Houston

Just got in from a quick weekend trip to Houston. It's a big city, and I like that. Most people speak badly about Houston, but at least you get to really drive there! You have to speed up when you get to the city limits, that's a good thing. Ate at one of my new favorite places, Fadi's. It's Middle Eastern food. I think the place is Lebanese, but whatever it is it's great!

It's So Hard to Understand Anymore

The Cypriot government has approved "mixed" marriages. Does that mean you can now marry between races? Does it mean men can marry men, maybe? No, it means that Greek Cypriots can marry Turkish Cypriots. Huh? What? I don't get it, they call that mixed? Oh my!

User Error

At my office we often work on very big Word files making very trivial (in my mind) changes. Anyway, we've had this terrible problem with Word losing our files and not saving our changes. That problem vanished this past week. One of us was on vacation last week. That same person is the one that always discovers the problem with Word losing files. Hmmm...do ya think there's a connection? Duh.

WMD - Error 404

Look closely! You might find something funny.

Disconnect

This morning I had the hardest time waking up, and I may not be completely awake now. I sorta feel disconnected, like I'm not really where I am. Half asleep, half dreaming. Yes, it's weird.

Ayman Al-Zawahiri

Iran has announced the capture of the number 2 man in Al-Qaeda. This guy is really the brains and force behind Bin Laden. So, why isn't this showing up on American media? They must not believe it! It looks like Iran is trying to get out from under American pressure by claiming to have one of the most wanted fugitives and using him as a bargaining chip. Funny they didn't arrest him until they started having street demonstrations against the government. Hmm...

Puh-leez

Man, what they expect from you when you get back from vacation! They really expect me to work. C'mon, we all know better than that!

We're Back

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday without any connection to the Internet. Actually, it wasn't bad. It turns out that Del Rio and Ciudad Acu�a are very, very much nicer than any other border town I've ever been to. They advertise that they are the "Best of the Border," and I'll give it to them...they really are! Well, tomorrow it's back to work, damn it!

Run for the Border

We're leaving this afternoon for the Border. That's an area about 100 miles wide (50 miles on each side of the border) that's a third country, it's not the US and it's not Mexico. It's La Frontera. Got to be one of the strangest places on earth. It's so strange I can't describe it. Anyway, this quote by Man-an a Zen master from the 16th century sorta sums it up: "You should know that there is that which is beyond even the beyond."

God Help Me

I am scheduled to be in meetings for all day today and all day tomorrow. They will be on a subject that I detest, and I am dreading every moment of it. The good thing is that I will be leaving on vacation tomorrow after work. God help me 'til then!

But What Will They FEEL Like?

Madame Toussaud's wax museum in London will have a wax Britney Spears with moving breasts. Evidently, they are going to make them out of balloons so they'll have some movement to them. Why would we care?

Bastards!

Hans Blix has called certain members of the Bush administration bastards! Now, we're gettin' good. Let's hear what they really think!

Was It His Struggle or His Head?

The famous book by Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf, has recently come under scrutiny. Suspicion is that it really means My Head, and that he was complaining about a chronic headache.

Austin #1 and #2

In results released this past weekend Fortune magazine named Austin as the #1 city for single people. This was based on entertainment, cost of living, etc. Austin came in just ahead of Denver/Boulder. On the same weekend Austin was also named #2 for problems with allergies, just behind Chappel Hill, NC. It's a good place to meet someone special if you can get them to stop sneezing long enough to introduce yourself.

As If the Monica Affair Wasn't Bad Enough!

It seems that Sharon Stone is going to portray Hillary Clinton in a movie biography made by A&E about the Clinton White House years. Poor Hillary! Sharon Stone is such a cunt, I wouldn't think Hillary would be pleased with the choice.

The Results Are In

The 2003 Atilla Award goes to...ahem...George W. Bush for the Iraq war, his disregard for environmental agreements, and his record on human rights. My vote went for the US Military due to its destruction of the Iraqi environment, but I'm very please with the ultimate winner. Don't Mess With Texas!

Maybe He's Actually that Smart

It has occurred to to me maybe Saddam Hussein really had those WMDs. But, he secretly destroyed them as the invasion started, because he knew that when Bush and Blair couldn't produce them, they would get booted out of office. Hmm...

No $ 4 U

This takes the cake, or something like cake. The Accident Group, a name that could cause all kinds of jokes, fired 2500 people by text messages on their phones. Seems they went out of business, and thought text messaging was the best way to inform everyone. In turn the former workers sacked the company's call centers, taking computers, coffee makers, etc.

Now, There's a Thought!

Iran has requested (demanded) that the US apologize to the international community for supporting Al-Qaeda in the past. Hey, guys, uh...we're not supposed to talk about that...uh, that could bring up all kinds of stuff.

7:54 AM - 78 F, 25 C

No shit, it never cooled off last night! June 1st and we're already this hot. Oh hell, it's gonna be a bad one!

So, What's the Big Deal? Just Bring 'Em to Texas!

The Aussies and Brits are shocked that the US is planning a death camp at Camp Delta in Guantanamo. What the hell to they think Huntsville Death Row is? As blood-thirsty as we Texans are, just bring 'em here, we'll kill 'em.

Well, He Has to Do Something!

Mike Tyson has admitted that he wants to rape the woman he was convicted of raping back in 1991. That's PRESENT tense, not past. You see, he says he didn't rape her back then, but his conviction made him so mad that he wants to now. Maybe we should have him share a prison cell with Dr. Kevorkian.

At Least It Wasn't a Self-Inflicted Shotgun Blast to His Back

The brains behind the suicide bombing last week in Casablanca has died in prison from heart and liver disease. According to the authorities the autopsy confirmed that it was from natural causes. Yeah, right!

Synchronized Swimming Censored!

Yes, friends, that subversive activity called synchronized swimming has gone overboard. The Brazilian Synchronized Swimming Team has had to change their routine due to excessive violence. Say what? Yes, it has too much violence to be used in the Pan-American Games. The team was making hand pistols and pointing in unison (of course) toward the audience. Oh my.

Now, That Sounds Like a Good Idea!

Looks like the Algerians have a unique way of petitioning the govenment. Maybe we Americans should adopt something like that.

Don't Touch Me! I Mean It!

Now you too can kick ass! Just buy this Electric Jacket. No, it's not a new execution device invented in Texas. It's for "self-defense." Sorta like our attack on Iraq was in self-defense.

May All Sentient Beings Be Happy

Studies confirm that Buddhists really are happier that the rest of us. This has been verified by some brain scans that reveal more activity in the centers responsible for pleasant emotions. Namo Amitabha, Namo Amitabha...

One Already Got Thru to the President

The Canadian Agriculture Office has announced that Mad Cow Disease has been found in Canada in the province of Alberta. The US government has decided to stop importation of bovines from the province.

Have You Been Wondering About Jerry Hall's Life? I Haven't

I don't know what to call her, model maybe, groupie maybe, hanger-on...anyway, Mick Jagger's ex (that's her real claim to fame) is going to have a TV show on the BBC about what it's like to be a superstar. I wonder how she would know?

Chickenhawks Beware!

Modeled after the top 55 most wanted Iraqi Ba'athists, there is now available the Chickenhawk Cards. They list the 54 top Republican Chickenhawks. Chickenhawks are defined as bellicose, prominent persons who avoided service in the military themselves. They just want someone else to fight for them!

Wouldn't a Handgun Have Been Easier?

A man walked into a grocery store, went into the meat department, and cut off his ownhead with a bandsaw designed for cutting meat. He only made it half-way through before he fell to the floor.

Now, That's What I Call Public Health!

China has warned sufferers of SARS that they can be executed if they spread the disease. Just violating a quarantine can get you 7 years in prison. Nothing like blaming the victim, I say!

The Right to Strike?

As far as is known, the members of the Texas Legislature are the only employees of the State of Texas with the right to strike. Well, maybe not really the right to strike (since the DPS is out after them), but at least the right not to come to work and still not lose their job. Well, maybe not the right to stay home and not lose their job, but at least the right to not do any work and still keep their job. Well, maybe...

Yeah But, Do They Have Seat Covers?

Naked-Air is now offering nude flying to nude resorts in Yucatan. If you think you'd like to do that, click here for reasons to reconsider.

Ain't It the Truth!

"Normal" is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to the job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car, and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it.
� Ellen Goodman quoted in Stepping Lightly by Mark A. Burch

Movie Review

Review: The Lost Dutchman (Click here to see promotional poster)

Harry Arp, who wrote, scripted, produced, directed, and starred in the autobiographical �The Lost Dutchman,� has created his masterpiece work. In this wonderfully complex yet simple film he breaches the metaphysical divide between movies and the existential condition of postmodern life. His narrative works on several levels.

This story of a Dutchman lost in his world and seeking shelter is a captivating story on the surface-narrative level which guarantees its box office success. The global audience will be enthralled and drawn into the story which is so universal in its expression of the human condition as to cross all cultural boundaries from the pre-modern tribes of Papua New Guinea, to the more modern societies of the Indian subcontinent, to the postmodern mega-state of the European Union and North America. Mr. Arp has succeeded where no other filmmaker has even dared to tread.

On a symbolic level, Mr. Arp makes use of the symbol of water which takes us to the archetypal level of birth, life, and the always changing yet always same aspects of life on this planet. An early scene in the film shows Mr. Arp wandering as if in a drug induced stupor near a large river where he falls to his knees in worship of a phenomenon that is visible only to him. The vision, withheld from the audience, is so powerful to Mr. Arp that he removes his clothing and dives into the river wherefrom he later emerges draped in a purple robe. This universal image of rebirth resonates with all religions, but it evoked in this viewer parallels with the first chapter of Mark in the New Testament where Jesus is baptized by John the Baptist and emerges from the water touched by the Holy Spirit. With the epiphany still fresh in his mind Harry leads us (and we willingly follow) to an astonishing revelation about the power of the Horse of Holy Faith represented by El Caballo de Santa Fe which grazes in peace by the river calling to mind the 23rd Psalm. Arp juxtaposes the primordial symbol of power under control, El Caballo, with the stone tablet on which it is carved, heralding the handing down of divine law. The following scene in which he eats grass and drinks river water on all fours alongside El Caballo finishing with the simultaneous evacuation of his and El Caballo�s bowels brings us to a depth meaning never before seen in the history of film.

On the subconscious level Mr. Arp succeeds as he has his character wear a crown of question marks to denote the immortal and constant question-maker which is the human mind. He masterfully touches our depths with the deeply moving symbol of the octagon-shaped stop sign wherein the expected word �Stop� is replaced by the less comforting and personalized word �Lost.� Arp emphasizes this contrast of the anticipated with the actual later in the film when he finds himself confronted with the appearance of another similarly shaped sign bearing the word �stop,� guiding himself and us to a profound understanding of that word. He masterfully brings to the screen the sense of meaninglessness, abandonment, and fear in which our species encounters an impassive universe. Yet he never allows us to lose sight of the life-affirming potential of hope as he deftly displays the name of his film on a street sign perpendicular to the esoteric SR 88, a subtle reference to the �morning-after� pill RU-486 from which the viewer infers the God-like benefits that postmodern relativism has conferred on us. Here he engages us in our own quest for meaning, and encourages us to define for ourselves what life as we know it can mean within the confines of our sexual instincts.

I heartily recommend this soon to be Oscar-winning film. Five stars, two thumbs, and one penis up!

Marcos Arroyos

Why Do You Seek the Dead Among the Living?

According to the French newspaper, Le Figaro, Osama Bin Laden is dead. Their researcher has concluded that he died in December 2001 in the mountains near Tora Bora. All the tapes and videos since then are fakes or montages from previous ones, the researcher says.

I Wanna a New Drug?

There's a new "drug" in India that will give you an illusionary and floating experience. But don't run out trying to buy it just yet. It's a scorpion sting. Yes, getting stung by scorpions will produce the sought after affect.

Atilla in a China Cabinet

I found a website in Spain where you can nominate a person or entity (like a company) for the annual Atila (as they spell it) Award. That's given to the person or entity that has caused the most environmental destruction. I nominated the Armed Forces of the United States for their massive destruction of the environment of Iraq.

Believe

"Serve me up some pret-tay, pret-tay people,
Serve me up somebody I can believe..."
-Joan Osborne

Didja ever wonder why all those people on cable news are always good looking? It's so they'll be believable.

That's One Way to Get Head!

A 24-year old man was running around in the border area of Germany near Limburg with a woman's head in one hand and a knife in the other. The article says he was arrested. He comes from Kosovo.

Roll Out Those Hazy Days of Summer

Yes, summer is here. No it's not you say, it's only May 6th. Well, if you're in Austin, Texas you know damn well that it's summertime. Yesterday the temperature was over 90, and today it's supposed to be again. That's really not the bad part; the bad part is that it doesn't get any cooler at night than about 73. But, the real thing that determines when summer's here is the haze. It's so fucking hot that the ozone and the hydrocarbons combine to form a haze over the entire area (hell, over the entire state probably). When you get the haze the heat really has nowhere to go because the haze holds it in. Yes, it's gonna be a long, hot one. The rest of the world lives the winter months inside out of the weather. Here in Texas we live the summer months inside out of the weather, and summer starts in May and ends in November (when we're lucky and the summer is short). God help us all!

So, You Want to Kill Him?

Why not enter his Lotto for a good seat at the death chamber. Zacarias Moussaoui has offered a multiple choice quiz. If you answer the question correctly, and your name is drawn, you too can witness his execution. Good luck.

Will the Real Mayor of Baghdad Please Stand Up?

I am the real Mayor of Baghdad! That Iraqi ex-patriot is a fraud! No need to look any further, it's me and I'm right here. To quote Alexander Haig, "I'm in charge here, gentlemen."

Not SARS

I have come down with a flu or something like that. I'm having a sever burning in my chest, and I'm coughing a lot. When I cough it feels like something is tearing in my chest. I have a burning in the back of my sinuses, and I feel very exhausted. But, according to the little scrolling news on CNN, I don't have SARS. It says that if the first symptoms are respiratory, then it's not SARS. For all I know, it could be menopause.

Put That Back!

No justice, no piece. It looks like the Imam's are taking drastic steps. This comes from harpers.org. "Some looters were surrendering stolen goods after learning that a cleric issued an edict forbidding Iraqi wives from having sex with their looter husbands." But, what about looter wives?

Home(ly) Depot

Last night my wife and I went to Home Depot to pick up some paint for touch up in the dining room. I admit I don't go there often, but I have been there quite a few times. Last night (Friday night) there was the ugliest crop of people I've ever seen concentrated in one place. There was not one person that looked even average. Maybe it was a Friday night thing, like if you're at Home Depot on Friday night, you're not good looking enough to be doing anything else. You just work on the house where you live alone. I can't remember the homely people being out in such force anywhere else I've been. Of course, you might say well, what were you doing there? If everyone else was so homely, you must be too, after all you were there on a Friday night, weren't you? Hmmm...

Let's See That Lingerie

Sony has withdrawn their application for trademark and patent of the phraseshock and awe. Now, it's up to the other applicants to see who gets to use it. I'm pulling for the lingerie line that applied. I really want to see what they have in mind.

Bull Horns

Yesterday while driving home I witnessed something that I suppose you could only see in Texas. You know how when you are at a red light waiting to turn right? Well, it never fails that someone in one of those over-sized pick-ups pulls up in the lane next to you, far enough out to block your view of the traffic. That always pisses me off, but yesterday, I got a double dose. The first huge pick-up with the oversized wheels pulls up to my left and blocks my view. So, I inch up a little to see the traffic, and I notice that this truck has a wench on the front for pulling other over-sized trucks out of the mud. That makes the front of it stick out even farther. Just as I pull up so I can see traffic, another huge over-sized truck pulls up to the left of the first one. Of course, it pulled up a little further. There's something unconscious about blocking the person's view that's trying to turn right. This second truck has, yes I'm not kidding, a set of horns on the front. Not horns like honking, horns like from a bull! That's the kind of things you might see on a postcard, but in real life? Well, I guess they have to base those postcards on something! Horns on the front of an over-sized pick-up truck. What the hell does that mean? I guess it means you're in Texas.

Remember the Crowd at the Saddam Statue?

Well, it wasn't really that big after all. What else has been fabricated?

Shock and Awe?

Forget the Sony application, I want the one for the lingerie! What's that one like?

Can He Appeal for Reason of Inadequate Defense?

Yesterday, I served (endured) Jury Duty. I was called to a Justice of the Peace court to be a part of a jury panel. My great misfortune is that I was selected to be one of the 6 member jury that actually heard the case. The case was a misdemeanor charge of contributing to the truancy of a minor. The father of a 4th grader was charged because he had allowed his daughter to miss school repeatedly. He was one of these fundamentalist Christians that doesn't believe the schools are fit for his children. That's really no problem, because he has the choice of putting them in private schools or doing what's called home schooling. Of course, he didn't want to do that either. He wanted to be able to dictate to the school system what and how it would teach. He represented himself. There's an old saying that goes: "A man who represents himself in court has a fool for a lawyer." This guy certainly met that description. The jury endured around 7 hours of this guy repeating the same shit over and over. He successfully insulted everyone in the court room (including the jury) more than once. We found him guilty and fined him $250. If we had been able to put him in jail, I would have voted for that. In fact, I wanted to "max him out," ($500 fine) but the rest of the jury decided on fining him half of the max. Too bad! Anyway, yesterday's experience makes me wonder what the penalty would be for not reporting to jury duty. I really don't think it could be any worse.

If It Had Said, "Kill 'Em All," You Could Come In

Another one of those nasty T-shirts for peace shows up at the mall! Peace be upon you.

She Was Playing Both Sides Twice

Retired FBI agent, James Smith, has been charged with having an affair with a double agent for the People's Republic of China. Now, this gets complicated...but I guess all double agent stories are complicated. Okay, she was working for the FBI spying on China while she was spying on the US for China. Her "cover" was that she was a Republican Party activist. Her lover, Mr. Smith, worked in the office that investigated allegations of suspicious campaign contributions to the Clinton White House from China. She was working for the FBI, the Chinese, the Republicans, and investigating the Democrats. Wow!

Don't Mess with This Jewish Mother

In Jerusalem a 49 year old woman killed her 26 year old son for not putting his computer game up and making up his bed. She asked him to do that and returning to his room saw him lying on his bed without having done it. She asked him why he hadn't dont anything, and he chewed her out. She went to the kitchen, got a knife, came back, and stabbed him to death.

Generalisimo Francisco Franco Sigue con Vida

Many years ago Saturday Night Live had a running joke about Francisco Franco staying alive for years after he really died. It was because the Franco government kept announcing that Franco was sick, but still alive. I think we're running into the same thing with Saddam. We keep killing him, and he keeps turning up alive!

Of Course It Has Industrial Uses

The town of Novozybkovo has been ridiculed for putting a cannabis emblem on its town flag. The government has ordered all towns to adopt a flag. Let's see, if we had to do that in Austin, it would be a young man in sloppy clothes lying on the grass with a backpack for a pillow.

Get Back to Work!

Okay, okay, vacation is over, but does that mean I have start working right away? I opened my email this morning and had 147 emails waiting for me. Out of those I answered two, I think. Getting that many emails might make one think he's important, but only answering two puts the lie to that! By the way, both of those I answered were personal. Like I've said before: They pretend to pay us, and we pretend to work.

Texarkana In The Spotlight

Texarkana is hosting the National Narcotic Detector Dog Association conference for 2003. I learned this not from the local news, but from a website in Spain. Texarkana on the world stage!

Texas Fight, Texas Fight...

It turns out that the woman in charge of Saddam's chemical and biological weapons program, Houda Salih Mahdi Ammash, attended the University of Texas back in the '70s. US General Tommy Franks, who is in charge of the whole Operation Iraqi Freedom, is also a UT graduate. We're No. 1!

Americans Are from Mars, Europeans Are from Venus

Americans are like adolescents infatuated with their power and unilateral, while Europeans are more subtle, indirect, and multilateral. At least that's the way Robert Kagan sees it. Interesting way to look at the latest dispute. W as the hyperactive, prideful teenager, and Chirac as the smarter more nuanced adult. Let's bring in a marriage counselor!

Just Who's In Charge Here?

Who wrote this play in which we have to laugh, cry, and exit according to the script? No
god can write it, nor can Buddha. Only your own mind can write it.

-Jae Woong, "Polishing the Diamond"

They Got the Idea from Geraldo

It has come to light that the government owned radio station in Swaziland has been airing reports from a special "envoy" named, Phesheya Dube, in Iraq. The on air personalities have been admonishing him to stay safe and out of the way of bombs. Only one problem, there is no Swazi correspondent in Iraq. It's all theater! Makes ya wonder about ours, huh? Maybe all those fuzzy looking pictures on the videophone are really coming from the desert in New Mexico.

Vacation Time

Since I work for the government, I earn lots of vacation time. It's supposed to make up for the low salaries they pay us. Anyway, I'm taking this week off from work. After I do that, I'll only have 5 1/2 weeks of vacation left available. Since, I'll be off, I'll have lots of free time, so I should be posting a lot. No money to go on trips, but a whole lot of time!

I Want My MTV (Sanitized)
Believe it or not, MTV is imposing self-censorship. That's a little hypocritical in my book. Why, all of a sudden, is it important to "clean up" what viewers can see? After all, they're only censoring anything related to war or protests against it. I think if we could see some of the blood and guts, we might not be so gung ho about it.

I Feel Better Already

At last I can exhale! NFL Europe is going ahead with its season in spite of the War on Iraq.

Otherwise Occupied

Well, the past few days I've been very occupied with the war. Of course, not that I'm going to be able to affect it. Anyway, I'll be trying to make posts a little more regularly. Allahu Akhbar! Allahu Akhbar! Allahu Akhbar!

Pneumonia Psychosis

What may be worse that the actual SARS disease is the
fear that the disease is causing. At the Prince of Wales hospital in Hong Kong everyone is wearing protective masks, and "people are paralyzed with fear." In Singapore thousands of masks have been sold in the last three days. If the cruise missle and the suicide bomber don't getcha the paramyxovirus will.

We Are Rolling

As of about 5 minutes ago we are flying over Iraq with bombers. The Hard Rain's Begun To Fall.
Allahu Akhbar! Allahu Akhbar! Allahu Akhbar!

Remnant Who Will Return

David Mitchell aka Emmanuel has told his lawyer that he considers Elizabeth Smart his wife, and he wants to rename her Remnant Who Will Return. Great name, but where did he get it? From God?

Busybody Mother-in-Law Official Reason for Divorce

The Italian Supreme Court has affirmed a lower court's decision that an interfering mother-in-law is sufficient reason for awarding a divorce.

Talking Fish Warns of the Apocalypse

A Hasidic Jew in New York who is a fish seller has encountered a fish that speaks Hebrew and has warned of the
end of the world. You never know when you are uhm...walk...talking to the Messiah.

St. Patrick's Day Haircut

Well, not really, but I did cut my hair and it is St. Patrick's Day. Actually, it's my summer haircut. Summer, you say? Yeah, in a matter of a week or two, it's gonna be so fuckin' hot around here you'd think it's summer. Texas has 9 months of summer, 2 1/2 months of winter, and one week each of spring and fall. Spring's over!

Love Is Not Enough

Ironically, the same newspaper is reporting that British women who place personal ads for men are mainly looking for a rich man. I guess if he can afford the Viagra, he has enough money to get to use it! One interesting fact is that women describe the kind of man they are want. Men, on the other hand, describe themselves and not the kind of woman they want. The psychologist that did the study says it "this is Darwinism of personal ads."

Once Per Week Is Not Enough

A British medical journal is reporting that Brit men can get Viagra but under the National Health Service that can only have one blue pill per week. The "patients" feel that the Service should be more generous. I wonder what their wives think. Has anyone asked them?

ET Day

A Republican from New Mexico, the Roswell area exactly, has proposed an Extraterrestrial Culture Day for his state. He says such a day would "improve relations among citizens of the entire universe - known and
unknown." No harm in that, right? May all actions of the various legislatures be as harmless! Namaste!

Texas Pride

We are Number One! Texas has put more people to death than any other state, and probably any other country. It's hard to be humble when you're in the Top Spot! We don't care how irregular the justice is, we're just proud of the punishment.

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness?

The following definition comes from a web page on the "Resurgence" website. "HAPPINESS IS BUT a fleeting, abnormal state that results from satiation of our animal, instinctual selves whether by eating, sex, companionship or self-preservation." Say what?

MIG-21 for Sale on Ebay

A Russian MIG-21 is up for sale on Ebay with the high bid so far at $14,900. The plane was previously from Poland, but is being offered by a citizen of the
Netherlands. You have until Sunday March 16 to get in your bid. Where would you park something like that?

Gay Divorce in Texas

No, it's not a typo. A gay couple, who were married in Vermont where gay marriage is recognized and legal, divorced last week in Beaumont, Texas. Texas? Homophobic Texas? Well, I guess it makes sense after all, because Texas would agree that two gay men shouldn't be married, so why not grant them a divorce? Sorta funny logic, though.

Rogue Steaks

The Steak Department of the United States of America
March 9, 2003

Press release
Media type: all
Release: immediate

The United States of America Department of Steak today announces its annual list of rogue steaks, all of which take part in steak-sponsored terrorism. Inclusion on this list signifies that the United States of America deems listees to be what is commonly referred to as �outlaw steaks.� Steak-sponsored terrorism encompasses those entities that offer aid and support to organizations that seek to strike terror into the hearts of beef eaters all over the world. It can be stated without fear of contradiction that eaters of beef wish only for the peace and stability necessary for the proper consumption of steaks. So called outlaw steaks seek through the use of overcooked meat, parasite contaminated meat, and a host of other evil means at their disposal to coerce the average beef eater into giving up a well-deserved steak for the less tasty and less nutritious products of chicken or fish. Some even go so far as to promote vegetarianism, even though vegetarianism has been completely discredited since the fall of the Berlin Wall.

The purpose of this list is to make world opinion aware of the entities responsible for such evil, and to declare said entities ineligible for any aid, assistance, or other form of succor from the United States of America, its governmental subdivisions, or its individual citizens. Entities are listed below in alphabetical order.

Bhutan
Botswana
Buddhists
Cameroon
FPLGB (Frente Popular para la Liberaci�n del Ganado Bovino)
Haiti
Iran*
Iraq*
Mali
North Korea*
PETA
Poor People
Rwanda
Syria
Vegans United

* - indicates members of rogue steaks and axis of evil.

Flying Buffalo Wings?

Hooters, yes that Hooters, is going into the airline business. Hooters Air will be flying from Atlanta to Myrtle Beach, SC four times a week. The flights will have regular flight attendants in addition to "Hooters Girls" in snug T-shirts and orange short-shorts. Myrtle Beach never has been one of my top places to go. Too bad.

The Way Things Are Goin' They're Gonna Crucify Me

A woman in New Zealand has written to George Bush asking him to crucify her on television. She wants to demonstrate to him how much suffering and pain he would cause the Iraqi people by attacking. Better yet, why not put Bush on the cross?

He Died Like a Rat

A new study of historical records seems to confirm a theory that Josef Stalin was assassinated by this own collegues. Evidently, Lavrenti Beria, head of the Secret Police, and Nikita Kruschev, who succeeded Stalin, fed the Man of Steel warfarin which is a rat poison that causes strokes and hemorrhages. Stalin died of a brain hemorrhage. They were afraid he was going to start another purge against the Jews, and they thought he was ready to start a nuclear war with the US. God bless Beria! God bless Kruschev!

I Have Been Ex-Communicated, I Hope!

The website that was collecting names for voluntary ex-communication has turned in the list to the Vatican. The list has 26,000 names, and one of those names is mine. I wonder if I'll get a letter from the Pope telling me that I've been kicked out. I hope so! That would make a good heirloom.

Stalin's Grandson Requests US Citizenship

Josef Stalin's grandson, Vissari�n Dzhugashvili, has submitted an application for US citizenship. I�m not sure he can do that. I mean with him being a Communist and all!

Fat Tuesday

This link will take to to a web page to view some of Carnaval in Brazil. I'd love to go see it in person

Stupidity Is Hereditary!

According to one of the two scientists that discovered DNA,
stupidity is a genetic illness. James Watson says, "If you are really stupid, I would call that an illness." He says that if you have a low IQ and don't have a diagnosed mental illness, then you suffer from a hereditary disorder that is pass on by way of the genes, like cystic fibrosis or hemophilia. So, just how would someone who's already an adult treat this "disorder?"

With Friends Like These, Who Needs Enemies?

The KKK is seeking a permit to hold a protest at the Masters this year. They want to demonstrate in favor of the Augusta National Golf Club's right to restrict membership to whoever they choose. If that turns out to be men only, well fine! Now, imagine the Club's board of directors meeting. A bunch of old white guys wanting to keep the exclusivity of their men only club, but getting help from a group that doesn't help their image. The Augusta National spokesman tried to distance the club from the KKK, but, hey, that's where it really comes from! Bobby Jones, the founder, was a really great golfer, but was also a good racist.

License Plates for Your Dog

City authorities in Frankfurt, Germany have approved a requirement for dogs to wear large "license plates" with number on them, so that they can identify those that dirty the sidewalks. Owners could be fined up to $161 for not cleaning up after their canine.

The Beautiful Also Have Problems

Poor Denise Richards, an actress who played Christmas Jones in the James Bond film "The World Is Not Enough," feels she has lost out on certain roles in other films, because she is too pretty. She says, "Directors think right away that I can't be a 'normal girl.'" We should all have those problems.

Ex-communication for 14,000 Volunteers

The website for protesting the Catholic Church's ex-communication of anyone involved in the 9 year-old rape victim's abortion has now reached 14,000 persons who say they want to be ex-communicated too! Hey, Pope, I got your ex-communication right here!

He'll Need a Flea Collar and Heartworm Pills

A man in Vidor, Texas has agreed to a plea agreement to sleep in a doghouse for 30 nights. Please be reminded that Vidor is an all-white city that about 10 years ago vociferously fought having an African-American family move into public housing there. It's one of those places that doesn't have a lot of branches on the family tree.

Sign Me Up

In Madrid a group of women has started a campaign to get themselves ex-communicated from the Catholic church. They are protesting the ex-communication of anyone who played a part in the abortion performed on a 9 year-old rape victim in Managua last week. You can sign up at www.redfemenista.org. I guess you would have to Catholic to get ex-communicated in the first place, but I think it would make a neat "badge" to be ex-communicated anyway.

Gimme That Job, or I'll Kill You!

A man at a Labor Ready, Inc. office killed four and wounded another during an agitated argument at the employment office. Maybe they'll hire him to replace the victims.

Snow Day

Actually, it's more of an ice day. There was more rain last night and the temperature never got above freezing, so we're iced in. Unfortunately, the forecast calls for more of the same all day today. Now, I don't mind being off work, but I DO mind being stuck in the house after a day or so.

Hey, That Doesn't Happen Here!

A cold front came though today dropping temperatures as the day went on. Then about the time that I left work, it started raining, then sleeting. Traffic was slowed to a crawl, and I mean a crawl. It took me 3, yes 3, hours to get home. Now, my trip normally takes 45 minutes, but the sleet was coming down so hard that froze the road over while traffic was on it. But, the real point is that we don't have that happen here in Austin. That happens with some regularity in Oklahoma, but not here! We have this kind of thing happen once every 5 to 8 years, and never at afternoon rush hour! Anyway, it's not something we are accustomed to, and we don't plan to ever get accustomed to it either. So, probably we won't be going to work tomorrow. Hmm...well, now that's not so bad after all.

It Doesn't Have to Exist to Quote It

The President quoted an economic report that doesn't exist to justify his tax cut plan. That's ok, belief is more important that reality, always has been, always will be.

We Love The Gov

Now this is what I call creativity! Check out the White House dot org. Oh, my, my, somebody's gonna get mad!

Give Me a Break!

The Nicaraguan bishop who has done several things in the cause for freedom has condemned an abortion that was done yesterday to a 9-year old girl who was raped and became pregnant. Is it God's plan that the girl be raped and give birth? If it is, then it's time for God to be assassinated and replaced with a God who has some compassion!