say That Again!

Prosperity and ruin issue from the power of the tongue.
Therefore, guard yourself against thoughtless speech.

-Tirukkural 65: 641-642

Levitra

From a report by the Associated Press emphasis added: "The FDA approved Levitra, known chemically as vardenafil, based on studies showing that men were on average five times more likely to achieve an erection suitable for intercourse when taking the pill compared with those given a dummy medicine."

Steak and Kidney Pie?

Idi Amin, gourmet cannibal and former Uganda dictator, is looking for a kidney donor. He doesn't need it to live, he just wants a snack.

Now, That's What I Call Humane

From Harper's website: Thailand announced that it will start using lethal injection to execute prisoners instead of shooting them with a machine gun while they hold a stick of incense and a lotus blossom.

McArabia, It's Not a Joke

McDonald's in Egypt has launched a new sandwich called, get this, the McArabia. It's a chicken sandwich with two pieces of "Arab bread." It's their effort to win customers back after the boycott against American products. I'd like to try one, to get a taste of some "authentic Arab food."

Hiroshima

Today is the day in 1945 that the US dropped the A-bomb on Hiroshima. The mayor of Hiroshima has accused the US of "adoring arms as if they were a god." Our SAM missle, hallowed be thy name, thy warhead come thy will be done on earth as it is in Lockheed-Martin. Give us this day our daily violence, and forgive us our peace inklings as we forgive those who make peace against us. Lead us not into conservation, but deliver us from ecologists, for thine is the kingdom, the power, and the depleted uranium forever. Amen

Is He Dead Yet?

A prayer you can agree with.

Not Very Encouraging

The Buddha forbore to specify:
as long as there is any 'one' to suffer
- he will.
- 'Posthumous Pieces' by Wei Wu Wei

Do What?

Someone who is about to admonish another must realize within himself five qualities before doing so [that he may be able to say], thus:

"In due season will I speak, not out of season. In truth I will speak, not in falsehood. Gently will I speak, not harshly. To his profit will I speak, not to his loss. With kindly intent will I speak, not in anger."

-"Vinaya Pitaka," translated by F.S. Woodward

It's Gettin' Harder and Harder to Do

Those who cannot renounce attachment to the results of their work
are far from the path.

-Bhagavad Gita 6:1-2

Reduction in Force

We are being riffed. I am having to apply for the fucking job I already have. After 18 years with this place, they are going to do that to me! Getting madder by the minute.

That Explains a Few Things

A new study says that if you wear your tie too tight, you run the risk of going blind. So, that's what's wrong with the politicians!

Just Say No to a Hard-On?

The (mis)use of Viagra in Brazil has spread to those young people that have no need for it, according to the government there. So now it is illegal to advertise Viagra in Brazil. Too many people getting the "benefit" of it. What's next, will use of "personal lubricant" become too widespread among those persons young enough not to need it? Do we have to make advertising that illegal too?

Cuban Ingenuity

Cubans have been under an embargo by the US for 35 or 40 years. We haven't allowed any trade with them, so they have all these Chevys and Fords from back in the '50s that they have miraculously kept running. Now, they've made a '51 Chevy truck into a motor boat. We need those guys here! What did we send them back for?

Step Back from the Fan, 'Cause the Shit's About to Hit

This is the kind of stuff that'll getcha killed.

Life After Death, What For? Isn't Once Enough?

Excellent thoughts on reincarnation. At least not everybody used to be Cleopatra!

May You Be Well...

May all beings everywhere plagued
with sufferings of body and mind
quickly be freed from their illnesses.
May those frightened cease to be afraid,
and may those bound be free.
May the powerless find power,
and may people think of befriending
one another.
May those who find themselves in trackless,
fearful wilderness--
the children, the aged, the unprotected--
be guarded by beneficent celestials,
and may they swiftly attain Buddhahood.


- Buddha

Yellowcake?

It looks like the only uranium that wound up in Iraq is the kind we put there in the two Gulf Wars. It's not yellowcake though, it's called depleted.

Oh, yeah?

All understanding begins with our not accepting the world as it appears.
- Alan C. Kay

Betcha u gotta tv built in your jet skis

Check out these lyrics from Macy Gray.

Can You Say Carlysle Group?

It looks like the Bush administration is trying to cover up the participation of the Saudi government in the attacks of 9-11. Hmm...would the Carlysle Group have anything to do with this? Could is just be coincidence that George Sr. is on the board, along with James Baker, et al?

Is This Another Case of Incompetence in the Intelligence Community?

David Kelly, the man who many suspect of having broken the story to the BBC about the forged documents from Niger, had turned up dead. Now, really, this is complete incompentence! He testified before the House of Commons on Tuesday, for God's sake. They killed him two days late! When are they ever gonna learn?

Now That's What I Call Good News!

A study conducted by an Australian doctor, Graham Giles, demonstrates that if men masturbate and have at least 5 ejaculations per week, they run a significantly smaller risk of prostate cancer. It says that men who masturbate 5 times a week between the ages of 20 and 50 have one third the chance of developing the illness. Alas, I'm already over 50! Maybe I can make up for all those years at once. See ya later!

Claudette

Well, she came and she went. Really, not much to her, at least in Austin. She came in with a bang in Victoria though. Barely got any rain here, yet anyway.

Now Anyone Can Be a Star with an Internet Connection!

Sunday night I wrote an email to the editor of the Asia Times about what might have happened to Saddam's WMD. Well, lo and behold, it got published! Yes, from me of all people! Wow, I'm turning up all over the place! Now, if I could just get that Op Ed piece published in the Wall Street Journal...

Is It A Headache?

I'm having one of those pains in the neck and the head that could easily go away and turn into nothing. Or, it could just as easily turn into a full blown (and I mean blown) down on the bed headache. Hmmm...what's it gonna be?

Wisdom of the Buddha, well actually one of his followers

No matter how bad a state of mind you may get into, if you keep strong and hold out, eventually the floating clouds must vanish and the withering wind must cease.
-Dogen

Houston

Just got in from a quick weekend trip to Houston. It's a big city, and I like that. Most people speak badly about Houston, but at least you get to really drive there! You have to speed up when you get to the city limits, that's a good thing. Ate at one of my new favorite places, Fadi's. It's Middle Eastern food. I think the place is Lebanese, but whatever it is it's great!

It's So Hard to Understand Anymore

The Cypriot government has approved "mixed" marriages. Does that mean you can now marry between races? Does it mean men can marry men, maybe? No, it means that Greek Cypriots can marry Turkish Cypriots. Huh? What? I don't get it, they call that mixed? Oh my!

User Error

At my office we often work on very big Word files making very trivial (in my mind) changes. Anyway, we've had this terrible problem with Word losing our files and not saving our changes. That problem vanished this past week. One of us was on vacation last week. That same person is the one that always discovers the problem with Word losing files. Hmmm...do ya think there's a connection? Duh.

WMD - Error 404

Look closely! You might find something funny.

Disconnect

This morning I had the hardest time waking up, and I may not be completely awake now. I sorta feel disconnected, like I'm not really where I am. Half asleep, half dreaming. Yes, it's weird.

Ayman Al-Zawahiri

Iran has announced the capture of the number 2 man in Al-Qaeda. This guy is really the brains and force behind Bin Laden. So, why isn't this showing up on American media? They must not believe it! It looks like Iran is trying to get out from under American pressure by claiming to have one of the most wanted fugitives and using him as a bargaining chip. Funny they didn't arrest him until they started having street demonstrations against the government. Hmm...

Puh-leez

Man, what they expect from you when you get back from vacation! They really expect me to work. C'mon, we all know better than that!

We're Back

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday without any connection to the Internet. Actually, it wasn't bad. It turns out that Del Rio and Ciudad Acu�a are very, very much nicer than any other border town I've ever been to. They advertise that they are the "Best of the Border," and I'll give it to them...they really are! Well, tomorrow it's back to work, damn it!