Hasidic Saying

�God is not nice, and God is not an uncle. God is an earthquake.�

Ryan Patrick Owen Jason Kelly

I am now a grandpa! Ryan was born 11-28-03 at 11:07 pm in Austin, Texas. He's got a heavy load to carry with all those names, but I'll help him out.

How Do I Sign Up?

A doctor specializing in pain management has developed the much sought after orgasmatron. But, he's having trouble getting volunteers to test the device. Huh?

Hey, Watch That Old Woman Over There!

An American Airlines jetliner had to be escorted back to Miami by two USAF fighter jets shortly after taking off due to an unruly female senior citizen. C'mon, you can't control an old woman? Buh-bye.

Hey, Tampax, What Do You Want to Drink?

According to a survey Americans are naming their children after brand names. There are several 3 year-olds named Chevy, Delmonte, Infiniti, Celica, and more. There are even two kids named ESPN!

God Help Us

I found this prayer on progressivetheology.org.

From the cowardice that dare not face new truth,
From the laziness that is contented with half truth,
From the arrogance that thinks it knows all truth,
Good Lord, deliver us.

Kenyan prayer

Jessica Lynch Topless!

Larry Flynt has purchased a photo of Jessica Lynch topless on a beach prior to the Iraq War. To quote the President, "Bring 'em on!"

Uh,...I Think I Get It

That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons of history. - Aldous Huxley

Si Se Cabe el Zapato

�Rencor? �Yo? As� se explican mis problemas.

Doctor, My Eyes

The past two days have been hard on my poor eyes. They're not so good in the first place, and what I've been doing hasn't helped. No, it's not jacking off! I've been going over a translation of the unemployment information booklet. So, I've been staring at the computer screen trying to decide if we should have two spaces after a period or not. It turns out not. We have something like 31 pages of text to get mashed into 28 pages. I've been changing line spacing, font size of line breaks, putting things together so that I can take them apart again. The ironic thing about it all is that no one is going to read it! People never read their little booklet. Hmm...I wonder if I could get away with...

300 Illegal Workers Arrested at Wal-Marts

So, what's this shit about being so concerned about America and American products? Maybe, that's just a marketing strategy.

All Your Base...

Are belong to us.

Free Fall, Expensive Landing + 2

Yesterday and today mark the dates 2 years ago that I had my most unfortunate incident, and the surgery to repair it, respectively. It was two years ago yesterday that I accomplished my first (and last) skydive, resulting in two broken bones in my right leg. I broke the tibia and the fibula which the orthopedic surgeons quaintly refer to as a �tib-fib.�

On October 14, 2001 (a beautiful fall day without a cloud in the sky) I did a tandem jump from 12,000 feet. A tandem jump is where you are strapped, buckled, tied and everywhich way connected to an experienced jumper who does all the work. The guy I was attached to weighed about 250 lbs. Our weights together would easily exceed 425 lbs. Let me just say that it�s mighty hard to stop 425 lbs. of mass traveling at a velocity of 1 meter per second with one spindly leg contacting the earth at a most inopportune time. The results (should you ever want to try it) are that your foot will turn in ways you could never imagine, and you will get to take a ride in an ambulance. Lying in a field near a bed of ants, being unable to move very much in a completely ridiculous Evil Knieval-looking skydiving suit with a group of 6-8 onlookers asking questions like what is your driver�s license number while having to pee really bad and waiting on the ambulance to arrive are what you get without any extra charge.

On October 15, 2001 I had surgery to repair the break. I had a long thin piece of metal installed in my leg with eleven screws (one of them really more the size of a bolt) that secure it to the tibia, and keep the tibia in the proper place. The surgeon seemed completely unconcerned about the broken fibula, and indicated that it would take care of itself (makes you wonder just what it�s for). I got to use a walker (practice for my old age) for a couple of months, and a cane for another four months. But, the best part is that I had a handicapped parking pass. The handicapped parking spaces aren�t all they�re cracked up to be though. Many of them are not at all close to the front door of an establishment, and many times they are occupied (sometimes with cars that do not have a f__king handicapped pass)!

Even now, two years later, I still have aches and pains from those two lovely days in October. Blessed are the skydivers, for they shall touch the earth.

He Was Just Trying to Shake Hands

A man in Berlin must appear in court Thursday, because he taught his German shephard to do the Heil Hitler salute. On top of that, the dog's name is Adolf!

Talk About Evil! This Is Evil!

L'Esgl�sia cat�lica difon que els preservatius s�n permeables al virus de la sida


L'Esgl�sia cat�lica assegura, als pa�sos m�s afectats per la sida, que els preservatius no s�n efica�os per evitar la transmissi� de la malaltia. Segons publica avui el diari "The Guardian", l'Esgl�sia cat�lica est� divulgant, entre la poblaci� dels pa�sos afectats per la sida, que no s'ha d'usar el preservatiu perqu� el virus d'immunodefici�ncia humana pot passar pels seus porus. El rotatiu assegura que, malgrat el consens de la comunitat cient�fica, ratificat per l'Organitzaci� Mundial de la Salut (OMS), l'Esgl�sia est�n la idea que els preservatius s�n permeables al virus.

They Did What?

This from the Harpers website about the Paris, Texas high school band, "School officials in Paris, Texas, apologized after the high school band played "Deutschland �ber alles," with the Nazi flag flying, on the evening of Rosh Hashana."

Would That Be Like a Rebuilt Alternator?

Just like a recapped tire, you can get your vagina rebuilt. Hmmm...how long before a rebuilt penis?

Uh...The Window's Open, Beavis

Are we not wasps who spend all day in a fruitless attempt to traverse a window-pane - while the other half of the window is wide open? - Fingers Pointing Toward the Moon by Wei Wu Wei

We Are Sadder Than Mexicans?

New Scientist magazine published a study that says Nigerians are the happiest people in the world. Mexican are second. Both of those countries have had repressive authoritarian governments and rampant poverty, yet they are happiest. Damn, makes me sad to think about it.

Happy Birthday, Mohandas

Today is Mahatma Ghandi's 134th birthday. Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called children of God! Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama, Rama, Hare, Hare.

Of Course, This Isn't About Me

How swiftly men perish who praise themselves, unappraised of
Their real measure and unable to live peacefully with others.

Load too many of them and even peacock feathers
Would break the cart's axle.

-Tirukkural 48: 474-475

Is He Bragging or Complaining?

I was born from the nectar of immortality as the primordial horse and as Indra's noble
elephant. Among men, I am the king.

Among weapons I am the thunderbolt. I am Kamadhuk, the cow that fulfills all desires; I am
Kandarpa, the power of sex, and Vasuki, the king of snakes.

-Bhagavad Gita 10:27-28

But Do They Have the Death Penalty?

Scientists have discovered that monkeys have a sense of (in)justice. They don't like when another monkey gets rewarded more for the same task.

Superstitions

It is the customary fate of new truths to begin as heresies and to end as superstitions. - T.H. Huxley

So, I guess the Big Bang Theory just isn't old enough yet for it to be superstition.

Hoy Es El Dieciseis de Septiembre

Hoy es el dia en que los mexicanos declararon su independencia de los espanoles. Es el dia de la libertad mexicana. Ahora, la pregunta pertinente es, cuando van a declarar su independencia de los EEUU?

No Shit

Sitting quietly alone
meditating is not hard.
What is hard is living
on a broad scale and
responding to the world at large.

- Wu Yubi (1391-1469)

Esta Muerto Bin Laden

Un experto del terrorismo dice que el video de Bin Laden que se revelo el anteayer es un montaje de imagenes previamente divulagadas. A mi quiere decir que el hijo de puta esta muerto. Lo que merece tambien. Que maten al otro, al Zawahiri!

Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down

One of my all-time favorite hang-over songs was sung by Johnny Cash who died today. Have one more for dessert, Johnny!

�Caballo-Bomba?

OK, ahora dicen que est�n usando animales para sus bombas en Colombia. �Qu� vergonzosos! �Por qu� no se usan sus proprios cuerpos? A lo menos los palestinos se suiciden, y no matan a animales. Probablemente, es porque valen m�s los animales en Palestina que los humanos. �Cu�nto m�s?

Send Lawyers, Guns, and Money...

The day has finally arrived that our beloved, twisted Warren Zevon has passed on to that eternal resting place (�I�ll Sleep When I�m Dead�) where he can reminisce with Lynard Skynard (�Play that Dead Band�s Song�) about the virtues of Alabama, and look away (�Desperados Under the Eaves�) to the time when Roland, Norway�s favorite son, caught Van Owen in a barroom in Mombassa drinking gin (�Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner�), and wait until we send for him (�The Envoy�) because there�s guns in Damascus, woe Jerusalem.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall tell the truth.

It Took a Canadian to Write This

Oh, those ten commandments! What was that about graven images? Hmmm...looks an awful lot like the monument.

The Noose Is Tightening?

Boy, it sure must take some strength to tighten that noose! It's been tightening for two full years, and it's not caught him yet.

So, How Do I Get This Guy As My Boss?

Free from desire,
He neither praises the peaceful
Nor blames the wicked.

The same in joy and sorrow,
He is always happy.

He sees there is nothing to do.

-Ashtavakra Gita 18:82

Gift of the Neo-Cons

From Asia Times Online: "So this is the gift of Washington's neo-conservatives to the world: instead of a democratic Iraq, a putrid state infected by a guerrilla virus and on the verge of a devastating civil and ethnic war." So, who's shocked and awed now?

The Peace Is Deadlier Than The War

The number of dead US soldiers since the President declared victory on May Day has now outnumbered those killed during the war. Some victory!

Rama vs. Allah

Allah, for the moment, has the upper hand in this battle. But, expect for Rama to get in some blows too.

Hardwood Floor?

Last weekend Jean and I went to Home Depot to see how much it might cost to get a hardwood floor in our living room, because the carpet in there was all worn out. We found these parquet tiles for $0.98 per sq. foot. Well, you can't beat that price! I mean usually the stuff costs $5.00 per sq foot. We measured the room and it's close to 350 sq feet. So we decide to buy it. She had heard a radio ad that said this company would come to your house and do 8 hours of work for $350. Well, putting all that together it's like $700 for a hardwood floor, when they usually cost around $4,000. So, Monday after work I go to Home Depot and buy the flooring. Jean called the company on Monday and they said yes they will do that work and yes it's $350. She called again on Tuesday to confirm that they would do the work for $350. Well, that afternoon a guy calls saying that she had been given the wrong price, that it would be more like $2000. So, we tell them to forget it. We try to find someone else and of course no one else does it that cheap either. Except for yours truly, of course.

Now, I'm not one of those guys that likes home projects. In fact, I hate them. I would rather pay too much than do the work myself. But, in this case, I really don't have any choice except to take the flooring back. So, I decide to do it myself. We spend last night moving furniture, and pulling up carpet. Today cleaning the concrete underneath, blah, blah, blah. So then about 11:30 this morning I started laying the wood tiles. I just stopped a little bit ago, and let me tell you, it is just as hard as I thought it was. It is not easier than I thought, and it's not harder than I thought (of course, I am naturally pessimistic and I thought it would be pretty nigh impossible to start with). Lemme tell ya, it's a bitch. My hands are used to typing as the most strenuous thing they do, so putting down adhesive, laying these interlocking tiles, and being on my hands and knees all day has just about done me in. So my hands and knees are all swollen and blistered. Poor me! Poor me! And I'm not even fucking through. I have the other half to go tomorrow!

Don't try this at home. Let someone else do it for you!

You Can Say That Again!

Prosperity and ruin issue from the power of the tongue.
Therefore, guard yourself against thoughtless speech.

-Tirukkural 65: 641-642

Levitra

From a report by the Associated Press emphasis added: "The FDA approved Levitra, known chemically as vardenafil, based on studies showing that men were on average five times more likely to achieve an erection suitable for intercourse when taking the pill compared with those given a dummy medicine."

Steak and Kidney Pie?

Idi Amin, gourmet cannibal and former Uganda dictator, is looking for a kidney donor. He doesn't need it to live, he just wants a snack.

Now, That's What I Call Humane

From Harper's website: Thailand announced that it will start using lethal injection to execute prisoners instead of shooting them with a machine gun while they hold a stick of incense and a lotus blossom.

McArabia, It's Not a Joke

McDonald's in Egypt has launched a new sandwich called, get this, the McArabia. It's a chicken sandwich with two pieces of "Arab bread." It's their effort to win customers back after the boycott against American products. I'd like to try one, to get a taste of some "authentic Arab food."

Hiroshima

Today is the day in 1945 that the US dropped the A-bomb on Hiroshima. The mayor of Hiroshima has accused the US of "adoring arms as if they were a god." Our SAM missle, hallowed be thy name, thy warhead come thy will be done on earth as it is in Lockheed-Martin. Give us this day our daily violence, and forgive us our peace inklings as we forgive those who make peace against us. Lead us not into conservation, but deliver us from ecologists, for thine is the kingdom, the power, and the depleted uranium forever. Amen

Is He Dead Yet?

A prayer you can agree with.

Not Very Encouraging

The Buddha forbore to specify:
as long as there is any 'one' to suffer
- he will.
- 'Posthumous Pieces' by Wei Wu Wei

Do What?

Someone who is about to admonish another must realize within himself five qualities before doing so [that he may be able to say], thus:

"In due season will I speak, not out of season. In truth I will speak, not in falsehood. Gently will I speak, not harshly. To his profit will I speak, not to his loss. With kindly intent will I speak, not in anger."

-"Vinaya Pitaka," translated by F.S. Woodward

It's Gettin' Harder and Harder to Do

Those who cannot renounce attachment to the results of their work
are far from the path.

-Bhagavad Gita 6:1-2

Reduction in Force

We are being riffed. I am having to apply for the fucking job I already have. After 18 years with this place, they are going to do that to me! Getting madder by the minute.

That Explains a Few Things

A new study says that if you wear your tie too tight, you run the risk of going blind. So, that's what's wrong with the politicians!

Just Say No to a Hard-On?

The (mis)use of Viagra in Brazil has spread to those young people that have no need for it, according to the government there. So now it is illegal to advertise Viagra in Brazil. Too many people getting the "benefit" of it. What's next, will use of "personal lubricant" become too widespread among those persons young enough not to need it? Do we have to make advertising that illegal too?

Cuban Ingenuity

Cubans have been under an embargo by the US for 35 or 40 years. We haven't allowed any trade with them, so they have all these Chevys and Fords from back in the '50s that they have miraculously kept running. Now, they've made a '51 Chevy truck into a motor boat. We need those guys here! What did we send them back for?

Step Back from the Fan, 'Cause the Shit's About to Hit

This is the kind of stuff that'll getcha killed.

Life After Death, What For? Isn't Once Enough?

Excellent thoughts on reincarnation. At least not everybody used to be Cleopatra!

May You Be Well...

May all beings everywhere plagued
with sufferings of body and mind
quickly be freed from their illnesses.
May those frightened cease to be afraid,
and may those bound be free.
May the powerless find power,
and may people think of befriending
one another.
May those who find themselves in trackless,
fearful wilderness--
the children, the aged, the unprotected--
be guarded by beneficent celestials,
and may they swiftly attain Buddhahood.


- Buddha

Yellowcake?

It looks like the only uranium that wound up in Iraq is the kind we put there in the two Gulf Wars. It's not yellowcake though, it's called depleted.

Oh, yeah?

All understanding begins with our not accepting the world as it appears.
- Alan C. Kay

Betcha u gotta tv built in your jet skis

Check out these lyrics from Macy Gray.

Can You Say Carlysle Group?

It looks like the Bush administration is trying to cover up the participation of the Saudi government in the attacks of 9-11. Hmm...would the Carlysle Group have anything to do with this? Could is just be coincidence that George Sr. is on the board, along with James Baker, et al?

Is This Another Case of Incompetence in the Intelligence Community?

David Kelly, the man who many suspect of having broken the story to the BBC about the forged documents from Niger, had turned up dead. Now, really, this is complete incompentence! He testified before the House of Commons on Tuesday, for God's sake. They killed him two days late! When are they ever gonna learn?

Now That's What I Call Good News!

A study conducted by an Australian doctor, Graham Giles, demonstrates that if men masturbate and have at least 5 ejaculations per week, they run a significantly smaller risk of prostate cancer. It says that men who masturbate 5 times a week between the ages of 20 and 50 have one third the chance of developing the illness. Alas, I'm already over 50! Maybe I can make up for all those years at once. See ya later!

Claudette

Well, she came and she went. Really, not much to her, at least in Austin. She came in with a bang in Victoria though. Barely got any rain here, yet anyway.

Now Anyone Can Be a Star with an Internet Connection!

Sunday night I wrote an email to the editor of the Asia Times about what might have happened to Saddam's WMD. Well, lo and behold, it got published! Yes, from me of all people! Wow, I'm turning up all over the place! Now, if I could just get that Op Ed piece published in the Wall Street Journal...

Is It A Headache?

I'm having one of those pains in the neck and the head that could easily go away and turn into nothing. Or, it could just as easily turn into a full blown (and I mean blown) down on the bed headache. Hmmm...what's it gonna be?

Wisdom of the Buddha, well actually one of his followers

No matter how bad a state of mind you may get into, if you keep strong and hold out, eventually the floating clouds must vanish and the withering wind must cease.
-Dogen

Houston

Just got in from a quick weekend trip to Houston. It's a big city, and I like that. Most people speak badly about Houston, but at least you get to really drive there! You have to speed up when you get to the city limits, that's a good thing. Ate at one of my new favorite places, Fadi's. It's Middle Eastern food. I think the place is Lebanese, but whatever it is it's great!

It's So Hard to Understand Anymore

The Cypriot government has approved "mixed" marriages. Does that mean you can now marry between races? Does it mean men can marry men, maybe? No, it means that Greek Cypriots can marry Turkish Cypriots. Huh? What? I don't get it, they call that mixed? Oh my!

User Error

At my office we often work on very big Word files making very trivial (in my mind) changes. Anyway, we've had this terrible problem with Word losing our files and not saving our changes. That problem vanished this past week. One of us was on vacation last week. That same person is the one that always discovers the problem with Word losing files. Hmmm...do ya think there's a connection? Duh.

WMD - Error 404

Look closely! You might find something funny.

Disconnect

This morning I had the hardest time waking up, and I may not be completely awake now. I sorta feel disconnected, like I'm not really where I am. Half asleep, half dreaming. Yes, it's weird.

Ayman Al-Zawahiri

Iran has announced the capture of the number 2 man in Al-Qaeda. This guy is really the brains and force behind Bin Laden. So, why isn't this showing up on American media? They must not believe it! It looks like Iran is trying to get out from under American pressure by claiming to have one of the most wanted fugitives and using him as a bargaining chip. Funny they didn't arrest him until they started having street demonstrations against the government. Hmm...

Puh-leez

Man, what they expect from you when you get back from vacation! They really expect me to work. C'mon, we all know better than that!

We're Back

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday without any connection to the Internet. Actually, it wasn't bad. It turns out that Del Rio and Ciudad Acu�a are very, very much nicer than any other border town I've ever been to. They advertise that they are the "Best of the Border," and I'll give it to them...they really are! Well, tomorrow it's back to work, damn it!

Run for the Border

We're leaving this afternoon for the Border. That's an area about 100 miles wide (50 miles on each side of the border) that's a third country, it's not the US and it's not Mexico. It's La Frontera. Got to be one of the strangest places on earth. It's so strange I can't describe it. Anyway, this quote by Man-an a Zen master from the 16th century sorta sums it up: "You should know that there is that which is beyond even the beyond."

God Help Me

I am scheduled to be in meetings for all day today and all day tomorrow. They will be on a subject that I detest, and I am dreading every moment of it. The good thing is that I will be leaving on vacation tomorrow after work. God help me 'til then!

But What Will They FEEL Like?

Madame Toussaud's wax museum in London will have a wax Britney Spears with moving breasts. Evidently, they are going to make them out of balloons so they'll have some movement to them. Why would we care?

Bastards!

Hans Blix has called certain members of the Bush administration bastards! Now, we're gettin' good. Let's hear what they really think!

Was It His Struggle or His Head?

The famous book by Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf, has recently come under scrutiny. Suspicion is that it really means My Head, and that he was complaining about a chronic headache.

Austin #1 and #2

In results released this past weekend Fortune magazine named Austin as the #1 city for single people. This was based on entertainment, cost of living, etc. Austin came in just ahead of Denver/Boulder. On the same weekend Austin was also named #2 for problems with allergies, just behind Chappel Hill, NC. It's a good place to meet someone special if you can get them to stop sneezing long enough to introduce yourself.

As If the Monica Affair Wasn't Bad Enough!

It seems that Sharon Stone is going to portray Hillary Clinton in a movie biography made by A&E about the Clinton White House years. Poor Hillary! Sharon Stone is such a cunt, I wouldn't think Hillary would be pleased with the choice.

The Results Are In

The 2003 Atilla Award goes to...ahem...George W. Bush for the Iraq war, his disregard for environmental agreements, and his record on human rights. My vote went for the US Military due to its destruction of the Iraqi environment, but I'm very please with the ultimate winner. Don't Mess With Texas!

Maybe He's Actually that Smart

It has occurred to to me maybe Saddam Hussein really had those WMDs. But, he secretly destroyed them as the invasion started, because he knew that when Bush and Blair couldn't produce them, they would get booted out of office. Hmm...

No $ 4 U

This takes the cake, or something like cake. The Accident Group, a name that could cause all kinds of jokes, fired 2500 people by text messages on their phones. Seems they went out of business, and thought text messaging was the best way to inform everyone. In turn the former workers sacked the company's call centers, taking computers, coffee makers, etc.

Now, There's a Thought!

Iran has requested (demanded) that the US apologize to the international community for supporting Al-Qaeda in the past. Hey, guys, uh...we're not supposed to talk about that...uh, that could bring up all kinds of stuff.

7:54 AM - 78 F, 25 C

No shit, it never cooled off last night! June 1st and we're already this hot. Oh hell, it's gonna be a bad one!

So, What's the Big Deal? Just Bring 'Em to Texas!

The Aussies and Brits are shocked that the US is planning a death camp at Camp Delta in Guantanamo. What the hell to they think Huntsville Death Row is? As blood-thirsty as we Texans are, just bring 'em here, we'll kill 'em.

Well, He Has to Do Something!

Mike Tyson has admitted that he wants to rape the woman he was convicted of raping back in 1991. That's PRESENT tense, not past. You see, he says he didn't rape her back then, but his conviction made him so mad that he wants to now. Maybe we should have him share a prison cell with Dr. Kevorkian.

At Least It Wasn't a Self-Inflicted Shotgun Blast to His Back

The brains behind the suicide bombing last week in Casablanca has died in prison from heart and liver disease. According to the authorities the autopsy confirmed that it was from natural causes. Yeah, right!

Synchronized Swimming Censored!

Yes, friends, that subversive activity called synchronized swimming has gone overboard. The Brazilian Synchronized Swimming Team has had to change their routine due to excessive violence. Say what? Yes, it has too much violence to be used in the Pan-American Games. The team was making hand pistols and pointing in unison (of course) toward the audience. Oh my.

Now, That Sounds Like a Good Idea!

Looks like the Algerians have a unique way of petitioning the govenment. Maybe we Americans should adopt something like that.

Don't Touch Me! I Mean It!

Now you too can kick ass! Just buy this Electric Jacket. No, it's not a new execution device invented in Texas. It's for "self-defense." Sorta like our attack on Iraq was in self-defense.

May All Sentient Beings Be Happy

Studies confirm that Buddhists really are happier that the rest of us. This has been verified by some brain scans that reveal more activity in the centers responsible for pleasant emotions. Namo Amitabha, Namo Amitabha...

One Already Got Thru to the President

The Canadian Agriculture Office has announced that Mad Cow Disease has been found in Canada in the province of Alberta. The US government has decided to stop importation of bovines from the province.

Have You Been Wondering About Jerry Hall's Life? I Haven't

I don't know what to call her, model maybe, groupie maybe, hanger-on...anyway, Mick Jagger's ex (that's her real claim to fame) is going to have a TV show on the BBC about what it's like to be a superstar. I wonder how she would know?

Chickenhawks Beware!

Modeled after the top 55 most wanted Iraqi Ba'athists, there is now available the Chickenhawk Cards. They list the 54 top Republican Chickenhawks. Chickenhawks are defined as bellicose, prominent persons who avoided service in the military themselves. They just want someone else to fight for them!

Wouldn't a Handgun Have Been Easier?

A man walked into a grocery store, went into the meat department, and cut off his ownhead with a bandsaw designed for cutting meat. He only made it half-way through before he fell to the floor.

Now, That's What I Call Public Health!

China has warned sufferers of SARS that they can be executed if they spread the disease. Just violating a quarantine can get you 7 years in prison. Nothing like blaming the victim, I say!

The Right to Strike?

As far as is known, the members of the Texas Legislature are the only employees of the State of Texas with the right to strike. Well, maybe not really the right to strike (since the DPS is out after them), but at least the right not to come to work and still not lose their job. Well, maybe not the right to stay home and not lose their job, but at least the right to not do any work and still keep their job. Well, maybe...

Yeah But, Do They Have Seat Covers?

Naked-Air is now offering nude flying to nude resorts in Yucatan. If you think you'd like to do that, click here for reasons to reconsider.

Ain't It the Truth!

"Normal" is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to the job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car, and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it.
� Ellen Goodman quoted in Stepping Lightly by Mark A. Burch

Movie Review

Review: The Lost Dutchman (Click here to see promotional poster)

Harry Arp, who wrote, scripted, produced, directed, and starred in the autobiographical �The Lost Dutchman,� has created his masterpiece work. In this wonderfully complex yet simple film he breaches the metaphysical divide between movies and the existential condition of postmodern life. His narrative works on several levels.

This story of a Dutchman lost in his world and seeking shelter is a captivating story on the surface-narrative level which guarantees its box office success. The global audience will be enthralled and drawn into the story which is so universal in its expression of the human condition as to cross all cultural boundaries from the pre-modern tribes of Papua New Guinea, to the more modern societies of the Indian subcontinent, to the postmodern mega-state of the European Union and North America. Mr. Arp has succeeded where no other filmmaker has even dared to tread.

On a symbolic level, Mr. Arp makes use of the symbol of water which takes us to the archetypal level of birth, life, and the always changing yet always same aspects of life on this planet. An early scene in the film shows Mr. Arp wandering as if in a drug induced stupor near a large river where he falls to his knees in worship of a phenomenon that is visible only to him. The vision, withheld from the audience, is so powerful to Mr. Arp that he removes his clothing and dives into the river wherefrom he later emerges draped in a purple robe. This universal image of rebirth resonates with all religions, but it evoked in this viewer parallels with the first chapter of Mark in the New Testament where Jesus is baptized by John the Baptist and emerges from the water touched by the Holy Spirit. With the epiphany still fresh in his mind Harry leads us (and we willingly follow) to an astonishing revelation about the power of the Horse of Holy Faith represented by El Caballo de Santa Fe which grazes in peace by the river calling to mind the 23rd Psalm. Arp juxtaposes the primordial symbol of power under control, El Caballo, with the stone tablet on which it is carved, heralding the handing down of divine law. The following scene in which he eats grass and drinks river water on all fours alongside El Caballo finishing with the simultaneous evacuation of his and El Caballo�s bowels brings us to a depth meaning never before seen in the history of film.

On the subconscious level Mr. Arp succeeds as he has his character wear a crown of question marks to denote the immortal and constant question-maker which is the human mind. He masterfully touches our depths with the deeply moving symbol of the octagon-shaped stop sign wherein the expected word �Stop� is replaced by the less comforting and personalized word �Lost.� Arp emphasizes this contrast of the anticipated with the actual later in the film when he finds himself confronted with the appearance of another similarly shaped sign bearing the word �stop,� guiding himself and us to a profound understanding of that word. He masterfully brings to the screen the sense of meaninglessness, abandonment, and fear in which our species encounters an impassive universe. Yet he never allows us to lose sight of the life-affirming potential of hope as he deftly displays the name of his film on a street sign perpendicular to the esoteric SR 88, a subtle reference to the �morning-after� pill RU-486 from which the viewer infers the God-like benefits that postmodern relativism has conferred on us. Here he engages us in our own quest for meaning, and encourages us to define for ourselves what life as we know it can mean within the confines of our sexual instincts.

I heartily recommend this soon to be Oscar-winning film. Five stars, two thumbs, and one penis up!

Marcos Arroyos